owl to Kon-El, warded

[charlesmacaulay.livejournal.com]

Okay, so the Herbology professor was ... Kon-El. How did you address a person with a name like that? Professor El? Even Charles's well-honed etiquette couldn't quite encompass this kind of question. What kind of a name was Kon-El, anyway? Balinese?

Anyhow he needed some advice about plants, one plant in particular. So he guessed he'd have to gloss over the problem of honorifics and get to the point.

Professor,

I understand you've recently taken the Herbology post here at Hogwarts. It so happens I've got a couple of Madagascar dragontrees. Actually I have one, and I gave the other to a friend. I'd like to look into plant food for them. Anything especially wizardly or dazzling is a plus.

Thanks for your time.

Charles Macaulay
Ravenclaw

Comments

Owl to Charles Macaulay, sealed with a RUBBER BAND

[tktactile.livejournal.com]

Kon read the letter twice, more than a little confused. Who'd have thought he'd actually be expected to know stuff for a professorship he took in order to make sure the greenhouse plants stopped trying to eat students and their rubber balls? It was just weird.

But he could figure this out! He could! They were dragon trees... did that mean they grew dragons? Dragons grew on trees? Why not?! It was magic! Dragons liked shiny things, pretty girls, and breathed fire. Feeding the plant meant feeding the baby dragons, too, and babies needed milk. Right. Right. What made sense?

A few minutes later, he was writing a response letter.

Dear Mr. Macaulay,

Congratulations on your dragon tree! Dragons are awesome.

What you need to do is soak shiny things and charcoal in milk and give that to your dragon tree. Any kind of shiny things will do, but I recommend glass or gemstones more than metal. Anything magical counts as shiny, so any milk-based potion will probably take care of the entire thing in one shot. Also, once a week shred a magazine (something with pictures of pretty girls) and burn it on a brazier under the tree. Dragons like fire and pretty girls, but don't burn actual girls or your tree will develop a taste for them and that'll tank your social life hardcore.

Let me know if you have more questions!!
Kon-El
Professor of Herbology

reply owl to Kon-El, also rubber-banded

[charlesmacaulay.livejournal.com]

Milk-based potions and burnt offerings ... it did sound quite wizardly, and that was what Charles had asked for, wasn't it? The part about the magazines gave him pause. It wasn't that he didn't believe the Professor's advice. He just wasn't sure how Mia, the owner of the second dragontree, would take to Charles burning copies of Maxim and Details to feed to her houseplant.

Professor,

Thanks for your quick and informative response. A couple more questions, if I may —

About the shiny things — would it be more effective to infuse a milk-based potion with more shiny things? Say, glitter?

About the pretty girls — does it make any difference if the plant already spends a lot of time in proximity to a pretty girl? Both the dragontrees do. They're not in any danger, are they? The girls or the trees.

Oh, one more thing. Am I going to need to repot these at some point, do you think?

Thanks again.

Charles Macaulay
Ravenclaw

reply owl to Charles, with a completely different rubber band

[tktactile.livejournal.com]

Mr. Macaulay,

The shinier the better! There is no shiny overdose with dragon trees, they like to hoard.

It should be okay, just don't let the tree eat the girl. If it hasn't made any moves in the direction of eating her yet it's probably adopted her as a parent or something and won't try. She still has both her arms, right? If the answer's yes, it's all good.

It's possible! Just watch them and if it looks like they're getting too big for their pots or the babies are unmanageable, repot them. If that happens let me know, there are some ginormous pots around somewhere. I saw them, and they're totally empty. I think the things that were in them got up and walked out, but I haven't gone looking yet.

No problem! It's what I'm here for.
Kon-El
Professor of Herbology

((OOC laughter))

[defense-rests.livejournal.com]

((I laughed SO HARD at this. Just FYI. ♥))