Owl to James Bond

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

Bond,

I'm in Ravenclaw. We need to meet. Ravenclaw common room, 1830 hours.

M

Comments

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

There was no point in replying to the message.

Bond was lounging at the bar before the appointed time, nursing a scotch and waiting for M. Neither his posture nor his expression changed when she entered the room. This was strictly business, and the faster he got the unpleasantness out of the way, the better. He always thought that dealings with M were best when handled from a distance.

"Ma'am," he said at her approach. The only sign that something might be out of the ordinary was the slight twitch of his brow when a large, clanking suit of armor entered behind her. The thing was easily wider across the shoulders than he was and taller, too. It stood menacingly in the space normally occupied by her bodyguard.

"I see you've found a replacement. I must admit, this is probably a step up in personality from Mitchell."

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

"And only slightly less eager," she said drily. "Water, please. And then privacy."

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

Had she ever requested water before? Maybe Hogwarts was getting under her skin fairly quickly. Bond wondered how long it would take before the armor was pouring drinks like a good assistant, but got M what she wanted from behind the bar. The privacy charm went up after that.

"There is always the possibility that this one will sell you out to an underground organization supplying rust guard," he said.

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

"Not if I make it a better offer," she volleyed back, and took a swallow of water. She'd have preferred something stronger, but Bond had already withheld information from her once. Best to keep her senses sharp for this meeting.

"I want a complete report from you, 007. Everyone you've met, everything you've seen, heard and encountered since you arrived here. I'll want it in writing, but the salient points you can give me now. And kindly don't insult me with a half-arsed definition of 'salient' this time."

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"The sortings are the best place to go for information on new people," he said, launching straight into the facts. Or, at least, the facts as much as they applied to M and MI6. There were some things that he was unwilling to offer up for M's inspection, no matter how hard she tried to get them.

"I can give you the names now or in the report, but that is the best time to learn what people were doing before they arrived, how they got here, and what they know about Hogwarts so far. I haven't seen anyone who has arrived here intentionally."

"My interactions with other students have been nondescript," he said. She could take that any way she wanted. To Bond's credit, he hadn't slept with half of the female student body yet. "On the surface, nobody has revealed anything more sinister than a desire to use magic to resolve an office staffing issue. However, many people are going around trying to appear that they aren't what they seem. I've met a man with clearly criminal connections, and a cat who served with 140 generations of a type of mage."

"I've attended three classes: flying, sexual education, and divination." With his normal cold detachment, he listed the unusual classes with a straight face and blank demeanor. "Nothing in those classes posed a threat. It's been the outside gatherings that have been the most interesting."

Bond thought about trying to save face, but this was one of the details that M would want to hear, and he could spare the slight embarrassment. "I ate a piece of birthday cake that had been charmed to have negative, but ultimately harmless, effects as part of a prank. The charm only lasted for a few hours, but I would be cautious. Don't eat any food left out. The same goes for drink. At the Halloween party, a potion was served that turned people into copies of somebody else."

Here was the part that he knew she was waiting for, that he'd left out in her sorting. Bond had withheld information before, but he'd argue that the breach of trust had occurred when M'd had him handcuffed and detained. Now it was the small sliver of him that wasn't part of his job, that hadn't been taken over completely by the soul-crushing work of espionage. It was a chance to keep something private and personal protected from the cruelty of his work. He was a good agent, though, and part of that required that he silence any part of himself that balked at being so open.

"Of the dead who have returned, I know two of them: Vesper Lynd and Ms. Fields. I have taken Ms. Lynd to town, and to London." M would see the credit card receipt eventually. "I have not had a chance to speak at length with Ms. Fields." If M wanted any more than that, she was in for a fight.

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

M frowned. "I am given to understand from my own conversations here that there is no controlling authority directing activities at this school. Have you learned anything to contradict that?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"No," he said. "Although, there was a petition to the Sorting Hat to have gym equipment installed in Gryffindor. The Hat has provided the equipment, but I've seen no other signs of action or authority besides that."

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

"For God's sake, somebody's got to be in charge," M snapped. "If I wanted to occupy a classroom and call myself Professor of Hocus-Pocus, what's to stop me? The only indication of discipline I've heard of so far is a mention of someone being given detention for sex in public -" She paused, and her eyes narrowed. "That wasn't you, was it?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"No, Ma'am," he said. For once, it hadn't been him. "And no, I don't believe anyone would stop you. It might even be encouraged."

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

She nodded. "Clarification. Exactly what effects did this prank cake have on you and-or the other students who indulged?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"The effects varied. For myself, it was extreme clumsiness." Was it his imagination, was the suit of armor glaring at him somehow? He'd have to ask if she'd gotten it from outside the Great Hall. "Another person had their hair turned blue."

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

"To your knowledge, nothing particularly dangerous, then," she mused. "Was the culprit ever caught? Did anyone even try to catch the culprit?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," he admitted. "I wasn't in a position to find out."

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

M scowled. "And how did you manage not to kill or maim yourself during your - incapacitation?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"I had to have assistance in order to get from the Great Hall to my room. After that, I stayed there until the effects wore off." There was nothing about him that would suggest there was anything more to the story.

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

"Assistance. I see." Her eyes narrowed. "Assistance from whom?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"Ms. Lynd, who has proven to follow my instructions well in the past, and did so again." He met M's stare, and refused to look away.

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

M also refused to break eye contact, and allowed a long moment of silence to draw itself out.

"Now would be the time for you to give me a full accounting of all your interactions with Vesper Lynd since your arrival at Hogwarts," she said finally. "Including but not limited to, God help me, the graphic details."

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"Ms. Lynd is a person who has been brought to Hogwarts. As such, she's a valuable person to observe, especially since I can do so much more closely. Other than that, my interactions with Ms. Lynd have very little bearing on this assignment," he countered.

His drink had been forgotten in his hand, and he took a swallow. "I was at her sorting, and I spoke to her at the sexual education class and the Halloween party. My Lynd did help me when I was in need, but I was careful to keep all information away from her. I've taken her to Hogsmeade, and I'm sure somebody will provide you with news that my credit card was used recently in London to purchase a large amount of women's clothing. These all went to Ms. Lynd. There are no other details." Even graphic ones.

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

M's frown lines deepened.

"All right then. What have you observed about Ms. Lynd, in terms of your assignment at Hogwarts?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

Poor M. One of these days he'd have to chip in for some Botox.

"That she doesn't understand why she was chosen, for one. There has been nothing here at Hogwarts to indicate to her that she is supposed to serve some sort of purpose. Some of the things she's said have been of interest,such as relating more to the wizards now that she is learning magic. My theory is that with no place else to go, she is much more willing to embrace their teachings and culture. I haven't been able to determine if other previously dead students share this mindset."

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

"Uh-huh. And the not screwing her, is that your idea or hers?"

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

That finally rocked Bond's composure, and he almost shot a sharp retort back before he clamped down on his anger. He set his glass down on the bar, and laid his palms flat against the wood while he reigned his emotions back in.

"It has been a mutual decision," he said levelly.

[m-otherhen.livejournal.com]

M nodded, satisfied. A genuine reaction at last.

"Really. Are you quite sure you aren't being led around by your wanger? Because as I recall she's done it splendidly before."

[blond-bondshell.livejournal.com]

"This conversation is over," he said, abandoning his glass and heading for the door. He'd find away the armor if it tried to stop him, but as he wasn't a threat to M, it was unlikely.