Application: Princess Irulan (Dune the novel and David Lynch's film adaptation of same)

[spoiled-irulan.livejournal.com]

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
There's a particularly pleasant whale's milk cheese that we get imported from my home planet, Kaitan. Paul doesn't seem to care for it, sadly. He prefers all that awful native food, unfortunately. Just like he prefers the native women.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Whichever stood in the way of my ambition to bear an imperial heir. Neither! Killing is such an extreme measure to take, isn't it? Although I suppose there are times when it might be necessary, aren't there? That's why one has assassins.

3. What time is it where you are?
Approximately 16:45 by this hateful rock's Arrakeen time.

4.If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member ofthe Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
It depends entirely on whose bloodlines were the most valuable, I think. I'd have to consult with the Reverend Mother.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I suppose if I did have a bar, I'd call it "The Open Book".

B.Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Neither. Isn't there a woman he should be marrying instead? He's obviously of an important family, and his heritage must be secured. I'm sure an appropriate wife can be found for him.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Fire your secretary. Clearly he or she isn't doing a very good job! I have three very competent secretaries to keep my academic and literary papers in order.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
Well, I'm the eldest daughter of the former emperor Shaddam IV, beautiful, impeccably bred, trained and educated by the Bene Gesserit, and an accomplished writer. Not that my husband seems to appreciate ANY of that very much, even though someday I'll secure his memory by writing best-selling books about his life and sayings.

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
Well, as the daughter of one emperor and the wife even if it is in name only of another, I have no shortage of jewels or fine clothes that I can offer. If those don't interest you, I can guarantee you a favorable mention in one of my histories.

((N.B. arrakis_savior's grumblings about Irulan and fervent hopes that she not show up were too much to resist, and this ... er ... version of her character is inspired as much by him as anything else, with arrakis_savior!mun's permission.))