WART #75, S to the B

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

I keep hearing all these dedications to "SB" on the radio shows. All right, ladies, I know you know I know SB is none other than Strong Bad. Don't worry, there's enough of me to go around. Just ask Ali and Ali's sister.

I have to say, it's flattering that you ladies are all making these dedications to yours truly. I mean, I know it can't be Homsar making all these dedications. They're far too coherent! So I thought I should return the favor with a WART show dedicated to you, my many feminine admirers.



Let's kick it off with a song from yours truly BY yours truly. I did vocals as a little favor to my friends The Kinda Long-Haired Band on a song we like to call "Circles".

If that song doesn't express the kind of love I can offer you, here are some more!

Talking Heads, "Uh-Oh, Love Has Come to Town"

Steve Miller Band, "The Joker"

Talking Heads, "Love (Building on Fire)"

Team America World Police soundtrack, "Only a Woman"

Because weaponry is attractive, I bring you The Shins, "Baby Boomerang". You bring your boomerang, baby, and I'll bring my big knife. Our love slices and dices!

Then there's Coach Z, "These Peoples Try to Fade Me" --

Wait, what does that song have to do with the ladies? NOTHING. Nothing at ALL. Contrary to Coach Z's belief, no ladies are asking him how come he don't dance no more. And if they did ask him, they would be very grammatically challenged ladies and he would be welcome to them.

I'm not sure I want to think too hard about that ... uh, requests time!

Some anonymous person or other wants to hear Belly, "Sweet Ride." This person writes the following dedication: "For D. Maybe some habits can't be broken." Well, anonymous, I hope you feel very fulfilled in your devotion to a letter of the alphabet. I'll try to take comfort in knowing at least you didn't dedicate it to Coach Z.

From Miss Swan to Ah-Derek, Ashlee Simpson, "La La". Swan says, "Ah-Derek always make Swan la la with his special love bump." I'm ... not sure I want to know.

Here's a request from La Fee Verte: Outgrabe, "Love Cream Pie." That sounds kinda messy. Cleanup on aisle YOU!

Here's an anonymous request, no dedication: The Cure, "Friday I'm in Love". Personally, I believe the best day to be in love is Senorial Day. Your mileage, ladies, may vary.

To Devi, from Nny, "Victim of Victims" from A SHOGGOTH ON THE ROOF. ... What's a shoggoth? That makes about as much sense as fhqwhgads. By which I mean none at all!

It looks like Sadako's in the spirit of tonight's theme. She wants to hear Alvin and the Chipmunks singing "I'm Too Sexy". Alvin, I feel your pain.



I'm going to open the Floo lines now, just in case any of you want to confess your love. It's possible to Floo anonymously, but would you really want to? In the words of The Pixies: "Here Comes Your Man."

Comments

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

To Devi. From Nny. al;sdjfkl;ewarkeeEEEEK. Her brain went into something like overdrive, wondering just what, exactly, was behind that song.

Devi dithered a moment, wondering what to ask, how to ask it, and where the hell all her quills were. Finally locating both quill and parchment, she fired a note off through the fireplace to the WART studio. It read, simply,

"Nny,

Are...you asking what I think you're asking?"

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

I, um. Didn't mean the stabbing part.

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

I didn't think you did. Um...the other part...is it...uh...what I think it maybe might be?

[waste-lock.livejournal.com]

It's pretty obvious, I guess.

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

It...you want me to...really? I...I...I mean me? *isn't red, really* Well, I mean, of course I will. Marry you, not get stabbed. I mean...oh, hell, forget everything I just said. To answer like a, you know, smart person, yes, I...I will. Definitely. Yeah.

[c-mon-fhqwhgads.livejournal.com]

*appears very briefly in the Floo before suddenly darting away*

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

I see you jocking me!

[c-mon-fhqwhgads.livejournal.com]

*his pixellated head pops back in the fireplace, a strange look coming over the square hole that represents his eye - a look of recognition - and he opens his yellow beak*

I NO U!

[manriki-chan.livejournal.com]

Gogo listened to the song - then the annoyingly roundabout conversation between Nny and Devi - with growing excitement and agitation. Eventually, when it appeared they were going to go flying without even talking to her, she sprinkled her fireplace with floo powder and stuck her head in it, exclaiming,

"Devi-san! I'm your bridesmaid, yes?!"

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Oh God, they were having this conversation in full view--well, sound--of the school, weren't they? As if she wasn't red enough already.

"Of course you are," Devi said, rubbing a hand over her forehead. "You want to go dress shopping with me?"

[manriki-chan.livejournal.com]

A squeal of delight from Gogo. "Yes! I've never been to a wedding before. Well, not as a guest," she corrected herself. "The thing in Aoyama doesn't count."

Gogo paused for a moment, thinking. "Are we going to get Nny-chii a dress, too? He suits them."

[immunityordeath.livejournal.com]

Devi burst out laughing. "...Maybe," she said. "I doubt he'll go for it, though. If we could get him in his kilt...." She had never seen the kilt, and she wanted to. "I don't even know what kind of dress to look for. I've never been to a wedding, either."

[hafta-dance.livejournal.com]

Heartbroken, Anne flooed in.

'I...My dreams are shattered. Everything, every little last ray of light and hope in my life has been crumbled into oblivion. A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!'

[lady-thujone.livejournal.com]

[hafta-dance.livejournal.com]

Anne stares.

'My life is spiriling into trench unfathomable. My heart is in a thousand and one pieces and my only hope for acceptance in this world has found another.'

[lady-thujone.livejournal.com]

*Floos in*

[so-strong-sad.livejournal.com]

I have a love haiku for you, Strong Bad.

He pines for Ali
Or her sister, but he shall
Never get either

Re: *Floos in*

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

Man, what are you talking about? I'm not the one pining after Ali and Ali's sister! They totally e-mailed me to offer to be my girlfriends! I'm not gonna turn that down!

Re: *Floos in*

[so-strong-sad.livejournal.com]

Um...didn't that e-mail get...dah-lee-ted? *small, triumphant grin* I guess your computer turned them down for you.

[schizowarrior.livejournal.com]

Molly, who had heard the whole conversation, threw a handful of powder into the fireplace, laughing so hard she could hardly speak. That topped even Theo's proposal, when he'd asked her.

"Congratulations, you guys! Oh my God, that was awesome, Nny. You let me know if you need help planning, okay? I'm so happy for you! I'll bludgeon the Narrator into being happy, too."

[squeegeetodd.livejournal.com]

You guys are really...?

Wow.

Congratulations?

... what's Bridezilla?

::Floos In::

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Well, this was...huh. Of course, all the 'S.B.' dedications had been from Lily. But they had been directed to Sirius - in fact, Lily hadn't even realized there was someone else at Hogwarts with those initials. Well, this whole thing had to be cleared up. Not even really explaining what she was doing to Sirius, Lily simply grabbed his hand and floo'd through to the WART station.

"Er," she said, blinking slightly to see that this 'Strong Bad' bloke was...wearing a mask. "Hello? I'm sorry, I think there's been some sort of mistake. The dedications to SB weren't for you. They were..." Blushing brightly, Lily nodded back towards Sirius. "This is... They were for him. Sirius Black. Er...sorry."

Re: ::Floos In::

[toujours-sirius.livejournal.com]

Blinking as he found himself in the WART studio, Sirius interjected, "Actually, I thought they were for him, too. Because I've overheard him talking quite a number of times about the many ladies he's got."

Sirius had never understood it, really. The bloke was a short shirtless guy with a sort of round belly and a wrestling mask for a face. And that was to say nothing of the fact that one really couldn't please a woman properly when one's hands were boxing gloves. (Then again, Homsar could please anybody, and he lacked visible arms (http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/Lack_of_Visible_Arms), so maybe Strong Bad had a hidden ability of some sort!) He didn't quite see the appeal, but apparently the ladies did!

Re: ::Floos In::

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

Oh ho ho. Strong Bad had been in this kind of situation before (http://www.hrwiki.org/index.php/sugarbob). It could get messy if he didn't handle it just right.

"That's okay, sugarbob," he said. "Your boyfriend is cool, and I am taken." Oh crap! He'd now said on the radio that he was taken! Ali and Ali's sister would be devastated!

Re: ::Floos In::

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

"No, you silly man," she told him, rolling her eyes. "They were for you. I got the idea because someone kept dedicating songs to me." It probably would have clicked that the songs probably had come from Sirius if Strong Bad hadn't spoken up. What he said made Lily's eyes narrow slightly and her jaw drop.

"Did...that small, shirtless man just call me 'sugarbob'?" she said, indignant. Which was wiped away with the rest of what Strong Bad said. "He's not my boyfriend." Oh, Merlin, that's not... "I mean... He's not... We're dating, I reckon, but that's... He's..." Right, this was...not going well. Looking over at Sirius, a bit helplessly, she turned back to Strong Bad. "Don't call me sugarbob."

Shite.