Unpopping of The Cheshire Cat

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

The Cheshire Cat landed on all four paws in the Popcorn Room, covered in sweet butter.

He shook himself indignantly, turning invisible for a few seconds and then reappearing soon after. A whole paw disappeared as he flicked it irritably, the butter seeming to fly about on its own. He looked around with crazed eyes as he licked the butter from his paw, the tip of his tail flicking in an annoyed manner and splattering butter everywhere.

"Hm," he purred, his eyes closing slightly in contentment as he continued to lick. "Not sucralose at all. The genuine article. I'd even say it's Splendaful." He wheezed a laugh, and then went back to cleaning himself. His jaws parted only enough to allow his tongue to peak through his very unfeline-like teeth, never ceasing his grin.

The Cat seemed to take reappearing at Hogwarts all in stride. After all he was mad, and a little more oddness didn't strike him as terribly odd at all. Something new, perhaps.

Comments

[woocha.livejournal.com]

Wishbone smelled two things that shouldn't be combined: butter and cats.

And despite his friendship with plenty of cats, he still reacts the same way every time he meets a new one.

CAT!

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

The Cheshire Cat spared him a glance out of the corner of his eyes then set his paw back on the ground. "Dog," he said simply, grinning away.

[woocha.livejournal.com]

Uh...

Huh. Cats tended to freak at first at seeing him. This one wasn't. And he could talk too! And he seemed nicer than that mean cat, anyway.

Um. Hi? Welcome back to Hogwarts.

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

"Who has Hogwarts?" he asked, standing and walking over to Wishbone. He sniffed at him the circled him. At some point while he was behind him, he became nothing but a grin an buttery pawprints on the stone floor.

The grin tilted. "Hello."

[woocha.livejournal.com]

What? What? WHERE DID YOU GO!

Wishbone began running in circles, trying to find the invisible cat.

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

"Go?"

He reappeared, although he seemed to have left out his stripes and markings, and so seemed to be a little hollow in places.

"I never left."

He watched Wishbone as well as he could, tilting his head at odd angles to keep his eyes on him.

[woocha.livejournal.com]

But..but...but...you're missing pieces!

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

"Hm?" He brought his tail around to before him and looked at it. He didn't seem to disturbed by it. "Oh, so I am."

He looked at Wishbone, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes a little, his grin getting a little wider. "Are you missing pieces?"

[woocha.livejournal.com]

I'm not missing pieces! You are! How are you not worried?!

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

The tip of Cheshire's tail waved at Wishbone, the missing pieces suddenly there again. "They come back," he purred.

To prove it, the lower half of his body disappeared, leaving his head floating in mid-air. He tilted his head on its side. "Perfectly fine."

[woocha.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAAAAAA! Then Wishbone decided passing out was a good idea.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

Beowulf came stomping into the Popcorn Room. One hand rested on the hilt of his mighty sword (the one in the scabbard, not the one in his pants); the other clutched to his weirdly hairless chest a copy of the Tarvunty.

"I AM BEOWULF," he announced to the popcorn kernels. "I'M HERE TO SHARE THE WORD OF THE LORD."

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

The Cheshire Cat covered his ears as best he could, then flattened them against his skull when that didn't work. Having got himself somewhat clean, he sat himself by Beowulf's feet and grinned up at him. "My only Lord is the Queen." He looked at him pointedly. "You are not a Queen, nor are you a Heart."

He flicked his tail irritably. "I don't want whatever you're selling."

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"MONSTER!" The entirety of Beowulf's long muscled body stiffened. He assumed a defensive stance, glaring down at ... his feet, essentially, since the cat was in such close proximity thereto. "WHAT FOUL BLANDISHMENTS SPEAK YE NOW? KNOW THAT I AM A KING, NOT A QUEEN, AND I HAVE A HEART MOST MIGHTY!"

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

His ears flattened again, and his eyes narrowed. He pointed a clawed paw at beowulf, the tip of his tail smacking the ground rhythmically. "You're obviously compensating for something with a voice that loud," he muttered, then shouted up at him, "YOU'RE NOT THE KING OF HEARTS. YOU'RE TOO NAKED."

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING? SURELY NOT FOR THE LENGTH OF MY IMPRESSIVE MANLY MEMBER." Beowulf's leather underpants did leave fairly little to the imagination. Why he would feel the need to discuss this with a talking cat ... well, that was another issue, possibly an issue no one short of the nonexistent Lord Tarvu himself could fully unpack. "I NEED NO CAT-MONSTER TO HERALD THE PROWESS OF MY MANHOOD. ASK THE SATISFIED MAIDENS OF GEATLAND!" Or the occasional sea monster.

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

The Cat gave an unconvinced hum and simply stared up at him. He stood and prowled around Beowulf's feet, circling him widely. "Then perhaps you may be the King of Slutty Men." He laughed loudly, finding that one terribly funny. "No King should spread his seed outside of the royal line."

Sea monsters included.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

Beowulf boomed forth a great belly laugh. "A KING MUST SOW HIS WILD OATS, FOR THE SAKE OF HIS PEOPLE! THE TRIBE IS MADE MORE ROBUST." Whereas getting it on with a swamp monster could produce evil dragon spawn, but never mind that. "KNOW YE NOT OF MILFS?"

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

"I'm a cat," he said simply. "What do you think?"

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"I THINK YOU ARE A MONSTER," countered Beowulf.

Uh-oh.

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

The Cheshire Cat promptly went invisible for all but his eyes and grin. "There is no monster here," the floating mouth said.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

!!!

"WHAT WITCHERY IS THIS, MONSTER WITCH BEAST?"

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

"That which is neither here, nor there," he purred.

The floating mouth bopped along, circling Beowulf. "We have no need of your preaching, manslut. Please be gone."

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"A MAN IS NOT A WOMAN," objected Beowulf, to whom slut was a gendered term. "A MONSTER WITCH BEAST IS PRESENT EVEN WHEN UNSEEN. YOU CANNOT FOOL ME, THOUGH YOU ARE A CRAFTY THING. HAVE YOU COME TO DO BATTLE WITH PYARAY?!"

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

The cat went visible in utter confusion. Nothing generally tended to confuse him, but this shouting man who sprouted flower prose like it'd just come out of a Jane Austin novel was doing a damn good job of it.

"I do not 'battle'," he said going for the safest option rather than addressing the 'slut' issue. He looked at his paw, unsheathing his very sharp claws, and licked at the fur between the pads.

It grinned up at him. "Though if I did, I would have to say, those who tried would fail to get rid of me." After all, the Queen of Hearts had tried to behead him, and that hadn't gone very well at all. For her, at least.

[iam-beowulf.livejournal.com]

"PYARAY IS A BEAUTEOUS AND BEGUILING SQUID," Beowulf warned the cocksure cat.

[grinkitty.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I do like seafood," the Cheshire Cat admitted. It wheezed a laugh and scratched it's chin with its tail.