It was something worth doing. As far as whether or not he wanted it? Hogwarts had given them all a desperately needed break in the action, and as much as he'd like to be done with the whole mess, Sam knew that simply wasn't for them. Any of them.
"He wants me to help him with this. If he didn't, I think it'd be a standard soul contract. But springing Adam, letting me visit home? Ten years and I walk? I might not trust him, but I think he wants this badly enough that I can at least work with him."
Sam frowned, "That's if Dean would even want to see me," he muttered, almost to himself.
He wasn't sure his brother was going to understand, or even want to see him if he went through with it. Ruby had nearly shattered their relationship, and again, he was choosing to work with a demon. Granted, the relationship was far more businesslike, but he also couldn't count on his brother to look at this objectively.
But he had Cas. Cas could look out for Dean in the meantime.
Sam glanced back at the table and the untouched beer in front of the angel. "Cas.. are you all right?"
Cas averted his gaze. The distraction of the contract had actually turned out to be a welcome one, something he could focus on to the exclusion of all else for a while; even ignoring the beer hadn't been too difficult. Now that the subject had changed, the tension of his own uneasy situation came creeping over him again.
"I'm fine," he said. "Just...dealing with a few personal issues."
Yeah, fine. Cas was a rotten liar. Sam closed the folder and set his pen aside. All he had to do was go over everything with Dean and he'd contact Crowley to set the final deal in motion. But he could focus on that later. Right now it looked like something was troubling his friend.
"Um, you and Death.. you guys are okay, right? Is there anything we can do?"
Cas nodded slightly. "We are. It's just..." Perhaps it would be all right to share the secret. Sam wasn't one to judge or berate others for their failings, and Castiel knew he could trust the man's discretion. Maybe he'd even help run interference with the others.
He glanced around the room and lowered his voice a bit. "There was an incident with a miscast spell several days ago," he explained. "Somehow it rendered her temporarily mortal, which would not be a great issue in itself..." He exhaled resignedly. He was past the stage of panic now, but still annoyed with himself. "But we were a bit careless, and...there's a possibility that she could be with child.
"Please don't say anything to Dean or Bobby," he added. His hard-won state of relative calm might not survive the kind of commentary they were likely to offer.
Sam sat back, stunned. Death was mortal and she might be pregnant?
He ruthlessly shoved back the overwhelming swell of relief at Cas’s confidence. It explained the tests he’d seen in Sookie’s room.
“Yeah, Cas. I won’t say anything to them, don’t worry,” he assured him. It was taking him some time to wrap his mind around the fact that Cas might be a father. Sam took a brief swallow of his beer, giving him a moment to think. “So other than being mortal and maybe.. she’s okay?”
“I’m, ah, guessing this isn’t exactly a happy surprise,” he ventured slowly.
“Look, if there’s anything you guys need, anything at all I can do, just let me know. Dean’s a nosy son of a bitch, but I think I can keep him busy enough that he’ll leave you guys alone,” he offered.
"Thank you. She's as well as can be expected." He frowned slightly. "Though I'm not sure she's eating as well as she should be." It seemed to him as if less chocolate and more actual food might be called for, but he was far from any kind of expert on the matter and it seemed to help her cope.
He sat back, reaching for his own beer without thinking. "I...don't know," he admitted, shaking his head. "We don't even know yet whether anything's happened. If it has..." He caught himself and set the bottle aside again with a sigh, rubbing his forehead.
"I can't say the idea is altogether displeasing," he admitted slowly. "Gabriel, of all people, reminded me that life is a gift, not a thing to be feared. But seeing it through to the end, then keeping the child safe, would be an incredibly complicated proposition. And dangerous, for both of them." He gave Sam a somewhat discouraged look. "It's not something I would have chosen to enter into casually if I'd been paying attention as I should. Or right now, likely, given what may lie ahead."
"Well, no," he agreed. "It's not something anyone decides lightly, but sometimes accidents do happen. And if something did happen, we'll all be there to help. We'll do everything we can to keep all three of you safe."
Sam shook his head. "Too much stress can screw with your appetite, and I'm pretty sure that this qualifies. I wouldn't worry too much about it, I'm sure Death will be fine."
Cas as a father. The idea was going to take some getting used to.
"I won't say anything to Dean or Bobby," he reiterated. "But if it turns out she is.. just let us know what you need. We'll help."
If it would take getting used to for Sam, it had Cas completely flummoxed. "I appreciate that. Chances are you understand what we'd need better than we do." And yes, he said that taking into account that Sam was a young bachelor with zero parenting experience. "We've been going through books on the subject, but it's difficult to make much sense of them when neither of us understands many of the terms used."
It also didn't help matters that some of those books outlined the number of things that could go wrong with even an ordinary human pregnancy in distressing detail. Knowing that most of them were comparatively rare was small comfort, especially when Death had seen the outcome of such cases firsthand too many times to count.
He glanced at the unopened bottle of beer, and pushed it across the table toward Sam. "For the time being, I'd be grateful if you'd remind me now and again that the answers we're seeking are unlikely to be found at the bottom of a bottle."
"Yeah Cas, anything you guys need. Doesn't matter how odd the question might be, just let me know and I'll help. Books can only get you so far."
He rubbed the back of his neck with a slightly sad smile. "It's a shame Dad isn't here, firsthand experience and all. But I'll do whatever I can to help."
While he didn't know that much about pregnancy aside from what he picked up here and there, he could always do a quick look around the library and help break down the more complicated stuff for his friends. He'd done research on the supernatural, he could certainly research a more mundane, but no less intimidating prospect for them.
Sam took the bottle and placed it on another table. "Sure can, Cas."
Castiel nodded somberly in agreement. John Winchester had had a way with children, as he had cause to know, and had been through something like this at least twice. His advice would have been very welcome. But he'd joined the ranks of the popcorned (whatever that really meant) some time since, and Cas hoped he'd found some measure of the peace that had eluded him in his former life.
"I keep wondering," he said after a few moment's contemplative silence, "what kind of father I would be. And it occurs to me that I'm not even sure what constitutes a good versus a poor one." He could say any number of things about the Creator he'd never met, as Sam or Dean could about John, but none of them had been called upon to make the particular choices that faced their own sires. Would they have done any better? Or merely succeeded and failed in differing ways?
"The one thing I know with certainty I do not want to be--to this or to any child I might have, ever--is absent," he added, brow furrowed. "And I can't even be certain of that much."
Sam regretted his father’s disappearance, regretted the fact that they hadn’t had time to talk the way that he wanted to. “I know that Dad tried,” he said slowly.
“His choices might not have always been the best, but I know he loved us. He wanted to keep us safe. If you want an example of what a good father should be, look at Bobby. He’s been like a second father to us since we were little.”
Sam smiled, picturing the angel holding a small bundle in his arms. “I think you’d make a great father, Cas. You’re in love with Death, and she’s in love with you. As many times as you’ve found a way to help me and Dean – you’ll find a way to be there for your child.”
“And as odd as it sounds, Hogwarts would be a pretty safe place to have a baby. None of the trouble back home could get to any of you here. I know the Hat’s a capricious flake, but he’s not a dick, even he wouldn’t separate a family like that. If Death is pregnant, maybe we can talk to him, see if he can keep all of you here for awhile?”
Cas nodded slowly. He'd told John Winchester that the man hadn't failed his sons, and he'd meant it; though manifestly flawed as any human, they had both grown to be strong, capable men of integrity. He also respected Bobby enormously, and had on occasion turned to the man himself for the kind of advice he thought a father might give. As role models went, he could certainly do worse.
As for trying his best, well, that was a foregone conclusion. To do any less would be nothing short of criminal, at least in his opinion. He smiled slightly at Sam's compliment. "Thank you for the vote of confidence, Sam, I appreciate that." He wasn't sure he shared the sentiment, but hearing it voiced by someone whose opinion he valued was reassuring.
To have a baby. Oddly enough, in all the careful, circuitous talking he and Death had done since the matter had arisen, he didn't think either of them had put it quite that way. It sounded so charmingly simple and ordinary.
He wasn't as certain as Sam seemed to be of the hat's willingness (or in fact, even its ability) to accommodate them, but the killing of the terrorbear had seemed to impress the peculiar creature mightily. He supposed it couldn't hurt to ask. "If it turns out there is a need, that's probably not a bad idea," he said.
Sam grinned, leaning back. "And if the little version of you was any indication, it'd be a damned cute kid."
He drained his beer and set it aside. "Just think of all the uncles that are going to be looking out for your child, Cas. Not what you'd call the most traditional of families, but we'd always be around to help take care of it."
"Well, I mean, if it turns out that way," he concluded, a little lamely. They still didn't know after all.
Cas shot him a look, wondering for a moment if he was being mocked, but he saw nothing but good-natured camaraderie in Sam's expression, so he inclined his head slightly without comment. He hadn't actually stopped to look in any mirrors during that incident, and had no idea what he might have looked like. He'd have to take Sam's word for it.
The thought of a child (any child) growing up surrounded by doting Winchesters-and-company did force him to smile, however. "At least I would never need to worry whether my offspring could defend himself. Or herself," he said drily.
That always gave him pause, however. Barring catastrophe, Castiel himself would long outlive all his friends. There was no guarantee that his child would be likewise immortal; what little precedent he and Death could come up with for either of their kind gave them no better an answer than 'maybe.' He wasn't sure how either of them would handle that.
He shook his head, casting off such introspection. He was getting too far ahead of himself, and had been for days, despite knowing how little point there was to such speculation right now. "If it does," he acknowledged. "We should know before long, by one means or another, I think."
Like both Castiel and Death, Sam found himself a little torn on the prospective news. It'd be nice to see Cas happy, with a family of his own. God knows he deserved it.
But it was also fraught with risks. They had just ended the Apocalypse, which was liable to make them all pretty big targets whenever they went back. And could Death even stay mortal for that long?
"I hope it's not much longer. We'll all be here for you and Death.. either way it all works out."
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Date: 2011-04-24 01:14 pm (UTC)"He wants me to help him with this. If he didn't, I think it'd be a standard soul contract. But springing Adam, letting me visit home? Ten years and I walk? I might not trust him, but I think he wants this badly enough that I can at least work with him."
Sam frowned, "That's if Dean would even want to see me," he muttered, almost to himself.
He wasn't sure his brother was going to understand, or even want to see him if he went through with it. Ruby had nearly shattered their relationship, and again, he was choosing to work with a demon. Granted, the relationship was far more businesslike, but he also couldn't count on his brother to look at this objectively.
But he had Cas. Cas could look out for Dean in the meantime.
Sam glanced back at the table and the untouched beer in front of the angel. "Cas.. are you all right?"
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Date: 2011-04-24 10:27 pm (UTC)"I'm fine," he said. "Just...dealing with a few personal issues."
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Date: 2011-04-24 11:21 pm (UTC)"Um, you and Death.. you guys are okay, right? Is there anything we can do?"
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Date: 2011-04-25 01:59 am (UTC)He glanced around the room and lowered his voice a bit. "There was an incident with a miscast spell several days ago," he explained. "Somehow it rendered her temporarily mortal, which would not be a great issue in itself..." He exhaled resignedly. He was past the stage of panic now, but still annoyed with himself. "But we were a bit careless, and...there's a possibility that she could be with child.
"Please don't say anything to Dean or Bobby," he added. His hard-won state of relative calm might not survive the kind of commentary they were likely to offer.
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Date: 2011-04-25 02:52 am (UTC)He ruthlessly shoved back the overwhelming swell of relief at Cas’s confidence. It explained the tests he’d seen in Sookie’s room.
“Yeah, Cas. I won’t say anything to them, don’t worry,” he assured him. It was taking him some time to wrap his mind around the fact that Cas might be a father. Sam took a brief swallow of his beer, giving him a moment to think. “So other than being mortal and maybe.. she’s okay?”
“I’m, ah, guessing this isn’t exactly a happy surprise,” he ventured slowly.
“Look, if there’s anything you guys need, anything at all I can do, just let me know. Dean’s a nosy son of a bitch, but I think I can keep him busy enough that he’ll leave you guys alone,” he offered.
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Date: 2011-04-25 03:14 am (UTC)He sat back, reaching for his own beer without thinking. "I...don't know," he admitted, shaking his head. "We don't even know yet whether anything's happened. If it has..." He caught himself and set the bottle aside again with a sigh, rubbing his forehead.
"I can't say the idea is altogether displeasing," he admitted slowly. "Gabriel, of all people, reminded me that life is a gift, not a thing to be feared. But seeing it through to the end, then keeping the child safe, would be an incredibly complicated proposition. And dangerous, for both of them." He gave Sam a somewhat discouraged look. "It's not something I would have chosen to enter into casually if I'd been paying attention as I should. Or right now, likely, given what may lie ahead."
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Date: 2011-04-25 10:22 am (UTC)Sam shook his head. "Too much stress can screw with your appetite, and I'm pretty sure that this qualifies. I wouldn't worry too much about it, I'm sure Death will be fine."
Cas as a father. The idea was going to take some getting used to.
"I won't say anything to Dean or Bobby," he reiterated. "But if it turns out she is.. just let us know what you need. We'll help."
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Date: 2011-04-26 12:08 am (UTC)It also didn't help matters that some of those books outlined the number of things that could go wrong with even an ordinary human pregnancy in distressing detail. Knowing that most of them were comparatively rare was small comfort, especially when Death had seen the outcome of such cases firsthand too many times to count.
He glanced at the unopened bottle of beer, and pushed it across the table toward Sam. "For the time being, I'd be grateful if you'd remind me now and again that the answers we're seeking are unlikely to be found at the bottom of a bottle."
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Date: 2011-04-26 01:36 am (UTC)He rubbed the back of his neck with a slightly sad smile. "It's a shame Dad isn't here, firsthand experience and all. But I'll do whatever I can to help."
While he didn't know that much about pregnancy aside from what he picked up here and there, he could always do a quick look around the library and help break down the more complicated stuff for his friends. He'd done research on the supernatural, he could certainly research a more mundane, but no less intimidating prospect for them.
Sam took the bottle and placed it on another table. "Sure can, Cas."
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Date: 2011-04-27 01:29 am (UTC)"I keep wondering," he said after a few moment's contemplative silence, "what kind of father I would be. And it occurs to me that I'm not even sure what constitutes a good versus a poor one." He could say any number of things about the Creator he'd never met, as Sam or Dean could about John, but none of them had been called upon to make the particular choices that faced their own sires. Would they have done any better? Or merely succeeded and failed in differing ways?
"The one thing I know with certainty I do not want to be--to this or to any child I might have, ever--is absent," he added, brow furrowed. "And I can't even be certain of that much."
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Date: 2011-04-28 12:52 am (UTC)“His choices might not have always been the best, but I know he loved us. He wanted to keep us safe. If you want an example of what a good father should be, look at Bobby. He’s been like a second father to us since we were little.”
Sam smiled, picturing the angel holding a small bundle in his arms. “I think you’d make a great father, Cas. You’re in love with Death, and she’s in love with you. As many times as you’ve found a way to help me and Dean – you’ll find a way to be there for your child.”
“And as odd as it sounds, Hogwarts would be a pretty safe place to have a baby. None of the trouble back home could get to any of you here. I know the Hat’s a capricious flake, but he’s not a dick, even he wouldn’t separate a family like that. If Death is pregnant, maybe we can talk to him, see if he can keep all of you here for awhile?”
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Date: 2011-04-28 04:17 am (UTC)As for trying his best, well, that was a foregone conclusion. To do any less would be nothing short of criminal, at least in his opinion. He smiled slightly at Sam's compliment. "Thank you for the vote of confidence, Sam, I appreciate that." He wasn't sure he shared the sentiment, but hearing it voiced by someone whose opinion he valued was reassuring.
To have a baby. Oddly enough, in all the careful, circuitous talking he and Death had done since the matter had arisen, he didn't think either of them had put it quite that way. It sounded so charmingly simple and ordinary.
He wasn't as certain as Sam seemed to be of the hat's willingness (or in fact, even its ability) to accommodate them, but the killing of the terrorbear had seemed to impress the peculiar creature mightily. He supposed it couldn't hurt to ask. "If it turns out there is a need, that's probably not a bad idea," he said.
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Date: 2011-04-29 01:19 am (UTC)He drained his beer and set it aside. "Just think of all the uncles that are going to be looking out for your child, Cas. Not what you'd call the most traditional of families, but we'd always be around to help take care of it."
"Well, I mean, if it turns out that way," he concluded, a little lamely. They still didn't know after all.
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Date: 2011-04-30 01:15 am (UTC)The thought of a child (any child) growing up surrounded by doting Winchesters-and-company did force him to smile, however. "At least I would never need to worry whether my offspring could defend himself. Or herself," he said drily.
That always gave him pause, however. Barring catastrophe, Castiel himself would long outlive all his friends. There was no guarantee that his child would be likewise immortal; what little precedent he and Death could come up with for either of their kind gave them no better an answer than 'maybe.' He wasn't sure how either of them would handle that.
He shook his head, casting off such introspection. He was getting too far ahead of himself, and had been for days, despite knowing how little point there was to such speculation right now. "If it does," he acknowledged. "We should know before long, by one means or another, I think."
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Date: 2011-04-30 04:08 am (UTC)But it was also fraught with risks. They had just ended the Apocalypse, which was liable to make them all pretty big targets whenever they went back. And could Death even stay mortal for that long?
"I hope it's not much longer. We'll all be here for you and Death.. either way it all works out."
Because that's what families did.