application for Jem! (of the cartoon JEM)

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

In the Sorting Room, a starburst of magenta light flashed and was gone. At the center of the afterglow stood a young woman with big pink '80s hair, wearing a pink wrap dress belted with silver beaded fringe. Her matching pink heels were alarmingly high, yet she could do anything in them, it seemed. This was adequately demonstrated as she ran back and forth between the Sorting Room's walls, alternately throwing herself against the walls and pounding against them. Throughout this display, she managed not to break the microphone she was clutching in her hand.

"Help! Let me out! Someone? Anyone? Rio, where are you?!"

Finally she gave up. With a furtive look around to assure herself no thugs or Misfits were around to discover her secret, she reached up to finger one of the gaudy red starburst-shaped earrings she wore.

"Show's over, Synergy."

But nothing happened. Instead, a funny piece of parchment floated into view, and a floating quill beside it. Was the quill actually reading questions to her, and then writing down the answers?



State your full name.
Being a woman of mystery, as long as she wore this appearance, she could state no other name but the one she would give now.

"Jem," she said, with a little sigh.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Cheese? That word rang a bell. Hadn't a reviewer said that about — "My movie, Starbright. It's not exactly an autobiographical film, but it is the story of a struggling female rock group, focusing on their singer who becomes a star, and who teaches a selfish male rock star how to share." Jem laughed softly. "It's not high art, and we made the film on a very modest budget. Some critics hated it! But we must have done something right, because it did earn me an Academy Award nomination. And, of course, all the profits went to benefit the Starlight Foundation for Foster Girls."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"You've got to be kidding me! Kill anyone? Only in the sense that our music will knock them out and make them see stars! You can't possibly mean anything else, otherwise I — I just don't know why anyone would ask such a question."

3. What time is it where you are?

She faltered. "It's just after the show."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"Sexual harassment is a serious offense!" Hands on hips, Jem scowled at the quill and parchment. "We tell all our foster girls, never let anyone talk you into anything you don't want, and always hold your head up high. Be proud of who you are, and know that you deserve never to be hurt or harassed. You deserve to be treated like the special, unique, talented human being you are. If anyone ever says something inappropriate to you, or tries to touch you in a bad way, run and tell a trusted adult right away!"

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"No offense, but I don't drink, except for maybe a flute of champagne to celebrate very special occasions! Music is more than enough to intoxicate me," Jem laughed. She did a lot of soft, throaty laughing, it might be noticed, in the course of any conversation.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Jem smiled a sad, knowing smile.

"It's hard to understand, but hear me out. Fred and George truly did mean to tell Harry they were actually the same person. The deception just went too far to take back. First, Fred kept getting interrupted. Whenever he got a spare moment alone with Harry he'd try to start telling him the truth, but someone would always interrupt just before he could finish the sentence. Photographers, veejays, orphans that lived with Fred at his childhood home. There were just so many people around all the time, and it was so important to keep George's true identity a secret from everyone but the Holo — the Order of the Phoenix," she corrected herself (taking her cue from an earlier application question. Improvisation was one of Jem's many talents).

"And Harry's so proud. All his friends know that. After Fred had to use, um, magic to create the illusion that George was in the same room with him — to keep other people from suspecting Fred and George were really the same person! not to fool Harry, but Harry just happened to be there — well, after that, how could Fred possibly tell Harry the truth without hurting his feelings? Because Fred lied to Harry, and the fact he didn't mean to lie is no excuse. And Fred would do anything, anything to avoid hurting Harry's feelings. He just loves Harry so much. I ... I guess that's why whenever George is around Harry, he can't hide his feelings, because he's really Fred, and Fred has always loved Harry. I know, it's a mess!" Her soft voice trembled. No one meant for it to happen this way!"

Suddenly, she hoisted her microphone, raised a hand, and broke into song. House elves stood in for the absent Kimber, Aja, and Shana. Since they couldn't wear fashionable outfits without losing their jobs, they weren't glamorous like the original Holograms, but they did have some rockin' Cyndi Lauper wigs.

"And — and I'll admit it, Fred gets jealous when Harry lets himself show any affection toward George. But Fred can't just pretend that he doesn't love Harry, while Fred is being George. So ..."

She sighed deeply. Her eyes welled with tears. Fortunately, the tears did no harm to the huge patches of pink makeup surrounding her eyes.

"That's how Harry got involved with both Fred and George. I just hope that one day, everything will work out for the best."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"You're probably working too hard, or too much. Maybe even ... working for two."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"I'm only a singer," said Jem, shaking her head. It seemed almost as though she wanted to say more, but she restrained herself. "Just the lead singer of a very, very talented group of musicians who bring every bit as much to this band as I do. I don't handle any of our distribution or promotion - that's Jerrica Benton at Starlight Music. And each and every one of the people who works with us, from our stage manager and light man Rio Pacheco to the foster girls at Starlight House, deserves some of the credit for the Holograms' success. But I wouldn't call myself useless. No one is useless! Working together, we're at our strongest and best, and every single person is an important part of the whole."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

She turned her palms up. Empty. "I'd be glad to sign autographs," she offered. "They're worth a lot of money to some people. Or I could sing you a song."


[["I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. JEM
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. JEM
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch.JEM
One day, marmalade will rule the world. JEM"]]

Comments

[he-was-born.livejournal.com]

Jherek Carnelian had learned of an approaching ancient holiday, and, arrived at the Sorting Room festively dressed in a resplendant array of red, pink, and white. A veritable King of Hearts, he was, from his curled red hair topped with a shining heart-studded tiara, down to his heart-emblazoned shoes, and everything between. Even his eyes had been coloured for the occasion, in a bright, festive pink. Jherek believed in making very complete and cohesive fashion statements. As a final touch, a swarm of heart-winged moths fluttered about him- any who examined the creatures closely would notice that they were as coherent as the one they adorned- their eyes were heart-shaped, and their heart-shaped wings were emblazoned with a similar pattern, and varied through the tones of Jherek's ensemble.

So, he was delighted to see a new arrival in the Sorting Room who seemed to have similarily cohesive fashion taste. What wonderful big pink hair! Jem was unquestionably one of the most fashionable individuals he'd laid eyes on at Hogwarts- and talented too! Jherek arrived while Jem was singing with house-elf backup, but hung back, waiting for her to finish with the application. When she had, he came striding forward, moth-cloud all a-flutter, and a smile on his magenta lips. As usual, Jherek didn't bother reading the application- even with the translation spells, he was still basically illiterate due to a lack of understanding about the basic theory behind writing. All information in his era was kept within the old cities, who played it back upon request.

"Hello! Hello, and welcome to Hogwarts, oh Siren in Cerise!" he exclaimed as he approached. "If you would like to sing another song, I would very much like to hear it."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

[[ so dead of Jherek!fashions ]]

He'd clearly been clad by a distinguished designer! Jem was impressed. "I'd be glad to sing something," she said. "For a fellow fashion plate —"

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As Jem sang "Glitter and Gold", twirling and singing into her microphone, a curious thing happened. Beginning with the hand that held the mic, although Jem had no access to Synergy, her outfit changed into the Glitter and Gold^TM outfit the song called for! The wristlet grew about her wrist first, and the outfit transformed from there, like some kind of chain reaction.

When she was done singing, she looked down at herself. "Outrageous!"

[he-was-born.livejournal.com]

Jherek was naturally delighted by the compliment- in its way, the End of Time actually bore many similarities to the 1980's- its residents were all superficial, obsessed with fashion and setting new ones, and, dishes full of coke were a regular part of dinner. If the theme for the dinner was the right colour, at least- Jherek did a lot of things by colour.

His smile grew broader as Jem began to sing, and her outfit transformed- this was of course not an unusual sight, at least, not at the End of Time. Here, however, it was clear proof that Jem was indeed as interesting as he'd initially thought! Finally, someone else who understood that style was more than what you wore- it was both what you wore, and what you were doing/thinking/feeling as you wore it.

Jherek watched riveted, and applauded her performance enthusiastically. Partway through, Jherek decided to add his own touch to the affair, and drew out his wand to swish it about briefly, filling the air of the Sorting Room with a sparkling, golden touch of haze, just enough to be dramatic, in his opinion. Once Jem had finished, Jherek applauded enthusiastically, his smile grown ever broader. "Glitter and gold, from a mesmerizing metallic minstrel! I am Jherek Carnelian, from the End of Time. I was born!" He bowed to Jem with an ostentatious flourish of his heart-covered robe. "It is a pleasure to meet you! What time period are you from?" Although Jherek was relatively familiar with the 20th century, his expertise was in the 19th, and he couldn't' quite place Jem's look. His guess actually placed her much more contemporary with his own period than ancient history.

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"Congratulations on being born!" Jem giggled. "I'm just Jem, no last name. Many celebrities of my country go by only one name. Like Madonna, or Prince." "I'm from the 1980s ..." A thought struck her. "Uh-oh, don't tell me Techrat's time machine (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tE7LK4_w6w) is working again? I wouldn't trade the experience of meeting Mozart for all the world, but I'd prefer not to be thrown into different times without my say-so."

[he-was-born.livejournal.com]

"I didn't really do much," Jherek admitted. "My mother the Iron Orchid had much more to do with my being born than I did. She deserves more congratulations than I." Jherek contemplated what he knew of the 1980s- not much, really, and so he admitted, "I've never met anyone from the 1980's! In my own era, I'm something of an expert on the 19th and early 20th centuries, but, I know very little about the latter half of the 20th. I've not heard of the Celebrities at all." Jherek assumed this to be Jem's nationality. "We're at the beginning of the 21st, here."

"I'm not sure whose time machine brought you here. Somehow, I was able to arrive without one, at least, I don't remember one. I think it's possible that Hogwarts is a sort of time machine, and draws people in from their own periods as a menagerie for the Hat. But I'm not certain about this." Jherek didn't tend to leap to conclusions unlike other incarnations of the Champion present at Hogwarts. "I've met a few Mozarts in the menageries of my own time, but I'm not sure any of them were genuine. Was yours the real one?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Ooh, a self-deprecating rock star who spends her time helping orphans. You're bound to have some dark secret. Please don't let it be the obvious sordid one, that would be far too dull." Actually, the Gryffindor answer had plentiful clues that it was nothing of the sort and she didn't have that sort of vibe anyway, but he couldn't resist a bit of snark. "By the hair and make-up, I'm guessing 1980s?"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

A snide British man! Jem had met his kind before.

"1980s is right." She stood her ground, heels planted in the Holograms' version of a fighting stance. It was never used for actual fighting, only for yelling at the Misfits, but the idea came across. "Just who are you anyway, and what do you have against helping orphans?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

Feisty! The Master was used to plucky human women, although most of them hadn't been the sort to go after their own glory.

"I'm the Master, 'Jem'." From the way he said it, she might as well have introduced herself as 'Princess Rainbow Glitter'. "And I know a little about being blatantly public about what a do-gooder you are. There's always a real reason tucked away somewhere. Hopefully your brand of secrecy isn't doing any damage to your pet orphans, but that's not terribly important to me. It would be to most people here, though."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Did it count as nefarious if Jem occasionally sucked little girls into their TV sets? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XR2FVm4_x_0)

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I refuse to share such a cynical opinion of people." Her hands were on her hips now. It was like the sexual harassment question all over again. "Next you're going to tell me that our nationwide literacy campaign was completely for selfish motives! What could possibly be shady about teaching people to read?"

[theregothedrums.livejournal.com]

"Oh, you do indignation so well! I'm not sure if I'd rather it was genuine or feigned. Either way would be epic." He smiled broadly. "This is what could be shady about teaching people to read, Jem. While you're teaching them, you're the one providing the reading materials. Giving them the ideas you want them to connect with. You don't see the power that could give you?"

[my-soul-itches.livejournal.com]

Megan gasped in glee. "Oh. My. God, you are so totally old-school Dazzler! That is so awesome and I love your hair."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"Old-school Dazzler? Thanks ... I think." Jem giggled, to show there were no hard feelings. She was positive that half the orphans considered her ancient anyway. This girl didn't seem much older than most of the Starlight girls. "That's some impressive costuming and makeup you've got there!"

[my-soul-itches.livejournal.com]

It took a few seconds for Megan's brain to catch up with her mouth, as usual, and interpret that yes, that could have been an insult. "Oh! Not that you're old, I mean. Older than me, yeah, but I'm kind of young for this place even though it's supposed to be a school, which is really weird when you think about it but I'm not the one who decides how these things work, so..." She shrugged. "Oh thanks, I got a new lipgloss last time I went off of school grounds and I think it looks good on me."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"Those wings must have taken a really long time to make," Jem praised the girl.

[bitmagnificent.livejournal.com]

What in... how had he ended up here? Where was here, anyway? It was nothing in this barmy castle he'd seen before, that was for certain. Why was it so near impossible to find a biscuit around here? What he wouldn't do for a...

Oh, there was a person. An exceedingly pink person, who looked just about as flabbergasted as he'd been a couple of weeks before. She must be new. As he, of course, felt he was new as well, he had no idea how to behave himself in this room with the purpose he also didn't know.

"She isn't buttered," he informed the air above them flatly, pointing an accusing finger at her. "What are you playing at? How come I was buttered, and she doesn't have to be buttered?"

Sorting? What of it? This was far more important.

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"Buttered?" Jem was honestly perplexed.

Also, she knew no songs about butter.

[tallyhopippip.livejournal.com]

"Oh, you sparkle! Are you a sparklepire too?"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

"I ... don't think so?" ventured Jem. "Though I appreciate the compliment!" Sparkly = good.

[tallyhopippip.livejournal.com]

"Oh, darn. I was hoping you were so I can learn more. Jasper's rather busy, and there aren't any others here. I'm George! And this," he indicated to the glaring house elf behind him, "is a house elf. He's here to make sure I get back to Hat Shore all right."

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

The house-elf's eyes might be at waist-level to Jem, but its glare still went over her head. "He's so cute!" Jem gushed over the wrinkly green creature. "He looks just like my backup singers."

The wig-wearing house-elf Hologram impersonators were also glaring.

"You really do sparkle," she turned her admiration to George. "Ever thought of getting into the music business?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Yes! A song!" The Hat clapped its straps. "Sing for me!"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Jem assumed the Sorting Hat was female, and quite possibly the illusory avatar of some entity bound to a computer somewhere.

"I'd be happy to! This one's for you."

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[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"That was excellent!" The Hat flailed happily, happy as ever to be entertained. "One more, before you go out and spread your art among the unkempt masses!"

[glamhologram.livejournal.com]

Jem loved her fans. "Well, when you put it that way, why not?" she laughed.

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This song was actually pretty creepy if you thought about the lyrics, but Jem never did think much about the lyrics. Even though the lyricist was her sister (well, Jerrica's sister) Kimber, who had something of a Jan Brady complex going on from time to time.

Taken literally, the song Jem sang to the Hat was about as classy and subtle as "Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drrx2F45Xas).

Sparklypoo!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Sparklypoo!