Journey into Recovery ((Sock, RP, Kusuriyuri, Yukimura, Kuronue))

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

What god-modding there is has been approved. Topic and action likely to wander to NSFW areas and possibly triggery.

It had taken him longer to recover than he expected, but Kusuriyuri had finally convinced Kurama that he was well enough to return to his office for the day. He had almost had to threaten his lover with wards to make Kurama go to the greenhouses. He was just finishing preparing to leave when there was a soft knock at the door. Frowning at the wards that thought about identifying the presence as Kuronue but wouldn't commit, Kusuriyuri opened the door, not surprised the knocker was Yukimura, though he was surprised to see the samurai.

"I am sorry to bother you so early," Yukimura said, bowing. "As well as at your home, but I have something I wish to speak with you about in private."

Kusuriyuri tilted his head and looked at Yukimura. A contented exhaustion overlayed a deeper sense of concern. He returned the bow and stepped back. "Please, come in. Good morning." He wondered how long Yukimura had been waiting to be sure Kurama had left for the day.

Yukimura smiled as he walked past the peddler, stepping out of his shoes easily before entering the main portion of the house. "Good morning and thank you for your indulgence."

Kusuriyuri led Yukimura to the living room and gestured for him to take a seat. He watched while the samurai knelt between the couch and the table. Kusuriyuri knelt opposite him and waited.

Boukensha crawled into Kusuriyuri's lap and Belophoebe sniffed at Yukimura before hopping up on the couch behind his head, turning to deliberately ignore him except for her tail that draped over his shoulder.

Yukimura reached up and brushed her tail, causing ti to twitch and then settle again on his shoulder. "First, I want to thank you for everything you have done for us, Kuronue and myself. Words only are not enough."

"You have done much for us, as well," Kusuriyuri murmured. He knew that Yukimura's relationship with Kurama and Kuronue helped the fox in many ways.

A smile crossed Yukimura's lips. "I also know that we are far more in your debt." He reached up and caressed Bel's tail, amusement in his features as her tail flicked around his neck, lingering, before settling on his shoulder again. His expression sobered as his hand settled in his lap. "And I am here to place myself more in your debt."

While it was expected, Kusuriyuri's eyebrow went up. "This one does not consider you in his debt," he said formally. "As to your request, this one is a medicine peddler."

"True, but as to whether what I ask is within your trade..." Yukimura protested, his hand coming up to caress Bel's tail again.

"Ease your mind, then, and make your request," Kusuriyuri suggested after watching Yukimura pet the cat's tail a long moment.

Sighing, Yukimura said, "It is a difficult thing, but Kuronue did agree to this." He looked at Kusuriyuri. "Kuronue is still having nightmares. He doesn't always recognize me when I try to soothe or wake him. While he has only snarled at me in his sleep, this is a newer development and I would not care to see it become worse."

Kusuriyuri bowed to Yukimura. "This is a difficult thing," he murmured.

Nodding, Yukimura continued, "And, neither of us is used to asking for help. But, I do not wish to have you obliged, either. I remember that thing Apos threw at you."

"Once this one's body accepted it, it has ceased to be a problem." Nor would it be one in the future with Apos trapped in the sinning tree.

"That is good to hear. I would not want you to come to permanent harm." There was genuine relief in the samurai's voice.

"What is it that you would ask of this one?" Kusuriyuri asked. "What you have said does sound as though it would be within the scope of a medicine peddler."

"It is more complex than that," Yukimura said carefully. "To allow himself to be open enough, he needs more than I am able to give him."

Kusuriyuri frowned slightly. "More?"

"Yes," Yukimura nodded. "Violence and sex are very closely tied in his mind. I tend to be more gentle unless he provokes me, and even then, I am not as harsh as he desires sometimes. But, when he receives such treatment, his mind is more open."

"Is that so?" Kusuriyuri murmured. "That may be why Akabane affected him so deeply."

A wry expression crossed Yukimura's face, his eyes hardening. "Perhaps, but we both would like him to reach a level of peace rather than just burying his heart again. I would rather he healed."

The image of Ro impinged on Kusuriyuri's mind. He'd kept his distance but he had seen how very weak and injured that part of Kuronue's mind had been. "Healing cannot be forced," he said carefully.

"I know. I also am aware that things between us may change. I also know that things may become worse before they improve." Yukimura held up his hand. "I trust and respect your judgement, both in regard to whether you'll accept and what you tell Kurama. If you will not, there will be nothing more spoken of this."

Kusuriyuri was silent a long moment, stroking Boukensha as he thought. "I would speak with Kuronue alone first," he said slowly. While he understood why Yukimura approached him—things between him and Kuronue were still somewhat awkward despite the recent changes in their relationship—he needed to know this was truly what Kuronue wanted, that he was prepared.

"Of course," Yukimura said. His eyes went unfocused for a moment and he rose. "He will be here soon," he said, bowing. "Thank you."

Kusuriyuri rose before returning the bow. "It is what is done," he said as Yukimura walked to the hall.

"By some," Yukimura said, turning as he stepped into his shoes. "Those who are indeed worthy of regard," he added with a bow, stepping out of the door.

Comments

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

his wings went back behind his back and he looked over at Kusuriyuri for a moment, then the floor. "Yeah, that's true."

He was silent for a moment. "I hate myself, so why should anyone else like me?"

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"Now we have reached the point where we may begin," Kusuriyuri said, his tone gentle. "The first thing is to find one trait, one thing, that is worthy of the affection you inspire."

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

Affection he inspires? Ha. "I fuck good, I know that much. Otherwise I wouldn't focus so much on it," he said, since it was the first thing that came to mind.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"You think so little of us?" Kusuriyuri said archly. He reached out and thwapped Kuronue's nose, much the way he would with Kurama. "Think properly."

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

"What the--" he flinched back and stared wide-eyed at Kusuriyuri, utterly shocked that he'd do something like that.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"Think properly. Why is it that Yukimura and Mello and Kurama and myself think fondly of you. This one knows that you have not fucked Mello and this one was fond of you before, despite yourself. Answer properly." Kusuriyuri arched an eyebrow at Kuronue, daring him to say something stupid again.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

"Buh," was all he could manage for a while, along with a few blinks. This was a different side of Kusuriyuri. He figured he was allowed to be a little shocked.

"Uh. I don't know. I'm witty?" Lame. But he kind of thought so. Was maybe just a little proud of it.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"Saa," Kusuriyuri said blandly. "Think on it more. For now, will you allow this one within your mind?"

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

Kuronue deflated a little. Kusuriyuri didn't think he was funny?

"Sure," he said. The other time Kusuriyuri had been respectful enough, and he found all this mind stuff...well, interesting. Not that he remembered half of it, just was different and knew certain truths he didn't before every time someone went in.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri moved closer to Kuronue, caressing his cheek lightly before placing his hand on the bat's temple He pressed against Kuronue's mind gently, asking to be allowed in, allowing Kuronue to set the progress of this journey.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

After a moment Kuronue closed his eyes. It seemed weird to keep them open during the process.

He let Kusuriyuri in, which was kind of the equivalent to opening up blinds on a window. He was curious to see where this would go.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri entered slowly, drawing a portion of Kuronue's mind as a witness with him. Energy flowed, or sludged along in twisted paths below him. "There," he pointed to a place that was more clear, a blend of the purple of youkai and blue of reiki. "That is your bond with Yukimura." Just beyond it was a mess of wild colors laid atop a very twisted and barely flowing stream. He looked around a bit and found a place that was stagnant. "That is the part of your energy that flows to your wings," he said. "These pathways should be clear, flowing freely. That is our goal. It is difficult, but if you do not fight against it, it can be done."

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

Faced with a visual representation of it all, Kuronue was a little amused. he'd seen Yukimura's energy and the like, but never anything like this. Even Yukimura's hadn't been so...tangled, despite the state he'd been in. He winced.

"That's a lot of work," he said, looking around, then to the youki and reiki. He smiled softly.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"When your energy flows more freely, the place of your bond will be less well defined; Yukimura's energy will flow more freely through yours," Kusuriyuri murmured, noting where Kuronue's eyes lingered. "Firs, it is needed to clean away the debris, then we can begin untangling the flow of your energy," he said, laying out the plan. Expressed that way, he knew it sounded very simple, but the proof of the difficulty was before them.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

"I see," he said, looking around. He frowned lightly, then sighed.

He wondered what it would feel like, to have that bond consume him completely. Nice, likely. Even better than now.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"What is the source of the debris?" Kusuriyuri asked. "Where does it come from and how can we stop it? It would be of little use to remove what there is if it is continually generated."

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

"You don't ask easy questions," Kuronue said dryly, looking over to Kusuriyuri. He tried to figure out what exactly 'debris' would be. "Pet peeves? I don't know..."

He bent and picked up what physically looked like a long piece of coloured crepe paper, black in colour, oozing a little in places and cracking like dry plaster in others.

Hit by a sudden memory, thought, he shook his head and let go, stumbling back a little. "Right, well that one's 'I liked it'...Denial, I'd say," he said, looking over the debris. "What we just went through..."

He followed the broken line, walking along the winding path. They crunched under his boots like brittle leaves.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"If these were easy questions, would you need this one?" Kusuriyuri asked. "And, if we had not discussed it first, would you not think these were true? You needed to acknowledge they were false before we could properly deal with them." He walked with Kuronue. "How do you propose we keep them from returning?" he asked.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

Kuronue stopped and picked up a pink one. A bolt of arousal went through him and he dropped the streamer. It flopped around the ground like a fish.

Kuronue nudged it with his boot. "I don't know. Isn't shit here metaphorical? Can't we just smash then all up? Burn them?"

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

"Try to burn one," Kusuriyuri suggested. "And, will that keep it from returning, keep more from coming?" He looked around them a long moment. "Metaphorical and influenced by belief, yes," he murmured. "Whatever you chose, you must believe and continue to practice."

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

He looked at the pink streamer. Strangely, he was having a bit of trouble looking away, or even trying out actually burning it. "I like this one. I don't want to burn it."

He moved on, going to another black streamer. The pink one flopped away slowly.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri looked at the streamer and back at Kuronue. "You like that one because it makes you feel good, but it does not change that it prevents you from being able to heal and keeps the samurai's energy limited to that small area," he pointed out, his tone non-judgmental though his words were.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

Kuronue paused, sighed and turned back. With an expression of a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders, he stopped before the squirming little thing, which had started making small squeaking sounds.

He had to take a step every couple of seconds to keep up while he tried to prepare himself. As he did, the streamer seemed to get longer and stronger while he reasoned and argued with himself. A sudden moment of clarity had him understanding that it didn't mean he wouldn't ever have sex again, but that he wouldn't use it as a way to stop thinking.

He lifted a leg and stamped on the streamer. It squealed and wriggled then cracked and drifted away. Like ash in the wind. There wasn't anything left.

[edomedpeddler.livejournal.com]

Kusuriyuri watched, almost seeing the flow of thoughts in Kuronue's body and in the change in the flow of energy in a small area. "Very good," he murmured. "Now, will it remain gone?" he asked, his tone gentle but firm.

[prettypendulum.livejournal.com]

"Unfortunately," he said, scratching his cheek. "Yukimura will be pleased," he said, remembering the times he'd very nearly almost forced himself on him.

He turned and looked at the peddler, then around them. They was still quite a bit of debris. "Do I have to do that for all these?" he asked, sounding put upon. "I do have stuff I'd like to do today..."