Application for Mordichai Black: Julie Kenner's Aphrodite series

[shifter-mordi.livejournal.com]

Being unexpectedly transported to an unfamiliar castle wasn't the most inconvenient thing that had ever happened to Mordi, but it was going to put a crimp in his afternoon plans.

He looked like a businessman who'd been dressed by Batman. Mordi's fine Italian suit was offset by a flowing cape and binoculars clipped to his belt. "Hello? What's going on?" He looked around for the person who had teleported him, but didn't see anyone. Maybe they had the power of invisibility, along with teleportation.

Then he saw the paper on the table, and the feeling of confusion drained away to exasperation. "Paperwork," he sneered. Even on a good day, Mordi radiated smarminess and condescension. The sneer wasn't anything special. "You brought me here for paperwork?" The "you" being the Venerate Council, of course, but on closer examination there didn't seem to the multiple forms (all in triplicate) that were the hallmark of the Council's paperwork.

Knowing that if he blew off this form, there'd be even more down the line, he hunkered down and filled out the questions.



State your full name.
Mordichai Black

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Swiss. Why is this even on here? Whose business is it what cheese I like?

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Killing mortals is bad. I am not my father's son.

That was either the worst trick question of all time, or Zeus forbid, enough people had considered the proposition to warrant a question on some random form.

3. What time is it where you are?
10:13 He'd had to sneak a peak at the monstrosity of a watch on his wrist. Knowing the time wasn't one of his superpowers.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Seriously? He left that one blank. There was no way any sort of answer was going in his record.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I suppose that 'Black' isn't clever enough. What about Protectors who can't see in the dark? Whoever authorized this question needs to be reprimanded.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
You want mythology to bolster claims for marriage? That was not exactly our ancestor's strong points.

He decided this must be some sort of test, maybe to see who had read the latest handbook. Except these were things every superhero should have known since childhood. Even Halflings like himself and his cousin had had the rules drilled into their heads from an early age.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Because you're disposing of the white form, but keeping the pink, yellow, and chartreuse ones. Sometimes the Council was predictable.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
What did that mean? At a loss, Mordi wrote down his powers. I'm a pyrokinetic shapeshifter. I've passed all of the standard requirements for Halflings on the Council. For specifics, please see my personnel file.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Thinking it was another trick question, he left it blank. When the inevitable enlightenment came, he would offer lots and lots of money as a bribe.

((I have permission from Simon Tam's mun to use the same PB. Meta is encouraged.))

"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___MB_________
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____MB_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____MB_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____MB________"

Comments

[superfraternal.livejournal.com]

This was Hogwarts.

And the man did say he was a shapeshifter. Right there, under question 5D on the application.

So why did Simon feel so completely taken aback? It was the cape, he told himself. A doppelganger in a nice button-down vest would have been more his speed. A cape over a business suit? So not on.

Yes, it was definitely the cape that brought on this sense of profound wtf.

He offered a polite smile. "Is a pyrokinetic shapeshifter much different from the standard garden-variety shapeshifter? Other than having the power of pyrokinesis." Are you wearing that shape on purpose or do you ordinarily look like a fashion-backward iteration of me? he purposely did not say. It took effort -- Simon was one for blurting out things at inopportune moments -- but he managed.

[omg-sunflora.livejournal.com]

"What's a pyrokinetic?" Sunflora said that last word slowly, as it was a confusing one.

And yeah, Sunflora would not be pleased with the answer. Which is why the mun made her ask it.

[vislor-turlough.livejournal.com]

"Well, you better not set anything outside on fire if you value your limbs." Turlough said, glaring from the doorway.

[soggynotecards.livejournal.com]

"Mortals?" Demyx looked a bit confused at this, and tried to figure out if this was any god he knew of. Shapeshifting didn't rule out many. Pyrokinesis... Hephaestus or Apollo, maybe? But Apollo didn't dress in black and Hephaestus never could get rid of that limp. "You're a god? Or just someone weird?"

[chance-silvey.livejournal.com]

Chance didn't get so far as to read the application. She saw Simon, in the sorting room, wearing a flowing cape and binoculars.

"What the fuck? Have you finally had a psychotic break?"

Immediately she regretted saying this to him. However she might feel about him in general, once upon a time Simon Tam had been very good to her when she'd undergone some mental trauma herself. Not that he remembered that, or anything, but it still mattered to her.

[runaway-stark.livejournal.com]

Arya did not spare a glance for his cape. They were still a common and often necessary article of clothing where she came from.

"You're a shapeshifter? Show me." Maybe it was something that could be taught. She'd like that.

[chinasorrows.livejournal.com]

China wandered over from her own application, wearing a full-length red silk dress. China pressed her fingers at the edge of Mordichai's application and dragged it closer to her on the opposite side. She read it, taking note on his blank answers. She looked up at Mordichai. A cape? Tacky, very tacky. But she gave him points on the italian suit. She came to question 5C and mulled over the third colour given. She smiled, raising an eyebrow.

China smiled back at Mordichai, leaving the application, she folded her arms softly. "I should imagine that for a man to know what colour Chartreuse is, you have a dictionary on your person? Perhaps in the inside pockets of that cape?"

"Hello Mordichai," China's smile turned playful.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Can you shift into the shape of a Sorting Hat, hmm?"

Gryffindor!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe of strange cuteness is accepted!

Welcome to Gryffindor!