((Feel free to skip to the bottom for his answer. This got pretty long.))
He was halfway to reaching back for his topmost pillow when Hakkai voiced his thoughts. Of all the questions he could have asked, that was among the very last Gojyo had expected him to. The alcohol was obviously affecting him for once, and it might have been amusing to observe how a tipsy Hakkai acted if not for the morbid direction his thoughts had taken.
Pillow forgotten, Gojyo let his hand fall back to the bed and brought his cigarette to his lips with the other. Taking a long drag, he exhaled the smoke slowly and no longer looked at either of them, instead focussing on the ashtray in his lap. He'd already wasted enough of his time and energy thinking about, worrying about, dreading -- what it would be like if his mother came back. Nothing would be different. The second she'd see him, she'd recognise him, and would most likely try to finish the job. He wasn't sure what would happen if no one was there to stop her.
At least he couldn't die on school grounds. Not even with an ax embedded in his neck. Hopefully.
Jien was a completely different story. Gojyo still hoped to one day find him, and meeting him at Hogwarts would be a stroke of good luck. He couldn't be sure that Jien wouldn't blame him for everything that happened years ago, but he had a feeling that, with enough time and after getting reacquainted with each other again, things might just be okay, or as okay as they ever could be. And maybe he was delusional.
"She'd still hate me," he said suddenly, ignoring the tightness in his chest as he stubbed out what was left of his cigarette and lit another. Sanzo hadn't elaborated on his answer in the least, and Gojyo felt awkward being the one to give more than a monosyllable response, but continued regardless. Maybe it would encourage Hakkai to answer as well. "Don't know about my brother. He might be surprised to find me alive. I know I would be." He was smiling faintly as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling again, imagining what it would be like to introduce Jien to them one day.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-10-29 04:56 am (UTC)He was halfway to reaching back for his topmost pillow when Hakkai voiced his thoughts. Of all the questions he could have asked, that was among the very last Gojyo had expected him to. The alcohol was obviously affecting him for once, and it might have been amusing to observe how a tipsy Hakkai acted if not for the morbid direction his thoughts had taken.
Pillow forgotten, Gojyo let his hand fall back to the bed and brought his cigarette to his lips with the other. Taking a long drag, he exhaled the smoke slowly and no longer looked at either of them, instead focussing on the ashtray in his lap. He'd already wasted enough of his time and energy thinking about, worrying about, dreading -- what it would be like if his mother came back. Nothing would be different. The second she'd see him, she'd recognise him, and would most likely try to finish the job. He wasn't sure what would happen if no one was there to stop her.
At least he couldn't die on school grounds. Not even with an ax embedded in his neck. Hopefully.
Jien was a completely different story. Gojyo still hoped to one day find him, and meeting him at Hogwarts would be a stroke of good luck. He couldn't be sure that Jien wouldn't blame him for everything that happened years ago, but he had a feeling that, with enough time and after getting reacquainted with each other again, things might just be okay, or as okay as they ever could be. And maybe he was delusional.
"She'd still hate me," he said suddenly, ignoring the tightness in his chest as he stubbed out what was left of his cigarette and lit another. Sanzo hadn't elaborated on his answer in the least, and Gojyo felt awkward being the one to give more than a monosyllable response, but continued regardless. Maybe it would encourage Hakkai to answer as well. "Don't know about my brother. He might be surprised to find me alive. I know I would be." He was smiling faintly as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling again, imagining what it would be like to introduce Jien to them one day.