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Einstein responds to Mello's touch with a purr, but continues pushing his head against A's armpit. A wraps his other arm around Schrodinger, pulling her into a not-very-comfortable-looking hug. She makes no protest or attempt to struggle.

He lets his face rest against L's hand. "I can't let him hurt you," he says miserably.

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L looks helplessly at Mello, keeping his hand cupping A's cheek.

He doesn't know what to say that won't set him off, but he isn't going to change his mind about this, either.

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I keep petting Einstein. "We have a plan, A. I told you, when you're calm again, we'll discuss it. We didn't want to upset you before." Cautiously, I reach over and touch his shoulder. "We'll tell you, and then you'll have a part to play, too."

I hope to fuck I can improvise something credible before he's calm.

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"Plan?" A asks plaintively, peering at Mello without letting his cheek stir from L's palm. "You... you won't let Light hurt him?"

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"Mello,"

Is this a good idea? Lying to him? L holds his peace though, and turns to settle down next to A, against the headboard. He lifts Einstein gently out of his way, settling the cat more onto A's lap, and winds his arm through A's.

"Sit down with us." The bed's big enough to hold three people and two cats.

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"Of course there's a plan," I say, sitting down. God, I hope this makes sense. "See, part of the reason L and I practice together is to make sure he's able to protect himself. That's important. We're all keeping an eye on Light, making sure he doesn't try to hurt any of us or L. Also, we're not letting Light know we're watching him, even though he does know we don't like him and that we know he's Kira. He may figure it out, but as long as he doesn't catch us at it, we have an advantage."

I swallow and reach out for his arm. "We can't change what's happened, A, but we can make sure nothing will happen here."

I glance over at L. He'd better back me up on this.

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All of which is reasonable and makes sense, of course, but the glaring omission is obvious.

"Won't hurt him here," he says intensely, "only not here, I can't, oh, no, no, can't let it happen anywhere, don't you see?"

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"I don't think we can control what happens elsewhere, A. I promise to do my best."

He laces their fingers together.

"But when I'm home, I won't be able to remember what happened here, and neither will he."

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"A," I say, trying to keep my frustration out of my voice. "Like I said, there's nothing we can do about what has been done. For Matt and Near and me, it's already happened, but not here, in this world. In this world, there is no Kira case, there is nothing to cause L to die. Our timeline doesn't line up with the one here. Therefore, he won't die here." Weak logic, I know.

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"No," A whispers brokenly, and looks at L. "Because she said did, but you, you said, said you would meet him." He's still trying to sort out the causality, but he's convinced something has to be done about Light.

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"Mello knows how the future will go better than me," he admits, "I'm not dead yet. But from what I understand of the story, Light has arrived late enough that there's no way change that. Any action would only change the future after that, which means Mello wouldn't be here, and Matt wouldn't be here, and probably not Near either. I don't want my afterlife to have no Matt in it, A, and we like Mello, and don't want to lose him either."

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"Near and Matt and I are from after the Kira case. Well, Matt and I died during it, almost at the end. Near survived and solved it, proved who Kira was, but it took all of us working together," only because that blasted shinegami, no other reason, "to solve the case. L is from before it, from even before B's case, when B tried to prove he was better than L and failed." I swallow. Might as well tell him everything. "Misora helped L solve that case, acted as his eyes and legs and caught B before B could beat L." That should be enough, for now. "So, you see, a lot has happened for me that will happen for L."

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A trembles at that. "But. Hasn't. Hasn't happened to him."

He can't, can't let that happen to L, can't let Light kill him, and he doesn't care what that means for Mello, Matt or Near. But it's Matt that L loves, and Near and Mello are friends, and L, L's saying don't, and it hurts, and A squeezes his eyes shut, fingering his throat, and when he opens his eyes...

Blood. A sees blood again, dripping from his hands, clotting in Mello's hair, seeping damply into the cats' fur, and most of all L, L's drenched in it, his eyes look like dark holes in a blood-painted face and A screams, a high, shrill, breathless scream.

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"A!"

L grabs him by the chin, and in a rare display of volume, yells over the scream, urgent and authoritative. The cats panic and bolt under the bed, and who can blame them?

"Look at me. Look at me. I'm alright. You're alright. You're having a panic attack and you're going to stop screaming, listen to me, and take slow, deep breaths."

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"Shut up. That won't help." I tell L, grabbing A's hands and pulling them away from his throat. "Keep yourself calm and he'll calm down. If you're screaming, he's going to panic more." I know. I've been there.

"Just breathe, A. Breathe. Breathe in, two, three, four, five. Out, two three four, five." I keep my voice soft, almost sing song as I repeat over and over the mantra that got me through my own panic attacks.

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A's mouth works silently, and he takes several gasping, gulping breaths, ragged and ugly-sounding. He keeps his eyes fixed on L (blood blood it's all over him I'll never escape the blood, never be clean, never never) but lets his hands rest in Mello's, hearing his words as if from a long ways off, and he tries to breathe in as he's told, but the breath stalls and stutters in his throat.

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"We've been doing this," he tells Mello, as much as A, "you can do this. It's breathing, like we always do."

He matches his breaths to Mello's rhythm, and meets A's eyes, trying for reassuring, calm, and even. He drops the hand from A's chin to his shoulder, drawing small circles with his fingers in time to the count.

"You can do this."

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I keep up the litany of in and out and counting. I know it works. It's a good sign he's not fighting me, too. He's trying, I can see it. I can feel sympathetic panic in myself, but I know what it is and I can control it. I glance down when I feel something against my boots. The kittens, cats, are looking out at me, eyes wide. I don't stop my count, nor let go of A. They can be reassured when their master is calm again.

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A has to close his eyes then, squeeze them shut against the blood, oh, so very much blood, and tries to follow L's voice, Mello's voice.

His breaths are hitching and hesitant, but a little smoother.

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When A closes his eyes, L does too, momentarily, shaking his head lightly and visibly composing himself. That scream just about gave him a heart attack. (Oops, that's the wrong expression to use in the situation, isn't it?)

"That's it, dearest, you're getting there. Focus on us, we're here for you."

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"You're doing good," I add, breaking into the litany of counting long enough to add. "Just keep breathing. We're here. We'll do everything we can." I take up the counting again, gently lowering his hands to the bed. I don't let go of him, not yet, just let his hands rest against the bed. I can feel the cats starting to crawl over my boots, their concern and curiosity too strong to keep them under for long.

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A's breathing deepens gradually; he's still shaking violently, eyes still screwed shut. As his hands touch the bed, he grabs fistfuls of blanket.

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"And Matt helped, and there's Kusuriyuri. You have people who love and care for you."

His hand drifts to A's arm, and starts smoothing up and down it.

"This will be gotten through."

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"You're doing good," I say softly again. "Just keep breathing until the shaking's past and you're through. You can do it." I slow down my count slightly. "And, when you're ready, you have two cats to hold while you rest." I release the hand that L is stroking. Now is most definitely not the time to try and bring up any problems that need 'solving.' After he recovers, maybe with L not around, he can be told the full history of what happened, will happen, is happening. The timelines are so confusing here.

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