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hh_mirror2012-03-31 05:21 am
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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
ETA: The Guide recognizes that, as some of you may be aware, the Guide was at some point materially involved with an incident involving the destruction of the planet known as "Earth" in all then-accessible timelines. While we are quite pleased to see that this destruction was incomplete, we would like to take this opportunity to note that the destruction in question occurred after a hostile corporate takeover of the Guide by the Vogon Constructor Fleet. While, in the aftermath of said takeover and its eventual reversal, the Guide does maintain a semi-sapient status, the Guide has since been enhanced with a simulated editorial board and simulated legal department. As a result, the Guide no longer has any intention of contributing to the demolition of planets known as "Earth", especially when the Guide maintains a presence on such planets.
State your full name.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the most-trusted* source of information regarding virtually** all topics related to known space***.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The most rare and sought-after cheese in the galaxy is known most popularly as "blue suede" or "sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll." This cheese is produced in very small quantities from the milk of the misleadingly-named Perfectly Normal Beast, which in its annual mating stampede covers a uniquely interplanetary path due to a set of hyperspace gateways erected to prevent the trampling of a delightful nightclub (Hitchhiker's Guide rating: three novas) where the intrepid hitchhiker might thrill to the crooning of an entity known only as "The King" while enjoying an expertly-mixed Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. In order for this most desirable cheese to be produced, the Perfectly Normal Beasts are distracted by means of standard veterinary darts filled with [trade secret redacted] before entering the initial transplanetary hyperspace gateway, within auditory-organ-shot of The King him/hir/ftaghrself. Then, while the Perfectly Normal Beasts are engaged in conjugal progress towards an "all shook up" state, the required fluids are harvested, congealed, and aged under the bandstand.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Due to the non-standard local timelines required for the research conducted by reporters for the Guide, it cannot be said with any certainty whether Barney or Carrottop dies "first". However, it should be noted that there is a substantial betting pool among said reporters regarding which might first (insofar as that word has any meaning) manage to either kill or prevent the existence of Barney and Carrottop simultaneously. Extra points are to be rewarded if this is carried out by means of seduction and/or cocktail, with the entire pot claimable by the first reporter able to prevent both Barney and Carrottop due to a single cocktail-enhanced seduction (the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster has been, in an amendment to the relevant rules, been ruled inappropriate, as it may be assumed to immediately induce a state beyond consent and/or linear consciousness).
3. What time is it where you are?
As an unexpected consequence of the temporal status of Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe, it may only be said (mex only be sayinith) that time is (irth), itself, perhaps a subject better considered (considariren) before the application of alcohol.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment by or among staff of the Guide is expressly discouraged. Any actions taken by Ford Prefect or any other Guide reporters is entirely between the reporters involved and the relevant planetary authorities. (Supervisor's note: Yes, this applies to resurrected employees, as the employment contract clearly states that termination only occurs upon final death, with the relevant riders addressing non-linear lifelines, semi-conscious reincarnation or metempsychosis, encounters with an Infinite Improbability Drive and/or similar technologies, etc.) (Supervisor's note: Yes, that even applies to reporters with "sweet-ass wizard beards".)
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
While mixing a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is popularly (i.e. by unanimous vote of Guide reporters) considered to be the pinnacle of the bartender's art, successfully mixing same in the dark qualifies an intrepid bartender for certification as "legendary". And for certification, for that matter. Connoisseurs insist that both Ol' Janx Spirit and Qualactian Hypermint benefit from a lack of light.
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The marriage traditions on Sirius Five may be of particular interest. While twins are quite common on this planet, marriages involving pairs of twins are absolutely banned unless the given-name initials form a sequence in the Earth Latin alphabet. Currently, the largest group marriage in history -- consisting of more than three hundred spouses, and frequently referred to in the press as "The Great Orgy of Sirius Five" -- begins with Ignatius and ends with Eleanor, managing to circle the alphabet several times without ever matching up perfectly. If another three spouses with initial initials F, G, and H were to join this marriage, the ancient Sirius Five prophecy regarding an even known as "the Big Bang" might finally be fulfilled.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Complaints regarding the funneling of complaints onto the desk of a single unidentified individual are being investigated. Updates on this investigation (along with funding requests, complaints regarding funding requests, and updates on the investigation into complaints regarding funding requests) will be forwarded to the same recipient.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
Far from being useless, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is widely regarded as the most valuable source of information for hitchhikers and aspiring hitchhikers in the galaxy. It also has the words "DON'T PANIC" written in large, reassuring letters on its cover.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is prepared to offer permanent guest-list status at Stavromula Beta, the most extensive list of singles clubs and cocktail recipes in the galaxy, the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything, a towel, and our continued discretion regarding that incident in Belg---.
State your full name.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is the most-trusted* source of information regarding virtually** all topics related to known space***.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The most rare and sought-after cheese in the galaxy is known most popularly as "blue suede" or "sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll." This cheese is produced in very small quantities from the milk of the misleadingly-named Perfectly Normal Beast, which in its annual mating stampede covers a uniquely interplanetary path due to a set of hyperspace gateways erected to prevent the trampling of a delightful nightclub (Hitchhiker's Guide rating: three novas) where the intrepid hitchhiker might thrill to the crooning of an entity known only as "The King" while enjoying an expertly-mixed Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. In order for this most desirable cheese to be produced, the Perfectly Normal Beasts are distracted by means of standard veterinary darts filled with [trade secret redacted] before entering the initial transplanetary hyperspace gateway, within auditory-organ-shot of The King him/hir/ftaghrself. Then, while the Perfectly Normal Beasts are engaged in conjugal progress towards an "all shook up" state, the required fluids are harvested, congealed, and aged under the bandstand.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Due to the non-standard local timelines required for the research conducted by reporters for the Guide, it cannot be said with any certainty whether Barney or Carrottop dies "first". However, it should be noted that there is a substantial betting pool among said reporters regarding which might first (insofar as that word has any meaning) manage to either kill or prevent the existence of Barney and Carrottop simultaneously. Extra points are to be rewarded if this is carried out by means of seduction and/or cocktail, with the entire pot claimable by the first reporter able to prevent both Barney and Carrottop due to a single cocktail-enhanced seduction (the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster has been, in an amendment to the relevant rules, been ruled inappropriate, as it may be assumed to immediately induce a state beyond consent and/or linear consciousness).
3. What time is it where you are?
As an unexpected consequence of the temporal status of Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe, it may only be said (mex only be sayinith) that time is (irth), itself, perhaps a subject better considered (considariren) before the application of alcohol.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment by or among staff of the Guide is expressly discouraged. Any actions taken by Ford Prefect or any other Guide reporters is entirely between the reporters involved and the relevant planetary authorities. (Supervisor's note: Yes, this applies to resurrected employees, as the employment contract clearly states that termination only occurs upon final death, with the relevant riders addressing non-linear lifelines, semi-conscious reincarnation or metempsychosis, encounters with an Infinite Improbability Drive and/or similar technologies, etc.) (Supervisor's note: Yes, that even applies to reporters with "sweet-ass wizard beards".)
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
While mixing a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is popularly (i.e. by unanimous vote of Guide reporters) considered to be the pinnacle of the bartender's art, successfully mixing same in the dark qualifies an intrepid bartender for certification as "legendary". And for certification, for that matter. Connoisseurs insist that both Ol' Janx Spirit and Qualactian Hypermint benefit from a lack of light.
B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The marriage traditions on Sirius Five may be of particular interest. While twins are quite common on this planet, marriages involving pairs of twins are absolutely banned unless the given-name initials form a sequence in the Earth Latin alphabet. Currently, the largest group marriage in history -- consisting of more than three hundred spouses, and frequently referred to in the press as "The Great Orgy of Sirius Five" -- begins with Ignatius and ends with Eleanor, managing to circle the alphabet several times without ever matching up perfectly. If another three spouses with initial initials F, G, and H were to join this marriage, the ancient Sirius Five prophecy regarding an even known as "the Big Bang" might finally be fulfilled.
C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Complaints regarding the funneling of complaints onto the desk of a single unidentified individual are being investigated. Updates on this investigation (along with funding requests, complaints regarding funding requests, and updates on the investigation into complaints regarding funding requests) will be forwarded to the same recipient.
D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
Far from being useless, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is widely regarded as the most valuable source of information for hitchhikers and aspiring hitchhikers in the galaxy. It also has the words "DON'T PANIC" written in large, reassuring letters on its cover.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is prepared to offer permanent guest-list status at Stavromula Beta, the most extensive list of singles clubs and cocktail recipes in the galaxy, the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything, a towel, and our continued discretion regarding that incident in Belg---.
no subject
no subject
There are two entries for "Weavers" in the Guide referring to species with eight legs (give or take three). The Weavers of the Pleiades cluster are best known for producing extensive and detailed works of decorative macramé. They also brew a delightful local spirit, though they deny any connection between the two activities involving the consumption of alcohol being necessary for either the creation or enjoyment of the Weavers' preferred form of art. The Weavers of the Crab Nebula are a folk band.
Neither set of "Weavers" are known to use speech patterns resembling yours, so we are left to suspect that a new entry may be required at some point.
no subject
no subject
In the interests of improving the guide and its "weaver" translation algorithm, and without any implied or explicit agreement of compensation, we hope that you might be willing to answer a few queries:
Which moon, precisely, are you referring to the shining of? The rather dull satellite of this planet, or one of your home planet, perhaps? If the latter, would you happen to have any information regarding a poetic description of said planet and its moon, standard-basis spatial coordinates, or a summary of local laws regarding hitchhiking, alcohol, and/or strip clubs?
We will investigate this "new entry" you speak of, though we cannot of course promise a new entry in the Guide at this point.