Application: Ed [Shaun of the Dead]

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

((OOC: Character is taken post-movie.. Cleared with Shaun-mun.))

It had been a good life, being chained up in Shaun's shed, being able to play video games whenever he wanted. Being a zombie meant that you didn't exactly have much brain power, but Ed still remembered how to press buttons to make things on the screen make pained sounds and blow up.

But one day, Shaun had disappeared, and Ed found himself rather distraught, because the Playstation control had fallen beyond reach of his chains. Then again, maybe fate was taking a nicer turn when Ed suddenly appeared in the Sorting Room. (In fact, Shaun had even mentioned him as being chained up in his shed during his Sorting - now, the zombie ex-roommate was here!) Looking around the room, Ed made a sort of groaning, mournful noise. He'd been fed recently, so thankfully his noise didn't sound too hungry.



1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

The voice that suddenly boomed out was a little confusing, but some of Ed's mind was able to grasp the vague concept. Cheese. Wasn't as good as flesh. "Uuughn," he denied.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Ed had a sort of instinctual reaction to the name 'Barney', and it wasn't a good one. Unfortunately, he had no way to get his message across. But, lo! There was a paper and pen in Ed's vision, and he ambled over to grasp them clumsily. It took him a while, but eventually, he drew his answer.

3. What time is it where you are?

Ed looked confused. Time? "Nnh."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

That question went right over Ed's head, though he did manage to understand the words "dead", "member", "sexually harass" and "black". This combination of words made a rather odd presentation of subject in his slow-working mind, he decided to answer this question in interpretive body language.

First, he made the shape of a gravestone. Then, he mimed someone getting out of that grave, and thrust his hips. After that, Ed gave an awkward thumbs up. All in all, the message seemed to be: Necrophilia is okay, kids, as long as you're a zombie!

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Ed's mind automatically connected the word 'bar' (which he'd heard was like a 'pub') to the Winchester. Grunting in confusion, he attempted to mime this as well.

'Win' was described by Ed shuffling forward a few steps and flailing his arms in the air, as if crossing a finish line. 'Chest' was then indicated by Ed pointing at his chest, obviously. And 'Er', he looked a little stumped on, but then motioned a hand back and forth.

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Ed turned to the paper again, and drew another picture to explain his thoughts on this highly philosophical and ethical matter. In this one, the motto of the day is possibly: Love who you want, but beware, there's always a zombie behind you!

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Smart? Paperwork? These words mean nothing to a zombie.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

And neither does the word useless. Nonetheless, Ed does a little shuffle hop-step that might be interpretive dance, the chains dangling from his wrist almost clanking in time.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.

Ed knows the word 'bribe' - but, being a zombie, he can't exactly remember if he has anything. Slowly, he looks around, and digs in his pockets. He pulls out a whoopee cushion, a yo-yo, and a rather battered bullet shell. These fall to the ground in offering, and Ed points at them, punctuating his offer with a solid "Mmmuuugh!"

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______E______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____E______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____E______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______E_______"

Comments

[fine-eyes-lizzy.livejournal.com]

Lizzy stared at the applicant. "Excuse me. Are you... dead?"

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Ed wasn't quite sure how to answer that question - being, you know, a zombie and therefore quite unable to grasp the ramifications of being dead. It was fairly obvious from the rotted flesh and blank white eyes. So he simply stared at Lizzy, and said, "Uuuuughn," decisively.

[fine-eyes-lizzy.livejournal.com]

"It, er, appears so." Lizzy was at a loss. "Can you... indicate some sort of House preference?"

[primediscordian.livejournal.com]

"Oooh, a yo-yo!" Eris beamed, claimed it, and then patted Ed on top of the head. "Aren't you just adorable."

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Ed took of the patting of the head quite dutifully. Hey, he was used to being treated like a pet, being chained up and fed and all. Not that zombies made great pets, nor were they particularly adorable. He decided to deny this by waving an arm at her.

[primediscordian.livejournal.com]

"Oh, yes you are!" She pinched his cheek. "You are just the sweetest thing, aren't you? Just a cute little zombie, you are."

[fathalpert.livejournal.com]

...Well, this is new. Jim stares at Ed for a long minute.

Huh.

"Can I have the yo-yo?"

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Recognizing the word 'yo-yo', Ed made a sort of affirmative noise. Yes, that was definitely a yo-yo down in the pile. And Jim may as well take it, because zombies weren't quite smart enough to figure out the whole 'flick and pull' action.

[fathalpert.livejournal.com]

"...Cool. Thanks." Jim went for the pile, only to find that the yo-yo was not, in fact, there. He blinked, then looked around. He kind of had to wonder if someone was playing a joke on him, except that Pam wasn't here, Karen wasn't here and wasn't evil-minded enough, and Dwight was a tool.

"I, uh... I think your yo-yo's gone, man." He took a step back. He'd seen 28 Days Later, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be here for the zombie rage.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

You know, I believe this is our first application by Charades? I've never been any damn good at that game. You're naming your bar The Drowning Boobs?

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Boobs. Ed knew that word. But not seeing any around, he wasn't entirely sure why they were being mentioned. Not that boobs needed an excuse to be mentioned. "Nrgh?" He asked.

[ian-ma1co1m.livejournal.com]

Wow. Guys really are dogs. I'm amazed.

Got a House preference?

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Shaun stared. "Ed? How the hell did you get out of the shed? You didn't do anything to Liz, did you?" If his former flatmate had eaten his girlfriend, he was going to be pissed.

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

It was Shaun! But, Shaun was assuming he'd done something to Liz? (Or, he recognized the word Liz, and went from there.) If a zombie ever managed to look insulted through the normal blank/sad expression, Ed was. Of course he hadn't eaten Liz.

[redonme.livejournal.com]

Fortunately, Shaun knew Ed well enough to intepret the look. "Okay, okay, I should've known better. Still...how'd you get here?"

[big-broomstick.livejournal.com]

It was a well-know fact that zombies made miserable Quidditch players. Still, it doesn't mean that this one can't be useful. "Can I have that cushion-thing?" Oliver asked, making sure to stay well out of Ed's reach.

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not like Ed actually knows what it's for, so he makes a zombie-sound of non-committal. Of course Oliver can have it! As long as he doesn't use it here and now, because then Ed would probably get jealous of the awesome noise.

[wayward-son124.livejournal.com]

Dean just kind of blinks twice at Ed, disbelievingly. He's starting to get a little fed up now. "Dude," he mumbles allowed, narrowing his eyes. "What the hell is with all these fuckin' zombies?"

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Not being quite sure what to make of that, only really hearing the words 'dude', 'hell' and 'zombies', Ed shrugged awkwardly and stared blankly as if to say That's life for you, man.

[lilypotter60.livejournal.com]

Really, Lily had...no idea what to make of this. At all. In the least. She was assuming this was some sort of Inferius (http://www.hp-lexicon.org/bestiary/bestiary_i.html#inferius), given that the ones she'd seen and heard about had also had that distinctive 'rotting flesh' look, but she'd never encountered one who had offered yo-yos as bribes. Pausing for a moment in confusion, she spotted Dean chatting with, er, Ed.

Making her way over, she offered Dean a small grin and nodded towards the applicant. "So... Friend of yours?"

[kouneru.livejournal.com]

"What sort are you?" Kouneru asks, narrowing his eyes as he regards the rotting man carefully. "And what do you plan on eating? It wouldn't be very polite to feed on anyone here."

The man looks and smells very damn dead, but hasn't yet been lurching around attempting to bite, gore, or otherwise ingest anyone, which automatically puts him in a different category than the undead Kouneru is accustomed to hunting.

A sentient zombie, perhaps? The mind boggles.

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Having really only understood the words 'eating' and 'feed', Ed looked a bit stumped. Why were all these people asking him about food? He'd been fed a short time before he came here, so if they were all wanting a zombie shuffling around moaning for brains, they'd have to wait a few hours.

Eventually, Ed shrugged awkwardly with a grunt. All these damn humans not speaking zombie.

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do love a game of charades! Will you give me one to try?

[zombified-ed.livejournal.com]

Shaun had tried to teach Ed charades, so he recognized the word. Unfortunately, movie trivia had vanished along with higher brain functions, so he was at a loss. But it was a hat talking, and that was interesting, so Ed shuffled forward with a groaning sound. (Ironically, the answer to this particular charade would be zombie.)

Hufflepuff

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

It was a very good attempt, but I don't think your charades skills are quite up to mine.

Your bribe has been accepted!

Welcome to Hufflepuff!