Closed RP: Stephen, Shaun, and Unwitting Interrogation

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun, fresh off his WART debut, headed back to his room grinning. He'd always wanted to be a DJ, and had wondered more than once how he'd wound up an appliance salesman instead. It had been a good laugh, getting to pretend he'd actually got his dream job for a night.

He was absolutely exhausted, too--he'd spent much of the day getting drunk and watching kung fu with Susan, who had also kicked his ass in an impromptu poker/cricket bat face-off with a straw dummy. She'd told him she'd impaled someone with the poker, and now he reeeaaallly believed her.

He made it into Hufflepuff without incident, only to find a man he'd never seen before standing outside the door of his dorm room, holding his TV. He'd loaned the TV to Susan, so she could introduce some friend of hers to the joys of kung fu, and he hadn't expected to get it back right away. He certainly hadn't expected anyone but Susan to return it.

"Er...can I help you?" he asked. There was something rather creepy about the man's pale eyes, and Shaun found himself wondering if looters ever wandered through Hogwarts. The eyes were almost like zombie eyes, but whoever this guy was, he was definitely alive. Huh.

Comments

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen sized up the personage who had just hailed him. There was only one name on the door, so Shaun could not have a roommate; this unlikely fellow had to be the one and only.

Also, Stephen had never heard of any other Hogwarts student with the habit of toting a cricket bat around. Agent Cooper had spent a few months wearing 'anti-werewolf' lacrosse gear around the school, but even that had come to an end some time ago.

First things first: "In the hopefully unlikely event you had cause to wonder," he said, "allow me to assure you I am not undead."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun snorted, trying to hide a grin. "Uh, all right. I didn't think you would be--the fact that you're not trying to eat my face off was a pretty big clue."

He looked at the bat--he'd grown so used to it that he forgot he had it, half the time. "You don't mind my asking, why've you got my telly?" Might be this man was the friend Susan had wanted to show kung fu to. "If you're Susan's mate, I figured she'd want to keep it for a bit--if she wanted to borrow more movies. Thing's a bit heavy to be carting back and forth."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"It is heavy," Stephen agreed amiably. "I should like to set it down, if you will direct me as to where I should do so. Miss Sto Helit being indisposed, I had offered to bring it back for her."

He was very careful not to place undue emphasis on the word indisposed.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

"Oh yeah, sure. C'mon in." He unlocked the door and let Stephen in. His room wasn't the mess that might have been expected--living with Liz had taught him to pick up after himself, more or less. The worst you could say was that he tended to miss the laundry basket when throwing his socks.

"Here, I usually put it on this thing." He directed Stephen to a bookcase made by the simple expedient of laying boards across stacked cinderblocks. "Susan all right? She seemed a bit tired, when she left. Granted, we had a bit of a busy day."

And no, Shaun had absolutely no idea what Stephen was going to make of that. He meant 'busy' in the sense that there was much drinking and general juvenile idiocy; what Stephen would read from it was doubtless far less...childish. Poor oblivious Shaun.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

As euphemisms went, it was innocuous and acceptable. It would have been better not to make any reference at all, innocuous or otherwise; more gentlemanly; modern people tended to be freer with such allusions, Stephen had found generally, and so he reserved judgement for the time being.

Absent a dust footprint to show where the television usually resided, Stephen simply placed it in the general vicinity Shaun had indicated upon the board-shelf. His arms thanked him. "She claims she has been much fortified by ice cream," he said. Covertly those pale eyes were cataloging the room's contents and appearance. They told him little of any use. "I understand I have you to thank for my introduction to kung fu."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

"Oh yeah, the Cornettos. I was glad the shop had them--I thought a magical village might'nt sell Muggle food." He stepped back, eying the TV critically, and decided it was fine where it was. "You're the friend Susan wanted the telly for, huh? Good to meet you. I'm Shaun, by the way." He offered a hand, first setting down the bat--he was in his own room, and this man wasn't a zombie, so the bat was unnecessary. "Yeah, she said she had to pass it on to you. Said you'd benefit from it."

Shaun wasn't terribly observant. He had no idea Stephen was scoping his room, or at least not more so than any normal person who found themself in a strange environment.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen shook the hand offered. "Stephen Maturin, potions master." Eventually he would hold a class, when his assistant was at liberty. "I confess I am not certain how I am meant to benefit from kung fu; I do not share Susan's inclinations." That one was likely to go right over Shaun's head entirely. "Perhaps we might discuss the art form further?"

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Potions Master--aha. Best not tell him why Susan had been hanging out with him all day; she'd said she didn't want the Potions Master to know she wanted the type of potion she did, ergo she wouldn't want him knowing she had a reason for wanting it. Er.

"Oh, kung fu's not something you really benefit from," he said, re-stacking the DVD's he and Susan had gone through. "It's just...Susan didn't know the term 'popcorn cinema' either, but basically it's like--watching something completely idiotic, to distract from nasty real things. If that makes any sense." He'd had a hard time explaining the concept to Susan--theatre she could understand, but cinema was something else entirely. "Dunno if she told you, but I've got zombie movies too, that she might want to show you as well. They're...not quite so escapist, if you know what I mean." He glanced at the bat.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen raised an eyebrow. "She was in need of distraction, was she?"

[redonme.livejournal.com]

...Crap. Shaun was, as Liz had told him a thousand times, a truly rotten liar. "She said she was, yeah," he hedged. "We went down to the pub for a bit--and you will not believe how much she can drink; for a little woman it's insane--got munchies, and I thought she might like kung fu movies because they're pretty mindless." There. Not a lie, but also not something Susan would stab him over.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"I can and do believe how much she can drink," Stephen countered. "For future reference, she likes the sort of drinks that come in coconut husks." There, some friendly advice! "While on that subject, I am en route to the Ravenclaw bar and would enjoy company, to say nothing of information on televisions. Miss Sto Helit tells me you know a good deal about them."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

"Coconuts, huh? Wouldn't have guessed that." From what he'd seen, she liked whiskey, the more the better, in a big glass. Granted, she was also cranky as hell when they'd gone out.

Not only was Shaun a rotten liar, he was also fairly guileless. The idea that Stephen would want anything other than to talk about TV's never occurred to him. "Sure, thanks," he said. "I didn't know Ravenclaw had a bar." Susan might have told him, but then again it seemed she'd wanted to get away from the school as much as get a drink. "You don't mind if I, ah, bring this, do you? I know I probably don't need it, but it's gotten to be something of a habit. Susan said it's too ungainly, till I pointed out she's quite a bit shorter than me." He grinned. "She didn't like that much."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Again an eyebrow lifted. Was it possible to reside at Hogwarts for any length of time without having heard of the Ravenclaw bar? "I expect anyone noticing your cricket bat will simply think you to have played a recent game of cricket, and will not be unduly alarmed," he said. "By all means, bring it along, if it please you." The gentleman was certainly garrulous. He might be more so with drink in him.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun glanced at the bat. "Good point." He carefully warded the door as they left--he'd learned simple wards, but not much beyond that, as so much of his research was medical in nature. "I've got to admit," he said, tapping the last spell in place with his wand, "I don't even know where Ravenclaw is. I've spent most of my time here in the library, so far." If he was a better liar, he'd try to wheedle information for the potion Susan was looking for out of Professor Maturin; as it was, he knew he'd only wind up putting his foot in it.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Silently Stephen noted and approved of the warding. She'll not have bedded a complete idiot, then. Most of what Shaun said might or might not be true; he reserved judgement there. Whether the man truly did not know the location of Ravenclaw or was merely a skilled dissembler, Stephen would go along with the pose. "Ravenclaw is my own house," he said, "though I do not live there anymore; I know the way very well, moving staircases notwithstanding." He guided Shaun through a little-used passageway -- a shortcut -- mostly to see whether the man might give away any familiarity with that passageway.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, Susan said it was her house, too," Shaun said, as he followed close behind. He had no familiarity with the passage; and, being as easy to read as a book, this was quite evident. "You know, I don't know that I'll ever get the hang of this place, either--I've never been in building tha rearranges itself whenever it feels like it."

He had to duck at the end of it, nearly cracking his head on the archway. "So how long have you known Susan?" And why doesn't she want to get that potion from you, anyway? Stephen didn't seem like the type who'd hold out out of malice, but maybe she didn't want a lecture.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen, being shorter, did not have to duck. Shaun's lack of grace would seem to counterindicate training as an assassin, of either the capitalised or the lowercase variety, he reflected as he led the other man to the common room. As usual, the door was propped open; he shook his head, more out of habit than any real dismay, and held the door for his companion. "Here we are," he said, not having answered the question at all.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

The very idea of Shaun as an Assassin...well, he'd killed a lot of zombies. He was rather surprised to see the common room door propped open; in Hufflepuff you at least had to expend a little effort to get inside.

He stopped short on sight of the bar. "...Whoa," he muttered. He hadn't seen anything so well-stocked since they'd blown up the Winchester. "Well, I can see why it's so popular in here, at least." If he'd been in Ravenclaw, he'd never have gotten any research done. "And you say you've moved out?"

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"That I did, when I took the position as potions master," Stephen explained. In point of fact, he still retained his old room in Ravenclaw, and had been known to use it from time to time, but this was not information he saw a need to share. "The potions master traditionally resides in the dungeons. What do you choose to drink?"

[redonme.livejournal.com]

In the dungeons? "Bit dismal, I'd think, isn't it?" With everything Shaun had seen, he still found the idea of a man who lived in a dungeon and brewed potions to be a bit...well, creepy. And Stephen's odd pale eyes didn't help--Susan had unnerving eyes, but nothing like his. Hers were just too old to match the rest of her; Stephen's...well, they looked more like zombie eyes than they had any right to.

"I'll have a pint, if you've got anything on draft," he said at last. Creepy or no, beer fixed damn near everything.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen looked at Shaun curiously.

Then he began to laugh.

"When one is accustomed to small cramped sickbays, one may have lowered standards concerning what qualifies as dismal." He did not know the house-elf on duty by name, so he went to go pull them both a pint himself.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun blinked, and suddenly it made sense. "Are you a doctor, then?" he asked. Professor--Doctor, he supposed--Maturin had rather an unnerving laugh, too. But then, he thought again, Susan herself wasn't what you could call normal--if there even was such a thing as normal, here. "I guess that would make sense. I came here from an appliance store, myself." Hardly a job he could complain about leaving, really.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen pushed a pint across to Shaun, then came around the bar himself to take the stool beside him, the other pint in hand. "I was in an appliance store once, I believe. It specialised in cameras." This was the extent of Stephen's modern shopping experience outside the wizarding world. Almost everything he bought, he bought by mail-order, or in Hogsmeade. "Is this where you learned about televisions?"

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun wasn't one to look a gift pint in the mouth, but he was, for once, somewhat suspicious. He couldn't have said why, but it was there.

"Yeah, mostly. We sold a lot of different things--tellys, fridges, cameras, you name it. Wasn't what I'd wanted to do for a job, but you've gotta eat, you know? Trying to explain it's not easy--I don't think I did manage to get it properly across with Susan, since she's not ever seen most of it." If what she'd said about exposing Stephen to kung fu meant what he thought it did, then Stephen was either not from this world, or not from this time; it had sounded like he was as clueless as she had been.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Part of Stephen's mind was still busily gauging and noting Shaun's mannerisms, the tone of his voice, what his eyes might or might not give away.

Another part of Stephen's mind, however, heard the word 'fridge' and went 'squee!'

"I have seen a refrigerator," he said, perhaps less casually than he should. "It had a light that went on and off when one opened its door."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

...Okay, that clinched it. Nobody from this timeline, from this earth, could sound so enthusiastic about the door-light of a refrigerator. Quite suddenly Stephen seemed much less creepy as well; it was hard to be creeped out by a man who was delighted by a fridge.

"Yeah, most of them do." Shaun took a long pull at his glass. "Some of the models are a lot better than others, though--use less energy, the lightbulb lives longer, that kind of thing. Here, it's not so much of an issue, with everything done by magic, but electricity's damned expensive out there." He gestured vaguely at the window, indicating the big wide world they'd all left behind, coming here.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"There was a mechanism inside the refrigerator that triggered the light going on and off," Stephen recalled fondly. "I should like to know all about them."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun couldn't help it--he cracked up at that. "It's actually quite simple," he said, finishing off his glass and going round to pull another. "It's just this little switch--when the door is shut, the switch's pushed in and blocks the circuit. When the door's opened, the switch pops out and completes the circuit, so the light goes on."

He passed Stephen another pint. "Thing that used to weird me out the most, when the power went out when I was a kid, was opening the fridge and not seeing that light. It was like the end of the world or something."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen contemplated the surface of his drink. "That must have been a disheartening experience indeed," he said. Though he did not really comprehend the concept of power outages, he was completely serious. A refrigerator without the little light going on and off inside would be somehow a very sad thing.

"Without power for the television, you could not even distract yourself with kung fu."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun sat back on the bar stool, raising his glass in a silent toast. "Too true," he muttered. "Not much you can do, when the power's out, at least in a city. Dead boring, really." Maybe it was the fact that he'd grown up in an electrified society, but the idea of living without his telly and record player (and yes, he still had a record player, tyvm) was one he didn't want to contemplate.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"We did find amusements in the days before electricity," Stephen pointed out dryly, "now and again. There are many things one can do by lamplight."

... Right, Stephen.

"To say nothing of things that can be done without light entirely," he continued blithely on.

Apparently the accidental-innuendo bug was catching.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Under normal circumstances, Shaun's naturally twelve-year-old mentality would have picked up on that at once. As it was, it took a moment for him to register the second entendre, and he choked on his beer, nearly spraying it across the counter. Stephen couldn't have said that on purpose, but it was the curse of Shaun and all his ilk to be perennially dirty-minded.

"Sorry," he said, coughing and reaching for napkins to wipe up the mess. "Went down the wrong pipe." Yeah. That was it. It wasn't his adolescent brain finding something potty in something innocuous.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

"Consequently there was a great deal of eyestrain, I will admit," Stephen went on tranquilly, reaching over to give Shaun a thump on the back. "There were also weevils in the food sometimes, which might have been prevented by refrigerators. Yet the wizarding world does without any of these things, which makes me wonder: what is it, exactly, that kung fu can provide that the wizarding world cannot?"

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Finally suppressing his coughing, Shaun took a swig to wash down the rest. He didn't think he wanted to ask about weevils.

"So far as I can tell," he said, taking out a cigarette and staring at it without lighting it, "so far as I can tell, the only thing kung fu is good for is giving you an excuse to sit and eat junk. And laugh at it, of course." Susan had stared in disbelief, and that had been funnier even than the movie itself. He had a feeling she'd gone through the same thing, when she showed it to Stephen--nobody could quite believe, upon first viewing, that it was really that bad.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Summation: Shaun was a plain man with simple tastes: in short, unremarkable. He did have the distinction of familiarity with refrigerators, but as far as Stephen knew, Susan did not have an particular fondness for refrigerators, lighted or otherwise. Something did not fit here.

"This is what I do not quite understand," he said. "How can a thing devoid of purpose in itself be made to serve a purpose?"

In other words, what in God's name does she see in you?

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun shrugged, lighting the cigarette--in pub culture, non-smoking signs did not exist--and took another swig off his glass.

"I think," he said, in the tone of one who is growing slightly tipsy, but who will not pass that point for quite some time, "it's all just entertainment, you know? World out there's full of it. Just...stuff, to pass the time. It's been weird, here, not having all the distractions you normally get. Makes you focus more on the stuff you actually do like." Hence, beer, snacks, and kung fu. Shaun did indeed have very simple tastes, which Liz had found aggravating up until Z-Day, when suddenly even little things wound up far more appreciable.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen could think of something from which his friend might need distraction. It had been his hope that she had forgotten the whole business entirely, after that chocolate-induced amnesia failed to fade. If it were resurfacing --

"So you have been able to supply Miss Sto Helit with entertainment, by way of distraction," he summarised. Time to make things very clear.

"She is a very dear friend of mine," he said, fixing Shaun with those weird pale eyes. "I would not have her troubled for the world."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun blinked--where had that come from?

"Well, yeah," he said. He couldn't tell Stephen why, either, or she'd probably thump him next time she saw him. He cast about for some other excuse, something plausible, and seized on something she'd told him earlier. "Honestly? I think she's lonely. She said she's lost most of her memory, and that she's not very social in any case...we just found stuff to do. I know what it is, being a stranger in a strange place."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Lost most of her memory -- that was good; that was reassuring. Stephen smiled very slightly.

"As long as 'stuff' makes her happy," he said, "that is all to the good."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

'Happy'...that was an uneasy word. As long as Susan was eating her heart out over whatever bloke she'd fallen for, Shaun wasn't certain happiness was going to be a common emotion. The 'stuff' had seemed to amuse her well, though, even if she had no real appreciation for kung fu.

"Oh, we found some great ways of passing the time," he said, thinking of the straw dummy they'd annhilated with the poker and cricket bat; not realizing, of course, that that sentence could be taken in quite a different context.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen's eyes narrowed. That was not something to be mentioned so lightly. "Unless you are in need of medical advice," he said, "I would rather not touch upon the details." The casual light tone and the content of Shaun's observation did not seem to be leading up to any requests for medical advice.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Once again, he blinked at the apparent nonsequiter.

"Medical advice? Nobody got hurt--I mean, we're not stupid," he said, despite the fact that he'd very nearly taken a poker-swipe to the head. "Not really well practiced, but not stupid. If one've us breaks something, then yeah, we'd be doing something wrong, and probably need more medical aid than just advice." No-kill rule or not, pokers and cricket bats could still be formidable weapons, and hey, accidents happened.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

... Right.

Inquisitive or not, there were things Stephen absolutely did not want to know. He had been horrified enough when, in the course of the first bodyswitch, he had had to deal with the contents of his friend's underwear drawer. Whatever Shaun was talking about would be much, much worse.

"I should hope no one's health would be endangered," he said evenly.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

"Oh, God no." Shaun shook his head, somehow reaching the bottom of his second pint. "It's no fun if anyone gets hurt. I don't think either one of us wants to have to stop to trudge up to the hospital wing, and if anyone asked what we were doing...well, it would sound a bit stupid."

He was right--two grown adults thwacking the hell out of a straw dummy was...well, close on to retarded, in a lot of people's eyes. Especially with such weapons. "And what the hell--it makes her laugh. She's pretty funny, once you get to know her. If more than a bit scary."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

Stephen just ... looked at him.

Finally he said: "Laughter is good." However, he sounded vaguely disturbed.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun, tipsy as he was, caught the tone in Stephen's voice. "What?" he asked. "Didn't she tell you?" Surely she would have told her friend, at least, about poker-and-cricket-bat practice. After all, Stephen must know she'd impaled someone with the damn thing once...right? "After that, I do know one thing--I'd hate to have her mad at me. Rule or not, I probably wouldn't survive." He shook his head. "Like I said, she's pretty damn scary sometimes."

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

All right. One thing was clear. Shaun did not work for Teatime.

That was about the only thing that was clear. Stephen was beginning to suspect it would be best if everything else remained very, very opaque. Likeliest, Shaun was expressing affection in his own less than eloquent way. Certainly the sentiments approximated, roughly, things Stephen had written about River in his own diary.

"Recreation aside, if she is harmed, I doubt you will survive it," he agreed, deadpan, and rose from his seat. "I am afraid I need to be elsewhere."

[redonme.livejournal.com]

...

"Well, yeah, I figured that," he said. Just as Stephen had thought, something did not fit here. "Um, it was nice meeting you?" Susan, he was realizing, had some weird, weird friends. Shaun might not be overly perceptive, but he knew a threat when he saw it--or, well, heard it--and he suddenly understand, or thought he did, why Susan hadn't wanted to go to Stephen in the first place. If he was so overprotective about poker-stabbing practice, God knows what he would have done if she'd asked for some anti-attraction potion. Locked her up, probably. Wow.

[estebanmd.livejournal.com]

In that supposition, Shaun would have been highly mistaken; but then, Shaun had no way of knowing that Stephen did not think that the fireplace poker was the sort of poker involved.

"Likewise," Stephen said, with an abbreviated bow -- a mannerism quite incongruous given he was wearing a college sweatshirt and rather grimy jeans -- and went off to think about evil clowns, which were, on the whole, a much more comfortable subject to contemplate than his friend's bizarre acquisition of an athletic and potentially hazardous love life over the past 24 hours.