hh_mirror | The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given.”

And so, at the appointed time, the students are ushered into the Great Hall. It has been lavishly decorated for the occasion: streamers, flowers, a champagne fountain, the works. At the front of the hall sits the Sorting Hat, likewise decorated in a wreath of flowers and lots of bling. It sits imperiously and waits until everyone has taken a seat and the beautifully decorated doors have been closed and barred.

“My dear students,” it begins, “we are gathered here today for a wonderful ceremony. A ceremony of magic and beauty, and it is my privilege to be here with you. Now, before you can get your wonderful awards--” here one of the Hat's folds dips in what might have been a wink on something with a face--”are you all carrying your special prize tokens?” It waits for a little longer while the attending house elves (all carrying bouquets of multicolored flowers) check to ensure that yes, everyone in the room has one on their person. “Wonderful! By the power vested in me by the Board of Education, I now pronounce you married!”

Before the shock and outrage can set in, the Hat rushes into the next part of its speech. “No use getting upset, it's legal now! This place has become a haven for loose morals, and you're helping to fix that! Don't worry about your belongings, you won't have to spend a second sweating and becoming undesirable for your new spouses! While you've been here, the house elves have moved your sundries out to your new homes for you, isn't that nice of them? They've even been allowed to charm your new homes so that you can't remove your objects from them! Let's hear it for the house elves!” It doesn't pause for applause. “Now, I'll let you happy newlyweds get to the business of consummating your new relationships in the name of ~~duck waffles~~ procreation. Your tokens are numbered with your new addresses, and a map has been provided at the door. Don't try to run, the ushers have been provided with cattle prods and given the permission to use them.” The Hat waves a strap at one terrified-looking bouquet-holding elf near the front, who pulls a cattle prod out of the flowers and waves it around. “And now, onward! Onward to happy families! Onward to El Mundo Del Sombrero!”

The doors open. The armed house elves swarm, herding the students to a tent village on Hogwarts grounds. Resistance is futile.

Once arriving at the tent whose number matches the number on their token, each student will meet his or her new spouse(s) ...

((The tents in El Mundo Del Sombrero are wizarding tents that appear to be one-bedroom houses complete with bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, etc. inside. Rearranging and addition of objects is allowed, removal of objects for the purposes of moving elsewhere or returning to the castle is not due to the charm on the tents. Players are allowed to NPC the house elves shocking their own characters if an escape attempt is made. Note that characters will not be barred from returning to the castle later to do other things, e.g., use the library; they just can't move back into the castle. Congratulations on your nuptials.

Feel free to RP in this post, or to post your own separate posts that take place within the dubious sanctuary of your brand-new tent!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ogin was livid. 'How on earth can I be married when I barely know ANYBODY at this stupid place?!' She sat down heavily and sulked, wondering who she would be stuck with.

Captain Crais entered the tent, all stiff military bearing and disdain, and walked around the 'room' examining everything before addressing his spouse.

"Is this usual on this planet? Your sponsoring agency issues you a new home and spouse, and orders you to get to the business of producing offspring?"

Ogin looked displeased. "I might be from this planet, but I deal very little with it's human inhabitants, not the sane ones anyway. I still doubt this is normal. Well, I suppose we should at least introduce ourselves. I am Ogin." She held out her hand to shake her new husband's.

He shook her hand, rather at a loss as to the protocol in such a situation. "Captain Crais. Ah - Bialar. Bialar Crais. And not 'Captain' any longer." He smiled weakly. "I fear the...disorientation...has caused me to revert to my training."

"well, we have been put in a most awkward and unexpected situation. I think that, under the circumstances, you're handling this rather well. One thing though, the hat said procreation. I will ABSOLUTELY do no such thing."

"Understood. The Peacekeepers raised us to shun...procreation...with other species. It is a difficult prejudice to overcome."

Not that Crais hadn't overcome it a time or two in more than a cycle of wandering the Uncharted Territories, where Sebaceans were in short supply. But it did make this absurd situation a bit easier to bear.

"Well, I'm glad that we agree on that point." Despite her words though, Ogin was secretly disappointed that he wasn't at all interested in her.

Crais continued to pace around, examining the tent. After living on a Leviathan, even a small one, these quarters would be claustrophobic even if he'd been in them alone.

"Where I come from we do not take lifelong mates," he said, not looking at Ogin. "How does this 'marriage' business work?"

"In a normal human marriage, a couple comes together of their own accord, they usually fall in love, get married and spend as much time as they can stand together. Children often occur, though I would really prefer not to ever have children. Ever. I personally don't much like marriage, I usually only see them dissolve. How do you think we should try to deal with this?"

"I suppose we follow our established routines to the best of our ability. If you have one, that is - I haven't been here long enough to settle into one."

He glanced over at her. "How do you come to see marriages dissolve so often?"

Ogin sighed heavily. "I work solely with the evil and the miserable. Let's leave it at that."

He barked a short laugh.

"Well. For the past three cycles I have consistently been one of those, and occasionally the other. Perhaps that ridiculous Hat had an idea what it was about after all."

"I fear that may well be true, though my dealings with the hat lead me to believe it is merely deranged."

"Also a distinct possibility," he agreed. "During what arns of the solar day do you generally sleep?"

Unsure exactly how to respond, Ogin said "Um, nighttime, I suppose. What about you?"

"I spent two-thirds of my life aboard spacefaring vessels. The terms 'day' and 'night' didn't really apply. I am used to adjusting my system to whatever duty shifts I was assigned." He shrugged. "We can trade off the bed in shifts, if that's acceptable."

Ogin was mildly disconcerted. "Yes, that would be fine, I suppose."

"Very well." He stalked into the kitchen area and rifled through the cabinets. "I wonder if we are expected to eat here, or go back to the Great Hall for meals as usual?"

"Well, if they've seen fit to provide us with a kitchen, I assume we're supposed to eat here. Don't expect me to cook, though." Ogin put her hands on her hips and tried to look stern.

He looked at her blankly. "Why would I expect that?"

"Most human men expect their wives to cook for them, among other things."

He nodded. "I see. I am accustomed to a military hierarchy. Duties such as that are assigned on a rotational basis, until you reach a rank high enough to exempt you from the duty. I can cook for myself, certainly."

Something else struck him then.

"Among what other things?"

"Along with cleaning, raising children, providing sex, keeping the house in order... Things like that."

The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

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