John Ryder, The Hitcher

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

((Spoilers for the original version of The Hitcher but not the remake, because the remake made me cringe. If you haven't seen this movie, you have to--it's cheesy, it's freaky, and there is no way I can possibly do any written justice to the sheer creepiness that is John Ryder))



A tall man wandered up to the application table, eying his surroundings dubiously. He looked like absolute hell--his flannel shirt was still sticky with blood, and his trenchcoat looked as though he'd been dragged down a dusty highway, which wasn't far from the case. He seemed calm enough, but in his faded eyes was a kind of intelligent insanity--a malice that was somehow tired and cheerful all at once. In short, he was quietly batshit.

Scotland. Huh. He'd known he was going to a castle, but knowing and doing were very different things--the closest things he'd seen to castles were some of the hotels in Vegas. Being out of the desert was damned bizarre, but from the look of things he was going to be here for quite a while.

He picked up the quill and read the application with raised eyebrows.

What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

That brought a small smile. He didn’t need to eat, but he’d had McDonald's…what, four months ago? “That gooey stuff you slap on a cheeseburger,” he said. “I don’t know what it’s called.”


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

“Why kill just one?" he wondered aloud. "I say start with the redhead--there’s something wrong with his brain.” The irony of that statement was totally lost on him, btw. “The purple dinosaur probably wouldn’t bleed much,” he added thoughtfully. "Even if his legs were cut off."

3. What time is it where you are?

He shrugged. “How should I know? I just got here.”

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

He snorted. “I’m returned from the dead, and I can’t say I’ve ever really sexually harassed anyone. It’s not part of the game.” Never mind that he’d been totally creepy with Nash, before he ripped her in half

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

“The Styx,” he said, and laughed almost silently. Pennies over the eyes...it was a joke he doubted anyone here would get, sadly.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

He frowned. "Why?" he asked, raising his eyebrows as his thumb traced a gold band on his left hand. "Marriage is damned pointless, if you ask me." He didn't seem inclined to elaborate.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

“Because you don’t know how to use a match. Gasoline and a match tend to take care of most evidence--assuming you even care that it’s gone.” Evidence had never seemed to stick to him--not that he'd wanted it to, with the Halsey kid. The more suspicion fell on the kid, the more desperate he became--it had been, finally, what drove the kid to kill him.
To stop him. I want you to stop me. He'd gone through a dozen people, before he finally found someone who didn't fold like a wet taco at the thought of being eviscerated. Granted, he'd had to step in a few times and keep the kid alive long enough to work up his nerve, but it had worked, in the end.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

That made him laugh outright. “Define ‘useless’,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “When it comes to a certain kind of work, I’d like to say I’m an expert.” He didn’t elaborate on that, but he did keep laughing. Useless. Seriously.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

Hmmm… “I haven’t exactly got much on me,” he said. “Pistol and a shotgun, but not a lot of ammo. Oh, and this." He dug a small switchblade from his coat pocket, looking at it like an old friend. "I'm keeping this, though."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____JR________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____JR______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JR_______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____JR_________"

Comments

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

"I'm John," he said, returning the nod. "I'm not sure how this place works, but I'll trust your judgment." What she said would tell him a lot about her--more than she would probably like. She was a cagey little creature, and that he too he could respect. She wouldn't spill her guts, even if she was threatened with the spilling of her literal guts.

[runaway-stark.livejournal.com]

She skimmed his application again, but didn't come to any immediate conclusions. "How do you see yourself?"

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

He paused, snorting quietly. "That's a pretty deep question," he said. It was also one he'd never, ever been asked before. "I do my job, and I'd say I'm pretty good at it--and I enjoy it, too. It's as much a game as it is a job." Beyond that, he really couldn't say--he wasn't often given to introspection.

Vote: Slytherin

[runaway-stark.livejournal.com]

Not Gryffindor, she supposed--he didn't seem the type. When she thought of Gryffindor, she thought of Jon and her father, and there was really little comparison here. He did, however, remind her a little of Jaqen. Something in his manner, maybe. So if Jaqen were here, where would she put him?

"Slytherin," she said. "Since you remind me of a friend." He hadn't been a friend, not really, but he had still been more of a friend during that time than most people had.

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[johnryder.livejournal.com]

He raised an eyebrow--this girl must have had some odd, odd friends, for him to remind her of one. "Thank you," he said. "You tell me if you want any help with that gun, you hear?"

Re: Vote: Slytherin

[runaway-stark.livejournal.com]

She nodded solemnly. "I will. Thank you."