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1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I like any kind of cheese that hasn't been played with too much by rats, but Parmesan's my favorite. It tastes good and it doesn't go bad after a few weeks at sea.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Carrottop. Giant lizards, purple or otherwise, have nothing on the destructive power of unkempt evil men with reddish hair, as I unfortunately know from personal experience.

3. What time is it where you are?
Two bells in the second dog watch, navy time.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment is Not My Thing, but I would definitely further my acquaintance with Miss Tonks if she was agreeable. She seems fun.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
I have considerable experience with late 18th century explosives, artillery and the workings of a square-rigged sailing ship, I know basic first aid, and I'm a pretty good shot. I can also speak Spanish, recite Shakespeare from memory, and convince certain overly conscientious melancholic naval heroes to lighten up every once in a while.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

I know the real story of what happened to Captain Sawyer when he fell, and a lot of other naval gossip the admiralty would rather not have spread around. I can't make much use of it myself since I confessed to mutiny a while ago and would rather not attract any official attention, but any of you could write a scandalous tell-all book about it and become fabulously wealthy that way. It would serve Hammond right. If theatre's more your thing, I can get you tickets to anything playing on Drury Lane.

An Owl from the Board of Governors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

The question has been raised, by a former Professor, as to whether or not actual teaching positions are open. The hat has been kind enough to owl the Board and request clarification on this subject.

As it is the clear intent of both the Founders and the Board, and in fact, the purpose of Hogwarts, as an institution, that Wizard children be educated in all forms of magical studies, the Board will, if well-qualified candidates bring forth their curriculum vitae, make any proper and necessary appointments to teaching positions as may be possible. The Board notes that there are currently no teaching positions filled, although there are several persons at Hogwarts who do retain the title, "Professor." Therefore, all teaching positions are currently open. The rate of pay for teaching positions is *G*5,000 per annum.

Persons wishing to serve Hogwarts in a professorial capacity should make a post to the community, including their curriculum vitae. Persons who do not know what a curriculum vitae is, or can't be bothered to find out, are de facto unqualified for any teaching position.

The Board of Governors retains the sole right and obligation to appoint Professors and assign their teaching subjects, and to assign Head of House positions. The Board will communicate its decisions to the school at large through the Sorting Hat in as timely a manner as possible.

SO ORDERED by the Board of Governors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, on this third day of January, 2006.

Remus J. Lupin's curriculum vitae

[conriocht.livejournal.com]

I present for the consideration of the Board of Governors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry:

( Remus J. Lupin's curriculum vitae )

Witty Subjectline Here

[its-me-joan.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

I really like that Cheez-Whiz. You know. The orange stuff in the can. I don't know if there's any actual cheese in that, though. But it's totally the best kind around.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Hm. God tends to frown on the whole "killing" thing. So, unless he told me to, I don't think I'd be able to kill either of them.

Of course, Barney is, technically, a fictional character. So I guess I could kill him.

Come to think of it, Carrottop is totally the Devil's idea, so I guess I'd kill him too.

3. What time is it where you are?

It's, like, 9:30. What does that have to do with anything?

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Well, that Lupin guy would be really hot if he weren't so old. But then, if I was Dumbledore, I'd be even older, so he would actually be really young. So him. Then again, if I was Dumbledore, would I like guys at all? I mean, is Dumbledore gay? maybe I'd mack on that McGonagall chick.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Well, I'm pretty good at physics and chemistry.
I've been told I have a really good singing voice.
I'm not a bad writer.
Oh. And God talks to me.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

I can totally make sure you get into heaven.

Owl to the Board of Governors: Curriculum Vitae of Lord Voldemort

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

For the consideration of the Board of Governors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I present:

( The Curriculum Vitae of Lord Voldemort )

(no subject)

[icchan-nyoroyo.livejournal.com]

( I AM WIGGLY ICCHAN WIGGLEWIGGLEWIGGLEWIGGLE )

Announcement from the Board of Governers to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizarding Community

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Lord Voldemort has been appointed by the Board of Governors to the position of Defense against the Dark Arts Professor. He may be addressed as Professor Voldemort henceforth. He will teach such Defense against the Dark Arts classes as he wishes, may give and take house points and may give students detentions.

As a result of his appointment, Professor Voldemort has agreed to withdraw his candidacy for Prefect of Slytherin House. The Sorting Hat has been directed to correct the previous post containing the list of nominations accordingly.

Announcement from the Board of Governors to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry Community

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Remus J. Lupin has been appointed by the Board of Governors to the position of Transfiguration Professor. He may be continue to be addressed as Professor Lupin, of course. He will teach such Transfiguration classes as he wishes, may give and take house points and may give students detentions.