Yakko Warner, Animaniacs

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"Yikes!"

A short black-and-white creature ran at full speed into the Sorting Room. It might have been a cat, or a dog, or a monkey. It was rather hard to tell. He, for it was quite probably a male, was dressed in brown slacks, and nothing else. With a screeching sound he skidded to a halt in the middle of the hall and looked around.

"Riiight... Well, this is new," he commented to the camera no one in particular.

Yakko checked the room for Wakko and Dot, but there were no traces of them. No siblings. Well, they were bound to show up sooner or later! They always did! And when they did, Yakko was gonna scold them for leaving him alone to keep up appearances...

He trotted around the room, checking it out, humming the show's theme song to himself. "La-la-la-deeee-dumda-dumda-la-la-dee-dumda-dumda..."


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Well, this was a very important question. Demanded some serious thinking. "Well..." Bits and pieces of The Cheese Roll Call floated through his mind. The texture of some can be real gooey / Others are quite firm and chewy / Some are better when mildewy...

"Cheese balls," he replied finally. "Because they are small, round, yellow, and so gosh-darn delicious."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Ah, that takes me back," he grinned. "Yeah, my sibs and me did a great job takin' care of that! Anvils. Classic. Gets the job done."

3. What time is it where you are?
"It's that time again!" A large fortune wheel with a printer attached was pulled out from somewhere, and Yakko spun it while chanting: "Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn." The wheel stopped, settling on a number. "Number four!" exclaimed Yakko cheerily and waited for the little piece of paper to be printed. "And the moral of today's story is..." He tore it off, and his face suddenly looked very solemn as he read out loud.

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you." He gave this a considerable amount of thought, and then nodded. "It makes sense to me!"

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Yakko's mouth fell open and a vacant look came over his face as his mind became completely blank. "Aaahhh..." The sound continued to echo out of his mouth before he finally replied. "Tonks."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
A dreamy expression spread over Yakko's face. Sigh... He could picture it now. Himself tending a bar, surrounded by gorgeous women who all wanted to hang out with such a charming, well-mannered smooth talker like himself. Oh Yakko, they would say. We are so happy you started bartending here! We were going crazy without you! And he would smile winningly and say, Well girls, I'm here for ya now, what can I get you? And they would sigh, and kiss him, and say: Yakko, darling, we just want to hold you and kiss you and feed you grapes and just be there for you...

Yakko snapped out of it, his pleasant daydream shattering as he shook his head. "Um... Right! I'd call it The Yakkoroomia, or The Monkey Meet-up, or The Cute Girls Get In For Free, or something like that."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"...Yeah, whatever," said Yakko and shrugged. "Hey, you need an appointment with a p-psychiatrist? I know a really good one." He pronounced it 'pee-psychiatrist.' Not because he didn't know about silent letters, he just thought it was funnier that way.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"My advice to you?" His voice took on a confiding tone. "Get another occupation. Or a garbage disposal! Wakko would probably be interested in the job."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
Yakko stared. For several minutes. Then he broke down laughing. "Good one!"

It took him a while to regain his breath. "Seeeriously folks. Useless is not my gig. I can sing all the words in the English language, and the names of nearly every country in the world! It's an important skill."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
“Weeell...” Out of nowhere, Yakko pulled out a rather small bag, from which he began to take out various objects, piling them up around him. “We have an anvil, some dynamite, a mallet, a bicycle horn..." He paused to honk it once and then continued. "A funny mask, a jar of pickles, half a candy bar, a kimono, a packet of Branimaniacs breakfast cereal, a comic book, a roll of tape, 28 cents..." The coins rolled out on the floor as Yakko half-disappeared into the bag, continuing to name everything he took out with a voice that was becoming more and more muffled. "A small puppy, a deck of cards, a boxing glove, a coat hanger..." The room became very quiet as he completely vanished inside the bag. After a minute or two he poked up his head again and climbed out, casually. "O-kay, I think that's it!"

He gave the Wheel of Morality a small, proud pat. "Also, I am able to offer clever advice from the Wheel of Morality here. Or sing you an entertaining yet highly educating song."

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Yakko Warner_
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __Yakko Warner___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Yakko Warner__.
One day, marmalade Yakko will rule the world universe. __Yakko Warner__"

((Small note: Female characters even remotely attractive will be glomped by Yakko. Any character may be kissed by him. You have been warned.))