The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given.”

And so, at the appointed time, the students are ushered into the Great Hall. It has been lavishly decorated for the occasion: streamers, flowers, a champagne fountain, the works. At the front of the hall sits the Sorting Hat, likewise decorated in a wreath of flowers and lots of bling. It sits imperiously and waits until everyone has taken a seat and the beautifully decorated doors have been closed and barred.

“My dear students,” it begins, “we are gathered here today for a wonderful ceremony. A ceremony of magic and beauty, and it is my privilege to be here with you. Now, before you can get your wonderful awards--” here one of the Hat's folds dips in what might have been a wink on something with a face--”are you all carrying your special prize tokens?” It waits for a little longer while the attending house elves (all carrying bouquets of multicolored flowers) check to ensure that yes, everyone in the room has one on their person. “Wonderful! By the power vested in me by the Board of Education, I now pronounce you married!”

Before the shock and outrage can set in, the Hat rushes into the next part of its speech. “No use getting upset, it's legal now! This place has become a haven for loose morals, and you're helping to fix that! Don't worry about your belongings, you won't have to spend a second sweating and becoming undesirable for your new spouses! While you've been here, the house elves have moved your sundries out to your new homes for you, isn't that nice of them? They've even been allowed to charm your new homes so that you can't remove your objects from them! Let's hear it for the house elves!” It doesn't pause for applause. “Now, I'll let you happy newlyweds get to the business of consummating your new relationships in the name of duck waffles procreation. Your tokens are numbered with your new addresses, and a map has been provided at the door. Don't try to run, the ushers have been provided with cattle prods and given the permission to use them.” The Hat waves a strap at one terrified-looking bouquet-holding elf near the front, who pulls a cattle prod out of the flowers and waves it around. “And now, onward! Onward to happy families! Onward to El Mundo Del Sombrero!”

The doors open. The armed house elves swarm, herding the students to a tent village on Hogwarts grounds. Resistance is futile.

Once arriving at the tent whose number matches the number on their token, each student will meet his or her new spouse(s) ...



((The tents in El Mundo Del Sombrero are wizarding tents that appear to be one-bedroom houses complete with bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, etc. inside. Rearranging and addition of objects is allowed, removal of objects for the purposes of moving elsewhere or returning to the castle is not due to the charm on the tents. Players are allowed to NPC the house elves shocking their own characters if an escape attempt is made. Note that characters will not be barred from returning to the castle later to do other things, e.g., use the library; they just can't move back into the castle. Congratulations on your nuptials.

Feel free to RP in this post, or to post your own separate posts that take place within the dubious sanctuary of your brand-new tent!))

Comments

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen snorted. "Rabid is one word for it. I have no notion what 'fangirl' might mean; if it means a girl of a certain age, older than seventeen but younger than five-and-twenty, then yes, that too."

[carlaespinosa.livejournal.com]

Chuckling, Carla leaned back. "Yeah, that would be about it. Maybe it's a 'doctor' thing? Dr. Cox is forever dating the most inappropriate women."

Said, of course, without the slightest trace of bitterness.

"Don't worry. I'm, um, a couple of years older than that." Five. Shut up. "And I've very rarely been described as rabid."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

To Stephen, it did not necessarily mean much that Carla referred to Perry as 'Dr Cox'. Stephen had sailed with men who after years and years of shared peril and work still called him 'the Doctor'. Nineteenth-century formality for the win.

"I had thought Perry to be wed, is he not? which would exclude 'dating' in the modern sense of the term; though perhaps then he has taken a mistress? It is not so uncommon," said Stephen, a bit ruefully, considering the mistresses he had taken at Hogwarts, and might have taken in his former life in England had he been given indication his advances were welcome. Modern women were rather more prone to throw themselves at him declare a willingness to become one's mistress.

"Oh, I would never have termed you rabid, literally or figuratively, sure. What I meant to say, clumsily I do fear, is that perhaps now that I have been given a bride by the Hat, I will be less prone to the propositions of such persons." It wasn't foolproof, given that he had taken mistresses while married, but it certainly improved his odds. "Might I add that the nature of said bride would surely add credence to the notion I need not look elsewhere?" he added, chivalrously. Just because he had no wish whatsoever to pursue Carla romantically did not mean he should give her the impression he did not believe her beautiful. Stephen had been married enough times to know that you always tell your wife she's beautiful.

[carlaespinosa.livejournal.com]

"Oh, he's married all right," Carla snorted. This was a conversation best had while drinking. Luckily, the house-elves had been around Carla long enough to know that when she started talking about Cox's marriage, it was best to bring out the wine. An elf appeared with a tray bearing two glasses of red wine.

Carla, taking a sip from hers, sighed softly. Much better. "But he and Jordan don't exactly have the best relationship," she continued, her dislike of Jordan evident in her voice. "Well, actually, he claims to not be married now. But that's temporary. He and Jordan define on again, off again. And then, of course, he was married to Dr. House for a bit. And all of Dr. Cox's girlfriends are young and gorgeous and basically just bedwarmers until he inevitably runs back to Jordan again."

Taking another drink, she leaned forward slightly. "And the thing is, he chooses to be like this. He says, every time they break up, that this is the last time. And every time he goes running back, like some trained puppy. He even married a man for a while, for God's sake. And yet, where did he end up? Back with Jordan. It's disgusting."

Stephen's speech was clearly not from this century. It took Carla a minute to untangle what he was saying, to the best of her ability. And found herself wishing Cox were there; he seemed to get Stephen. Then again, if she was wishing for Cox's presence, she might as well go ahead and wish he was the one who had been holding her matched token. Whatever. No use thinking about that now. She grinned, "Oh, no, I get it. Hell, when I was younger, I used to wear a wedding ring when I went out to bars, so I didn't get hit on. If you have problems with inappropriate women throwing themselves at you, you just tell them your wife is a jealous Latina who will break them if they try anything." She was not jealous, of course, just offering Stephen a handy way out.

Oh, and she was pretty sure that last bit was a compliment. Maybe. "Thank you," she beamed. "I think we both lucked out in this madhouse." Hey, just because he wasn't her type, didn't mean Carla wasn't fully aware how good she had it right now.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen accepted the other glass, cocking an inquiring eyebrow at Aloysius, who gave no hint of an answer. Stephen knew his elf was privy to the murmurings of the house-elf gossip network -- indeed, Stephen relied on it, and on Aloysius's sharing of such snippets -- but there were matters of which the elf did not bother to keep his master apprised, since Stephen had expressed no interest therein. Rumors of dissension between Kojiro and the Sorting Hat: of interest to Stephen. The ebb and flow of Perry Cox's love life: not of interest to Stephen, other than for pure entertainment, and therefore not something upon which he would set an elf to gather intelligence.

"That kind of relationship," said Stephen, after listening to Carla's tale of Jordan and the leash she seemed to have on Perry, "that kind of relationship is one of which I may say I have some sad experience." His first wife, Diana Villiers, had been much of the same stripe. "To resist a woman who is both beautiful and cruel may task beyond bearing especially those men who are of a finely calibrated intellect; who can be thrown off kilter, as they say, the more easily; and such a woman would delight all the more in her conquest having felled a man of that type, for there is little victory in the dumb submission of brutes. And yet when such a woman sets herself to charm, there is little to be found in all the world so worthy of worship ..."

Yes, he was still in love with his bitchy dead wife, why do you ask?

"No drug can deafen the ear to her siren call. Though I am sure others might liken it more to that of a harpy, sure," he conceded, for Carla's sake. The nurse clearly had some attachment to Perry if her choler against Jordan were any indication. "I am sure, too, that his friends would find his plight disgusting, as you say." Stephen knew the looks of pity all too well. His own friends -- dear Sir Joseph, dear Sophie, dear dear Jack -- wishing Stephen happiness, had not looked kindly upon Diana's gougings into his heart.

"Yet I am amazed I was not invited to this wedding of his with Dr House! I had thought Perry to be a friend." Now he spoke tongue-in-cheek, most obviously. "I should have thought they would find happiness together, made for one another as they are!"