WART 31: Strong Bad Sings?

[sbisawesome.livejournal.com]

Heh. So I just barely return to Hogwarts after a trip back to my sovereign domain of Strong Badia (population: tire), and what do I find but Homestar Runner threatening an invasion. *mutters* Time to get out the badminton equipment again.

Homestar, let me save you some time right now. You and your "Homestarmy" will never be able to defeat Strong Badia. In fact I'm gonna start out my WART broadcast with the proud Strong Badian national anthem.

Will everyone please rise for the presentation of our national colors...



Thank you. You may be seated.

Ah, Strong Badia. A place where a man can be free. Free to do what he wants to do. Free to ketchup his eggs without being hassled by the man. Hogwarts isn't quite so free and easy. Or cool. Definitely short on the coolness.

I've been listening to you guys on WART. You need some serious remedial music education. And I'm gonna give it to you. No, no, don't thank me now. Wait until I spin some tunes.

First, you gotta have an appreciation for rock history. You need to know the basics. No, not the basics, the other basics. The basics of how to rock! Take this great song. Dio - "Holy Diver"

And now we are the inheritors of this majestic legacy! As Tenacious D explain in their song "Dio".

The grandeur of the musical scene all comes together in the art of my favorite band of all times, Limozeen. Allow me to feast your ears on their hit single, "Because It's Midnite".

In general, you can tell a cool song by its cool words and lyrics. Take this one by Monster Magnet - "Negasonic Teenage Warhead". It just rolls off the tongue, man. Negasonic. That word just reeks of the cool.

Or sometimes a band will just get so inspired by the very concept of metal that they kick out all the jams! Like when Cradle of Filth rock rock on with Black Metal

Yeah! Not that I could really understand what they were saying, but yeah, it musta been awesome! Now I feel fortified to begin a round of your pathetic requests. I mean, really, c'mon, you guys. Susan Sto Helit wants to hear Keren Ann playing "Not Going Anywhere". She says, "It's sort of for my grandfather, and for my friends, but mostly I just wanted to hear it."

Ohhhhh, Susan. We really need to have a little talk about music. Let me introduce you to one of the most celebrated bands of all times. Let Spinal Tap teach you ... "The Majesty of Rock".

In case that wasn't enough to make you see the light, I'll follow it up with another one. Spinal Tap - "Christmas With the Devil"

So deliciously blasphemous! Speaking of blasphemous, our initialed friend J.I. wants to hear Gregorian's cover of "Blasphemous Rumours". Yeah, J.I., I expect to find him laughing too ... at you! Or at least laughing at Strong Sad. Everybody laughs at that guy.

Just like they laugh at fhqwhgads. Everyone's just gonna feel sorry for him. I mean, I do. What, you don't know the 411 on fhqwhgads? Sit right back and you'll hear a tale ... Strong Bad - "Everybody to the Limit"

The Cheat made a truly excellent video of this song, which I will now attempt to play for you in a pyrotechnic masterpiece of light and color.
...
Did that work? Was it good for you? Yeah, I felt the earth move too.

Awww, thank you, thank you. It was nothing. No, really, stop throwing all those long-stemmed roses through the Floo at me. I mean it. I can't be hogging the spotlight, so let's show some love for my very animated pals, Radiskull and Devil Doll. Well, OK, so we're not officially pals. I bet if I met them they'd totally hang out with me. Give it up for Radiskull and Devil Doll singing "Very Bad".

Spoo-oo-ooky! It's like a Decemberween type song. So is this request from Yuuko Ishida, who wants to hear Folk Underground singing about, uh, "Folk Underground".

There's other stuff that lives underground. Like bugs. Nny has requested a verrra romantic song about those: Darkest of Hillside Thickets, "Burrow Your Way Into My Heart". You hear that, Homestar? That's a romantic song there. You should dedicate something like that to Marzipan. *snickers*

An anonymous person sent in a song that Marzipan probly could send in for Homestar if she follows him here, but it wasn't Marzipan because Marzipan isn't here. Yet. It's Sufjan Stevens, covering "What Goes On".

Enough with the anomalous. Admiral ZEX sends out a very special dedication to his friend Dib. The good Admiral sez: "Admiral ZEX here, dedicating this to everyone who's traveled far to come here, or will travel in the future (Dib, I know you'll go far). A very popular tune where I'm from. This remix of the Hyperspace theme from Star Control II is by Saibuster, and it's called "Hyperdrive.""

Sailing through space with Admiral ZEX ... sounds like it could be a fun vacation, as long as he could keep his tentacles to himself. Amy, on the other hand, would like to sail the high seas, and end up marrying someone or something, judging from the request she made to hear Jerry Garcia and John Kahn singing "Jack-A-Roe". Man. That was such a lame segue. It was so lame even I have to smack myself upside the head.

All these songs about lovey-dovey stuff. Look, you gotta be smooth with the ladies. You gotta be cool. Let me play you some songs that will show you how it's done.

KISS - Calling Doctor Love

Scorpions - Love 'Em or Leave 'Em

Don't say I never did you any favors.

Ah, I see my advice is already bearing sweet fruit. This just in, a request from GOB, who dedicates this song to his "secret admirer". Secret Admirer, GOB wants you to know that "As always, only Steve Perry can express how I feel," and he sends out to you this sweet ballad of affections, Journey - Anytime.

A certain Mr. Edmund Blackadder would like to hear a song by Warren Zevon. Hey, that's a cool name. Zeeeee-von. It's like a space alien or somethin'. Maybe he's a relative of Admiral ZEX. Anyways, here's the song - "Mr. Bad Example". Hey, that's kinda catchy. Reminds me of all those capers I pulled with The Cheat. Very very successful capers. We won't mention the jumble caper, OK?

Getting away from all the hustle and the bustle, we have a chill request from Hurley, who says this one's for "anybody else who needs a three-minute breather from all the stuff goin' on here." It's Bedouin Soundclash - "When the Night Feels My Song."

Time to draw this happy interlude to a close. I'm gonna close with a dedication to my The Cheat. (Don't leave out the The or else.) AC/DC - "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap". Little guy, I hope you come to Hogwarts someday soon. *sniffle* I mean, Homsar and Homestar are here now, I'm getting kinda outnumbered.

... Aw, man. Speak of the devil! Just when I thought this show was over ... Homsar himself sends in a request ... it's the Mad Caddies singing a song called ... "Sad Reggie". Homsar wants to say to this Reggie person: "Don't be sad, Reggie! We're going to make it after all!" Gee, Homsar, I sure hope this Reggie guy listens to WART. Because I know you didn't mean to dedicate it to me, because my name is not Reggie!!

*coughs*


So. Yeah. Our next DJs will be the team of Professor Lupin and Yubari Gogo, so send them your requests or face their wrath. Following them will be Professor Maturin and Otogi Ryuuji. What is up with these teacher-student duos? Are you guys trying to get extra credit or something?

Peace out, Hogwarts.