Application: Scar (The Lion King)

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

A stone room wasn't the ideal place to sun oneself, but Scar hardly noticed the difference. The bottom of Pride Rock, a stone floor, it wasn't all that different, really. Lying sprawled on his back, Scar twisted his head slightly to lazily glance around the room - upside-down in his vision - and blew out a morose sounding sigh, continuing to fan himself with a large leaf.

"Charming," he said dryly, thumping his head back down onto the floor to stare at the ceiling. "What is life without a little random teleportation to brighten up ones day? That's what my father always used to say." A wry smile curved at the corner of the lions mouth. "Not really, of course. He might not have died if he'd actually been so interesting."

Even though he didn't see anybody right away, there was a tension in the air that Scar always knew to be the kind of feeling when you had an audience. He loved audiences.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Cheese is not to my rather particular taste," Scar answered, frowning at the ceiling. He didn't appear at all startled that there was a random voice asking him questions - he answered enough questions in his day-to-day life. "Why anybody would choose to eat the curdled liquid out of beasts is beyond me. It's hell on my digestive system, in any case."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Now here was a question that Scar was interested in. Humming thoughtfully (even though he had no idea who the choices were), he pondered his options, and then affected a look of reproach. "Really, there might be children here, and you go around asking questions like that? For shame."

Abruptly, Scar raised his head off the ground and looked around again, narrowing his eyes as he clearly searched for something. It was apparent that there was nobody around here that he knew, so he changed his answer. "That depends on who would be most beneficial for me to kill."

3. What time is it where you are?

"It's about time that Zazu came around and told me off for one thing or another." Swatting at a dust mote with his fan, Scar twitched his tail in annoyance. "Not that he will find me here. Moronic individual that he is, that bird can't find his way out of his own tail feathers most days."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"Please. Everybody knows you should go for who has the most power. I understand there is a common theme among humans in which they sleep their way to the top." Scar shrugged, as best he could while lying down, sounding a bit mystified. "Personally," he continued drolly, "I find flaw in that plan. Much easier just to kill whoever is in charge and take their position for yourself."

At least he didn't know anybody around here; not having to restrict his answers was quite a nice change. Playing the apparently nice - but a bit weird - Uncle... was tiring.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"Oh, come now," Scar sighed, holding up a paw for inspection, unsheathing his claws and checking them much like a vain woman would do. "I can hardly bartend if I lack opposable thumbs, now, can I? What a silly question. But, should I possess these metaphorical thumbs and decide to metaphorically tend to a metaphorical bar, I would name it Hyena's Den. Not that I'd go there, of course. I am above those cowering, furred vultures, however useful they may be."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Carpe diem, marry both of them. It might pose a few... problems if Harry's mate is to inherit anything, say, a position of power." Schooling his expression into blankness, wiping away the sudden shifty-eyed look, Scar waved a paw airily. "But I'm sure they'd be able to decide like reasonable adults. Violence is so immature."

Being that violence was, of course, part of Scar's master plan to take over as King, he was lying. But nobody else needed to know that.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Scar sniffed in disdain. "That is because you are a human and you have silly ideas about recording everything. It's much easier to follow good example and record everything through stories passed down by generation."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"Oh, goodie," the lion rolled his eyes, his voice extremely dry. "Proving worth is so difficult these days. It depends on who you ask. My immediate family would say I am, the... others, the hyenas, would say I am not. It's all a matter of that silly little thing called perception."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.

"I'm sorry, I'm dreadfully boring in the way of bribes. I don't exactly carry anything around with me, you see?" Absentmindedly fishing out a small sharp bone that he'd been keeping in his mane, Scar began to pick his fangs with it, apparently thinking. "I suppose you can have this leaf. It's a bit ratty, but it works, at least. And, oh, you could have this bone, if you like lion spit," he continued, smiling apparently apologetically.

A quick look around confirmed that there really was nothing else that he'd brought with him, and Scar sighed, rolling over so that he could sit up and turn a mostly disinterested stare on the room. He took a moment to run his claws through his mane in a brief second of vanity. "I suppose I can offer... services." Scar looked as if the very word tasted foul on his tongue. "Hunting, ridding the world of pesky lower-food-chain animals. I'd offer the services of the hyenas if they were around."

I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______S______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____S______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____S______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______S_______

Comments

[chaotic-miles.livejournal.com]

Miles did a double take as he looked around the sorting room. Hmmm. Talking wildlife was... definitely not something he had encountered every day.

Still, he approached Scar, standing well out of reach. "Hello!" he said brightly. "How do you feel about evil clowns?"

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

Scar also did a bit of a double take, frowning incredulously. It was a human. Were there more around here? They'd better not be in the business of poaching, he'd heard all about that, thank you very much. He liked his fur where it was.

"Considering I don't even know what they are, I should hardly think I have an opinion," Scar said drolly, eyeing Miles warily. "Care to enlighten me? I'd be so delighted."

[2bking.livejournal.com]

Simba's face lit up as he spotted a familiar mangy-looking lion lounging in the Sorting Room. He grinned and scampered across the room quickly, shouting, "Uncle Scar! Uncle Scar!" It was a huge relief to see another lion, and somebody he knew at that. This place was just crawling with humans, and while most of them had been nice, Simba had been feeling a little uneasy.

He slowed down to a stop in front of his uncle. "Wow, I can't believe you're here too! This is so cool."

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

Groaning lowly under his breath, Scar wrinkled his nose briefly as Simba approached. The little runt had better not have heard anything about what he'd just said - there'd be questions. Heaving a sigh, Scar slumped down onto his side and peered at Simba.

"Cool is in the eye of the beholder, only nephew," he replied dryly.

[sidney-reilly.livejournal.com]

"Animals lower on the food chain..." Reilly stroked his chin. "Are you familiar with a breed of dog called a Rottweiler, by any chance?"

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

"If by familiar you mean if I've met one, then no, thankfully not," Scar replied, obviously confused (and a lot more annoyed) with being asked yet more questions. "I've heard of them, however. Nasty creatures."

[ka-click.livejournal.com]

"Services, eh?" Says the Bunny ona ledge. "I could go with a debt owed."

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

"Depends what kind of debt owed, my lapine friend," Scar answered lazily. "I'm not typically in the business of keeping my word, you know."

[torn-krimson.livejournal.com]

Torn frowned. "The problem with killing your way to the top is that it encourages others to do the same." Not that some people seem to need it, but still. "And passing down stories tends to change them. It's easier to have both; that way, you always have a backup."

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

Sniffing disdainfully, Scar turned a rather haughty stare on Torn. "Oh, my day is made so much brighter by being brought to the awareness that other people have differing opinions to mine," he replied drolly.

"Killing your way to the top works if you're the strongest, and stories can always do with a little bit of change. Makes them more exciting. Real life is so dreadfully dull," he added.

[ninth-doctor.livejournal.com]

"Funny, I dunno what my father would've said, but that sounds pretty close to something I'd say." But that was because the Doctor was used to random teleportation. Curious, the first question that came to mind (probably due to that whole father comment) was, "So why would your family say you're useless?"

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

It was a strange thing, to be thankful that a human wasn't treating him like a novelty, but Scar felt it anyway. If anything, humans were rather a novelty to him.

"Why, do you do a lot of teleportation as your day job?" He asked dryly, clearly not expecting the answer to be yes. "And, oh, you know how it is." Scar waved a paw airly, rolling his eyes. "When you're born into the royal family as the younger brother, there's really no use for you, is there?"

[tomatohacker.livejournal.com]

"Another big kitty!" Ed was delighted. "Ed is Ed, Scar-person!"

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

Scar scowled slightly, lifting his lip in irritation. "Are you brain damaged, Ed?"

Vote: Squib

[charlesofdensen.livejournal.com]

"You're just as bad as your nephew."

(http://photobucket.com)

[nervous-guy.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, it was a freaking talking cat.

Okay, a talking cat wouldn't bother him so much. He'd had to deal with a talking hat back at his sorting, right? And that hadn't been so bad...! Even talking cats weren't all that horrible. Homeward Bound made for a great movie, after all. And that cat from Cats and Dogs? Hee, Mr. Tinkles! They were fantastic! Amusing, even!

But this... this was different. This... was a talking lion. Lions were big. And scary. And could very easily eat Doug Murphy. This one seemed particularly angry in general. Or at least... mean. Or something. In a word, Doug was terrified.

"So, uh," he was squeaking in a stammering voice, eyebrows raised. "Hyenas, huh?"

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

Now this was different, and something that made Scar feel infinitely better about himself. A human scared of him. Which should be the natural order of things, of course, but most of them seemed to have that damned ego that made them think that they were better than lions. Idiots, all of them.

Making a show of sitting casually and examining his claws, which were nice and big and pointy, Scar blinked slowly. "Yes, hyenas," he drawled lazily, eyeing the human with disdain. "The wingless vultures, the furry trash cans. Mind you, they're vicious little beasts. Could tear you apart in seconds."

[corkscrewmind.livejournal.com]

Teatime bowed politely. The fact that he was bowing to a lion would not have concerned him even if he hadn't been in Hogwarts.

"Hi! My name's Teatime," he said, pronouncing the name carefully - Teh-ah-tim-eh. "It is a shame when one's peers have a rather different opinion of one's capabilities, isn't it? From your application, I would say that you seem quite sensible."

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

"Thank you," Scar drawled, tipping his head in response to the bow. It was always good to get people on your side. "Of course, I've always found the best way is to simply ignore ones peers and follow through with your plans alongside beings who agree with you."

[degeneratewolfe.livejournal.com]

"Ah, but if you simply kill the people in your way, you make yourself a target as well. Better to enjoy fleshly pleasures where available and find some other poor sap to take the blame."

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

Lifting his upper lip in a scowl, Scar rolled his eyes. "Better to be a target and King, than to be down at the bottom of the ladder."

Whoops, there went his little secret. Oh well.

[nicknamegirl.livejournal.com]

Lola Sanchez, self-appointed bodyguard (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1327317.html?thread=67449301#t67449301) of the EEEEFUZZYCUTECUTE bundle of fluff that was to be king of the Pridelands, eyed this applicant with a certain wariness. She had never come across an animal that gave her the heebie-jeebies. People, sure. That happened more often than she liked. But a lion... And this was Simba's uncle? The prince had told her that Scar had been the one to mention the Elephant Graveyard, which did not sound like a healthy place at all for a little lion... Not to mention that Scar's answers to the questions were a bit... evil, to be honest.

The angel twitched her nose. "Are you here to look after Simba?" she asked, really somehow doubting that he was but not voicing her suspicions out loud. Lola wanted very much to believe that all people had some good in them, even evil-looking lions.

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

"Of course," Scar drawled, and although his reply was perfectly 'nice', his tail was flicking in irritation. He hadn't known that pesky cub was going to be here - on the other hand, it did make his 'overthrowing the royalty' plan a little easier.

Giving her a second look, Scar raised an eyebrow. (A difficult feat for a lion, but he managed it nonetheless). "I am his Uncle, and I would be amiss if I didn't fulfill my Uncle duties, now, wouldn't I?"

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

You're far bitchier than the other lion who's here (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1248320.html).

[regicidalfeline.livejournal.com]

Character flaw, my dear fellow. I assure you that, deep inside, I'm probably the nicest lion you've ever met.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

In with all the other talking cats you go! Just don't eat my face when I come by for my hug!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Hufflepuff!