The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given.”

And so, at the appointed time, the students are ushered into the Great Hall. It has been lavishly decorated for the occasion: streamers, flowers, a champagne fountain, the works. At the front of the hall sits the Sorting Hat, likewise decorated in a wreath of flowers and lots of bling. It sits imperiously and waits until everyone has taken a seat and the beautifully decorated doors have been closed and barred.

“My dear students,” it begins, “we are gathered here today for a wonderful ceremony. A ceremony of magic and beauty, and it is my privilege to be here with you. Now, before you can get your wonderful awards--” here one of the Hat's folds dips in what might have been a wink on something with a face--”are you all carrying your special prize tokens?” It waits for a little longer while the attending house elves (all carrying bouquets of multicolored flowers) check to ensure that yes, everyone in the room has one on their person. “Wonderful! By the power vested in me by the Board of Education, I now pronounce you married!”

Before the shock and outrage can set in, the Hat rushes into the next part of its speech. “No use getting upset, it's legal now! This place has become a haven for loose morals, and you're helping to fix that! Don't worry about your belongings, you won't have to spend a second sweating and becoming undesirable for your new spouses! While you've been here, the house elves have moved your sundries out to your new homes for you, isn't that nice of them? They've even been allowed to charm your new homes so that you can't remove your objects from them! Let's hear it for the house elves!” It doesn't pause for applause. “Now, I'll let you happy newlyweds get to the business of consummating your new relationships in the name of duck waffles procreation. Your tokens are numbered with your new addresses, and a map has been provided at the door. Don't try to run, the ushers have been provided with cattle prods and given the permission to use them.” The Hat waves a strap at one terrified-looking bouquet-holding elf near the front, who pulls a cattle prod out of the flowers and waves it around. “And now, onward! Onward to happy families! Onward to El Mundo Del Sombrero!”

The doors open. The armed house elves swarm, herding the students to a tent village on Hogwarts grounds. Resistance is futile.

Once arriving at the tent whose number matches the number on their token, each student will meet his or her new spouse(s) ...



((The tents in El Mundo Del Sombrero are wizarding tents that appear to be one-bedroom houses complete with bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, etc. inside. Rearranging and addition of objects is allowed, removal of objects for the purposes of moving elsewhere or returning to the castle is not due to the charm on the tents. Players are allowed to NPC the house elves shocking their own characters if an escape attempt is made. Note that characters will not be barred from returning to the castle later to do other things, e.g., use the library; they just can't move back into the castle. Congratulations on your nuptials.

Feel free to RP in this post, or to post your own separate posts that take place within the dubious sanctuary of your brand-new tent!))

Comments

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

"I didn't know it was a bloody mass wedding. And it was mandatory!," Jaime said, his impatience with the situation showing. "And my token says Tent Twenty-Seven." He followed Wolfram into the tent.

[bowchickamaou.livejournal.com]

Well, Wolfram did say 'when you get to tent 26.' And then he'd gone into tent 27. And then the other guy had followed Wolfram in. And there was probably going to be yelling.

Yuuri decided to interpret Wolfram's remark about tent 26 as a suggestion that Yuuri go there. Rather than staying here. That had to be what Wolfram meant. And if it wasn't, Yuuri was totally going to remind Wolfram that he, Wolfram, had said it! It had been in some way Wolfram's idea!

Little puffs of dust rose from the dirt road, Yuuri sped away so fast.

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"Well, so does mine." Wolfram held the token elegantly between two fingers. "But I was already affianced to Yuuri before we were wedded, unlike it seems you were. We are used to living together, so you might as well just-" He turned to look at his 'husband', only to find that he had left. Wolfram rolled his eyes. Yuuri could be so bothersome.

"Well, he's obviously left to fetch our things. He's a King, but he still takes too much work on himself." Wolfram had probably forgot that Jaime was there to hear Wolfram berate the Japanese boy for being lazy not a minute ago. "Yuuri," Wolfram called out, more for Jaime's benefit than his friend's, "you don't have to get our things, they're already here."

He then crossed his arms, and cleared his throat uncomfortably.

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

Jaime resisted the urge to mention that he was called "Kingslayer."

He'd save that little revelation for when he was really bored.

"I somehow doubt the Sorting Hat gives a copper penny about your little engagement," he said wearily.

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Wolfram would then just explain that he said 'King' to be more easily understood, and that Yuuri's proper title would be 'Maou,' which better translates to Emperor of Demons, and thus making Yuuri of a much higher rank than some human king who gets slayed left and right. Of course, if they went into the meaning of names, it might come open that Yuuri's name means luck, July, urine, and lesbian sex. Wolfram found that Yuuri was quite sensitive about that.

Right then, however, the blond was mostly confused. He was about to launch into a rant about how it was by all means not a 'little' engagement, before he stopped to ask, "But if the Hat didn't care about our engagement, why would it marry the two of us?"

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

Jaime sighed a long suffering sigh. "No, you see, the Hat married you and I. Unfortunately."

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"You mean you and me-" Wolfram stopped when he understood precisely what Jaime was saying. He then let out a high-pitched, riotous laugh. "Oh! That is rich. I have to say I've never had that one tried on me. Surprise marriage? Whatever makes you think I'll buy that ridiculous story?"

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

"You didn't here the 'I now pronounce you married' bit? What did you think the Hat was doing? Mind you, I'm no happier about this than you."

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"I doubt that. Unlike you, I know the man I'm married to." Wolfram pronounced his name very clearly. "Shibuya Yuuri. That was the marriage the Hat was pronouncing. We have our rooms mixed up, and that is all. Not that it truly matters anyway, as this marriage would certainly not be legal in our kingdom."

Wolfram groaned and put a hand to his forehead. "Though it is embarrassing. They're going to think that we eloped."

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

"Right. Fine. I would be thrilled if I was married to someone other than you-," like Brienne, "-But I'm afraid that isn't the case. Go ask the Hat itself if you must."

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"Well, I am going to mention to the Hat that there has been a mistake regarding our commendations." Wolfram had to admit now that the problem wasn't just Jaime and Yuuri (it could have been either one of them) grabbing the wrong tag; none of Yuuri's things were there, and instead he saw objects of a stranger's.

"It would be easier if you would just move out on your own initiative, but since you won't, I'll assume that such a thing is a quality you lack." The blond then started looking through the tent for writing utensils. Wolfram caught sight of his old desk in their bedroom, and wandered inside. His voice, however, continued out into the living room.

"But just so you know, you should feel very despondent for not being married to me. I am Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld, Be- I am King Shibuya Wolfram von Bielefeld, Husband to the Maou and Hufflepuff. I am also the son to the previous Maou, and related to nearly all the noble houses of Shin Makoku. I am a master of swordplay, magic, riding, and the arts. I am a supportive, loyal, and compassionate husband."

The sounds of writing began to emit from the room. "I'm also an excellent listener!"

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

Jaime groaned and started to figure out if it was possible to strangle Wolfram with only one hand.

However, he couldn't let that slight about his iniative go unpunished. "And I am Ser Jaime Lannister of Casterly Rock, Commander of the Kingsguard, brother to her majesty, Cersei, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, and son of the late Tywin Lannister, lord of Casterly Rock." Jaime wasn't king, but he wasn't pleased in being outranked by this effete little man. He'd take what he could get.

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Wolfram continued to write his polite yet firm letter as he talked to this man who claimed to be his husband. He could write and speak about a different subject at the same time... he should have mentioned that as a skill!

"Ah, so that's your name." From his attitude Wolfram suspected he was just more than just a mere commoner, but it would give him little advantage to sound impressed. "Commander of the Kingsguard, do you say? Yes, my brother, Sir Gwendal von Walde, holds that position in my own Kingdom." The blond held his older brother on a pedestal, and thus, the amount of respect he had for the Jaime's profession almost held Wolfram's tongue regarding his next comment. Almost.

A smile could be heard in Wolfram's voice as he asked innocently, "Only seven?"

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

"They cover the span of a continent," Jaime shot back as he sat down on a nearby couch. Or at least tried to. Armor wasn't conducive to sitting on couches.

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

"It's amazing how much variety there can be in the size of continents." There was a pause in the sound of the quill scratching paper, and a chair was pushed back as Wolfram walked back into view, resting one hand on the doorway.

The blond dispelled the teasing tone from his voice, and spoke solemnly. While the boy was loud, excitable, and rude, he was also raised a prince and a soldier, a fact which made its rare display now.

"Whatever your ideas of our marital status, I would appreciate it if you did not spread it about. This misinformation could be damaging to our reputations, and the fewer people who know about our... difficulties, the better." Wolfram thought for a second, and then asked, "Do you believe many others will have the same assumptions that you did? That we are somehow married?

[slayerofkings.livejournal.com]

Jaime resisted the urge to remark on Wolfram's little continent quip. If he said anything, they may as well have brought out the measuring tape then and there.

"Oh, trust me, I'd rather not have word of this get around either. Let's just say we're cellmates and leave it at that."

[wolfram-jyari.livejournal.com]

Wolfram's neutral face moved into a scowl. Fine, if Jaime couldn't be polite, there was little use in Wolfram trying. "After tomorrow we won't even need to be that." He walked back into the bedroom, and emerged a few moments later with a parchment sealed, not with Wolfram's noble mark, but with Yuuri's royal one. The blond certainly didn't waste time.

"I am going to the Owlery, and afterwards I'm going to have a discussion with my real husband." The blond would have to find him first, but he was confident. He had something of a sixth sense when it came to Yuuri; it was a carefully developed instinct. "I hope no one has convinced him of your idiotic theory." The thought of such a thing made him walk quickly out the door.