And this... This was why she didn't tell him things. Why she tried to keep things apart from her life with him. Because that hurt on his face? Never was there before they got together. It was everything she had been afraid of, it was one of the reasons she hadn't wanted to date him to begin with.
"Yeah, well." Arms folded tightly across her chest, Lily looked away.
For a minute she just stared into nothing, the grey stone of the floor blurring into a smear in front of her vision. She hurt. She was tired of hurting. And she was so tired of causing Sirius pain.
"Maybe this was a mistake." The words were out in a whisper before she even realized she was thinking them. But the moment they left her mouth, she felt her stomach bottom out.
It wasn't what she wanted. But it might be what was best for him. "Maybe we were better as friends." She still wasn't able to look at him, but she struggled to make her voice steady. The pain would come later. Right now, it was like it had been with Cox. Different, in that she did love Sirius enough, in the right way, to spend the rest of her life with him. But in both cases she saw how she was hurting them. Holding them back. And she couldn't do that any more.
Sirius deserved better. Maybe it was time for her to stop being so selfish and let him have that.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-05-28 03:30 am (UTC)"Yeah, well." Arms folded tightly across her chest, Lily looked away.
For a minute she just stared into nothing, the grey stone of the floor blurring into a smear in front of her vision. She hurt. She was tired of hurting. And she was so tired of causing Sirius pain.
"Maybe this was a mistake." The words were out in a whisper before she even realized she was thinking them. But the moment they left her mouth, she felt her stomach bottom out.
It wasn't what she wanted. But it might be what was best for him. "Maybe we were better as friends." She still wasn't able to look at him, but she struggled to make her voice steady. The pain would come later. Right now, it was like it had been with Cox. Different, in that she did love Sirius enough, in the right way, to spend the rest of her life with him. But in both cases she saw how she was hurting them. Holding them back. And she couldn't do that any more.
Sirius deserved better. Maybe it was time for her to stop being so selfish and let him have that.