Literacy is truly outrageous! [Jem, the Master, and open to whomever]

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Jem was never happy without a cause. Weirdly enough, in the wizarding world there were no fashion moguls ready to throw charity galas on their yachts, or if there were, they hadn't been clamoring for an appearance by Jem as the headliner. Nor were there any mysterious millionaires itching to hold a contest for the best music video, with a mansion as first prize (perfect for housing a lot of orphans). Why didn't life at Hogwarts match up to Jerrica Benton's ordinary life? Pumpkin tarts and Alohomora! had their interesting points, but without some cause to champion, Jerrica/Jem had begun to slip into the proverbial doldrums.

Her house-elf backing band kept asking whether she wanted anything. A mopey Jem couldn't possibly be right. She needed to get back to her bubbly, effervescent self. Without Rio or her girls to cheer her up, what could she do?

The breakthrough came when one of the elves offered to bring her a book from the library. Suddenly, Jem remembered.

There are people in the world who don't know how to read!

Some of them might even be at Hogwarts?

Literacy was a favorite cause of Jem's. She'd already held a carnival in Philadelphia to promote adult reading, and [SPOILER ALERT FOR '80s CARTOON] even convinced one of the Misfits to give reading a try!

But how to champion literacy in a place without carnivals, Philadelphia, or the Misfits?

In the end, Jem wound up in the corridor outside the Great Hall, sitting at a table draped in all the colors of the eight Hogwarts Houses, with a big stack of See Spot Run-style primers, and a huge sparkling banner hung overhead:

Reading is Rad!

Comments

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Oh, the Master remembered this person vaguely; he'd met her at her Sorting. He'd been put faintly in mind of Jo Grant then, and the vague association wasn't weakened. "Rad? You're going with 'rad'?"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Jem giggles. "It's alliteration!"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"It's an appaling bit of slang. I'm sure there are plenty of sub-, semi-, and illiterates here, but they could be from anywhere. Or any time. They won't necessarily get the gist of your primitive cant."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

He reminds her of Eric Raymond, suddenly. Jem's expertly-tweezed brows draw together.

"Communication can't be tied down to the words you like hearing."

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Communication fails if the person you're speaking to can't decipher your jargon." He grinned and chuckled to himself. "That's one of the functions of most slang, after all."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Slippery. Like Eric. Trying to get Jem's goat, are you?

Well ... she's just too nice to give in without a nicefight! She smiles a pink-and-white smile.

"You've got an excellent vocabulary. You'd make a great tutor for inner-city youth. We need to get those standardized test scores up!"

Jem will never say this aloud, but she really worries about the Soviets sometimes, and the Red Chinese. American kids' test scores are way down.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I've worked with troubled children in the past, you know." For values of 'worked with' that included 'trying to feed them to cheetah people' and 'making them into floating killer cyborgs'. "If you actually want to work with 'inner-city youth', there are some quite big cities not far away. You'd need to learn a whole new set of slang, though."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Feed orphans to cheetah people, no. Dress like cheetah people, yes. Jem's world and the Master's aren't too much alike. It is, however, eminently possible that Synergy might one day port her consciousness into a floating killer cyborg.

"Literacy begins at home," Jem dismisses his challenge. "I'd better make sure all of Hogwarts can read before I tackle Glasgow!"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Don't imagine the Glaswegians would think much of you at that," he said. "So how would you teach, say, some grimy Luddite agitator the joys of reading?"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"The same way I taught the gangs of Philadelphia. By throwing an outrageous carnival with rides and treats!"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Well, the treats might actually have worked on grimy Luddite agitators, although the rides probably wouldn't. "Do you solve all of your troubles by just being aggressively smiley at them?"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"I don't think of myself as aggressive." Jem purses her lips. "I'm proactive! Like any '80s girl, I have agency and power. I run my own business" that she inherited from her father "and I base my career in the power of self-expression" through cosmetics and clothes.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

The Master hadn't spent much time on Earth in the 80s. A shame, really, bits of it sounded quite entertaining. "Oh yes, you're the propaganda dealer, I hadn't forgotten. Think of any interesting new messages to send, or is it all 'oooh baby baby'?"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"I am working on a new song," Jem admits. "About the power of imagination. It doesn't have a hook yet. 'Ooh baby baby' might fit!"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"How stunningly imaginative," he observed dryly. "Have you discovered Autotune yet?"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Jem looks blank. "Is that the new Devo side project?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Devo was bland and insipid," he sneered. "If you're going to be spreading vapid pop music I hope you can at least bring something clever to it."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Devo, bland and insipid? Surely the Master must at least dig "Whip It"? Vapid pop music is pretty much Jem's stock in trade.

"The most important thing is for a song to come from the heart. Cleverness is just the icing on the cake."

A cake's still yummy without icing! Wait, is it even possible for Jem to eat and maintain that impossible figure?

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Please tell me you don't write your own lyrics." At this point, he was tempted to challenge her claims to literacy, as well. "I imagine rhyming is trickier when you have the vocabulary of a pre-teen."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"My sister Kimber is our lyricist," Jem retorts. She's proud of Kimber! "She's ... not here, that's all."

Sadness.

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Is she the one with the clever icing?"

[he-was-born.livejournal.com]

It was the huge sparkling banner which attracted Jherek's notice, along with the presence of Jem beneath it. He couldn't read said banner, as he was a poster child for Jem's effort. The basic theory behind reading had always escaped him, and, his time at Hogwarts hadn't really helped. Things that had to be read were somehow translated into something that made inexplicable sense by the school's translation spell, but, anything optional remained a collection of funny-looking symbols.

Curious, Jherek made his way towards the table. He was clad in a pair of body-hugging pajama jeans, not the original pair he'd gotten for Xmas from the Sorting Hat, but one of several identical pairs he'd made himself, in a variety of colors. Today, his were bright purple, and, he wore a poofy red shirt and white, glittery cravat to go with the ensemble. Blue suede shoes were on his feet, and his hair had been tinted to match- atop his locks was a dashing purple and red top hat, rather oversized and also sparkly. He strode across the Great Hall towards Jem, happily singing about wanting to marry a lighthouse keeper. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4TJNtleKBE)

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

As ever, Jherek's fashion sense meets with Jem's hearty approval. His song isn't one she knows, but she bets her friend Dance could come up with some killer choreography for it.

"Jherek!" She stands up and waves both arms at him, excited, as though she's trying to communicate in semaphore. As it happens, she isn't. She's merely given to exaggerated gestures.

[he-was-born.livejournal.com]

"Siren off the starboard bow! Jem ahoy!" Jherek exclaimed, beaming happily. He pointed at the sparkling banner, commenting, "Your decor is splendid in its sparkling scintillation! What's all this about?" He picked up one of the primers and began paging through it. "Did you make these? Delightful! It is a 'book', yes? There's a whole room full of these off. . .oh, some dreary hallway. This one's a lot more colourful. It's much better than the others I've seen."