application for Derkhan Blueday (Perdido Street Station)

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

She came to consciousness in a profoundly unfamiliar room. Stone walls, bare stone floor, rich tapestries on the walls.

In her capacity as art critic for the Beacon, a reputable and legitimate paper of record, Derkhan Blueday would have estimated this setting -- tapestries and all -- to bespeak a desperate hunger for respectability on the proprietors' part. It was a look of deliberate antiquation, the kind of thing favored by money so new it practically bled ink.

However, in her capacity as acting editor of Runagate Rampant, a publication less respectable (indeed, illegal), Derkhan was alive to other possibilities. Evaluating her new surroundings in that light, she speculated that the decor might have been calculated to intimidate detainees, to put them in mind of dungeons and torture chambers.

Surely this was not the Spike? The room seemed far too large. A crawling in the pit of Derkhan's stomach insisted that if this wasn't the Spike, then it was someplace similar in purpose, and she was in deep trouble. She was in deep trouble regardless. So much for her painstaking disguise. Poor compared to what she'd routinely have put on just for the ride from Kelltree to Dog Fenn, but she and her friend spent so much effort on this one, it hurt worse somehow to know it'd failed -- the hair dye, the false scar, the other carefully improvised attempts, best they could manage under the circumstances ...

Derkhan took a series of deep breaths. Composed herself as best she could. Waited for something to happen. It would be a questioning, no doubt, and who knew how much she would actually say? She knew what tactics would be brought to bear, to make her talk.



1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Are you offering?" She put a brave face on; she had gotten good at that. "I wouldn't say no to a fennel-and-olive salad with crumbled chevre." No need to admit what they must surely already know, that she'd be hungry enough to welcome even the blandest, plainest fare. "Something flavorful, that's the main thing. I prefer the bolder cheeses. They have more character."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"A trick question, isn't it? Like asking someone 'are you still beating your wife'?" Derkhan cracked her knuckles. "I'm not equipped for a murderous rampage."

Meekness would not spare her the end she was sure would eventuate, so why feign meekness?

3. What time is it where you are?

"I don't know where I am." A simple enough reply, Derkhan thought.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

First murder, now sexual harassment? "Just how many offenses did you plan to pin on me?" The notion of return from the dead gave her a guilty start, however. She hoped she hadn't gone too grey at the words -- or too green; remembering that thing, the avatar the Construct Council had made, didn't do her stomach any good.

Or was this about -- no, it couldn't be; if anything, they'd think she'd been Ben's lover. No smack of deviance there. "I don't harass anyone," said Derkhan, folding her hands primly, hoping that would be that.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"I don't tend bar there. I'm a patron like anyone else. You know the name already, surely. The Clock and Cockerel." Respectably disreputable, a bar in Salacus Fields, and it was true what Derkhan said. That was where her artist friends, her musician friends, her public associates spent their colorful evenings.

Nothing wrong with that. A known fact of her public life.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

A variety of world mythologies? Who in Jabber's name were Harry, Fred, and George? Was this more along the lines of that sexual-harassment question? Harry, Fred, and George, all male names. Derkhan decided not to give them anything remotely like what it seemed they wanted.

"You're familiar with the gods of the vodyanoi? Harry could consult one of the priests of Palgolak. You know the one -- Palgolak, god of knowledge. Represented by a figure in a bathtub, reading. You may have seen the human iconography, in which Palgolak is represented as a short and round human in a bathtub. There are nearly as many human Palgolaki as there are vodyanoi, these days. They say that anything a worshipper of Palgolak reads, the god himself gains that knowledge through the worshipper. That's why they've amassed such an immense library. If Harry asked a Palgolaki priest, he'd soon have all the legal codes regarding marriage right at his fingertips, and all the mythological exempla he could ever want, for that matter."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"Bureaucratic bloat." If they had her name from Ben -- and it was a surety he'd given it up, poor dear man -- then this opinion would not come as a surprise.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Without conscious thought or volition, Derkhan's fingers fluttered to the side of her head. To the place where an ear was missing. "I improve the Weave," she muttered, rather bitterly.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

At this, Derkhan could only blink. "What in Jabber's name are you going on about? Do you mean to imply I can bribe my way out of this?" Clearly incredulous, she shook her head. "I don't even know what to make of that offer. If it is one. What could I have to offer you?"

Information?

They could have that from her for free. She was sure they wouldn't be letting her go, whether or not they had to force the information out of her. This had to be some effort to induce false hope.

"I can discuss with you the history of the Shintacost Prize."

There. See how they liked that.



I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. DB
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. DB
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. DB
One day, marmalade will rule the world. DB

Comments

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

Derkhan's brow furrowed. "All right, what's chaos energy, then?" She knew that crisis energy meant something very specific to Isaac, but who was to say there weren't other terms that could be used interchangeably or similarly? If someone had independently developed the same kind of device as Isaac had -- though the odds of that seemed vanishingly (and mercifully) slim to Derkhan, she understood this seemed to happen in the world of science more often than one would think ...

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

Elric considered a moment, attempting to put together an explanation that might make sense to someone who wasn't intimately familiar with the Lords of Chaos. As he thought, he idly caressed the pommel of his sword, probably not the best of habits, but he relied on the blade as much as he hated it. "I think. . .I think that the best description for it would be unbridled potential. That is what it likes to characterize itself as, for Chaos can manifest anything. But, I find it has a habit of neglecting the more positive possibilities." He smirked sardonically, as Chaos did seem to specialize in the horrific, despite claiming to represent an unlimited range of possibility.

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

"Unbridled potential sounds about right, actually." Derkhan was trying to remember exactly how Isaac had explained his crisis engine and the phenomenon of crisis energy. Something to do with potential energy, the energy a thing had before it fell ... As far as she could muddle through it, it seemed congruent with the albino's description of Chaos.

Derkhan was a humanist, not a scientist.

"I'd just wondered because --" She stopped herself. "You're not aligned with the Construct Council, are you?"

The man didn't look at all like a Godmech Cog. She just wanted to make certain. If he said no she'd well believe him: the Construct Council wasn't really capable of lying about itself, Derkhan didn't think. Deceit was a human talent.

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

"I have not heard of a Construct council, madam. But perhaps I am just unfamiliar with the name? Could you describe it further?" He sounded apologetic. "I serve Arioch of Chaos, but, my own heart leans towards Balance. I do not know if either exists here. The former does not seem to listen. But he is prone to whims, so, I do not know if he is absent, or ignores me."

Elric let out a sigh of pained sadness, explaining, "I am not from this world, so there is very little I can tell you about it. I had hoped to see someone arrive at this nexus, so that I might be able to discover a way to leave. This is a strange place, ruled by perplexing influences."

He'd already decided these influences had to be malevolent and concealing it well, and that the Hat had cursed him at his Sorting.

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

A profound sense of weird washed over Derkhan. "Perplexing influences indeed." Half of her wanted to fear the albino for the strange and warlike appearance he wore; the other half of her wanted to laugh at his portentous words, and the manner in which he delivered them. But he seemed kind, even if his courtliness would in Derkhan's usual circles have been a joke, so she yielded to neither impulse.

Instead, she found herself beginning to explain to him, in a remarkably businesslike fashion, exactly what she knew and what she did not know.

"The Construct Council is a conglomeration of machines which has gained the power to think, if not what we might call a soul. To my knowledge there's only one crisis engine in existence, the one my friend built, and the Construct Council wants it. I don't think that wish ought to be granted, and ..." She gave an apologetic shrug. "I suppose I'm a bit jumpy these days."

Not paranoid. She knew they really were out to get her. A construct had trailed her through the city one day last week. It'd been even harder to shake off her trail than she'd expected, too.

"But of course you haven't a thing to do with them. I'm afraid I'm off on a tangent anyhow. What made me think of crisis energy was that you'd remarked on an unusual magical field. Chaos energy and crisis energy sound awfully alike to me. I don't know what you mean about Arioch of Chaos."

Unless Arioch was a name for the Weaver. Derkhan suppressed a shiver. Wouldn't that be something?

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

Machines weren't the most familiar concept to Elric. His world was of a relatively barbaric climate, and the most complex machines were contraptions dedicated to either war or torture. Still, Elric tried to understand Derkhan's explanation to the best of his abilities. Something like a complicated golem, perhaps?

"I am not familiar with this Council Construct, although perhaps it is something like a golem? I do not know about any crisis engines, either. I suspect that our worlds may be entirely different. This place appears to be a nexus of many worlds, but the forces that dominate it are very unclear. There is a distinct sense of Chaos, but, its manifestation is not of the sort I am used to. And there appears to be some sort of parody or charade of Order directed by a subtly malign intelligence that manifests as a Hat. A man named Mister Wednesday suggested that it was Misrule, rather than Chaos, and I am inclined to believe he was on to something."

He frowned slightly as he contemplated how to explain Arioch. "Lord Arioch is one of the Dukes of Hell, great powers amongst the legions of Chaos. My race is bound to them through ancient ancestral pacts. He is powerful, but he acts according to his own urges, which are unpredictable, for that is the nature of Chaos. If you do not know of the Dukes of Hell, it is probably for the best. Perhaps this world and yours are free of them." It sounded as if he harbored mixed feelings for this entity, speaking of him with a strange blend of spite and devotion. They had a complicated relationship.

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

(("a subtly malign intelligence that manifests as a Hat" *diiies* ))

Derkhan didn't know that the civic government of New Crobuzon actually maintained diplomatic relations with Hell. She hadn't known about the Weaver, either, until she'd met it.

A pity. Her response to Elric might've been differently interesting.

What she did say was: "I keep hearing about this Hat, and nothing very good, either. What you say about a nexus of worlds does fit what I'm seeing and hearing thus far, only I've no idea how that would or could work."

She locked her fingers together and flexed the interlaced hands, looking down at her palms contemplatively.

"Looking into how cities function, how systems function, is part of what I do, in a way." Part of what you do as an art critic, Derkhan? "I'm a journalist."

Oh, Derkhan, do you really want to explain newspapers to Elric? Underground newspapers, legitimate newspapers, leaflets, broadsheets, anything? Do you want to explain the printing press? Your mun is so peeved with you right now.

"My name," she said to him, "is Derkhan Blueday."

Because the outlandish albino warrior is sure to be a regular reader of the Beacon, isn't he, Dee? Their circulation recently expanded to cross the multiverse!

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

"I do not believe I have met a journalist before, madam. It is a pleasure, although I confess I do not know what the word means. Perhaps you could explain the art?" He bowed politely, introducing himself. "I am Elric of Melnibone, and I am a mercenary. I doubt you would have heard of Melnibone. No one here has yet, but they say there are countless worlds."

"It is unclear why the hat pulls people to this realm. At least, I have found no clues, thus far." He frowned as he recalled his experience with the Hat. "I regret that I can tell you very little about the Hat thus far. It appears to be a Chaotic sort of creature, but not of the sort of Chaos I am familiar with. And, I believe it may be ruled by dark masters, most likely aligned with this realm's representation of Chaos. When I had to face the Hat, I questioned it about them, and it became angry, and I believe it cursed me." He glowered more darkly as he recalled the Hat's wrath, and getting Sorted into something called 'Sparklypoo'. "I still do not know for sure what the curse means. I wish you better luck with it."

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

"A journalist writes for a living." Having realized the mistake of using unfamiliar terminology, Derkhan now would try to keep her explanations thereof as simple as possible. "Reports on the events of the day, sometimes with a narrow focus of interest. Mine is officially art, unofficially politics. When I say unofficial, in this case, I mean illegal. I'm not partial to Law any more than I am to Chaos," she tried to put it in terms she thought would make more sense to him. "I want what's fair for everyone, not necessarily what's righteous."

Oh Jabber, let's not get into deep moral debate, Dee. Let's figure out what Sparklypoo is, first. At least.

"The Hat is an unjust ruler, is that what you're saying? And he consigned you to ... a slum? A low caste?"

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

Despite Derkhan's simplified explanation of her profession, it meant very little to Elric. His was a very different world, where the majority of politics was conducted with swords. Journalism wasn't a career that had found a foothold in his world.

He could, however, make sense of her statement about Law and Chaos, and nodded his agreement. "I am personally inclined towards Balance as well, madam, despite serving Lord Arioch of Chaos. Balance seems to offer the most hope for the future."

His sullen crimson eyes darkened on returning to the subject of the Hat. He was starting to feel a deep resentment towards this entity, and was determined to eventually face it again and learn what corrupt forces held it in sway. "It is an unjust and cruel entity, I believe. And possibly mad. It feels like the forces that rule this place pull us here to serve as toys for their amusement and little more. I believe that it is either the equivalent of a low caste, or, a cursed one. The hat inflicted it upon me in a rage, and so it cannot mean anything good. I think it did not want to answer my question."

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

Madam? Derkhan looked like she might be about to sneeze. "Please, just call me Derkhan." A brief shudder, and she was fully composed once more. "Balance ... yes, I'd call that ideal, though I doubt I'll see it in my lifetime. You know, I've often been tempted -- in an especially cynical mood, or after the harsher sort of disappointment -- tempted to think the rulers of my city must surely be cruel madmen. It's a struggle then to remind myself I shouldn't attribute to malice what can easier be chalked up to sheer stupidity."

Like selling slake-moths to a fucking druglord, for example. That ought to go into some textbook as a case example of stupidity. Classic.

"Which isn't to say that a malicious person can't also be really godsdamned stupid. Or that ... an anthropomorphic Hat? can't be both those things."

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

Elric considered the question with dour seriousness. "I do not know if the Hat is stupid or not. But it does seem to harbor a deep anger, and, strikes me as potentially malevolent. It is difficult to tell if it is literally a Hat, or, if it is some sort of being that manifests as a Hat. It might manifest as something else on other planes, but, I am not an expert in these matters. I have rarely traversed the planes deliberately, and am used to being tossed about by the waves of Fate." He managed to pronounce the capital letter somehow.

"I wish you the best of luck in your encounter with the Hat, Derkhan. It appears that people may only leave this room after this Sorting rite is complete. I think we are supposed to vote on a House for new arrivals. But, the votes mean little, for the Hat is unpredictable. I know little of the Houses, so I would vote you into the House you would prefer. If you know what that one is?"

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

"What, we get to leave this room? Things are looking up already." She hadn't the faintest idea how Houses worked. "If Houses are like ... guilds, or somewhat ... I'll take the one that's most given to literature and art, I suppose." Derkhan managed a humorless smile. "If they're based on politics, I'll end up in Sparklypoo with you."

Of course, she wasn't reckoning with Elric's past occupation as an emperor, and all. She was thinking about Hat-perpetuated oppression.

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

Elric chuckled dryly at Derkhan's sardonic remark. "Thankfully, we do get to leave, after this ordeal. Houses are just optional places to lodge, I think. I'm not sure which one would be for literature and art, but, it probably would not be Gryffindor. I was told that one was supposed to be the House for ill-fated heroes. Hufflepuff sounds rather absurd. Ravenclaw seems respectable. With luck you'll avoid the Hat's curse, but if you choose to argue with it, you may end up consigned to Sparklypoo as well. If it is politically based, then Sparklypoo must be the house for traitors." He let out a mournful sigh, reflecting on the ruins of Melnibone.

[derkhan.livejournal.com]

"Let's say Ravenclaw," said Derkhan, thinking what had gotten her and her friends into all this mess in the first place: flying things. "I plan to ask around more about the Hat. If I find out anything interesting, or if I need to cross-reference anything, where can I find you, Elric of Melnibone?"

Vote : Ravenclaw

[blood-and-souls.livejournal.com]

"Ravenclaw it is then, Derkhan- but as the Hat does not seem to like me, my vote may be entirely ignored. I hope that you have better fortune with the Hat than I had."

He considered her question, realizing that saying, "Just come find me in the forest" was probably very unwise, as, even if she avoided the giant spiders, there was Smaug. Elric could not fault a dragon for behaving according to his nature, and humans were made of meat. And there was Stormbringer- under the wrong circumstances, Elric was as dangerous as the dragon.

"I have chosen to dwell off the castle grounds in the forest, due to the nature of my sword. But that is because the forest is a dangerous place, and so I only add to its danger rather than that of what seems a peaceful place. Even if the Hat is controlled by dark masters, most of those it abducts to this realm appear innocent."

Elric, being a professional adventuring sort, and so naturally given over to complexities rather than the simplest alternative didn't think to have Derkhan just send an owl. "You should not come to the forest, as there are giant spiders, and the dragon Smaug. But I will be sure to come to the castle at least once every three evenings just before sundown. And I shall wait at the first tree that you would come to if you left through the front gates while the sun sets, so if you learn anything, you can find me there. If I learn anything, I will find you."

He felt somewhat better for having potentially found someone else who might be interested in aiding him against whatever malevolent forces were lurking behind Hogwarts.