hh_mirror

"Come on," came an almost-but-not-quite irritated voice from some unknown point in the sorting room, followed by the beginning of a long-suffering sigh. This was truncated, however, by a thump: and this thump, strangely enough, originated from a mass of beige appearing quite against his will in the room and promptly stumbling over a chair with a startled grunt. "Hello!" he sputtered, scrambling for the hat that rolled away, and then... he noticed his surroundings.

He scrambled up and spun around. This wasn't Androzani Minor, and the TARDIS wasn't where he'd just walked out of. If that had been walking at all, of course.

"Hello, there!" he called again, more confidently. "I don't know what you're playing at, but I assure you that I mean no harm, and neither does the young friend of mine you've just..." He trailed off as a piece of parchment shimmered into existence on a nearby table, along with a quill. That wasn't right at all. Usually someone would appear and begin making demands or boasting about their perfect evil plan right about now. Or at least point a weapon at him; he was rather more accustomed to that, really.

He snatched up the parchment and pulled a pair of half-moon spectacles from a coat pocket, donning them to inspect the document. This was followed by a rather anticlimactic "...oh."

State your full name.
This was met with a huff. "I suppose if I've been spirited here in such a manner, you really ought to know that already, oughtn't you? But if you must hear it again, I'm the Doctor."

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Oh, I don't know. The cream brie from the northern regions of Teritanze is rather delightful with tea and toast. The court of Teldevar's Iron Castle produces quite a respectable gouda, but..." And then he grinned to himself, a vague smirk. "Australian cheddar, actually, happens to be my favourite. Brazen, terribly obnoxious, a little bitter, and altogether endearing in the long run. Acquired taste."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
He looked up from the parchment, frowning. "What a horrid question. Must killing be the answer at all? I'm sure there's another way."

3. What time is it where you are?
"That would be much easier to answer if I were to know where I am, exactly. As it stands, perhaps you, whoever you are, might tell me that instead."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I don't believe in harassment, to be honest. I prefer the ideal of mutual consent, particularly when it comes to the more tawdry activities. That said, what about that Remus fellow, if he's game? I've always had a weakness for lyc... err... intellectuals." Cue baffled look. "Now, how did I know who that was?"

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"No, thank you. I'm not much for alcohol, nor for questionable environments that don't pose an immediate danger on at least a planetary scale."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Long, drawn-out sigh. "I must be on Earth. It seems only Earth is still preoccupied with monogamy. Honestly, what's the harm in letting the lot of them have at, altogether?" Muttering under his breath, "I wouldn't blame him, you know. Two gingers..." Cough.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Ah, that could be due to the fact that you might not have harnessed the full benefits of pocket dimensions. You see," he explained, perking up into that terribly cheery tone that could only mean Excessive Science™, "the four major dimensions surrounding our perceptions--those involving Time and Space, really--are simply the foundations of an infinite number of other dimensions. Think of them as something like genetic code. With these at the base, you can really bend space to your will in all manner of interesting ways, including folding bits of it into other bits in sort of a..." He would never shut up now. Interestingly enough, however, during his lecture, he'd begun to empty his coat pockets. By the time he was finished talking (not that anyone was listening), he'd amassed an unreasonably large pile of oddments on the table before him.

"And that," he concluded happily, shovelling it all back into his pockets, "is how pocket dimensions work, and honestly, any idiot with a quantum physics certification could tell you that."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.
That earned an insulted look. "Of course I'm not useless. I'm the Doctor, or weren't you listening before?"

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"Bribery," he sniffed with disdain. "Sorry, not really my forté. Too political, and nothing I've got would be useful anyway. But..." Pause. Grin. "I could probably build a pocket dimension field generator, given enough spare parts and a suitably sized Tesla coil, and you wouldn't even have to pay me. I rather enjoy engineering."

_{~*OOC*~
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. -Doc
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. -Doc
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. -Doc
One day, marmalade will rule the world. My vote is for clotted cream, actually. -Doc}