[identity profile] hunter-returns.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror
Cas, got a minute? I have something I need to talk to you about. I'm over in Ravenclaw
-Sam

I talked to him Dean. Meet me over in Ravenclaw?

Date: 2011-04-24 10:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nerdofthelord.livejournal.com
Cas averted his gaze. The distraction of the contract had actually turned out to be a welcome one, something he could focus on to the exclusion of all else for a while; even ignoring the beer hadn't been too difficult. Now that the subject had changed, the tension of his own uneasy situation came creeping over him again.

"I'm fine," he said. "Just...dealing with a few personal issues."

Date: 2011-04-25 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nerdofthelord.livejournal.com
Cas nodded slightly. "We are. It's just..." Perhaps it would be all right to share the secret. Sam wasn't one to judge or berate others for their failings, and Castiel knew he could trust the man's discretion. Maybe he'd even help run interference with the others.

He glanced around the room and lowered his voice a bit. "There was an incident with a miscast spell several days ago," he explained. "Somehow it rendered her temporarily mortal, which would not be a great issue in itself..." He exhaled resignedly. He was past the stage of panic now, but still annoyed with himself. "But we were a bit careless, and...there's a possibility that she could be with child.

"Please don't say anything to Dean or Bobby," he added. His hard-won state of relative calm might not survive the kind of commentary they were likely to offer.

Date: 2011-04-25 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nerdofthelord.livejournal.com
"Thank you. She's as well as can be expected." He frowned slightly. "Though I'm not sure she's eating as well as she should be." It seemed to him as if less chocolate and more actual food might be called for, but he was far from any kind of expert on the matter and it seemed to help her cope.

He sat back, reaching for his own beer without thinking. "I...don't know," he admitted, shaking his head. "We don't even know yet whether anything's happened. If it has..." He caught himself and set the bottle aside again with a sigh, rubbing his forehead.

"I can't say the idea is altogether displeasing," he admitted slowly. "Gabriel, of all people, reminded me that life is a gift, not a thing to be feared. But seeing it through to the end, then keeping the child safe, would be an incredibly complicated proposition. And dangerous, for both of them." He gave Sam a somewhat discouraged look. "It's not something I would have chosen to enter into casually if I'd been paying attention as I should. Or right now, likely, given what may lie ahead."

Date: 2011-04-26 12:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nerdofthelord.livejournal.com
If it would take getting used to for Sam, it had Cas completely flummoxed. "I appreciate that. Chances are you understand what we'd need better than we do." And yes, he said that taking into account that Sam was a young bachelor with zero parenting experience. "We've been going through books on the subject, but it's difficult to make much sense of them when neither of us understands many of the terms used."

It also didn't help matters that some of those books outlined the number of things that could go wrong with even an ordinary human pregnancy in distressing detail. Knowing that most of them were comparatively rare was small comfort, especially when Death had seen the outcome of such cases firsthand too many times to count.

He glanced at the unopened bottle of beer, and pushed it across the table toward Sam. "For the time being, I'd be grateful if you'd remind me now and again that the answers we're seeking are unlikely to be found at the bottom of a bottle."
Edited Date: 2011-04-26 12:09 am (UTC)

Date: 2011-04-27 01:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nerdofthelord.livejournal.com
Castiel nodded somberly in agreement. John Winchester had had a way with children, as he had cause to know, and had been through something like this at least twice. His advice would have been very welcome. But he'd joined the ranks of the popcorned (whatever that really meant) some time since, and Cas hoped he'd found some measure of the peace that had eluded him in his former life.

"I keep wondering," he said after a few moment's contemplative silence, "what kind of father I would be. And it occurs to me that I'm not even sure what constitutes a good versus a poor one." He could say any number of things about the Creator he'd never met, as Sam or Dean could about John, but none of them had been called upon to make the particular choices that faced their own sires. Would they have done any better? Or merely succeeded and failed in differing ways?

"The one thing I know with certainty I do not want to be--to this or to any child I might have, ever--is absent," he added, brow furrowed. "And I can't even be certain of that much."

Date: 2011-04-28 04:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nerdofthelord.livejournal.com
Cas nodded slowly. He'd told John Winchester that the man hadn't failed his sons, and he'd meant it; though manifestly flawed as any human, they had both grown to be strong, capable men of integrity. He also respected Bobby enormously, and had on occasion turned to the man himself for the kind of advice he thought a father might give. As role models went, he could certainly do worse.

As for trying his best, well, that was a foregone conclusion. To do any less would be nothing short of criminal, at least in his opinion. He smiled slightly at Sam's compliment. "Thank you for the vote of confidence, Sam, I appreciate that." He wasn't sure he shared the sentiment, but hearing it voiced by someone whose opinion he valued was reassuring.

To have a baby. Oddly enough, in all the careful, circuitous talking he and Death had done since the matter had arisen, he didn't think either of them had put it quite that way. It sounded so charmingly simple and ordinary.

He wasn't as certain as Sam seemed to be of the hat's willingness (or in fact, even its ability) to accommodate them, but the killing of the terrorbear had seemed to impress the peculiar creature mightily. He supposed it couldn't hurt to ask. "If it turns out there is a need, that's probably not a bad idea," he said.

Date: 2011-04-30 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nerdofthelord.livejournal.com
Cas shot him a look, wondering for a moment if he was being mocked, but he saw nothing but good-natured camaraderie in Sam's expression, so he inclined his head slightly without comment. He hadn't actually stopped to look in any mirrors during that incident, and had no idea what he might have looked like. He'd have to take Sam's word for it.

The thought of a child (any child) growing up surrounded by doting Winchesters-and-company did force him to smile, however. "At least I would never need to worry whether my offspring could defend himself. Or herself," he said drily.

That always gave him pause, however. Barring catastrophe, Castiel himself would long outlive all his friends. There was no guarantee that his child would be likewise immortal; what little precedent he and Death could come up with for either of their kind gave them no better an answer than 'maybe.' He wasn't sure how either of them would handle that.

He shook his head, casting off such introspection. He was getting too far ahead of himself, and had been for days, despite knowing how little point there was to such speculation right now. "If it does," he acknowledged. "We should know before long, by one means or another, I think."

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