Tim/Kon RP Log.

[batsmarts.livejournal.com]

Kon & Tim RP log! A conversation, pretty much immediately following Tim's second chat (and sparring session) with Terry. There's a little smooch or two. And a whole lot of guilt over them.



batsmarts: Talking to (and of course, sparring with) Terry was a surprisingly okay way for Tim to clear his head. Most days, he'd have just gone to Conner for guideance and to just talk until he sorted things out but... Kon was sort of wrapped up in this in a way that made Tim's stomach feel all cold. Taking a beating from Terry helped, though. Tim had only gone back to his room to change into a shirt that he hadn't gotten sweat and blood on, and after putting a little balm on some of his bruises and giving himself a little pat of cologne, he grabbed his jacket and was out the door again, heading for Gryffindor.

Tim thought that Kon was probably outside, if he was anywhere, but wanted to check his best friend's room before heading outside tonight.
super_clone: Kon had actually ended up back in his room. He was sort of afraid that if he went outside again he'd go for a flight and just not come back. Flying away forever would probably be easier. So Kon had curled himself up on his bed with a copy of the wizard newpaper and was trying to figure out why the pictures were moving.
batsmarts: The pictures probably thought that was hilarious. Tim knocked, three times in sharp, quick succession, and bit his lower lip as he looked down at the floor, "Kon," he called, voice unmistakable even through the wood, "you in there?"

They needed to talk. Oh, man.
super_clone: Kon jumped to his feet, a shiver of tension running through him. It took him a moment to remember that they weren't superheroes, there wasn't anyone to fight here, Of course, that only made it worse. This wasn't business, it was personal. But Kon opened the door. Because... he had to. He HAD to see Tim.
batsmarts: Tim felt better the minute he heard Kon rustling around in there, and saw the handle of the door start to open. He smiled, easing inside, and ran a hand a little nervously through his hair. Ooookay. We're in the door. That's a good start. "H-hey," Tim blurted, feeling immediately awkward. "Uhm," he began, and wet his lips, looking up at Kon. How do you begin to ask your best friend if they really meant that they actually liked you? Like, LIKED you liked you? Especially when you'd spent so much time trying NOT to like them that way.
super_clone: Oh, Kon wasn't sure how to ask either. He froze, staring at Tim. He could almost swear Tim would be able to hear his heartbeat, Kon's heart was beating so hard. If he pretended everything was okay, Tim might go to Jason, but their friendship would stay the way it was, and Kon could just go back to Cassie. If Kon... did something. In the back of his mind, a gentle voice chided him for overthinking the situation, and Kon gave it up. This was going to be screwed up no matter what. So the Kryptonian boy grabbed his best friend and kissed him, gentle and strangely desperate.
batsmarts: Oh, holy fuck.

Tim didn't even really have time to think before he was pulled into a kiss, soft but warm, and wrapped up in Kon's too-strong-for-anybody's-own-good arms. His eyes had gone wide and a little shocked noise leapt out of the back of his throat and onto Kon's tongue. Oh, Kon had definately meant it.

Tim's hands were on Kon's shoulders, clutching at his shirt but not-quite pressing against him, not wanting to push him away but ... definately needing to talk about this.

This really would just make things even more impossible to figure out.
super_clone: Oh god. Tim wasn't kissing back-- that was bad. Kon let go immediately and all but flew back, wide-eyed and worried, and looking close to running away. "I didn't mean, I.... uhm. Oh crap." He swallowed hard. Because he HAD meant it. And he'd wanted Tim to kiss back.

This was... stupid. Utterly ridiculous. Tim was his best friend, and love triangles were stupid anyway. And yet a hard, cold not was forming in his stomach. "Shit, Tim, I'm sorry."
batsmarts: "Don't run," were the first two words out of Tim's mouth because he knew that look. Kon was about to bolt at top speed, and Tim wouldn't have his best friend go running off over something so... so stupid. This really was stupid. "Conner, I just .. You surprised me," he said, crossing the room to where Kon was practically cowering with smooth, confident steps. He reached up, ruffling his best friend's hair, and with a little tug to that short black mess, he pulled Kon into a hug. Because clearly, Kon needed it.

Honestly, Tim needed it, too. That meant it must've been pretty bad, because as close as Tim and Kon were, they didn't really hug much. Joke around, horseplay, wrestle, sure. Touch? Yeah. But hug?

Not so much. Not nearly so much.

Tim couldn't help sounding a little irritated, when he muttered against Kon's shoulder, "Don't apologize, K."
super_clone: Kon knew it was stupid too. He was overreacting, and he didn't really care. Because it was all about Tim. All about what he wanted, and whether they would still be okay after this. He rapped his arms around Tim's waist hesitantly.

If Kon needed any more proof that the world had gone insane... Tim didn't hug him. Boys didn't hug, it just wasn't something they were supposed the do. "I have to."
batsmarts: Tim didn't want Kon to RUN. Of course he was hugging him. The last time they'd hugged had been in a group, Tim at the center of a bunch of confused, heartbroken friends who'd just heard that his father had died. And even then, Kon had been on the outside of that group, holding his hand more than pulling him into anything close. Tim asked, frusrtrated, "Why couldn't you have figured this out a year ago? Or two?"

He was frustrated and tense, but he wasn't.. he wasn't blaming Kon, and he didn't sound angry. His voice was light, really. Almost joking.
super_clone: But Kon didn't seem to notice Tim's tone. At all. Because he tensed even more, not seriously trying to pull away, but leaning back. "I didn't... I wasn't..." He didn't have an excuse. He'd just never thought about it! Tim had been his friend, and there'd been Cassie, and even if Tim occasionally didn't stupid things, Kon never seriously worried that Tim was moving away from him. Kon had never had to examine what he'd felt for the boy.
batsmarts: "Easy," Tim said, and thumped a hand against Kon's chest as he pulled out of the hug. He met his best friend's eyes with a huff. "It'd just have made it easier for me, is all. And I'm selfish," Tim grumbled, and went over to flop with a groan on Conner's bed. "I just. I've spent two years at least getting over my crush on you."

Tim threw a pillow at Kon's head.
super_clone: Kon rocked back and pulled the pillow off his face, looking down at it for a moment before swinging it-- gently, at Tim's head. "Well, it's not like I knew that." He didn't. If he'd known... Well, he probably would have thought Tim was insane for one. But it would have triggered this crisis sooner.
batsmarts: "Yeah, yeah," Tim said, grabbing the pillow right out of Kon's hands, and fluffing it up before throwing it at him again. Like he could do any damage at this range.

"You know I'd do anything for you, man. You're my best friend. And, yeah, I.... but, I like him too."

And that one was a fresh wound. Bound to hurt more. And that was probably a bad way to describe it.
super_clone: Kon had reached up to grab the pillow from the air and throw it right back at Tim. But when those words left his mouth, the pillow's tragectory shifted just slightly from the sudden tremor in Kon's hands. It was a good thing, too, because the pillow rushed passed Tim, barely an inch from his cheek, and exploded against the far wall. "O-oh."
batsmarts: "Oh," Tim echoed, surprise in his voice. "Get down here," Tim said, gesturing for Kon to stretch out next to him and hunker down. Tim... was thinking and trying to figure out what it was that he could say that would help Conner take this ... better.

Hah. Not much, actually. "I know, it probably won't work out." It almost definately wouldn't work out, in fact. Tim knew that. "He's a jackass," Tim admitted right off. And immediately, Tim felt bad about it because... as much as he was frustrated by Jason, he wanted to defend him when other people spoke poorly of him. Sort of how he always wanted to defend Conner when people said he was dumb or impulsive or would turn out like Luthor.
super_clone: Conner slowly sank to the ground beside Tim, staring at the smaller boy, face pale. "I don't have to tell you all the reasons why it's a bad idea, do I." It wasn't a question. Kon knew Tim had probably thought it and overthought it. But he was still... shaking. Tim hadn't said he was going to be with Jason. A spark of hope rekindled and he moved into a position that was a bit more comfortable beside Tim.
batsmarts: "No, you don't. It's a horrible idea. Probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had," Tim groaned, leaning his head against Kon's shoulder. With one hand, he rubbed his eyes. Swallowing thickly, he hesitated.

"I just. There's a lot to it. To him, and to me, and to you and.. to all this."

Tim cracked his fingers apart, and opened one eye, peering bright-blue through his fingers up at Conner.

"I ... need my best friend right now, Kon. I know that later, I might decided that I want you to be around as more than a best friend, and that you probably won't be waiting around for me."
super_clone: Kon felt as though Clark had socked him in the stomach, and he couldn't meet Tim's gaze, turning his head, although he didn't move the rest of his body, not wanting to move Tim. "I am your best friend," he said, trying to force his voice under control. "If that's what you want, that's what I'll be. That's fine." It wasn't fine, and Tim could probably tell. Tim could always tell when Kon was lying.
batsmarts: "Kon," Tim said, in that serious tone of voice that he usually only reserved for coaxing Bart into doing something he didn't want to do. It was that serious, you-don't-really-mean-that voice. "What.... Don't lie to me. What do you want. I mean. You know."

Tim could guess. There had been that kiss earlier. But...well, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt his best friend. But it wasn't like he could just turn down the heat on his feelings for Jason, and turn UP the heat on his long-repressed feelings for Conner.
super_clone: No, it wasn't. And Kon flinched and turned around, wrapping his arms around Tim's waist to tug him closer. "I don't-- I..." Kon was really very bad with words. It's one of the reasons (besides being a dumb teenage boy) that he'd never examined his feelings for Tim. So he stopped trying to SAY it. And kissed the boy again, tensed to let go at the first sign that Tim was hesitating, to pushing away, or... anything. That he he didn't want to be kissed.
batsmarts: At first, Tim accepted and returned the kiss. Slowly, experimentally. Of course, it felt good. Kon tasted kind of like mint and cinnamon and mostly like he was hot inside, which immediately made Tim murmur. What he didn't taste like was the lingering headiness of cigarettes, and he didn't feel at all as rough or sharp or cold as Jason did. He felt safe. And Tim felt his insides begin to coil up like lead and go cold with something that felt unnervingly like guilt.

Of course, he broke the kiss, with a little frustrated sound, and said the first thing that came to his mind.

"I feel like I'm cheating."

Shit. Tim knew it was the absolute wrong thing to say.
super_clone: Kon jerked back, then. He'd been feeling warm, slowly letting the fear melt away. Now, though, he pulled away, wishing he had the same sort of control over his expression as any of the members of the batfamily. Because Tim could read him like a book. Which meant he'd be able to see the mingling anger and fear and despair. Why did Kon think breathing kryptonite dust would hurt less?

"You... Oh." Kon unsteadily began to climb to his feet-- he wasn't leaving, just going over to stare out the window, though.
batsmarts: Tim watched Kon get up and move and he knew how upset his best friend was. Of course he knew. It was Conner. He knew everything there was to know about Conner. "I... I'm sorry, Kon, I just. I've just been... I don't know."

Tim was feeling guilty about kissing Kon AND about NOT kissing Kon. Great. Peachy. Perfect.

"I-I should go." He muttered, as he pushed himself to his feet. "My best friend... isn't gonna disappear, is he?"
super_clone: "No, of course not." Kon swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, and turned to give Tim a weeak smile that faded after barely a moment. "It-- it's fine, Tim. I'll be here. I don't mind. It doesn't matter." They both would know that was a lie. "I can't control what you do," he echoed Adam advice.
batsmarts: "Sh-shit, Kon, I ..." Tim knew how much his best friend was hurting. It was in his voice and all over his face and... it was his fault. "Isn't there some rule," Tim said, trying to force light-heartedness into his voice as he crossed the room to where Kon was, and failing, "that says that only one of us is allowed to mope around at once? Because, the combined force of our moping would like, tear a hole in the universe?"

Tim groaned. And tugged on the bottom of Kon's shirt at the back, because it was the closest there was to a cape to grab onto. "I gotta hear that he hates me to get through it." Just like he'd had to hear Kon raving about how amazing and wonderful and beautiful Cassie was, to be able to convince himself that he had no chance.

"I'm sorry."
super_clone: "I know you are." Kon shrugged away from Tim, catching the boy's eyes. "But what will you do if he never says he hates you?" Not if Jason loved Tim. Kon didn't think Jasonw as capable of it. But if Jason kept jerking his best friend around like this. Because now that he knew Tim liked the guy, Kon couldn't even threaten to hurt him for this.

He crossed his arms, doing his best to look like he wasn't moping. Not upset. Nope, not me. Not at all upset...
batsmarts: Kon looked horribly upset. And Tim knew it was his fault. The idea, though, that Jason wouldn't ever say that he hated Tim... which was basically the equivalent of Jason telling Tim he never wanted him to leave... it had never occurred to him. And that much was obvious on Tim's face, when the question hit him.

"I... I'll get around it some other way," Tim said automatically. Very task-oriented, that boy. "The way I made myself get o... get over all the other stuff that's happened."
super_clone: Kon didn't believe it. He wasn't sure Tim believed it either, but what he said was "yeah." The least he could do was pretend. And maybe if he pretended long enough he'd actually believe it at some point. Tim was still his best friend, regardless, and Kon didn't want this to get between them.

His licked his lips and leaned forward to punch Tim's shoulder gently. "Idiot. If you get yourself hurt over this I'll have to noogie you." It was a really weak joke. And a really weak smile.
batsmarts: "If I get myself hurt over this, I give you free reign in the I-Told-You-So category for the rest of our lives. And I'll noogie you back, not that it'll do much damage." Only to Tim's knuckles, maybe.

The blue-eyed boy groaned, and elbowed Kon kinda-hard in the side, which really just made Tim's own arm a little sore, but the weak smile was a good step. And Kon hadn't heard that what he'd been about to say originally was that he'd get over Jason the same way he got himself 'over you'. Which would have been a stupid analogy to make anyway, because for all the trouble he was having... he wasn't entirely over Kon, either.
super_clone: "I'll remember that." Kon's voice was on the edge of breaking. He wanted to DO something. But there wasn't anything he could do except act like he didn't mind. He pulled away from Tim before he did something stupid that he knew he shouldn't.

If Cassie was around... If Cassie was here, Kon wouldn't be in this mess. He would distract himself with her. But she wasn't, she was... elsewhere, and not somewhere Kon could go to talk to her or kiss her, or otherwise make himself remember that he loved HER and not his stupid best friend.
batsmarts: Exactly. He DOES love Cassie and not his stupid best friend. Right? Right. Tim sighed, and shoved his hands into his pockets. "You know," he said, a little awkwardly, "... I know you aren't gonna wait around for me. I. If I'm too late when I acutally et my head on straight and ... you know, get some sense... I guess, I won't be surprised." Tim was wondering if he maybe shouldn't have said that. But he didn't want Kon to be waiting around like.. like he was on RESERVE. Like Tim wanted them both and wouldn't make up his mind.

Because, Tim cared about them both, yes. But... "I just. Nevermind. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'll... see you at breakfast."

Tim wanted to go before he said anything stupid or... or got Kon's hopes up by trying again.
super_clone: "Yeah... Yeah, I see you at breakfast. Uhm." Kon couldn't think of anything to say. or anything to do besides grabbing TIm and proving why it should be HIM and not Jason (not that Kon had any idea how to do that. He'd never even gotten past third base with a GIRL...

Jason was pribably a better kisser than him too.
batsmarts: "G... Good night, man," Tim said, and nodded, trying to hold back his concern (only really letting his furrowed brow slip). He nodded and wriggled his fingers at Conner, before heading awkwardly out of his best friend's room and into the hall. Tim wanted to hit his head against the door. Honestly. It SHOULD have been Kon.

But. It wasn't. WHY wasn't it Kon?!

Tim wasted no time getting back to Ravenclaw, where he could growl at himself and punch his pillow and overthink the situation until he fell asleep.
super_clone: Kon turned back towards the window and punched the wall as hard as he could, leaving a dent nearly a foot deep in the grey stone. That... hadn't gone at all how he'd wanted it to. So much for not thinking and just acting.