hh_mirror | Journey into Recovery ((Sock, RP, Kusuriyuri, Yukimura, Kuronue))

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Journey into Recovery ((Sock, RP, Kusuriyuri, Yukimura, Kuronue))

What god-modding there is has been approved. Topic and action likely to wander to NSFW areas and possibly triggery.

It had taken him longer to recover than he expected, but Kusuriyuri had finally convinced Kurama that he was well enough to return to his office for the day. He had almost had to threaten his lover with wards to make Kurama go to the greenhouses. He was just finishing preparing to leave when there was a soft knock at the door. Frowning at the wards that thought about identifying the presence as Kuronue but wouldn't commit, Kusuriyuri opened the door, not surprised the knocker was Yukimura, though he was surprised to see the samurai.

"I am sorry to bother you so early," Yukimura said, bowing. "As well as at your home, but I have something I wish to speak with you about in private."

Kusuriyuri tilted his head and looked at Yukimura. A contented exhaustion overlayed a deeper sense of concern. He returned the bow and stepped back. "Please, come in. Good morning." He wondered how long Yukimura had been waiting to be sure Kurama had left for the day.

Yukimura smiled as he walked past the peddler, stepping out of his shoes easily before entering the main portion of the house. "Good morning and thank you for your indulgence."

Kusuriyuri led Yukimura to the living room and gestured for him to take a seat. He watched while the samurai knelt between the couch and the table. Kusuriyuri knelt opposite him and waited.

Boukensha crawled into Kusuriyuri's lap and Belophoebe sniffed at Yukimura before hopping up on the couch behind his head, turning to deliberately ignore him except for her tail that draped over his shoulder.

Yukimura reached up and brushed her tail, causing ti to twitch and then settle again on his shoulder. "First, I want to thank you for everything you have done for us, Kuronue and myself. Words only are not enough."

"You have done much for us, as well," Kusuriyuri murmured. He knew that Yukimura's relationship with Kurama and Kuronue helped the fox in many ways.

A smile crossed Yukimura's lips. "I also know that we are far more in your debt." He reached up and caressed Bel's tail, amusement in his features as her tail flicked around his neck, lingering, before settling on his shoulder again. His expression sobered as his hand settled in his lap. "And I am here to place myself more in your debt."

While it was expected, Kusuriyuri's eyebrow went up. "This one does not consider you in his debt," he said formally. "As to your request, this one is a medicine peddler."

"True, but as to whether what I ask is within your trade..." Yukimura protested, his hand coming up to caress Bel's tail again.

"Ease your mind, then, and make your request," Kusuriyuri suggested after watching Yukimura pet the cat's tail a long moment.

Sighing, Yukimura said, "It is a difficult thing, but Kuronue did agree to this." He looked at Kusuriyuri. "Kuronue is still having nightmares. He doesn't always recognize me when I try to soothe or wake him. While he has only snarled at me in his sleep, this is a newer development and I would not care to see it become worse."

Kusuriyuri bowed to Yukimura. "This is a difficult thing," he murmured.

Nodding, Yukimura continued, "And, neither of us is used to asking for help. But, I do not wish to have you obliged, either. I remember that thing Apos threw at you."

"Once this one's body accepted it, it has ceased to be a problem." Nor would it be one in the future with Apos trapped in the sinning tree.

"That is good to hear. I would not want you to come to permanent harm." There was genuine relief in the samurai's voice.

"What is it that you would ask of this one?" Kusuriyuri asked. "What you have said does sound as though it would be within the scope of a medicine peddler."

"It is more complex than that," Yukimura said carefully. "To allow himself to be open enough, he needs more than I am able to give him."

Kusuriyuri frowned slightly. "More?"

"Yes," Yukimura nodded. "Violence and sex are very closely tied in his mind. I tend to be more gentle unless he provokes me, and even then, I am not as harsh as he desires sometimes. But, when he receives such treatment, his mind is more open."

"Is that so?" Kusuriyuri murmured. "That may be why Akabane affected him so deeply."

A wry expression crossed Yukimura's face, his eyes hardening. "Perhaps, but we both would like him to reach a level of peace rather than just burying his heart again. I would rather he healed."

The image of Ro impinged on Kusuriyuri's mind. He'd kept his distance but he had seen how very weak and injured that part of Kuronue's mind had been. "Healing cannot be forced," he said carefully.

"I know. I also am aware that things between us may change. I also know that things may become worse before they improve." Yukimura held up his hand. "I trust and respect your judgement, both in regard to whether you'll accept and what you tell Kurama. If you will not, there will be nothing more spoken of this."

Kusuriyuri was silent a long moment, stroking Boukensha as he thought. "I would speak with Kuronue alone first," he said slowly. While he understood why Yukimura approached him—things between him and Kuronue were still somewhat awkward despite the recent changes in their relationship—he needed to know this was truly what Kuronue wanted, that he was prepared.

"Of course," Yukimura said. His eyes went unfocused for a moment and he rose. "He will be here soon," he said, bowing. "Thank you."

Kusuriyuri rose before returning the bow. "It is what is done," he said as Yukimura walked to the hall.

"By some," Yukimura said, turning as he stepped into his shoes. "Those who are indeed worthy of regard," he added with a bow, stepping out of the door.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kuronue picked up their shoes and nudged open the door, gestured Yukimura inside. Honestly he just wanted to see how he went walking on the floor that seemed to try to eat ones ankles.

He set their shoes just inside the door.

"This is indeed soft," Yukimura laughed, stepping onto the futon since he had no other choice. He held his hands out for balance. "This is very different," he said, turning to face Kuronue.

Kuronue closed the door and took Yukimura's hand. Rather than pull him over to where he wanted them to go, he gestured with his free hand. "Lets lay down and talk. I want...to hold you. For a while."

Even more curious. Yukimura moved to where Kuronue indicated and lowered himself onto his knees, waiting for Kuronue to make himself comfortable. "I would like that," he said as he waited.

Kuronue laid down beside him, taking off his belt and wraps and throwing them aside. He pulled the comforter up and curled around Yukimura, resting his head in his lap. After a while, he said, "I hate myself."

Yukimura caressed Kuronue's hair, letting him rest until he spoke. His words, while not really a surprise, caused him to look at his lover carefully. He had known, at some level, that Kuronue felt that way, had seen it or something. "That is a difficult thing to realize," he said gently, still caressing Kuronue's hair. "What will you do now?"

He smiled up at Yukimura. "I'll try not to, I guess," he said, looking pained. "Kusuriyuri and I have a lot of work to do. My mind...well, it's like a battle field, really. I'm not in denial any more, at least, but I have to work at it to get rid of the want to pretend that things aren't wrong. To make sure I don't fall back into doing so."

Yukimura's hand lingered on Kuronue's cheek. "You have done much today," he said, approval in his voice. His fingers moved back to his lover's hair. "I know I asked you to do something very difficult, but I have faith you can see it through. And, I will be here for you." He ran his fingers through Kuronue's hair. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Kuronue shifted a little to better enjoy Yukimura's hands running through his hair. He watched him intently, no real expression on his features. "Kusuriyuri said we should make love."

A gentle smile with a trace of amusement, though mostly love, crossed Yukimura's features. "You mean, like we're doing now?" he asked. "To help you know what love feels like?"

He blinked. "This is making love?" He'd thought it had more to do with petting something else, not hair.

"To...keep me away from regressing to fucking. To not fuck. So I can't fuck anyone really. I can only make love to you." Still a little confusing for him.

Yukimura laughed a little at Kuronue's reaction. "What makes making love and fucking different is how it's approached," he said. "To make love expresses more, is about being together, about sharing. Fucking is just about getting off. Don't you think?" While he spoke, his fingers continued to stroke Kuronue's hair. "It's possible to make love to someone and still be fully clothed."

"Well...yeah, I can agree with that." His eyes did widen however, then narrow. Eventually his expression settled on purely confused. "I fail to see how dry humping can be anything other than fucking," he said blandly.

Yukimura laughed aloud at that. "No, my love, not dry humping. Nothing that involves an orgasm at all. To share, fully, to be together, to love each other. Like we are now, like we do when we take a bath together, where fucking is incidental, not the goal." His fingers traced Kuronue's cheek. "Do you understand?"

He tilted his head. "Yeah," he said, somewhat hesitant. He smiled. "I feel stupid. You talk about this like it's common knowledge, and yet I know nothing."

He amended, "Well, not stupid, just...embaressed. I never had the chance to learn how to love someone before you, and a year later I'm apparently still not quite getting it right..."

He reached up to catch one of Yukimura's hands in his, to thread his fingers through his. "Are you happy?"

"There's no need to feel stupid or embarrassed," Yukimura said, his tone apologetic for laughing at Kuronue. "If you never had the chance to learn to be loved, it is sometimes hard to recognize and takes a while to learn." He smiled gently. "I think, now that you know, you'll learn very quickly. And, yes, I am happy with you. I'm not happy that you're suffering right now, but I know that, in the end, you'll be better off for it, that we will be better off for it."

He nodded. "Good."

Shifting, Kuronue rolled himself over and brought his face close to Yukimura's. "Can we make love?" he asked, almost hesitant. "And then sleep, for a while? I want to think, and be around you..."

"We are making love," Yukimura said gently, wrapping his arms around Kuronue's body. "But, if you want to, we can continue." He brushed a light kiss to Kuronue's lips. "Do you want to talk about what you're thinking about? Or do you need to think before you can?"

Kuronue settled himself in Yukimura's lap so he could wrap his arms around him as well, he returned the kiss, gentle and light. "I think if I tried to vocalise any of it, it'd say the wrong things. I just need a while to sort my head out before I go back to Kusuriyuri."

He rand hands through Yukimura's hair, then smoothed it back down. Smiled. "Can you make love to me though," he clarified, marvelling at how annoying vague this 'making love' thing was. It was also kind of girly.

"That's fine," he murmured in response to Kuronue not wanting to talk. "When you can or want to talk, I'm here." He brushed another kiss to Kuronue's mouth, still light and gentle.

"It's not girly," he murmured, amusement in his voice, just catching Kuronue's thought. He wasn't prying or trying to see his lover's mind right now, but that thought came through. "And, I will show you, my love. I would love to make love to you and with you." This time, his kiss was a little longer, lingering, still gentle.

"I know. You're always here. It's why I love you," he said, before letting himself get distracted by those kisses.

Strangely, he didn't seem to want to rush. Not like before. He was content to kiss and play with Yukimura's hair idly as he did.

It was different, nice, being able to take his time. Yukimura kept half expecting Kuronue to push, but being able to just enjoy a chaste kiss, to play with his lover's hair, to just be with him for a while was very nice. "I love that you're willing to keep trying, that you don't give up," he said gently, pressing his cheek to Kuronue's for a moment. "That you push yourself beyond what you've been through." It wasn't the best wording, he knew, but he felt it needed to be said. "I also love that you let me see when you're vulnerable."

Kuronue almost purred. It felt nice to hear such things.

He turned his head to press kisses to Yukimura's cheek and jaw. "You deserve it."

"And, you need to hear it, my love," Yukimura's voice was gentle. "To help you find things in yourself to love." He returned the kisses to Kuronue's jaw. "When you love yourself, when you learn that, I look forward to seeing the confidence it will inspire," he whispered. "True confidence, not just being cocky," he added, teasing a little.

He laughed a little, tilting his head to silently ask for more. "Guess my ego was just all bullshit..."

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