http://ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] hh_mirror2007-08-10 09:04 pm

The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given.”

And so, at the appointed time, the students are ushered into the Great Hall. It has been lavishly decorated for the occasion: streamers, flowers, a champagne fountain, the works. At the front of the hall sits the Sorting Hat, likewise decorated in a wreath of flowers and lots of bling. It sits imperiously and waits until everyone has taken a seat and the beautifully decorated doors have been closed and barred.

“My dear students,” it begins, “we are gathered here today for a wonderful ceremony. A ceremony of magic and beauty, and it is my privilege to be here with you. Now, before you can get your wonderful awards--” here one of the Hat's folds dips in what might have been a wink on something with a face--”are you all carrying your special prize tokens?” It waits for a little longer while the attending house elves (all carrying bouquets of multicolored flowers) check to ensure that yes, everyone in the room has one on their person. “Wonderful! By the power vested in me by the Board of Education, I now pronounce you married!”

Before the shock and outrage can set in, the Hat rushes into the next part of its speech. “No use getting upset, it's legal now! This place has become a haven for loose morals, and you're helping to fix that! Don't worry about your belongings, you won't have to spend a second sweating and becoming undesirable for your new spouses! While you've been here, the house elves have moved your sundries out to your new homes for you, isn't that nice of them? They've even been allowed to charm your new homes so that you can't remove your objects from them! Let's hear it for the house elves!” It doesn't pause for applause. “Now, I'll let you happy newlyweds get to the business of consummating your new relationships in the name of duck waffles procreation. Your tokens are numbered with your new addresses, and a map has been provided at the door. Don't try to run, the ushers have been provided with cattle prods and given the permission to use them.” The Hat waves a strap at one terrified-looking bouquet-holding elf near the front, who pulls a cattle prod out of the flowers and waves it around. “And now, onward! Onward to happy families! Onward to El Mundo Del Sombrero!

The doors open. The armed house elves swarm, herding the students to a tent village on Hogwarts grounds. Resistance is futile.

Once arriving at the tent whose number matches the number on their token, each student will meet his or her new spouse(s) ...



((The tents in El Mundo Del Sombrero are wizarding tents that appear to be one-bedroom houses complete with bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, etc. inside. Rearranging and addition of objects is allowed, removal of objects for the purposes of moving elsewhere or returning to the castle is not due to the charm on the tents. Players are allowed to NPC the house elves shocking their own characters if an escape attempt is made. Note that characters will not be barred from returning to the castle later to do other things, e.g., use the library; they just can't move back into the castle. Congratulations on your nuptials.

Feel free to RP in this post, or to post your own separate posts that take place within the dubious sanctuary of your brand-new tent!))

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 06:41 am (UTC)(link)
"A bit?" Billy said under his breath. He looked a bit irritated at Ian's explanation. "Unlike some people, I'm not suck in the Stone Age," he said. "I remember those computers."

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 06:44 am (UTC)(link)
"I didn't say I liked them, merely that it's what the iguana reminded me of. I'm quite fond of my laptop - when I'm someplace that electronics work, that is." He watched Billy with the iguana. "Seriously. That thing and I have not really bonded here. You interested?"

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 07:26 pm (UTC)(link)
He could handle being married for a day or two in exchange for getting an iguana out of the deal. That's as long as this farce would last, right? Billy was woefully unlearned in the ways of the Hat. "Yeah, I'll take it," he said.

The cats were busy poking their noses into the corners of their new homes. One of the, he couldn't tell which, broke off from the expedition to wrap around his ankles. Billy tried hard not to leap back from the animal. "If I sleep on the couch, can you keep these guys in the bedroom with you?" he asked.

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-11 07:35 pm (UTC)(link)
"Probably. If anything, they're less happy about giving up their territory than we are," Ian replied, and gave Billy a quizzical look. "That could easily be taken as a slam on either my attractiveness or my ability to keep my chivalry or both. If I were to take offense, on which grounds should I base it?"

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-12 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
Billy stopped playing with the iguana and stared at Ian. "You weren't thinking we'd share the bed, were you? I mean, the last time was fun and all, but I think that this will be less awkward for everyone if we keep our distance."

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-12 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
"I wasn't necessarily thinking of 'sharing the bed' in terms of anything other than sleeping. But if you insist..." Ian shrugged.

"I'd have thought that after last time there'd be a certain level of physical comfort there. But I've been known to be wrong about these things before."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
"Look, the last time was fun and all, but I figured that it was going to be a one-night stand. Which is fine, but that means that there isn't going to be any sharing of the bed. At all." As if trying to make his point physically clear, Billy started to lump his stuff on the side of the room with the couch.

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
Ian threw his hands up. "Fine. Fine! Whatever you say. You take the iguana, I'll take the cats, we'll both have plenty of company. Geez."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 04:25 am (UTC)(link)
"Great!" Billy said with a bit too much force. He didn't dislike Ian, but the man came with a list of personal testimonials about why one shouldn't be married to him. This whole thing was a mess. Billy slumped down on the couch, trying to avoid the cats.

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 04:29 am (UTC)(link)
"Great." A little less enthusiasm would be nice for the old ego... "No sex and no bed-sharing. I feel married already."

He bent over the back of the couch to grab the cats, and took them into the bedroom. A few minutes later, he had wards set up on the doorway that he and Billy could pass through, but not Dog or Fractal. There would be hell to pay for that, of course, but why should his relationship with his pet(s) be any better than with his 'spouse'?

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 04:39 am (UTC)(link)
There was already hell to pay. Dog started scratching at the invisible barrier, howling for all she was worth.

Billy looked indignant. "Look, I'm sure with the ladykiller skills you claim to have, sex probably isn't your problem. I don't care if you bring somebody home. I already know that I'm not your type."

He looked pained at the sound the cat was making. "Is it going to keep doing that? Which one is it?"

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 04:48 am (UTC)(link)
"That's not the point," he muttered, and knelt to pet Dog.

"You can't tell? They do have different markings, you know, and different voices. This one's Grant's cat."

Hmph. Sarah Harding wouldn't've mixed them up. Or called them 'it.' Of course, Sarah was in Africa, not in Ian's tent.

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 05:56 am (UTC)(link)
"They're cats," Billy said, as if that explained everything. "Why did you guys end up with pets that look so similar, anyway?"

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-13 05:58 am (UTC)(link)
"There are cats, and there are cats," he replied. "They're littermates. Some woman was giving them out as Sorting bribes."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
"And you just took a free kitten? What kind of woman has cats with her for a bribe?" And what kind of person takes cats as payment?

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
"The kind with a very large purse, apparently." Ian raised an eyebrow. "Frankly, given how, ahh, scatterbrained this woman seemed, I doubt the kittens could've done much worse for caretakers."

He shrugged. "Maybe you just had to be there..."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
"Maybe."

The tent had a small kitchen in it, and Billy began to root through the refrigerator to see what was inside. "Can you believe this?" he said, his voice muffled by the door. "They've got white bread, sandwich meat, processed cheese in here." He pulled a jug out of the fridge and shut the door. "But at least they've got pumpkin juice."

Smooth topic change, that.

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
"Oh, at least," Ian replied weakly. "I should tell you now that nitrites and phosphates were just about all that kept me going during a long, painful convalescence after the Park. Well, that and the love of a good woman, whose cooking skills were pretty much limited to sandwich-making."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 04:40 am (UTC)(link)
"So if I make us sandwiches, then is it going to bring back horrible memories?" Billy teased. "I can try and dig up some tofu, if you'd like. We can purge all of those chemicals out of you, and you'd feel brand new."

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
"That won't be the only thing that gets purged," he said drily, and took out his flask. "I'd rather stay well-preserved, thank you."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 11:23 pm (UTC)(link)
"Suit yourself," Billy said with a shrug, and started making himself a sandwich. "Who knows. You might find out that you like it."

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-19 11:27 pm (UTC)(link)
"I eat other things too," he said defensively. "I even cook, modified French provencale style - I've just gotten out of practice, what with the elves providing everything here. I do draw the line at soy byproducts, though."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-20 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
"So you don't like soy sauce, then?" Billy asked. He was missing the point, and he knew it. "It looks like we're going to get practice cooking, unless you want to hike all the way back to the Hall. Do you think they've got enough elves off of cattle prod duty to cook?"

[identity profile] ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com 2007-08-20 03:20 am (UTC)(link)
"Ha. Ha. A for effort there, sport."

But he relaxed slightly, despite the sarcasm.

"Well, they seem to have an infinite supply of elves. And while it was a pretty packed house in the Great Hall for our little surprise party, I don't believe the Hat managed to marry everyone here. So there's got to be some meals happening in the castle. Care to go find out? We might have better luck evading the cattle prods if we're together."

[identity profile] bone-not-rock.livejournal.com 2007-08-20 03:43 am (UTC)(link)
He peered out the window of the tent. Confused couples were still milling about, and the house elves waved their prods threateningly. "Maybe after all of the fuss has died down," he said. "I think they still expect everyone to try to escape."

The absurdity of the situation struck him, and he chuckled. "We're at a magical school that sucks people in, and turns people to popcorn. We've just been married by a psycho Hat, and imprisoned in a love camp. And, yet, I don't find this particularly strange. I think it's gotten to me."

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