John Ryder, The Hitcher

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

((Spoilers for the original version of The Hitcher but not the remake, because the remake made me cringe. If you haven't seen this movie, you have to--it's cheesy, it's freaky, and there is no way I can possibly do any written justice to the sheer creepiness that is John Ryder))



A tall man wandered up to the application table, eying his surroundings dubiously. He looked like absolute hell--his flannel shirt was still sticky with blood, and his trenchcoat looked as though he'd been dragged down a dusty highway, which wasn't far from the case. He seemed calm enough, but in his faded eyes was a kind of intelligent insanity--a malice that was somehow tired and cheerful all at once. In short, he was quietly batshit.

Scotland. Huh. He'd known he was going to a castle, but knowing and doing were very different things--the closest things he'd seen to castles were some of the hotels in Vegas. Being out of the desert was damned bizarre, but from the look of things he was going to be here for quite a while.

He picked up the quill and read the application with raised eyebrows.

What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

That brought a small smile. He didn’t need to eat, but he’d had McDonald's…what, four months ago? “That gooey stuff you slap on a cheeseburger,” he said. “I don’t know what it’s called.”


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

“Why kill just one?" he wondered aloud. "I say start with the redhead--there’s something wrong with his brain.” The irony of that statement was totally lost on him, btw. “The purple dinosaur probably wouldn’t bleed much,” he added thoughtfully. "Even if his legs were cut off."

3. What time is it where you are?

He shrugged. “How should I know? I just got here.”

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

He snorted. “I’m returned from the dead, and I can’t say I’ve ever really sexually harassed anyone. It’s not part of the game.” Never mind that he’d been totally creepy with Nash, before he ripped her in half

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

“The Styx,” he said, and laughed almost silently. Pennies over the eyes...it was a joke he doubted anyone here would get, sadly.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

He frowned. "Why?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as his thumb traced a gold band on his left hand. "Marriage is damned pointless, if you ask me." He didn't seem inclined to elaborate.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

“Because you don’t know how to use a match. Gasoline and a match tend to take care of most evidence--assuming you even care that it’s gone.” Evidence had never seemed to stick to him--not that he'd wanted it to, with the Halsey kid. The more suspicion fell on the kid, the more desperate he became--it had been, finally, what drove the kid to kill him.
To stop him. I want you to stop me. He'd gone through a dozen people, before he finally found someone who didn't fold like a wet taco at the thought of being eviscerated. Granted, he'd had to step in a few times and keep the kid alive long enough to work up his nerve, but it had worked, in the end.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

That made him laugh outright. “Define ‘useless’,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “When it comes to a certain kind of work, I’d like to say I’m an expert.” He didn’t elaborate on that, but he did keep laughing. Useless. Seriously.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Hmmm… “I haven’t exactly got much on me,” he said. “Pistol and a shotgun, but not a lot of ammo. Oh, and this." He dug a small switchblade from his coat pocket, looking at it like an old friend. "I'm keeping this, though."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____JR________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____JR______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JR_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____JR_________"

Comments

Vote: Slytherin

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

"That'd be Slytherin, then. Hufflepuffs who - do what you do - tend to like the direct approach."

She sighed. "Not having survived, for starters." She waved a hand in the direction of the bullet holes in his shirt. "But even before that...from the time I was very young, I had somebody in my life who - tormented me. Partly because he enjoyed pain, and partly because he had a particular use for me in mind, and was trying to break me down inside to that end." The memory of BOB's poking and prying around the edges of her brain made her shudder.

"I spent a lot of time looking for ways to build myself back up. Make myself stronger, make myself feel better, find people who could help me maybe. Nothing ever worked for long, but I got real good at trying. He killed me in the end, but I won something too - he didn't get what he wanted from me. So I guess you could call it a draw."

She shrugged, smiling slightly. "Anyway. Now I'm back, after a few years in a sort of ghostly Limbo. And I like being back. Not going to give it up again very easily."

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

That got a very long, very thoughtful silence from Ryder. He'd never met anyone who'd died and come back before--everyone he knew who died...well, stayed dead. Very dead. "What you're saying is, you fought this thing since you were a child?" Not a Nash, then--not at all. Even if this kid had lost her fight, she had fought. Interesting. Losing was losing, but going down fighting was a lot better than going down sniveling and drowning in your own snot in the backseat of your car.

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. I mean, there wasn't much I could do as a kid, but the big thing, not letting him take me over - I always fought him on that. And I never knew just where or when he'd pop up or what he'd do when he did. Like something out of one of those old monster movies. So I grew up looking over my shoulder all the time." She shrugged.

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

She was the second person Ryder had met here who actually impressed him, in a way. Sure, she'd lost--she'd died, and that was definitely losing--but the fact that she'd fought for years meant she was pretty tough. "Has he been around since you've come back?" he asked softly. He rather wanted to meet this...whatever it was. Mainly because he wondered if he could kill it.

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

Laura shook her head. "I don't think so. I mean, I don't get to all the Sortings, but I think if he got here to Hogwarts he'd have come looking for me. After all, I'm sort of the one that got away..."

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

"Means you're a worthy opponent," he said. "Trust me. The ones who don't fight back...they're sheep. Dog food." There was a kind of authority in his voice that probably shouldn't have been there, all things considered. "This guy--whatever he was--probably ran right over plenty of people before he came across you. Fighters...well, you're rare." It was a simple statement, neither condescension nor flattery; he'd seen enough of all kind of people to know what he was talking about, and to mean what he said. He wasn't the only creature of his kind; surely the others must value a challenge as much as he did.

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[wh0-kill3d-m3.livejournal.com]

"Thank you. I think." She held out a hand. "Enjoy your break, Mr. Ryder. I think you'll find a lot of interesting people here."

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

He shook her hand. "At this rate, I think I will, too." Maybe someday he'd run up against her on the highway--you never knew. It was nice to know there still were fighters out there, among all the idiots--even if, as in this case, they'd died and come back. "A pleasure meeting you."