an RP without so much [lemoncakes] in it! open and worksafe!

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

... well, worksafe if your boss does not mind you READING ABOUT T-REX AT HOGWARTS while you are at work. Maybe even WRITING with or about T-Rex, OMG!

T-Rex personally felt he was extremely safe at Hogwarts. Some things even scared a tyrannosaurus. Even a tyrannosaurus who was routinely accosted by unwanted conversation from the Devil himself. (The Devil usually just wanted to talk about video games, and was more annoying than anything. God could be scarier than the Devil.) Devil, no big deal. But some things were just too creepy.

Those things were raccoons and cephalopods. Poopy raccoons and cephalopods. Who liked to make really creepy suggestions. Even the nice things they tried to do for him just ended up being super creepy. Like, how could baking a cake for someone be creepy? If raccoons and cephalopods made it, that's how.

And those things lived next door to T-Rex. Well, first they had started just hanging around his house, then they moved into the house next door because they liked bugging T-Rex so much.

Those things were so persistent that when T-Rex moved to a different house, they moved to the house next door to his new house. And came over to use his bathroom, wtf?!

He wasn't sure which was creepier, the raccoons or the cephalopods, who liked to 'chillax' in T-Rex's bedroom (uninvited, obvs). He just knew that the best thing about Hogwarts was that they were NOT AROUND, and especially that they were not living next door to him!

The very helpful Sorting Hat had sent some house elves to situate T-Rex in his "assigned space". He couldn't fit in a dorm room, funky Hogwarts enchantments notwithstanding, even though the Sorting Room had somehow magically accommodated him. Not to worry, the Hat assured him, he could live next to McGraw Tower!

What was McGraw Tower, and whose was it?

Oh, it belonged to some guy named Andy Bernard, who was a human, and not a raccoon or a cephalopod? Awesome, that would be great!

T-Rex was busily moving in to ... some kind of quonset hut with weird magical capabilities and capacity ... that had its own bathroom, because duh, what dinosaur doesn't need his own bathroom? And there were no cephalopods and no raccoons in the bathroom, either! He went out in front of his magical quonset hut to chillax on the lawn. In the shade of McGraw Tower.

Comments

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

"I swear to whatever higher power there is, if you destroy anything on these grounds, I will make you pay for it."

The raptor was bad enough, now there's a neon green tyrannosaurus rex?

Fuck. Turlough's. Life.

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

T-Rex made a toothy triangle-toothed grin and/or gape in Turlough's general direction.

"OH NO, I AM SO AFRAID" he crowed, in his aurally punctuationless fashion.

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

"You better be."

Suddenly the mun is glad she pulled Turlough from after he grew a backbone.

"How the hell did you even get in this school anyway?"

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

"I could ask you the same question and in fact I will! How did you get into this school? Did you GROW HERE"

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

Oh, easy way to piss off Turlough.

"No, I did not grow here, I was exiled to this planet. And the stupid hat sorted me here."

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

T-Rex was skeptical. "Your hair reminds me of carrots. You're also very close to the ground!"

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

"I AM NOT A CARROT!" Turlough pulled out his wand and cast a spell that attached a clown nose to his snout. "No one calls me a carrot."

but Hagrid

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

T-Rex could not reach the small tickly spot that had suddenly made itself felt (if ever so slightly) in the region between his nostrils. His arms were just too short.

"You're funny!" he exclaimed. "Do you like monkeys?" He had suddenly remembered his joint venture with Bucky Katt.

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

Turlough had a peculiar, confused look on his face. "No, why?" What an odd creature.

[im-wacky-times.livejournal.com]

"Never mind! (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1906405.html?thread=106570469#t106570469)" said T-Rex. Mysteriously. "It is just good to know public opinion about monkeys!"

It had nothing to do with marketing!

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

Turlough raised his eyebrow. "Right. Because a monkey invasion is coming soon and you need to know what side I'd be on."

[drunkexguardian.livejournal.com]

Oh hey. A dinosaur. Lee hadn't seen one of those--at least, a live one, not the leftovers--in ages. She'd liked dinosaurs, and had been sad to see them go, but the boss had told them all that it was all just preparation for something new. And good little company girl that she had been, she'd accepted the loss of those terrible, beautiful creatures as just another day in the universe.

She pushed her hood back and scratched her head, half-grinning. "Hey there, Tiny," she said, wondering if the dino was a student or... mascot or something. "Que pasa?"

[shoggies.livejournal.com]

The problem with McGraw Tower- aside from its somewhat non-Euclidean issues, and the unearthly 'music' that tended to sound from its chimes, was that Andy Bernard was only the owner. It did, however, harbor a good percentage of the Hogwarts Shoggies. As the idiot horrors were responsible for its unholy transport from the past, it seemed a perfectly fit dwelling place. And now, it appeared they had a neighbor! "Sooo cool!"

And so, the Shoggies gathered in order to introduce themselves and welcome T. Rex to the neighborhood, emerging from McGraw tower while the giant reptile was enjoying his time without creepy raccoon and cephalopod neighbors. And, they brought presents!

"Hello, neighbor!" piped Shoggy 11, squelching over to T. Rex along with a small swarm of others. "We're sooo happy you moved in next to us!" "We haven't seen you in soooo long!" exclaimed Shoggy 24 1/2, who faultily recalled meeting T. Rex on a previous occasion- it had been a few million years since it had encountered any dinosaurs, and those it had encountered were certainly extinct. Shoggies 15 and 28 were pulling a sled piled with a heap of fish, or at least, parts of fish, which they dumped in front of the dinosaur, announcing, "We brought you sandwiches, only we didn't have bread, and we ate all the heads already." Shoggy 8 and a few others merely stared at T. Rex, drooling acid onto the lawn and looking vacant, occasionally piping, "sooo cool!"

[elfkameo.livejournal.com]

Can you tell that Kameo likes to hang out with the Shoggies? They reminded her of tribespeople. Not very smart, but soooo cool!

Incidentally, "soooo cool" was one of the few phrases she had learned how to say in Shoggoth form, and chimed in with the group as she/it squelched up to the crowd of pink masses. Kameo did wish to be diplomatic, but couldn't decide if Ash would be a better form, since it was a rough approximation of a dino. (Really, Ash is a dragon.) But, the desire to stick with the Shoggies won out.

[hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com]

Oh, look, a tiny woman for T Rex to talk to!

I'm taking my afternoon constitutional--a habit that hasn't quite taken just yet--when I see a giant dinosaur relaxing on the lawn in front of a hut.

I pause for a moment, shading my eyes to make sure I'm seeing correctly, and then approach cautiously. "Hi! Do you talk, or do you just eat people?" I ask.