Application for William Murderface (Metalocalypse)

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

(cleared with the other Metalocalypse muns)

Mordhouse was really a sucky place to be alone in. Yeah he could piss in all the
corners and could use passing cars on the expressway for target practice
without that dick manager flapping his tongue about “potential lawsuit.” He could
even free ball in the Jacuzzi without getting any crap for it.

But it was getting too quiet. As much as he hated his bandmates, Murderface
realized he could never truly be away from them for too long without getting
lonely. It was a definite moment of truth. A few rings of a few contacts
(and Tom Sizemore was a huge help) and a few bribed Brazilian witch
doctors later, he was entering the sorting room at Hogwarts.

A short man with a beer gut, overly curly brown hair, and a thick
moustache wearing a blue t-shirt, black shorts, combat boots, and a
black vest approached the table with the application. He stuck a large
knife into the table before giving the application a serious look over.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Murderface cocked an eyebrow.

“I come all the way into this fucked up place and the first thing they ask
me is about cheese. I mean…come on. Oh, I get it, it’s one of those tests.
Yeah you answer a certain way and some dick in a white coat can say if your
nuts or some kind of fucking genius Well I guess I can play along. Umm, goat
cheese…from Chinese goats…that live in trees. You know that stuff sounds
really tasty.”

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

“You know, at one point I would have said Barney. That purple douchebag was
taking our album sales and that’s just bullshit. I really wanted to slice him
across that belly and piss on all of the stuffing. But I have to say I’d choose
Carrottop because he’s a dildo and he reminds me of that dick Doctor Rockso,
who I still kind of hate. So yeah, I’d have to say Carrottop.”

3. What time is it where you are?

“It’s night, I guess. I’d know if Nathan didn’t break all the clocks. I need to
rock talk with him about that sometime because that’s a really dick thing to do.”

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of
the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass
them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius
Black.

“Order of the Phoenix? That’s a band isn’t it? Yeah I think they were from
Uzbekistan and ate each other in some contract negotiation ritual. And they were
dudes and I just don’t swing that way.”

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you
bartend, in the dark.

“Well I already own several bars, forgot the name of most of them actually. But
bartend? Hmm. Maybe if it was for a charity write off I’d think about it.”

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to
Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster
your argument.

“Weeelll, first off I’ve got nothing against two dudes getting married. Just want to
get that out right now, nothing against gays, not like I’d go there, but that’s just me.
I guess he should just go with his heart, stay with the one person who will make
him a happy man for the rest of his life.”

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk
is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly
disposing of it.

“Because you’re a douchebag who works in an office and doesn’t have a cool job
like I do. But if you don’t like the paperwork you should just burn it…and try to
burn yourself with it because you’re better off just killing yourself anyway.”

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

“Oh you just had to ask that didn’t you. It’s bad enough you’re asking me all these
dumb ass questions you have to assume I’m useless too. I mean that’s just not right.
I know I’m fat, I know I’m stupid, and you have to say I’m useless. Well I’m NOT
useless. I’m the bassist for Dethklok, the greatest band in the universe. And I’m rich,
that’s all you need to know.”  

He kicks the table, which goes flying in splinters across the room. Murderface looks
at it kind of embarrassed before picking up the application and continuing.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib
you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person
offering the bribe. Do notthreaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat
indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough
sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically
squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Murderface smiles, revealing a huge gap between his teeth.

“Check this out.” He turns around and turns back wearing a huge silver codpiece.
“Oh it’s just a little something I found somewhere. It’s not much. It’s only diamond
encrusted, notworth a few million dollars at all.”

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting
community and RPG. _____WM______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one
of them. _____WM_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____WM ____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______WM_____"

Comments

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"I hope you wiped the blood and brain matter from that before offering it as a bribe."

Ofdensen wiped his glasses.

"But it is good to see you here, William."

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

"Oh, hey, it's you," Murderface said, hardly amused. "I just soaked it in a little soda water and gave it a spit shine and it's looking as good as new. I think the wolves have a taste for brain now and that might be bad for their diet, but they can take care of themselves."

[red-eyed-l.livejournal.com]

"Piss on a corpse after murdering said corpse?" Beyond smirked at Murderface. "You wouldn't happen to be a coprophiliac, would you, William?"

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

He gives a blank stare and raises an eyebrow.
"And just what if I was," he said. "You see I just believe in not letting anything go to waste that and I've always wanted to take a leak on a big purple dinosaur."

[seeing-roses.livejournal.com]

"Your last name is Murderface?" Lester asked terrified from behind the man.

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

Murderface swings around and stares down (well up probably but you get the picture)directly into Lester's eyes in kind of a muted threatening manner.

"Yes that's my real last name, dick," he said. "You got a fucking problem with my name. I don't got a problem with my name because I'm not a complete douchebag."

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

"Chinese goats that live in trees?" Strong Bad was at once intrigued and highly skeptical.

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, they live in trees," Murderfacs said. "Trees that are on fire and burn them to death and they make all these high pitched squealing sounds and that's just brutal."

[gamerspy.livejournal.com]

Dethklok?

It was sort of thanks to these guys that Matt got his first paycheck since dying - Ofdensen had asked him to check for any threats towards the band in the US military network. Which had seemed a bit much, considering it was a band.

"Smoke?" he offers, pulling a cigarette out of his pack.

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

"No thanks," he said. "I'm trying to cut back on my bad habits."

He followed this statement with a huge fart, the kind that lingers for a while.

[carriesapurse.livejournal.com]

Tinky Winky had a present for the new applicant.

He skipped up to Murderface and held out a piece of toast (http://www.pbs.org/parents/birthdays/teletubbies/food_toast.html). Toasted onto the bread was the outline of a smiley face.

"Tubby Toast! Tubby Toast!"

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

Muderface jumped back and grabbed one of the broken table legs, holding it like a baseball bat, though keeping as far from Tinky Winky as he could.

"Fucking Christ! What the fuck is that thing! Kill it!" he squealed.

After a moment and after seeing the piece of toast, he put the table leg down and tentatively inched closer.

[mello-n-choco.livejournal.com]

As I watch this guy, I wonder...do I really want to get into it with him. I mean, he's huge. Not to say I can't defend myself, but I'm sure if I open my mouth, we'll see if brains or brawn will prevail. I take a bite of chocolate while I watch, considering. It's a natural talent of mine to piss people off, so I have to, sometimes, exercise caution, not that anyone would believe that. I think, for now, I'll stand here and see what he does.

[margrat.livejournal.com]

These were the facts: The chocolate expenses for White Day had left Gustav even harder up for cash than he'd been when he arrived. A few million of any currency short of seashells was sounding good. And he was thirty-five, for Ajora's sake, he wasn't a blushing maiden. There'd even once been a knight in his unit who'd bragged about having just the same kind of thing, and Gustav, along with the rest, had demanded he show it them or shut up.

That didn't mean asking for a codpiece wasn't the slightest bit awkward.

"So'n." He held out a hand, not too far out. "I'll have your bribe. Do you need to divvy it up for everyone first, break off a piece?"

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

Murderface gave Gustav a hard stare

"I was more thinking along the lines of a raffle," he said. "Whichever one of you dildoes gets your name drawn it's yours. But the last guy who won this got his head impaled on it, so I'd be careful there."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Hey! Murderface!" Toki skids into the room, a koala (http://pics.livejournal.com/secondfastest/pic/000046d8/g2) clinging for dear life onto the back of his shirt. "You's here!"

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

"Oh hey, Toki," Murderface said, looking remotely happy to see Toki. "It got kind of lonely at Mordhaus. I was just going to kill myself, but I never got around to it so I ended up here."

A shifty eye turned to the koala. Toki had brought weirder things into Mordhaus so he wasn't entirely surprised.

"So you gonna play with that or can I eat it," Murderface said, pointing to the koala.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"That is some truly epic bling, my friend!" The hat may not have a crotch for the codpiece, but it was drawn to the utter shininess of the crotchbling, ferret-like.

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

"Isn't it awesome," Murderface said, thrusting his pelvis forward a bit more. The facet he was around a talking hat was a bit weird, but as long as it didn't try to molest him or anything, all was cool. "I only got it at a little store called Tiffany's, it's not like it's valuable or anything."

Hufflepuff!

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Hufflepuff!

OOC

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

Hey, Ofdensen-mun here, just requesting something.

Currently, I'm playing Ofdensen from the end of season 1, but I'm considering canon-updating him when season 2 ends. I wanted your opinion on that.

[ringo-raver.livejournal.com]

Hello, former Ofdensen-mun here, planning on unpopping him again. Just wanted to let you know.

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

Sure thing and let me know when you guys post (need to get back in loop)

[i-am-harkonnen.livejournal.com]

Hi there- I'm planning to unpop Toki Wartooth, unless there's objections.

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

Not a problem. Let me know when you post again, I need to get Murderface back in play.

[smaug-thegolden.livejournal.com]

Still with us? :D I'm planning on unpopping Nathan Explosion with the journal needsanewliver if there's no objections. Sounds like we're going to have the full band in HH by next week, so I hope you're still around!

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

Yup I'm still around (or trying to be XD) No objections at all from my part, it would be awesome to have the full band *walks off laughing evilly*

[best-guitarist.livejournal.com]

((OOC: Hi again! Me, Ofdensen, Toki, and Nathan's players are going to do a little season 3 canon update, up to the last new episode, Fatherklok, sometime around the end of the year. We have a mini-plot planned for the canon update and will most likely have a closed RP for their return to Hogwarts, and we'd love to see Murderface. Pickles' player has been scarce for a while so we don't yet know whether or not they're still with us, but I'm contacting them too. We're hoping to have the entire band included. Especially after developments in Fatherklok, I'd really enjoy having some interaction between Skwisgaar and Dadderface Murderface. :) ))

[notarybassist.livejournal.com]

Hi there! I would be more than happy to take part in this. Sorry for being a bit scarce myself. RL piledrived me back in August and just now I'm in more of a mood to RP. Let me know what you guys have planned and when stuff is starting up.