Keenan Caine, the MANLIEST signature character from the tabletop RPG Bliss Stage, has arrived!

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

A gangly teenage boy in a button-down white shirt and big baggy slacks ambled into the Hogwarts sorting room, idly turning the pages of a manga, with far too much pink and blushing on the cover.

"Epic trap, that," he said with a grin before closing the... work, slipping it into his backpack, getting a pen and filling out the application form.



State your full name.

Keenan Caine, Pilot, ANIMa Unit 02, SIR!

What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Wait, you actually have cheese here? Sweet! I've been living off of what I could scrounge from the wreckage of a 7-11. Year old SPAM is not fun.

...If I had to choose a favorite, though, Gorgonzola. Because you've got have guts to eat something that smells like that, and it actually tastes kinda awesome.

Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Carrottop. Sara Smith digs Barney, and I don't want to ruin my chances with her. And, come on, she looks like this!

Can you blame a guy?

What time is it where you are?

Right now? September 9th, 6:27, 2016.

If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Old or new Order? Because Luna's totally got it going on, man.

Meh. If it's the old order, McGonnagal, because if she still has that sillouhete at, what, 60, she must have been freaking hot. And she's got guts. I like a girl with guts.

If you are pushing to be in Gryffindor: Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

OT3, man. Why should he have to choose? If Krishna could get it on with 100 milk-maids at once, I'm sure The Boy Who Lived could handle Gred and Forge with some creative applications of Splinching. And Loki managed to get pregnant. With a HORSE. You guys can do this sort of stuff with your hocus-pocus and mumbojumbo, I'm sure. Even the horse thing if you had enough polyjuice (Also, off topic but catgirl Hermione = Rowr.)

Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

Gentlemen. I bring you - PORN! Specifically, all the pictures of Anna Lin, Laura Porter, and Anna Lin WITH Laura Porter that they didn't find in my room and rip into tiny tiny pieces, then burn!

For the ladies, I have some epic pictures of Josh. While drunk. And naked. (If you're here, Mr. Preston, let that teach you a lesson: No one in the Resistance can drink as much as I can.)

I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. K.C.

I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. K.C.

I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. K.C.

One day, marmalade will rule the world. ... K.C.

(OOC: Is that better?)

Comments

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"Cool story bout that, bro," he says, self-mocking. "Pretty much, but, you know, have to keep upgrading the ANIMa."

His eyes narrow. "Or remember that Jealousy happens to people, just not to me."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"Ah, the great equalizer," Kurama nodded, crossing his arms. "Tell me about ANIMa."

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

He draws himself up, putting a hand over his chest like Napoleon, obviously doing a mocking quote. "Love shall be our sword; Trust shall be our shield." He slumps and grins. "And all of that other bullshit Commander Preston pulled out of his rear. TLDR is that if you love - or hate, or have PSL for - someone, then you can turn it into a weapon."

He grins. "An AWESOME weapon."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

Though having not been a teenage boy for well over two thousand years, he could catch the not-so-subtle undertone of what AWESOME WEAPON meant.

"So," Kurama said, arranging the facts in his mind. "If you have, say, unresolved sexual tension with someone, your weapon gets awesome?"

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

He stares at you funny, then realizes something and starts laughing.

"Y-y-yeah, that's what we thought at first when he heard it too, but, ha-ha-ha, nope, I'm being literal. ANIMa devices turn relationships into blam. Literally."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

Kurama stared back, more than a little mortified that the kid was being serious. His tail twitched.

"And... what enterprising soul thought this up?"

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"...We did what we could with what we had, man." Keenan is suddenly serious. "Where I'm from, it's less that we didn't have guns or tanks, more like everyone who knew how to use em was out to lunch. I'm not sure if I escaped from California or if I escaped from, whadid the Commander call it, a 'Berkeley Jupiter' scenario when I found myself here, but if the only weapon we had against the aliens was an ANIMa, we freaking used the ANIMa."

He smiles. "And to answer your question, Sara's brother."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"So, essentially, what you are telling me is..." he had to pause and arrange his thoughts a moment. "That all adults are useless (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AdultsAreUseless), that the world is now a dystopia, and that the only defense against these alien invaders is the teenage libido?"

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"With the power of love," he says, with a grin. "The Commander thinks it looks better on the recruitment posters. ...He forgets that he's dealing with people my age, here."

"As for the adults being useless..." he frowns. "Try ASLEEP. We don't know how the aliens did it, but now everyone over the age of 18 from my neck of the woods is in thier happy place. It ain't called 'The Bliss' for nothin."

(OOC: Yes, Bliss Stage, as written, is THAT lolwhut.)

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"And your Commander is an exception to this... Bliss?" He was still trying to wrap his mind around this. True, his life mimicked a spectacularly strange anime series, (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/YuYuHakusho) but hearing what Caine told him just seemed... bizarre.

_{((OOC: I've been roleplaying for years and I don't think I've ever seen a weirder RP universe outside of D&D and Forgotten realms supplimental adventures. And the BESM hentai one, but still.))}

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, we don't know why but" (mimicks injecting something into his arm) "I have my suspicions."

"We do what we can. Merry and I, and the other Pilots and Anchors in the corps."

He blinks. "...shit. No Anchor. No ANIMa. Not here. FUCK."

(OOC: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BlissStage)

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"Wh... what crackhead god created your universe?" He asked, still having a difficult time with all this.

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"...whichever it is, it has a lot of explaining to do." He folds his arms.

"I mean, does it get off on seeing kids like us go to war?"

"It isn't all bad. The Corps is pretty tightly knit - I mean, one girl's drama affects us all, ask Anna Lin bout that when I'm not in the room, but if we didn't like each other the ANIMa would suffer a critical existence failure."

(OOC: The creator was bet an unspecified amount of money that he didn't have the guts to make a game where bad things happened to kids. He got his money.)

Gryffindor

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

_{((OOC: Someone is a crackhead AND a genius.))}

"One girl's drama can turn entire worlds upside-down," Kurama agreed. "All right, so. You're the pilot of a sex-driven war machine - which is a special irony all its own, 14 years old and an avid porn collector. I'd say you belong in Gryffindor." He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Yeah, that would probably be the best place for you. Incidentally, I'm the Herbology teacher here, so if you don't meet any of the other faculty, you can come to me if you need to. Until then, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go smoke myself into a stupor."

Re: Gryffindor

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"Whatever floats your boat, man," he says with a grin. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

He grins. "And it doesn't have to be sex. I got pretty goddamned far with First Kiss as my sidearm so."

Re: Gryffindor

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

Kurama almost did a literal facepalm over that last bit, but instead did that mentally and waved goodbye. "The anchors aweigh. See you around, kiddo."

Re: Gryffindor

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

(OOC: The application itself was comedy gold, you have no idea how much this made my day serrulata.)

Re: Gryffindor

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

_{((OOC: More than glad to provide. It's a joyful occurrence when I can play Kurama having total WTF moments.))}