[identity profile] waste-lock.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] hh_mirror

Fifty Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

[livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus Edition




1. Professor Cthulhu will not be flattered if I ask him to sign my copy of "Legend of the Overfiend".
2. I must not poke the serial killers.
3. If I am caught writing "All Hufflepuffs are useless pansies" on the bathroom wall I deserve everything that happens to me.
4. I must not tell the "Defence Against" Dark Arts Professor that he takes himself too seriously.
5. Having "the cold dead eyes of a killer" is not grounds for squibbing,
6. There is no rule six.
7. I will not tell DEATH that his capslock key is stuck.
8. If I write Nightwing/Ryuuji slash I will make very sure that neither of them ever finds out.
9. If I write Teatime/Johnny slash I will make very sure that neither of them ever finds out.
10. If I write Steerpike/anyone slash I will make very sure that everyone finds out.
11. I will not suggest that mudwrestling is a silly way to resolve disputes.
12. The fourth wall is there for a reason and I should not break it unless, you know, it'd be funny.
13. I will not ask No Face for "bling".
14. Changing the password to the Slytherin dorm to "Cheer up, emo kid!" is a bad idea.
15. Changing the password to the Gryffindor dorm to "Cheer up, emo kid!" is a bad idea.
16. Changing the password to the Hufflepuff dorm to "Barefoot and Pregnant" is a bad idea.
17. Changing the password to the Ravenclaw dorm to any of the "Twelve Steps" is a bad idea.
18. Telling Ryuuji that his favorite shade of eyeliner has been discontinued will probably get me beat up.
19. Writing a [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus-specific parody of "Banned From Argo" would be very wrong.
20. Writing a [livejournal.com profile] hogwarts_hocus-specific parody of "The Ball At Kerrymuir" would be very wrong.
21. Loudly denouncing Western medicine in my application is a good way to get squibbed.
22. Loudly denouncing anime in my application is a good way to get squibbed.
23. I should not refer to Professors Lupin and Greyback as "The Fox and the Hound", especially if I speculate out loud which is which.
24. I will not sell "Women of Hufflepuff" calendars.
25.I will not sell "Men of Slytherin" calendars.
26. Giving lightsabers to serial killers was, in retrospect, a poorly though out Sorting bribe.
27.Even if I do have a deck of playing cards in my hand, I probably shouldn't ask Mr. Teatime if he wants to play poker.
28.Giving Sadako her own cable access show was wrong.
29. Devi does not want to hear me sing "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)".
30. I must not get us on Fandom_Wank for the sole purposes of recruiting new applicants.
31. Recruiting new applicants will not get me an actual toaster oven.
32. The Herbology professor does not have a D-Hopper.
33. I will not sell English-Furbish/Furbish-English dictionaries in which obscene come-ons have been substituted for such phrases as "Good Morning", "Thank you, Headmistress", and "The bathroom is down the hall and to the right".
34. There is no such thing as retroactive squibbing.
35. New students are not required to give the prefects a lap dance.
36. The first rule of Dissection Club is you don't talk about Dissection Club.
37. Salazar Slytherin is not an advice columnist.
38. "Chained to my bed" is not an acceptable Sorting vote.
39. I will not go to class sk... hell, people will hardly notice if I go to class skyclad around here.
40. No good will come of referring to the Malfoys as "inbreed three-nippled cousin-fuckers".
41. Suggesting to Eros that he play William Tell was amusing but unkind.
42. "Because the colors would bring out your eyes" is a shallow reason to Sort someone into a particular house.
43. As enjoyable as movie night might be, "Dragonslayer" would probably not be a popular choice.
44. We do not, as yet, have an exchange program with Transylvania Polygnostic University.
45. Or Miskatonic University.
46. I will not use House Elves for target practice. That's what squibs are for..
47. Unless you live in a hat, calling Professor Greyback "Fuzzy" is a bad idea.
48. Giving Ravenclaws Antabuse is just cruel.
49. SquibWeapons are allowed. SquibDildos are not.
50. Offering BPAL products as an OOC Sorting bribe is bad form. No matter how many people take you up on it.

Date: 2006-02-10 06:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] afraid-wizard.livejournal.com
((OOC: Very funny))

Date: 2006-02-10 06:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
((OOC: Perfect!))

Date: 2006-02-10 06:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
((*pops popcorn and sits back to see which of these turn up in Sortings*))

Date: 2006-02-10 06:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] green-n-buttery.livejournal.com
((... ... If I had any actual talent I would take you up on the "Banned From Argo" thing. Now I have it stuck in my head. Damn you.))

Date: 2006-02-10 06:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
51. Annoying any of the Founders, especially Slytherin is a very good way to find yourself shaved bald or given a hair removal potion one morning.

52. Or worse, bald, and chained from the celling; the only things around you look like they came from a S&M scene.

((Fixed!))

Date: 2006-02-10 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
^while skyclad

Date: 2006-02-10 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eidolonfaery.livejournal.com
53. Children should never ever be sorted into Hufflepuff. Ever.

Date: 2006-02-10 06:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] afraid-wizard.livejournal.com
54. I will not play murder in the dark with the following: Nny, Teatime and Steerpike.

Date: 2006-02-10 06:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
54. Fenrir is the reason that no one under a certain age is accepted to Hogwarts.

Date: 2006-02-10 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
((55, I didn't realise someone had posted 54 already...))

Date: 2006-02-10 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eidolonfaery.livejournal.com
No, we have some young ones.. Calvin, Me, Mokuba...

Date: 2006-02-10 07:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
point, but I wrote that in the principle of the whole thing.

Date: 2006-02-10 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Oh, we can add things?!

How about:

-I will not ignore the chibi. I will not ignore the chibi. I will not ignore the chibi

Date: 2006-02-10 07:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spiritoferos.livejournal.com
((*promptly cracks up, adds in a few more* ))

56. I must not sort people in Hufflepuff just because I want them to die.
57. I must not tell new applicants that No Face is the welcoming committee.
58. Blaming the Antichrist is Not Acceptable.
59. Neither is random capitalization.
60. Calling Parmesan a 'pansy cheese' is likely to get me forcefed three tons of it.
61. If that happens, I must vomit in the direction of Sparklypoo.

Date: 2006-02-10 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goldtooffer.livejournal.com
57. I must not tell new applicants that No Face is the welcoming committee.

*smirks*

Date: 2006-02-10 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Adding even more and I guess my above is 62, so ....

63. If I actually want to get into Slytherin, I will make it completely clear that I do not wish to get sexually or romantically involved with anyone in Slytherin.

64. Trying to figure out what is actually going on will probably drive me insane. Errr, even more insane.

Date: 2006-02-10 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] r-tam.livejournal.com
((OOC: *loves*))

Date: 2006-02-10 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
65. Addendum to #64: You'd have to be nuts to join in the first place, sanity does not apply here.

Date: 2006-02-10 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com
Can't stop!

66. If someone offers me a present, I will run away. Fast.

67. If I'm stupid enough to apply as a clown, I should at take my squibbing with dignity.

Date: 2006-02-10 09:21 pm (UTC)
ext_56912: (BIll the Horse)
From: [identity profile] niroby.livejournal.com
68. Don't trust anyone. Ever.
69. Claiming that you are the bringer of the apocalypse will get you squibbed or, alternatively attacked by dark lords with lightsabres who feel they are the true bringers of the apocalypse.

Date: 2006-02-11 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com
69a. Claiming that you prevented the apocalypse will get you placed in Gryffindor.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-02-10 11:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] basilisk-lord1.livejournal.com
70. Will not bring up mention of Nagini or alternate universes to the Herbology professor.

71. Do not mock the LJ-spellchecker. For it will save me from a squibbing.

Date: 2006-02-10 11:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chaos-creator.livejournal.com
72. I will not contract with Mr. Teatime to inhume (sp?) another god.

Date: 2006-02-10 11:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goldtooffer.livejournal.com
Amusing again xD
23. I should not refer to Professors Lupin and Greyback as "The Fox and the Hound", especially if I speculate out loud which is which.

xDDDD


24. I will not sell "Women of Hufflepuff" calendars.
25.I will not sell "Men of Slytherin" calendars.


....dude, I so want someone to make that xDDD And then have it shown around school.

Date: 2006-02-11 12:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goldtooffer.livejournal.com
Character-wise, Rita Skeeter could take pictures of people perhaps?

Date: 2006-02-11 03:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bestkogalever.livejournal.com
((OOC: (Laughing like mad at this) Oh man... Wish I could add on, but I have no talent with these sort of things. (Although I'm reading some of the lines to the tune of "Evil is a Four Letter Word, Too")

And I'd probably buy either of those calenders. ^_^ (Support the comm! Look at pretty-fake-people! Yay!))

Date: 2006-02-11 04:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
73: It is a very bad idea to piss off any of the Slyths, for they will get medieval on your ass.

Date: 2006-02-11 04:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shi-no-duo.livejournal.com
74: While I may condone torture on any and all of the squibbed applicants, does not mean I can torture any in Sparklypoo or Bitchiwitch, no matter how badly I might want to.

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