Pickles (the drummer) (doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo) ; Metalocalypse

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

((Okay'd by zee Dethklok muns!))


Definitely not as cool as Mordhaus. But hey. Any kind of castle's pretty brutal.

What looks like just about the only man to be able to be just about totally Irish and pull off a dreadlock'd comb-over suddenly appeared in the middle of the sorting room, giant cloud of TOTALLY METAL smoke wafting out through the air and sort of settling on the ground before disappearing completely. He... may or may not have been in his underwear. With a bottle of vodka clutched in a hand. Which was actually pretty normal for Pickles, considering.

Well, not the castle thing. That was pretty new.

And he looked pretty petrified of this whole revelation, eyes wide and nearly dropping the vodka (but, you know, not actually dropping it, because that would be a waste) and all. You can't just shock a thoroughly sloshed guy into Scotland without warning. It's not very nice.

Now, Pickles was hard enough to understand in the first place, heavy accent of unknown origin and all, so with a bit of alcohol slurring his system... Well. "Hey, man, the squealy guitar noisefuck's goin' on down here? I mean, I was just gettin' a drink and, I mean, now I'm in the middle of some..." He doesn't actually know where he is, actually. Should probably get to the bottom of that.




1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"Cheese? I mean, what the fuck, man, I'm just mindin' my own business and you're up in here askin' about cheese, and, I mean, seriously, man, the hell's your problem?" Pickes face was severely frown-y as he glanced around the room and... realized there was really no higher power to answer that question. ...Oh well. Maybe he could make the most of this. It has to be better than staying back at Mordhaus. No, seriously. Being cooped up in the same building as Murderface and only Murderface for a few weeks? Kind of grates on a guy's sanity. Or lack thereof.

"But, hey, you know, I'm cool with that crappy slice-y stuff that... You know... 's all on the sandwiches and crap and. Hey, man, it's tasty. It's, uh. It's pretty good."


2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

That's... actually a pretty hard question. "Ain't they both those crap guys in the..." Hang on! "Wait, wait, Carrottop? Aw, man, he's that douchebag in those stupid phone commercials with the... the phone and... that voice and the hair and you know he totally fucked over the redheads and the Irish with those things." Pickles kind of jabs at the application quick, accidentally sloshing a bit of vodka onto the parchment and... oops. "Yeah, dude, that guy. I'd put'm,uh. I'd put'm through a fuckin' blender. And. Maybe use his blood for somethin' cool. Like painting or." What's something metal you can do with a television spokesperson's blood? ...Pretty much anything.


3. What time is it where you are?

"Hey, man, I don't friggin' know, I'm just in my underwear."

He takes a big swig of vodka. Time to drink more is what.


4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?

Whoa. This application is pretty metal. "Comin' back from the dead? just to heh-RAY-ass some chicks? I mean, that's gotta be... gotta be pretty brutal. Cuz... cuz, I mean, seriously. There'd be like those limbs fallin' off everywhere and... and, hey, those phoenixes are pretty metal too, all that fire and birds and... fried chicken and... man, sign me up for that."

Er. He's not exactly answering the question. But maybe if he knew what the hell the Order of the Phoenix was, it would help. So he'll just leave it at fried chicken.


5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

Bartending? In the dark? Well, the dark part was pretty brutal - you could totally get a bottle to the head or something. But he'd really just rather drink.

Except. "Hey, if you're one'a those bartender guys, ain't you all in the back with the drinks and the hook-ups and all that shit? Cuz, man, that bar wouldn't even matter, man, it could be all just... 'The Bar' and I'd totally do that. You know?" Because, hey. Free booze! "But, uhhh... I mean, if I'm comin' up with a name? That's pretty metal. So, yeah. I'd be callin' it." He paused a beat. For emphasis. And totally not to have to think up a name. "Yeah, just. 'The Bar'. And then they'd all be. 'Where you goin'?'. And it'd be. 'THE BAR'. And yeah, I'd be pretty famous." Like he wasn't already. "Awesome."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Harry? Fred? George? Who the fuck were these douchebags? "Man, gettin' married, it's like, uh. Yeah, it's crap. Cuz, even just girlfriends totally blow ass and. Yeah. And. They shouldn't. I mean, what the hell happened to good ol' threesomes, is what I mean." He paused, maybe just to take another big swallow of vodka. "...Yeah, that's about it. Threesome. Sounds pretty frickin' awesome."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

Paperwork? Obviously... this person whozawhatsit that wasn't existing at the moment... was not a billionaire like Pickles was. Because he was pretty sure Ofdensen did all that. Or maybe they were so metal that they didn't even have paperwork. Maybe it just, like... burned away and they didn't need it. "Dude, just get, uh. Yeah, get one'a those guys in a suit? Yeah, man. They take care'a everything. Everything."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"Hufflepuff? What the fuck kind of a crappy name for a house is that? Dildos," Pickles automatically comments with a wrinkled nose. "No, seriously. Hufflepuff. The hell, dude. Sounds like, uh. Sounds like some kind'a kids thing. Friggin' crap, man."

That might not have been very nice. ...Maybe he just doesn't like being accused of being useless. "Cuz, hey, man, I'm a kick-ass drummer, man. And, uh. You can't have a band without a drummer. Sounds like crap."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.

...Hah?! He's in his underwear! The hell is he supposed to give?

"Uh. I got money. Totally. And." He looks down at himself, at the orange dreadlocks tumbling over bare shoulders and... nothing else but tighty whities. "Yeah, that's about it, man." Because no way is he relinquishing his vodka.



"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Pickles.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Rules? What rulPickles.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Man, only chicks wear nic... kn... knickers is a funny word. Pickles.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. That stuff tastes, uh. Kinda tastes like my ass after I've taken a gigantic shit. Not Pickles.

Comments

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

Pickles was pretty sure that he'd never been so happy to see Toki. ...No, seriously. Ever. "Toki, man, this's where you disap... disc... went off to? Dude, you're in a castle. That's pretty, uh. That's pretty metal."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, it is! We got zombies and crap, and they votes me perfect in Hufflepuffs! Oh, and Nathan and Skwisgaar are around here somewheres, too. And I has a girlfriend!"

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"Hey, man, whoa! Zombies!" This place was definitely brutal! Zombies! "Hufflepuff? That place sounds like some retarded little kid kinda... went and puked on it or somethin'. Puff ain't such a metal word, man, you know?"

Beat. "Perfect? How're yeh perfect if Skwisgaar's here too? You're not'z fast as him, dude." Only half perfect, really. ...But maybe he was just jealous. Hey, he wanted to be voted perfect.

"Girlfriend? Is she, uh. You know. She hot?"

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, it sounds weird but we're all there makings it metal." He'll explain about the food libraries and koalas riding yard wolves into battle later.

"Well, I was here firsts! So I gets voted first! It's pretty metal, it means I gets to use a special bathrooms. So we's using it as a hot tub now. We has a band meeting the other day... probably gonna have to have another ones since you here now too." Toki nods emphatically. "Oh yeah, she's really hot. She gots pretty hair and eyes and tits, wowee! And she thinks I'm great." This last part is purely conjectural on Toki's part.

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"Man, you guys're makin' somethin' named Hufflepuff metal?" he asked incredulously, eyes widening with slight impression. He held up the bottle, in a ... mock salute, of sorts. "Brutal." And took a huge swig of vodka.

It still didn't really make sense to Pickles. Second fastest still isn't perfect. It's, like. ...That word that means 'not perfect'. "Yeh, Skwisgaar's, uh. Yeah, he's kind of a douchebag anyway. Maybe, uh. Maybe only the nice people get to be perfect, ya know?" That... justifies it. Kinda.

"Well, but, hey, man, look out!" he announced with a suddenly revelation, looking paranoid, if not only for a second. "Cuz yeh might wanna do her, dude, you know, but then she'll turn around and bitch her mouth off like a friggin' mofo like that, er. That coma chick. With Nathan." He shook the bottle for emphasis, definitely spilling a little vodka on the floor. "Her tits better be pretty damn big, man, 'r else, you know. Pshooo." Accompanied with a mimick of a shot gun, with his index finger and his thumb. Because 'pshooo' was totally a gun sound.

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Yeah! And when you thinks about it, it's like the sounds of smokings. Or like the dragon, you know? Dragons is metal." Toki's been working on the "Why Hufflepuff is Metal" argument for a while now, and he thinks it's coming along nicely.

"Well... maybe. The other perfect, he's nice. He's also two different people. It's fucked up. And the one in Gryffindors is nice too. He says he lets me play DDR in there sometime."

Toki shakes his head and sighs theatrically. "No, see, that ain't gonna happen. She's nice. She wears the Dethklok shirt I gives her and everything. And yeah, they's pretty big."

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"Wait, wait, wait. Dude, you... I ain't hearin' you say that Puff the Magic Dragon's metal. Cuz his name's Puff. And. That's not metal." Dragons are pretty metal, that he will admit. But not Puff.

"Two people? Like you mean he's all..." Pickles gestures to his head, making a kind of vague whistling noise. "Crazy or some shit? Man, that is fucked up. Thinks he's two people. He slip in the shower too're somethin'? Cuz, I mean, you totally did that when you were pretendin' you were all evil or whatever, dude. Flamethrowers and shit."

Ohhh. So she was like a roadie. Not really a girlfriend. Okay, that made more sense. "Hey, as long's'r tits're big. But if she goes whackjob, man, I warned yeh."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Dragons is metal! And I thoughts Puff is the weed dragon. I read that on the Internet one time."

Toki shrugs. "I dunno. He gots this one guy named Quaczo that writes to me, and another guy named Meestofflees that I talks to. I don't really gets it, but he don't seem crazy." He glares indignantly at Pickles. "Flamethrowers is metal! Maybe I overdoes it, but flamethrowers is fucking metal!"

He settles for glaring at Pickles here, too. At least he's relatively sure that Pickles won't try to sleep with Cersei. Probably. Maybe.

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

Pickles automatically looked quite sour, just as downtrodden and glaring as Toki currently was. "Okay, man, seriously, the fuck is this Internet thing cuz... nobody's tellin' me and, well, I'm kinda... I'm kinda, uh, gettin' mad. So... the Internet's dumb. Cuz, uh. Puff ain't a weed dragon."

And... now he was kind of confused. He frowned and glanced to the bottle, wondering vaguely how much he'd been drinking. "Man, he's two people and he ain't crazy? Wicked fucked up, dude. Kinda nutso." He waved his bottle at Toki again, just as indignantly. "And flamethrowers are way~y fuckin' metal, man, but, I mean, dude, you were all covered in blood and some shit. Screw this Missed-my-ovaries dude, that was... Yeah, uh, it was seriously fucked up."

Pickles, frankly, probably would've banged Cersei first chance he got. Well, unless she was some kinda uber bitch or something. He could go without the nagging/ ...But there was no need to mention that allowed.

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"It don't really matter 'cause we don't has it here. So if you gets porns, it needs to be the magazine types." Because as we all know, the internet is for porn. Also email, but mostly porn.

"Yeah, I don't get it either. But he ain't a dick or nothing so I don't really care what he says, you know?" The bottle-waving triggers a thought tangent. "Oh, so they has this booze here called firewhiskey. It's some pretty good shit! I think I start having that with waffles instead of vodka in the mornings."

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

Pickles frowned, if not only because his question still hadn't been answered and... that wasn't cool, man. Especially if it was something that you could use to get porn. "So, uh, I mean, this internet thing, right, (whatever it is) how come we can't use it? Cuz, I mean, that's pretty lame."

With a wrinkle of his nose, he lets it pass. Because, hey, anything's better than that rock and roll clown. ...Him and his stupid cocaine. "Firewhisky, uh? Sounds pretty metal. I guess I'm gonna be tryin' that out." And pauses, glancing to his bottle and back to Toki. "Wait, wait, you guys've got waffles here? Dude."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"We don't gots electricity here. It's brutal." Toki frowns. He doesn't want to play a grandpa's guitar again. "So I can't checks my email, and we gonna have to get magazines for porn. Whatever."

"Yeah, it's some okay stuff. Yeah, we gots waffles and crap, but you gotta ask the creepy house elves for them. They's like... really short roadies, but ugly. Sometimes they hits themselves, so that's funny, but I don't like 'em. I'm gonna put a food libraries in Hufflepuffs so I don't gotta mess wit' em."

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"Whhaaaattt?" Pickles asked incredulously, sounding slightly distraught. "No 'lectricity - man, that don't mean we gotta go back to those damn grandpa things again, dude, right? Cuz, I mean, uh. Yeah. Those? Totally not metal, man." He paused again, scratching at his forehead with the bottle. The fuck was e-mail?

"House elves? Man, I thought people with, uh. With crazy were fucked up. But, hey, I mean, if they're all hittin' themselves. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. I'd totally go for some'a that."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, we better not. I ain't playing no grampa's guitars again."

Toki wrinkles his nose in distate. "You can deal with 'em, then. They's creepy."

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, man, I mean, the bongos were kinda, uh. Yeah, it was totally a dildo. Like. Massive dildos."

He wasn't exactly sure why he was getting so defensive about something he'd... never seen before, but he was. "Hey, dude, so was that crazy clown thing and you brought that around all the time. And. And, I mean, midget roadies aren't... aren't clowns."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Seriously dildos," he agrees. "Hey, clowns is metal! But I ain't seen any here."

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"Man, clowns ain't metal. At all. Anywhere. Seriously, dude."

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"They is so! So you wanna be in Hufflepuffs with the rest of us?"

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"I dunno, it sounds, uh. Kinda not metal, man. But. Hey, if yer makin' it... Sure, dude, yeah."

Vote: Hufflepuffs

[secondfastest.livejournal.com]

"Oh, it's metal. It's gonna be the most metal house ever."

Re: Vote: Hufflepuffs

[doodily-doo.livejournal.com]

"Then maybe we should, uh. ...Yeah, I really think we gotta change the name, man."