Application: C-3P0 and R2-D2, Star Wars

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

A (mostly) gold droid waddled into the sorting room and stopped in shock. This was most unfortunate, as a short and squat droid was right behind him and ran into his knees. "Artoo! Pay attention!" the tall droid snapped. R2-D2 whistled something at him that sounded both indignant and rude.

"No, I don't know where we are! This must be some mistake." Artoo whistled again. "No, I don't believe that stone is an appropriate building material for a Mon Calamari cruiser. Do I look like a starship engineer? We'll just have to ask somebody in charge. Come along, Artoo."

Threepio walked over to the table and picked up the application. "Look, Artoo, at least they left instructions."



State your full name.
"My name is C-3P0, human/cyborg relations, and this is my counterpart, R2-D2. We are pleased to be of service."

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Oh." Threepio looked confused, if it was possible for a droid to look confused. "I am well versed in the appropriate cuisine for a wide variety of situations on a vast number of worlds. I would be happy to assist in choosing a fine and enjoyable cheese. If I may, though, could I please find out where we are? I would hate to recommend a cheese that is unavailable."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Artoo "thrrrrpt!'ed" when Threepio read the question to him. "No, Artoo, I don't think they're asking us to kill anyone. At least I hope not." He looked around. "There's nobody else here. In any case, it's against our programming to harm a sentient being."

3. What time is it where you are?
Artoo made the rude noise again. "I agree, Artoo." Threepio said. "The least they could do is tell us where we are. It makes the question rather difficult to answer."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Well, I never!" Threepio cried. "Artoo, I think it's best we leave this place as soon as possible. I believe they're looking for a different sort of droid here."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Artoo responded with a series of beeps and whistles.

"Well, yes, Artoo, you did bartend, but I don't know if you can say that it was in the dark. The sail barge was rather more dim than dark. Now, if you'll allow me to make a suggestion, I think Black Rose of the Glowing Sun of My Tears would be a better name. It's an ancient Trandoshan poem about the tragic darkness of the soul and space. I can recite it for you if you like-"

Threepio was cut off with an electronic squawk that meant "No!" in any language.

"Well. Fine." The tall droid huffed. "We'll call it The Sarlacc. But don't come to me the next time you want a suggestion!"

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The application's mistake was in asking for a variety of world mythologies, as C-3P0 had a galaxy's worth.

"Oh finally, a question I would be happy to answer! Oh dear oh dear, so many to choose from. If Harry was from Adari, he might be interested in the legend of the snow god Iki, who at one time..."

Eventually even the quill gave up and just let him prattle on. Pages and pages worth of mythology were scattered on the floor, as Threepio didn't have to stop to remember a story or even catch his breath.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
With a whistle and beep, Artoo laid out his plans. "Well, yes, Artoo, but I don't think the Maw is accessible to most bureaucratic administrators."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
The little droid honked. "Artoo would like to say that he is most certainly not useless, and I have to agree. Although, he can be somewhat troublesome at times." This caused Artoo to protest at length.

"Don't blame me!" Threepio insisted. "I'm not the one who can't keep their gripping tool to themselves. As for myself," he continued, "I am a protocol droid fluent in over six million forms of communication." He sounded very impressed with his qualifications.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"As I said, I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and many other skills as well. Artoo is a very competent astromech droid."

There was a whistle and honk.

"And a mechanic, when need be."

Another honk. "And a bartender." Whistle. "Really, Artoo. That's enough."

"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _C-3P0 and R2-D2___________
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _C-3P0 and R2-D2__________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _I'm afraid neither Artoo nor I are wearing knickers, but in the event that we would be we promise not to bunch them__________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Which world would that be?___________"

((C-3P0 and R2-D2 are taking two character slots.))

((Sorry for the delay; I had family come in unannounced from out of state. I've spent the last few days trying to convince my Trekkie cousin that Star Wars is cooler. No luck :())

Comments

[grandmasteryoda.livejournal.com]

"Mmm." Yoda leaned on his cane, eyes crinkling at the sight of the two droids. "Interesting. Very interesting."

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

As soon as Artoo laid his photoreceptor on Yoda he began to beep and rock violently. "Watch your language!" Threepio said when the little droid started twittering, but as he listened he started to do a few double-takes between Yoda and Artoo.

"So you're Master Yoda. Artoo has told me stories about you."

They weren't good stories.

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

"That would be picking a cheese for someone else," A pointed out. "The question, it, it's not about catering."

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

"Droids do not need sustenance," Threepio explained. "A power source and well-oiled joints are really all a droid can ask for. I'm afraid I do not have a favorite cheese."

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

"Oh good god. No." Kamelion was bad enough, but he was not about to put up with more robots. Or...droids, whatever they called themselves.

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

"I am unfamiliar with the god No," the protocol droid said politely. "Is this a local deity?"

[woocha.livejournal.com]

Wishbone listened to a lot of the stories. He missed the first few.

THOSE ARE SO COOL! he said when Threepio finally finished.

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

"Why thank you!" He was as close to beaming as he could get. "It's so nice to finally be appreciated."

[redhead-temp.livejournal.com]

Donna had seen a few different robots during her time traveling with the Doctor and these two weren't like any kind she had seen before. She looked down at the pages and pages of mythology scattered over the floor. The dictaquill looked exhausted.

Rather than address the gold robot, she looked down at the squat one. "Does he always prattle on like that?"

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

With a spin of his done and a forlorn whistle Artoo did an eerily good impression of wearily shrugging his shoulders.

"I do not!" Threepio cried. "I am merely imparting useful information."

[sh1n1ng-arm0r.livejournal.com]

Tony had spent the morning tweaking the thruster jets in his boots, and was still in full armor from a shakedown cruise when he wandered into the Sorting Room.

"Nice. Could use a little hot-rod red, though. Hammer make you little dudes?"

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

R2-D2 chirped at Tony, and C-3P0 translated.

"Artoo says you could use some blue yourself, but don't mind him. I am a 3P0 series protocol droid manufactured by Cybot Galactica, and my counterpart is a R2-series astromech droid from Industrial Automaton. I am not familiar with a manufacturer called Hammer, although my business directory is not as up to date as it could be."

[tragitragedy.livejournal.com]

How delightful! Drosselmeyer smiled his widest Cheshire grin and clapped his hands together. "A pair of puppets! You wouldn't happen to be in need of a puppet master, would you?"

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

"We are in the services of Master Skywalker," Threepio informed Drosselmeyer. Artoo chirped an whistled, telling him to go away in no uncertain terms.

[journal-aigis.livejournal.com]

"So you two are robots as well," Aigis said, walking around the two droids. "It is peculiar seeing others around here, especially ones that are obvious about it."

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

"Obvious?" Threepio seemed confused, and even Artoo beeped uncertainly. "I'm afraid that neither Artoo nor I are programmed to be discreet about our being droids. Will this be a problem?"

[psycho-vertue.livejournal.com]

"AIs can learn magic?" Surprise was evident in Diana's ruined voice. "Wow. You learn something new every day, I guess."

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

Threepio was pretty excited about learning magic, too. "It will be a pleasure to fill my databanks with more information."

Of course, his enthusiasm would probably fade when he figured out there was more to magic than learning new words and some rituals. If R2-D2 understood the implications of learning magic, he was keeping it to himself.

[callmewednesday.livejournal.com]

(( so very dead of the bar answer ))

"Sarlacc?" Wednesday raised an eyebrow. "Dare I ask?" Well, of course he dared, or he wouldn't be asking. It was a figure of speech.

[callmewednesday.livejournal.com]

((also, I am now envisioning Miss Swan trying to hit on R2-D2 as a substitute for the Emo Dalek ))

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

"I believe that no harm will come from sharing this information," Threepio reassured him. "If you wish to ask, I will be happy to tell you about our most harrowing tale about how we almost were left behind in the sands of Tatooine!"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

If the Hat had proper eyes, they might have glazed over during the recitation of the tales of the snow god Iki. But its attention was eventually snapped back.

"A bartender?" it asked the little beeping one curiously. "Do you dispense drinks?" A student who was also a portable margarita machine could be a valuable investment. As could a translator for it to make sure it got your order right and didn't mouth off.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

((Psst? Want me to just Sort?))

[oh-artoo.livejournal.com]

((I thought I had gotten this! Go me.))

Artoo whistled enthusiastically, even extending his grasping arm to well he could serve drink. "Artoo says that he would be most honored to served your refreshments. He says that he has taken the time to download drink recipies from across the galaxy."

Ravenclaw!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Ravenclaw!