Axel's Room (Closed RP: Axel and Roxas)

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas practically flew down the crowded hallways of Hogwarts, rushing from Divination to Axel's room to tell him about what he had learned. He was clutching the messenger bag slung around his small frame tightly as it bounced against his leg. He had almost taken a few spillers already but soon he was standing exasperated at the door to Axel's room. The blonde didn't bother to knock as he was too caught up in the excitement of the information he held. To his advantage, the door slid open easily and he burst in practically screaming Axel's name.

"AXEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL! Guess wha-"

To his surprise, Axel was stumbling around the room in nothing but a towel slung loosely around his waist, practically ready to fall off with him ambling around the way he was. His hands were threaded in a towel covering his tousled hair, attempting to dry it off. Roxas stood wide-eyed at the boy in front of him, water dripping from his form, and his thoughts melted away.

"Oh God! Sorry!" The smaller boy turned away quickly, scooting into the nearest corner and covering his eyes.

Comments

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

"Uhm." He locked eyes with Roxas, his wide with confusion.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

"OH MY GOD AXEL!" Roxas complained, realizing he was going to have to spell everything out for the boy.

He shuffled through the stack of notes in his hand, giving Axel time to glance it over before he discussed it. His notes were messy but comprehensive, and he knew the older boy was going to rely more on his speech than what he had written. It still gave the whole theory added effect however, and Roxas was glad he had brought them.

All things that have existence are subject to change and non-existence. The form is impermanent, changing with the flow of time.

Substance is that which underlies form. Without substance, form is empty, meaningless. Without form, substance cannot become impermanent, though. In order to exist, substance needs form.

It is within the heart to create form, truth, and reason. One may create a form, an idea, a concept. If to this is added energy, emotional or thought, it gains substance. By releasing this energy into the world, the thing gains reason. Thus, it is possible for people to manifest that which they want and do not want.

Though a thing may have form, without substance, it cannot exist. If form is joined by truth and reason, a thing will have the three marks of existence. If a thing exists, it can be caused to not exist.


To face one's own fears, then, facing the formless, the unknown, the endless. It is to face the non-existent and make it exist.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

"Roxas." Axel had never really been the academic type. He was smart in some ways, but he never paid enough attention and he never really cared to. He had to admit though, it was something that made him feel inferior to Roxas and it embarrassed him slightly that he didn't understand.

"Mmm, I don't really understand what you're trying to say."

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas sat down at this point, placing a hand on Axel's thigh as if to comfort him. He could tell that the redhead was slightly uncomfortable and maybe even a little bit intimidated but Roxas really wanted to set things straight for him. He would go through it forever if he had to, just to make it right.

"Okay, basically form is us, as Nobodies. We are empty shells right? Can't feel, can't know light, just remnants of the Others who hold our substance. As Nobodies we can't gain substance. We're just perpetually doomed to being hollow right?" He nodded towards Axel, making sure he was following along.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

"Wow. I feel great now. This relationship is never going to work if I have to put up with such insensitivity!" Axel said, glaring.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

"NO! You don't understand! That's wrong Ax! If we are hollow then we are under the impression that forms cannot gain substance, they just have to be graced with it, like our Others. But according to the professor, we have the potential to gain substance by finding the truth in everything. He said because I gained emotion it's possible for you to do the same thing. It has nothing to do with the stupid heart!"

He knew Axel would try to counter this and maybe make up something about how there was a difference because the things the professor talked about had balances of light and dark, whereas Nobodies were simply consumed by darkness. But Roxas had thought of the same thing so he had a good answer for that one as well.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

"Wait, what?" Axel blinked hard, trying to get around what Roxas was saying. "Do you mean that because I exist...I -in my own right can have emotions if I find the truth in everything? What the hell does that mean? And aren't you forgetting that we are one without the other, I don't just mean literally, but we aren't a...a...balance, Roxas. We're nothing at all, neither light nor dark. We can't balance out into either-or, or a good sense of both. We're nothing." He was utterly and totally confused.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

"I know! That's what I said! But there's a catch, the professor said All things are light and dark. It is the nature of them to be blended. Light cannot exist without dark, just as truth and form give rise to each other." he repeated, using the same voice as the teacher had. "And then he said something about how if the sun rises and falls every day then that proves it. And I said the sun doesn't rise in The World That Never Was. And then he said that it rises here so that means that anything we thought before about Nobodies, and the laws of nature, and feelings and everything... it doesn't matter cause we're here"

He beamed now. Hoping for a miraculous response from Axel. He wanted the redhead to be as ecstatic about this discovery as he was. It meant that they both could feel. It was possible and probable and it would just take time.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

Axel stared, "What?" He shook his head, "this sounds too 'ontological argument' to me. Because existance...is a factor of the idea of something...that means it must exist." He scratched his head, "are you saying that because we are here now...is the only reason? If we were to go home, if there was a way...I wouldn't be able to have this?"

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas frowned. Axel always found a way to harsh his mellow, but then again he hadn't thought about what would happen if they left Hogwarts. They didn't really have a home did they? All Roxas cared about was being with Axel but the fact that this had slipped his mind was also important.

"Well, he said that to exist you have to be recognized or acknowledged. I recognize you just like you recognize me. And abviously we are recognized in nature because the concept of us exists even if we are only forms. But I dunno what will happen if we go back Ax... I sort of, well, never thought of it I guess."

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

"God, Roxas. Wow..." Red eyebrows shot up and down again. "Right, huh. This is a little...wow." Axel frowned, suddenly oblivious to Roxas. This was confusing him, why couldn't they just be normal people? Axel wasn't the type of person who dwelled too much on why or why not, he was what he was and he just had to make the most of it. Recently, however, this hadn't been the case. He stop asking why and why not. So much was unfair and unexplained, taking everything as it came and enjoying while it lasted wasn't something he could do anymore, not when he knew how much he depended upon certain things, certain people.

"But...I know I'm physically here and I exist...but I don't see how that means I have a heart. Did you say that I'm getting one just because I'm here? Is that the reason? Because I'm pretty sure Demyx would've told me if he had one."

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas looked Axel over with concen. He knew the older boy spent a lot of time and effort on trying to figure out if and how he could gain a heart or become whole or even just be. All Roxas wanted to do was prove to him that it was possible. He had gained a heart hadn't he? The whole time he thought it was because of Sora, but after speaking with the professor maybe it was this place. Maybe he was more susceptible to opening himself up to feeling and maybe it just took a lot less time for him to feel than it would for Axel.

"I think so. I think, maybe, it will just take time. You said you are feeling right? Even in the slightest bit?"

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

"That's what I said," Axel murmured, staring at the wall. That was what he had said, but it was such a longshot. He wasn't the same kind of Nobody that Roxas was. Had been. Was he his own Someone now? It really could be that he was tricking himself into thinking he was feeling. Axel shook his head, smiling back at Roxas. It was a more than slightly fake smile. Axel figured that for now there wasn't much he could do about it. He had Roxas and that's all that really mattered anyway.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas could tell that Axel didn't buy into anything he had said. The boy wasn't trying to trick him into believing it, or make him feel like it was going to be a miraculously easy thing to gain. Roxas just wanted to give Axel answers; the ones he had been looking for all this time. Now though, he was realizing that by examining everything further, he just might have ruined things... again.

"I'm really sorry Axel," he said sincerely, burying his face in the pillow behind him. "I shouldn't have said anything. I'm so stupid. I didn't mean to make you feel shitty, I'm just... trying to help."

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

Axel stroked the blond hair, glad that Roxas could tell he wasn't over the moon so he wouldn't have to pretend. "Nah, don't worry about it. You were only trying to help me and God knows I need it. It's okay, kid. You're not stupid, well you are, but that's a long-term thing." He stuck his tongue out.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

"You know if you keep ruining my self esteem like that, your boy toy is gonna run out of happy juice. Then what will you do?" Roxas taunted, sticking his own tongue out at the older boy

He wanted to forget about everything they had talked about. At least for a little while. Maybe he was piling this all on Axel and it was overwhelming him. They shouldn't try to go about everything at once. Roxas decided he would just focus on the fact that they were together and content for once, and ot worry so much about how they would tackle the brute emotional side of things. At least not until Axel wanted to.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

Axel snorted and looked down at him. "Oh, I am sorry, King Roxas. Did I mention you're like smart...like times a billion? Like seriously." He put on a dumber, lower voice, flicking Roxas's leg and lying down beside him; facing. His hair was only damp so he didn't mind putting it on his pillows. They all needed a wash anyway, he still hadn't cleaned them since Roxas's and his activities from a couple of nights back.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas chuckled at Axel's remark.

"I'm not that smart, I just go to class... and pay attention. Plus I wanted to learn something. I wanted to be able to fix things for once, or at least make them slightly better. You just need to learn how to stay awake during a lecture."

He poked the oldeer boy in the side, realizing it probably tickled him.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

Axel smiled as Roxas spoke, thinking about how much the blond really did care. He changed his mind as he was tickled. "Wah." Axel jerked. "Stop that, blondie." He poked him back in the tummy. "Lectures are for eggheads. I'm pretty sure was more of a physical guy, I remember him moving a lot. Or maybe he was just running from the cops."

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas burst into hysterics at this, figuring that not only was it probable but it was probably very true. Axel had always been the certified rebel of the group, dragging the younger boy into avoidable situations.

"Oh-my-god," he let out between breaths, "you-are-ridiculous!"

He couldn't stop laughing. He was red and helpless. All his muscled were clentched and he was having some trouble taking in air. But it was worth it. He hadn't laughed like this in a while.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

Axel laughed himself, "It wasn't that funny, egghead! Oh, God -hahaha- do you remember that time when set the ca-ahahaha-stle on fire and locked Xemnas on his own in the Conference room and," Axel was now laughing so hard, he had to stop talking; snorting and giggling and unable to stop laughing because Roxas was laughing even harder and was going red from it.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas snorted, "and you made me change the fire escape plans -hahahaha- so they were backwards -haha- and the escape plan in the conference room just said IF YOU ARE IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM YOU WILL DIE!! -BAHAHAHA-"

Roxas was toppling off the bed practically, squirming in a mix of discomfort and full on euphoria. If he didn't stop laughing he would surely die from hyperventilation.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

Axel's nose was scrunched up and he couldn't stop nodding, which was just hilarious for some reason and he laughed more. "I-would-have-paid to have seen their fa-hay-ay-ces. Can you imagine Xaldin?! He would've been like-" He pulled a half-twisted, half-closed eye shocked expression with his neck pulled back.

[relentlesssoul.livejournal.com]

Roxas just laughed even harder at Axel's impersonation, knowing full well that was what the guy would look like in said situation.

"And Larxene, oh shit, hahaha, I bet she was the- only one who knew it was- fake. And -haha- Xemnas was probably running around the room like a pansy."

As much trouble as the two did get themselves into for times like these, they were good times indeed. The laughing proved it. It proved that no matter what Axel and Roxas were best friends and forget anyone that tried to mess that up.

[lightmyfyre.livejournal.com]

"Oh, man. Thank God that she was in a better mood than usual that night. Crazy Larxene." He stopped laughing and sighed with a small smile still on his face. Those days had been fun before the Organization had split up and Marluxia tried to take over. Even, Axel didn't know entirely why he had acted the way he had then; killing them, tricking them. He just wanted Roxas safe and with him. He caught his breath and rubbed his ribcage which hurt from laughing so hard.