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Pausing in the common room, still holding tightly to Gabriel's hand because on some instinctive four-year-old level I thought he needed me to, I looked around with wide-eyes. "Maybe he's hiding," I whispered, waving the slightly smushed ~~jelly donut~~ cannonball around.

"NNNNNNAAAATTTHAAAAAAAAAN!"

I could help find him! Mommy always said I had a pair of lungs to scare the angels. I had no idea what that meant, but I was pretty sure it was something good.

"Maybe," I added, eyes going bigger and mouth forming an 'o', "he's been kidnapped." Pirates always had kidnapping stories. "We should check the couch. Because that's where daddy always takes his naps."

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Gabriel didn't get it. He didn't know who this Nathan fellow was - although apparently they needed him - and all this screaming was sending his head into large bouts of pain and other such things that... owwie.

He also didn't get why Dread Pirate Morgan's hand was clenched so tightly around his own, and he was fairly sure that only his mother was supposed to hold his hand - mostly while crossing the street. And going through department stores. Or the grocery store. Or... stepping anywhere that was outside of their apartment door, really. Queens was a scary place.

This was not Queens, however! Still. Scary place. And Dread Pirate Morgan was still holding his hand.

"Does this mean we have to be girlfriend and boyfriend?" he was hissing to her, furiously, his own chair leg dragging uselessly behind him. He wasn't very good at being things that were pirate-y. "Because I've never held girls' hands before! Have you had your cooties shot? Or kuru? You don't have kuru do you? OH GOD, YOU HAVE KURU." And other such ramblings that... other people were probably taking no heed to. Gabriel tended to feel better when there were voices around, was all.

He was looking around the halls. Suits of armor! Giant moving paintings! Terror! "Nathan?" he asked in a quiet sort of voice, as if to follow suit to the other pirates' shouting. Maybe he should swash some buckles, like his name said to. "Nathan!" he offered again, brandishing his 'sword' in a haphazard manner, only managing to trip over his own feet and stumble a few steps.

Pirates were clumsy. It was all good.

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Peter took a break from shouting to wrinkle his nose at Rachel and Gabriel. Ew, boyfriends and girlfriends! Cooties! Remind him not to touch either of them for a while, because he didn't want to catch the cooties. Or... kuru, whatever that was.

This room - the common room - was kinda scary. With its darkness and its green and silver and its occasional cobweb. Retreating closer to the open fire, Peter stuck his lip out in a pout and climbed onto a couch, folding his arms across his chest and determinately not looking at Rachel and Gabriel. Fine, they could boyfriend and girlfriend without him, he didn't need them. He was Capytan! He didn't need a girlfriend!

Where was Nathan? Peter clutched a pillow to his chest, wishing he had Albie the stuffed polar bear here. Oh, he was so going to cry if Nathan didn't show up in the next five minutes. Take that!

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Tilting my head, I considered the question. I had no idea what boyfriend and girlfriend meant. Marriage, I knew from mommy, was when two people decided that they liked each other enough to want to live in the same house forever. Which was why I was going to marry Peter. And Mrs. Henderson, my preschool teacher. And Becky Hornback. And Zachary Watson. And the man who always gave me a cookie when mommy and I went to the grocery store. And my brother. But boyfriends and girlfriends eluded me.

However, I finally decided, anything with the word 'friend' in it had to be all right.

"Yes," I decreed imperiously. "We are. But I had my cootie shot yesterday on the playground with Becky, so I shouldn't have any now. I checked." It was important to keep on top of these things! "And kuru," which was a fun word to say but another thing completely out of my vocabulary. Which had never yet stopped me from voicing an opinion on a matter, "you only get if you take too many baths. And I haven't had a bath yet today because I haven't been outside to get muddy." Pause. "And because mommy hasn't found me. This is a very good hiding place."

Hey, come to think of it, where was mommy? Or daddy? Blinking, suddenly looking a little lost, I looked around the room as if expecting them to show up. Sniffing, I wiped my nose with one chubby hand.

My moroseness, though, was cut off by the sight of Peter. He looked sad! My Capytan couldn't look sad! Dropping Gabriel's hand, I made my way over to the couch, pulling myself up to sit next to him.

"Don't worry," I said sensibly. "If he's not here, we'll just find him with our map." Because everyone knew that people were always on maps! That's what they were for! Resting my head on his shoulder, I patted his leg comfortingly like I'd seen mommy do to daddy when he came home from work and sat on the couch staring off blankly into the distance. That's when he called me Sugar Pop and gave me a smile and looked all teary, which he said were from allergies. He got the same way sometimes when he talked to my doctor.

Who was very nice and gave me lollipops and always let me have the neon green bandages after he took blood (which happened a lot and didn't hurt at all because big girls didn't cry when they got stuck with needles daddy said), so maybe I'd marry him, too. I didn't know; it was a big decision.

"Specs and I love you," I assured Peter. "Because you're our Capytan. We'll help you find him on the map!" Head still on Peter's shoulder I beamed over at Gabriel, looking for his confirmation of my excellent plan.

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Gabriel hardly had time to notice teary-eyed captains! There was a crisis at hand here!

Okay, so first off, he was a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Whaaaaat? Mommy said that he should only get girls touch him if he loved them very very much and even then wait until you're married and even then wait for a while because waiting will... Well, she hadn't finished that, she'd kind of run out of the room crying, and Gabriel had no idea why, but later she said something about Whore Moans. Anyway, Gabriel hadn't a clue what was going on.

Second? Baths? Giving you kuru? Jeez, he took two a day! Was that too many? Too little? Was he going to get kuru? Oh, man, he was never bathing again. ...Wait. No. Then he'd get lots of germs and he'd die of everything. Like the flu. And hep-er-titus. And that thing where you can't move your neck. ...Okay, he was never leaving the house again. Except what about school. Except he could teach himself! From books! And this could all work out quite nicely so long as he never wanted a tan.

All this, of course, was said in one long monologue to himself, with much glasses-clutching and fervent noises of distress.

Dread Pirate Morgan - which was a very long name and he was definitely just going to call her DPM now - was letting go of his hand and thank you, God! The worrying was not a fact of the present. For now. "Yes, captain, and... love," he mumbled aloud, as some sort of reassurance to Peter. Consolation. Something. ...What? He was distracted! Crisis still not yet averted!

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Children. ...Lots of children.

Honestly, why couldn't people just contain their kids these days? He'd thought there weren't all too many in this school, dammit, and now there were a bunch of brats running around the common room? Christ. Peter was lucky Nathan fucking... grumble grumble. This was sleep he could use. Definitely use. But as long as there were kids yelling about... pirates? What? Kuru? What kind of TV were these kids watching?

So, of course, there was a congressman, stumbling out in pajama pants (http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/crazyforbargains_1966_33869155) and a plain white tee. Not all hell hours, but... close enough. Dammit.

Jesus, that kid looked like Pete when he was about four. ...Those damn eyes.

"What're you kids doing here?" he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes as he glanced around between them all. Big-eyed Wonder with the emo hair. Some red-headed chick with jelly smudged around her mouth. ...That kid with the huge glasses. "Where're your parents?"

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Having been immensely cheered up by Rachel's reassurance, Peter had immediately started plotting. If Nathan wasn't here, they could go back to their map and find out where he was. (The fact that he'd have to know Nathan's whereabouts to mark it on the map to see it on the map honestly didn't occur to Peter's four year old brain; things didn't work like that in his world.)

Also, he was never bathing again. Peter didn't know what kuru was, but it didn't sound like fun. If it was anything like cooties, it was to be avoided with much determination.

So involved in his pondering, Peter almost didn't see Nathan stumbling out into the common room. At the sound of a voice, Peter looked over, initially confused. Nathan got old. But... Nathan!

"Nathan!" Peter shrieked in glee, all but falling off the couch in his haste to get to his brother. Wrapping his arms in a tight hug around Nathan's legs, Peter beamed brightly up at his brother. Seriously, seeing Nathan was the highlight of Peter's year; better than birthdays and Christmas and Easter. "Nathan, will you play pirates with us?" Peter really hoped he did, because Nathan would make a great pirate.

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Beaming at Gabriel in pride at his support of my excellent plan, our map-plotting was interrupted by a Grown Up. A very tall Grown Up whose square jaw reminded me of my favorite muppet on a morning TV show and therefore integrated him instantly into my good graces.

And this was obviously Nathan, because Peter was throwing himself at him. I, however, had been asked a question and therefore must come up with a response.

The question, though, was not a pleasant one. For a second I considered it, my lower lip starting to stick further and further out. I didn't know where my parents were! They hadn't come and found me yet and they always found me. Once daddy had even crawled into my Secret Fort under the porch to drag me out to dinner. That had been funny; he'd bumped his head on the ceiling and said a lot of words that made mommy shout his name.

Anyway, the lack of both mommy and daddy - along with only a vague idea that I knew where I was, though everything looked very different, somehow, than I was expecting - was too much for my four-year-old self. Especially crashing down off a sugar high. Fat tears pouring from my eyes and dripping down my cheeks, I rushed at the Grown Up's legs (because everyone knew that Grown Ups made everything better). Wrapping my arms around one, I started sobbing into his pajama pants. "I don't know," I wailed helplessly, huge green eyes raising to him. Surely he could fix it!

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Oh, Jesus fucking what.

There were children. Clinging to his legs. The small, big-eyed one first. Dear God, it looked like a monkey. Which was what Peter looked like when he was younger, don't mess. Either way: Get it off. Nathan gave a sort of leg shake, frowning down at the kid grabbing onto his pajama pants for dear life. It wasn't letting go. ...How did this kid know his name, anyway? This was getting creepy, were they stalking him or something?

Nathan flickered his eyes around the room, as the sound of tears started up, and, oh, jeez, the little girl was crying and he was being asked to play pirates and this was just so way over his head and generally what nannies were for. Simon and Monty weren't like this. Simon and Monty didn't jump on his legs like this. Well, not often. Jeez, the last time a kid had done this to him was... Had to be Peter, back when Nathan was coming home from college Christmas break. ...This was getting weird.

"Stop... don't cry," he mumbled half-heartedly to the little girl, eyes jumping for help again. The only other person was that... weird other little kid. Kind of looked like something out of The Omen, grabbing the sides of his head and muttering to himself. Who was most decidedly not going to be helping with the current situation. And... Was that kid talking about kuru? Jesus, children these days. Fucking what.

Okay. Matter at hand. He could do this. "Who... why am I playing pirates with you? I'm gonna ask you again, kid, where's your parents?" People nowadays, letting their spawn run rampant and wild. Oh, God, that red-headed girl was going to kill him. "Stop... crying? Please?" Halp.

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The fact that Nathan kept asking where his parents were was kind of off; Nathan should know, right? Besides, Peter could guess. Ma would be in the sitting room (aka the room Peter couldn't go in because he might touch expensive things and break them) and Dad would be in his office (aka the other room Peter couldn't go in because Dad had important business).

And why was Rachel crying? This was upsetting! And Peter was automatically getting upset as well, though he tried not to burst into tears, and just clung harder to Nathan's leg.

"I dunno where Ma or Dad are, Nathan," Peter answered solemnly. "But you're here! You can save me from the Scary Lady, Nathan, I think she might be a new nanny but she's not as nice as Sarah and she talked in a really weird voice and I didn't like it. She called me a 'zack of znot'!"

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Why did the Grown Up keep asking that? I didn't know, that was the problem. Wide-eyed and teary, I looked up at him in that pleading manner that only puppies and small children could manage.

"I," heaving gasp between sobs, "don't knooooooow!"

Wailing helplessly, I buried my face back into his leg, tiny fists holding onto the fabric.

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Uh oh. Gabriel was temporarily distracted from his tiny world to himself, the mutterings about kuru and cooties and other such germs forgotten for the time being in light of, you know, actually paying attention. And new pieces of information being divulged onto him... or something... were saying that New Girlfriend was definitely crying.

Now came the question of what exactly to do in such a situation. Did he hug her? Kiss? Eww, not kiss. He'd only do that if she started dying or something like they did in the movies with the CPR or whatever. Otherwise, that was gross. She was a girl. And not his mommy.

Anyway. Back to the question at hand. Of what to do.

"Hey, hey," he was hissing to DPM, as though this were some grand secret that only they were supposed to know. "Am I supposed to hug you or something?" And, after a beat, "Girlfriend?" More pausing. "Because you are most definitely crying and I don't know what to do and just don't bite me or something."

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It... wait.

There were a few long seconds in which Nathan wasn't entirely too sure what to say. That little, big-eyed kid was talking about... nannies and, yes, still knowing his name, but what was more disturbing, very much so, had to be him going on about yes, that, the damn nannies! How the hell would he know Sarah, unless he... was...

Oh, for fuck's sake.

"You're a..." Kid. Peter was a kid again. ...Except, literally, not just that weirdo dreamer vibe he usually had going on. He was... what, four? Five? "How?" Pause. "No, wait. I don't want to know." Seriously, did not. Magic was freaking... terrifying.

Oh, man, and the girl was crying again. God, and for all he knew, this was someone else he knew too. Criminy. "Okay, okay! Don't cry! I just... Do you want, uh." What did kids like? What did Nathan do when Peter was about to cry way back when? "Piggy back ride?" Maybe? Please? "Just, seriously, kid, you gotta work with me." And then, of course, pointed, back to Peter - God, Peter? Seriously? - with a knowing sort of look. "Do not start crying, man, I cannot handle that too." He knew that look anywhere.

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That was a close call. If Nathan hadn't recognized him, there would be kicks in the shin in the near future.

And Peter could not care less about the 'how'. Not that he actually remembered anyway, but Nathan was totally asking the wrong question. So he just beamed up at Nathan and hugged his leg tighter. He hadn't seen Nathan in ages!

But - PIGGY BACK RIDE. "I'm not crying," Peter frowned, but said frown was quickly wiped off his face by a large grin. "I wanna piggy back ride! Now, Nathan! Piggy back! Piggy back," he chanted. "And then can we play airplanes? I want to fly!"

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My lips were quivering, face all splotchy and wet from my heaving sobs (and, therefore, there was a face-sized damp spot on Nathan's pant leg) and now people were offering me two very different things that I wanted. On the one hand - hugs! Daddy said hugs made everything better! On the other - piggy back rides!

I gave Gabriel a teary nod, but then looked back when Peter started chanting. It was all just a little bit too much and mommy still wasn't around and I was crashing from a definite sugar high and I was lost and tired and no one was hugging me and I wanted a piggy back ride.

So I did the time honored response. I cried harder, voice raising to a plaintive wail as I once more buried my face into the Grown Up's pant leg, entire body shaking with my toddler-sobs. Never give small children so many choices! We couldn't handle it! Now I was just overwhelmed and crying seemed like the only possible answer.

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Gabriel stood, arms wide, eyes fixed onto Dread Pirate Morgan. ...And watched for a minute. ...Okay, okay, maybe she was a slow hugger, okay.

Oh, what the heck.

Maybe she didn't want a hug? Maybe it was the whole kuru thing. Maybe he just bathed too much. ...Maybe she didn't like him anymore. ...M-maybe they weren't girlfriend and boyfriend anymore and she hadn't told him about it. What was going on and why were hugs not being distributed at this moment in time. Gabriel resisted the urge to wave his arms around in circles, large eyes staring down DPM with... some emotion between 'forlorn' and 'vengeful'.

He no longer liked this extremely tall man with The Jaw. He made DPM cry, and he offered piggy back rides (dare he say, looking pointedly NOT at Gabriel??) and NOBODY made Specs' girlfriend cry! Revenge! No, he had to plot first. He fiddled with his glasses, not pushing them back up but just... studying this new person. Oh, he'd get him. Eventually. Revenge was a dinner best served cold. ...Or so he'd read.

Nathan, of course, was not quite accustomed to this whole... crying child thing. Peter, despite all the trouble he was worth, hadn't exactly been too much of a crybaby for any of his life. Simon and Monty were practically freaking angels when they were growing up - except for that whole period with Simon and the flailing and the 'won't!', of course, but that was forgivable.

But this? It was a small child! A small girl! Sobbing into his pants! That sounded wrong on so many levels. But she was, dammit, and... gah! "Okay, okay!" God, if this girl didn't stop crying, he was going to lose it. Or... defenestrate her or something. He was crouching down beside the two kids, shooting Peter a halfway pleading look, and running his fingers through his hair. What the hell, he was totally going to kill somebody. "Her first, then you? Yeah? Please?" He couldn't do both at once. Right.

...Right?

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Much more of this and Peter was definitely going to start crying as well. He couldn't help it; sad people made him sad, and Rachel made him sad because he couldn't do anything to help!

But Nathan was offering piggy back rides, and that was totally going to make everything better. Because Nathan always made everything better, and so did piggy back rides - logic, at four years old, was a wonderful thing. Peter smiled brightly at Nathan and gave him a quick hug, arms squeezing around his neck. "Okay!" Rachel could have the first one because she needed it more than he did.

Pleased with this, Peter scampered off to sit on the couch again, shooting curious glances at 'Specs'. Why did he look unhappy at Nathan? Nobody could look unhappy in Nathan's presence, surely.

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Sniffling a little - even a four-year-old crashing off of two (two!) donuts could only maintain all-out sobbing for so long - I rubbed my eyes with the back of my chubby fists, looking up at Nathan. Okay, piggy back rides would make everything better... But so would hugs...

Face crumpling in despair, I made a decision. Turning, I launched myself at Specs, giving him a tight hug, my face buried in his chest for a moment as I finished snuffling. "You're the best friend boy, Specs," I informed him with a teary smile, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Feeling much better - hugs, man, were where it was at - I went back to Nathan and held up my arms to him, an expression of restrained glee starting to bloom across my face. Piggy back rides!

"And Specs after Capytan Pete," I bossed with wide-eyed pleading. "Please?" My daddy told me that my eyes could sell rosewood to a werewolf and I employed them now, quite certain that the Grown Up would make everything better with lots of piggy back rides.

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Hug? Hug! There was currently A PERSON OF THE FEMALE PERSUASION. ...HUGGING HIM. Gabriel's arms shot out to the sides, as he stumbled back a few steps, with a movement that could only be described as an all-out flail. Egads. Hugging. What did he do? Did he hug her back? Did he offer consolation?! Did he thank her? This was the kind of stuff that his mother should have been teaching him! How much mayonnaise one would put into a tuna sandwich was not important, mostly because tuna fish was disgusting! Hugging, however: Important!

"I... don't... yes!" he managed to stammer back, and then Dread Pirate Morgan was most certainly doing something involving lips and his cheek that may or may not have been a kiss, and dear God. Another flail, as Gabriel's eyes widened to comical proportions behind thick-rimmed glasses and every muscle in his body went ramrod straight. Um. Girl germs, girl germs, get it off, he wasn't married, he was going to H E Double Hockey Sticks! "And I'm not good at hockey," he hissed to DPM, randomly, without really informing her as to what was currently going on in his train of thought.

Right. Apparently Big Man With Giant Chin was much more interesting than the boy who could not even handle a kiss on the cheek - which, at the moment, Gabriel had no problem with, and he was definitely taking a few waddling steps away, arms still stuck out to the sides in an attempt to get the germs very decidedly not onto himself. What to do, what to do.

Peter was definitely throwing his arms around Nathan, and, damn, he'd forgotten how adorable this kid had been, hadn't he? He still had the whole puppy eyes thing going on, but how much worse was it when it was four-year-old puppy eyes? Nathan's mouth even quirked into something that... might have been a hint towards something that possibly resembled a grin. He was just so damn cute.

The little redhead was flouncing over to Nathan, then, tears still streaked down her cheeks, and he let out a weird sort of sound of distress. Oh, man. Arms all splayed and he may or may not have felt really bad now. He made a kid cry! Who was proud of something like that? "Okay, okay, and then... Specs," he muttered under his breath, even as said Specs automatically squealed something about not needing a piggy back ride or anything else possibly involving pigs. Which were dirty.

Specs. Was that seriously his name? What mean-ass parents.

...Or maybe it was for the glasses thing. Whatever. Kids were... weird.

Nathan was grabbing Rachel under the armpits and swinging the girl up over his shoulders, protective hold of her legs to keep her from slipping and... entirely sure he was going to be regretting this tomorrow. Namely, his back. "Holding on?" Hopefully not around his throat?

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While Dread Pirate Morgan and Nathan were piggy-backing, Peter quickly lost interest and had decided to wander around behind the couch. He'd talk to Specs, but Specs kept glaring at his brother and Peter wasn't sure if he liked that, because everyone liked Nathan, and if Specs didn't, then clearly he wasn't part of everyone. Which made him... well, Peter didn't really know, but he didn't want to find out.

Turned out the back of the couch was a great hiding place. Nobody would find him here! He could be invisible. (Of course, this thought automatically prompted him to turn invisible, but Peter didn't notice at all. These things are not important when you're trying to hide.)

Ooh, a bookcase! Peter's mind automatically equated this with a great launching spot, because he'd always wanted to fly and spent a great deal of time jumping off things. So he climbed up the bookcase to sit on the top - a bit of a mission for a four year old - and swung his legs happily, watching Nathan and Rachel with a silly grin.

When it was his turn, Nathan could catch him! That would be fun!

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The second I got picked up I started giggling, tears completely forgotten in the joy of a really good piggy back ride. Nathan was tall! That was essential for optimum ride potential.

Clasping my hands around the top of his head, I laughed, ducking my forehead against him in glee. Except something was missing!

"You have to make the noises," I informed Nathan in exasperation, kicking my feet against his chest. "My daddy always makes the noises."

I looked around for confirmation, except Specs seemed to be having some kind episode and Peter was...

Where was he?

Eyes going wide, I looked wildly around the room, body twisting as I tried to find him. He was missing! Kidnapped! Taken by rival pirates!

"CAPYTAN PETE!" I shouted. "WHERE ARE YOU?"

Oh no! Mount the rescue operation!

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