Application for Ulla (from The Producers)

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Gutagmevienen! My name is Ulla Inga Hansen Bensen Yonsen Tallen-Hallen Svaden-Svanson Bloom. Vould you like Ulla make application?

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Ulla enjoys the cream cheese. It is good vith big Swedish breakfast und many different herrings.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Ulla vouldn't kill. Ulla vould tell Franz that they both insulted Hitler, then Franz kill them. Much easier.

3. What time is it where you are?

Ulla vake up every morning at five AM. From five to seven, Ulla exercise. From seven to eight Ulla take long shower. From eight to nine Ulla eat breakfast. From nine to eleven, Ulla practice her singing und her dancing. Und at eleven, Ulla like to have sex.

Right now, it's almost eleven.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Is Percy Weasley a part of the Order? Ulla always have thing for nerdy accountant types.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Rio. Everybody knows that you find your happiness in Rio.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

He should marry vhichever one von't "do it" unless they get married. That's how Ulla end up vith Leo.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

You need a better secretary-slash-receptionist. You vant Ulla tidy oop? *Throws all papers into the trash.* Much better.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Ulla sing and dance. *Dances seductively around the room.* Perhaps you see Ulla star in "Springtime for Hitler" und "Prisoners of Love"? Also, Ulla can paint entire office in an afternoon.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

Remember vhen Ulla dance? Ulla dance again! Or if you are vanting tickets to a Broadway show, Ulla can be getting them for you - Ulla knows big name producers. Also, Ulla has the two million dollars Leo und Mr. Bialystock stole...

Comments

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

...you were a cheerleader, weren't you?

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Sorry, vhat's a cheerleader?

Hufflepuff

[ringoate-mybaby.livejournal.com]

*Imagines Ulla meeting Mr. Wooster, and smiles* Hufflepuff.

Re: Hufflepuff

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Tack själv! That is, thank you for the vote.

i'm speechless.

[closeonroger.livejournal.com]

Gryffindor. Definitely Gryffindor.

Re: i'm speechless.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

You think Ulla belong in Gryffindor? Okie-slash-dokie. Tack själv!

[followingtheybr.livejournal.com]

Oh my, I see a lot of Hufflepuff in you.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the vote. You have a lovely voice, do you sing?

[detkowalski.livejournal.com]

*stares* I, uh -- wow.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

*laughs* You sound like Mr. Bialystock. You aren't looking like him though, you're much handsomer.

[hail-tothe-ash.livejournal.com]

I changed my mind. You may be a little looser than I like my ladies, but we got a house for you.

Hail to the Tootsitramp, baby.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

If that is vhat you think best. Thank you for the vote!

[major-ego.livejournal.com]

I believe I agree with Mr. Williams. You were positively made for Tootsitramp.

[has-great-ties.livejournal.com]

Oh. Well, I think... think that if you come over here and dance again, I'll vote you into any house you want.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's a good deal. *Does a sort of slow cartweel over and then dances for him.* People seem to think Ulla should be in Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, so vhichever of those you think is good, ya?

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Vell, who doesn't, ya?

Thank you for the vote.

[cpt-pierce.livejournal.com]

...Where do you want to go? I'll vote you anywhere you want.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

That is so nice of you! Ulla vould like to be in Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, vhich do you think?

[archangel-raphy.livejournal.com]

Hm.

You know, if you fucked me, I might be willing to consider that as a bribe.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

No, that doesn't seem quite right. Ve have only just met after all.

[nightbirdboy.livejournal.com]

Is it only nerdy accountant types you have a thing for? What are your feelings on broody athletes?

Hufflepuff, because that's where we seem to put all the hot women.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Vell, there is something about them that is just so sweet, ya? Ulla hasn't met any "broody athletes" before, but it sounds nice. Is that vhat you are? Maybe ve could get to know each other better?

Thank you for the vote!

[ponderingponder.livejournal.com]

... *tries not to stare*

Uh, Hufflepuff, yes.

[wooster-code.livejournal.com]

Oh, I say!

Tickets to a show would be dashed good of you.

Such generosity deserves Gryffindor, I think.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Okie-dokie, here are some tickets for you. *Gives him two front row tickets to the latest Bialystock and Bloom production - "A Streetcar Named Edna".*

[i-am-rome.livejournal.com]

You amuse me, and entertainers are always good for the morale of troops, or in this case students.

Hufflepuff

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Tack själv! Ulla happy to entertain!

[afraid-wizard.livejournal.com]

Hufflepuff, because you remind of creamy moist, buttery, mashed potatos.

[squeakofdeath.livejournal.com]

*looks lecherous* SQUEAK.

He agrees. She's reminding him of the times he used to have glands.

vote: Tootsitramp

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Tootsitramp.

*feels no explanation is necessary*

[basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com]

..I'd like to see you dance.

[dice-addict.livejournal.com]

That can be taken in two ways, and neither sound nice.

Ulla-la!

[captain-reynold.livejournal.com]

I'll take te two mil! And d'ya think Ulla could dance just one more time? I do so like it when Ulla dance.
Er... say, which house did you want to be in?

((sorry about the repost, I messed up the first one, and the computer did something funky))

Re: Ulla-la!

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Ulla dance again! So many people here appreciate the dancing, it is very nice.

You can have the money, but you ought to know there are some horny angry little old ladies who may come looking for it. Ulla is sure it won't be a problem for a big strong man like you though.

Hufflepuff? Or maybe Gryffindor? Vhat do you think Captain?

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Could you bring some big name producers here? It could be quite a lot of fun if they put on a show.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Ulla can ask them. Leo and Max vould put on a vonderful show here!

[ninjaoftheramen.livejournal.com]

Um... er... Hufflepuff.

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Tack själv!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Best to stick with tradition when it comes to the ladies of show business, ma'am!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Hufflepuff!

[lovelyulla.livejournal.com]

Thank you wery much! Ulla is sure she will enjoy being a Hufflepuff.