hh_mirror | S. Baldrick

baldrick-sodoff.livejournal.com posting in

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Mouse cheese, it's not really but well, you need to tie a piece of cheese on to the end of your nose open your mouth then wait for the mice to run right in. Only Mr. B says the only mouse I could catch would be one without a nose cause my breaths straight from Satan's bottom.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

I could never kill Barney, otherwise we would never get any fresh milk. Though my old man said he would scrag our old Milkman, when I was a tot, if he stopped at our flat when Dad wasn't home anymore. I miss my 'Dad'.

3. What time is it where you are?

12:00, only its funny cause it's been 12:00 for ages and the clocks been flashing on and off for a while.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

My Mum said I wasn't never meant to harass anyone. But Mr. B says I harass people by existing, well I think that's what he said when he shoved my head down the privy.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bar tend, in the dark.

Turnip, cause I like them and people can come in talk about their interesting stories about turnips.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

St. Bernard the patron saint of bearded ladies is said to have had a pet weasel called George and she was drowned in a butt of cider by a guy named Harry. The Saint not the weasel, maybe it's sign.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.

What does inundated mean? I like dates, if your desk was covered in dates it would get really sticky. Maybe some one doesn't like dates, and knowing you do put them on your desk. You must have nice friends.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

I have tried to better myself so I applied for the job of village idiot of Kensington. I got down to the last two, but I failed the final interview. I turned up. The other bloke was such an idiot he forgot to. I'm a good cook I know at least ten ways to cook rat, Mr. B said that if he didn't know it was rat he would have sworn it was something else.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Mr. B always said that a way to a man's heart is through his wallet so I'm going to have to offer money. But I'm not sure what he really meant cause that's a funny place for any one to have their heart wouldn't it be very messy with all the blood. There is always my family heirloom, this pair of trousers has been in the family for three hundred years. My grandfather died in them and we haven't washed them since. Actually I think that my Dad did too.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: White Stripes - My Doorbell

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From:

teatimeassassin.livejournal.com

Hi, I'm Teatime!

...what are you? ~~You look rather like a scraggly turnip-headed mongrel dog.~~

I'll expect you have at least a nice, honest heart deep down, then? ~~Compensation for lack of anything useful, surely.~~