hh_mirror | Application for Rory Williams (Doctor Who)

((ooc: Approved by fellow Who muns.))

Rory had thought he was getting used to things like this. All right, maybe not 'used to'. More used to. Less likely to stand around boggling in the face of alien weirdness. But, that was what he was doing - staring, wide-eyed, at what had been the TARDIS a few seconds ago and now...

Well, the room looked medieval, lots of stone and drapery. Like something on Earth, but then he didn't know what alien architecture was like. And - he hadn't heard birdsong. Or anything, really. Definitely not that vworping noise. He'd just blinked, and been here.

"Amy? Doctor?" No answer. He tried again, a little louder - "Amy?" - and this time there was a panicky wobble in his voice that hadn't been there before, so he stopped shouting for a bit. They'd find him, right? He must have been teleported here somehow, and he'd bet the Doctor had something that could trace him among all those mysterious buttons and knobs on the TARDIS controls. They'd be along any minute.

That was when he noticed the pen. It was a quill pen, exactly like you'd expect to find in a medieval castle, except it was floating above a table. And seemed to have just been writing something. Rory went over for a closer look.

His eyes widened even further. "...right," he muttered, after a few bewildered seconds looking down at the paper, which said Amy? Doctor? Amy? and then a list of questions underneath that. At least this gave him something to do. And by the time he finished they'd be here to explain things, surely? Or somebody would...

State your full name.

"Rory. Rory Williams. No, don't - don't write all that down, just - go back. Go. Back."

Waving the pen in the proper direction didn't seem to help. Rory sighed, raising his hands for a moment in an exasperated gesture directed at the room in general. No one appeared to explain things, again.

When he looked back, the pen had moved on to the next question. Of course.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"What?" He stared at the paper. It definitely said 'cheese'. "I don't know - Wensleydale?" Picking more or less at random. "It's - crumbly."

The quill moved on. Apparently that was sufficient.

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"Oookay. This is getting creepy. Er. I don't do killing people, all right? I'm a nurse." That had sounded more convincing in his head. "Unless Barney turns out to be some sort of - weird alien monster thing. In a dinosaur suit. We're talking about Barney the dinosaur, right?"

He hoped so, or that was going to sound even stupider. There wasn't a last name, though, and Rory didn't know anyone called Barney, so it was a reasonable guess.

3. What time is it where you are?

He laughed, rueful. "I have no idea. You tell me."

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"What?" The first 'what?' had just been bewildered. This one was bewildered and indignant and more than a little disturbed. "Look, I'm not - I wouldn't harass anyone, okay, and - for your information, I'm engaged. To an incredible, gorgeous... incredible woman. I mean, obviously even if I wasn't I still wouldn't go around..." He'd forgotten where this sentence had been headed, he realised. And that wasn't even the most unnerving part of the question. "And is this what we're doing now, zombies? First vampires, now - pervy zombies?"

The quill didn't answer, of course. For the first time, Rory found himself wishing the Doctor was around more than he wished Amy was. Amy was, hopefully, still safe on the TARDIS, not here being potentially molested by dead blokes with strange names.

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"...witty. Right. Beamed up into a castle of zombies and I've got to be clever about it now, have I? No, don't write..." As ever, the quill didn't listen. Rory shook his head.

"All right then." He thought about it for a moment, and a fond smile crossed his face. "The Duck Pond."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

Ouch. All right, Rory was less insecure about this than he had been, knowing that Amy would risk death in a camper-van crash to get him back. Not that he'd want her to go driving into walls if something really happened to him, of course, because Amy was beautiful and amazing and should go on being Amy for as long as possible. But - she'd chosen him.

It still didn't make the question any less uncomfortable.

"Well, I don't - know any of them, obviously. But I think, you know, Harry should marry the one who loves him and who's always been there for him and thinks he's amazing. Even if he hasn't got a ...white horse or a magic wand or anything." Did that sound soppy? Possibly. Still a bit competitive? Again, possibly.

Time to move on then.

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

He shrugged. "It's just how life works, isn't it? You grow up, you get a job, you've got paperwork to do." Well, most people... "You probably work for the NHS." Never let it be said Rory can't be snarky, on occasion.

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

Rory glared at the paper. Being paper, it wasn't all that susceptible to intimidation, even if Rory had looked at all threatening. "I'm a nurse," he told it, sounding indignant and not at all sulky. "With proper medical training, which is useful if people are going to run off and get - eaten by fish."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"But - I don't really want to be here." On the other hand, he didn't know what being 'squibbed' meant, but the mental image it gave him involved fireworks. Which was probably not good. "I could - give you a checkup?"

"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____Rory Williams____
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Rory Williams___.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Rory Williams___.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ___Rory Williams___"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"You can't get out until a sentient piece of headwear allows you to leave," I reply blandly. "Which will happen eventually. Until then, you're stuck entertaining us."

"That's it? I'm just trapped here with you eating chocolate while she's out there..."

"That's it," I say flatly. "And just what good would you be, out there against them?"

That was actually a fairly good point, and if Leather Trousers hadn't had his head so far up his arse Rory would have acknowledged this. As it was, all he could find to say was "...more good than I'll be in here, anyway!"

"You can't even offer an example as to why you're not useless, so how would you be doing more good out there than in here?" I ask. "Tell me, then, against a demon that can cause you to explode, what would you do? Against a masochistic hermaphrodite, what would you do? Keep in mind, they both get off on pain, yours or theirs."

"...I don't know, all right?" Rory snapped, ignoring the panic blurring the edges of his vision. "I never said I knew how to fight. I'm a nurse. I help people get better. Sometimes I notice things like 'there are eight coma patients walking around the village when they can't have left the hospital', and I get pictures of them on my phone, and that helps save the world from being incinerated. Or I patch up some poor girl who's been bitten by alien fish vampires, or fight off one of them with a broomstick before he gets his hands on my fiancee. There you go, that - that's a couple of times when I wasn't completely useless. They're not that impressive. I get that. Believe me, I know. But that's me, ordinary Rory, there's your example, and now you can either do something helpful or you can sod off."

Somewhere in the middle of all that, he realised he was shaking.

I smirk at him. "So, you can answer a simple question, eventually. Next, we'll have to see if you can answer it the first time it's asked." I take a bite of chocolate and look at him a moment. "A broom won't help you."

Rory gaped at him. "I gathered that, yeah! What is wrong with you?" The fact that he honestly couldn't believe he'd just heard that was the only thing keeping this from getting physical. "Does everyone you meet have to pass some kind of - of - usefulness test?"

I snort. "Wrong? Nothing is wrong with me. The problem lies with you and your inability to answer a question. And, no. The answer you gave had some entertainment value, so I decided to ask you to further explain, which you avoided doing."

"Are you even -" Human, Rory was about to say, but caught himself. "Serious? Did you not think that maybe I'm not interested in being your entertainment? Or that I might get a bit distracted at the thought of my fiancee being trapped somewhere with exploding demon psychopaths?"

"You failed at answering simple questions even before you knew of the threats within this school. What is your excuse?" I ask.

"My excuse? I don't appreciate being patronised and having to justify myself to random strangers. Is that enough for you?" Rory took a step closer, though aware that Leather Trousers wouldn't find him even slightly intimidating. "Or do you want a ten-page essay?"

I raise an eyebrow. So he wants to be threatening. "Can you write a ten-page essay?" I ask, smirking. Too easy.

((ooc: approved.))

Rory wasn't a naturally violent person. True, his meetings with alien species tended to end up with him trying to hit them with something, but that was when lives were in danger. And he had to admit even to himself that it wasn't that effective.

But. He was trapped, and disoriented, and his mind was playing pictures of what might be happening to Amy right now, and how scared she'd be, and how alone. And at that look, something finally snapped and he lunged forward, aiming to hit that condescending little smirk as hard as he could.

((OOC: also approved ^^))

Oh, god, could he be any more obvious. I don't bother with the wand—all the practice with my 'students' has improved my ability for wandless and wordless magic. I bind him and then levitate him, prone, at face level. "Can you write a ten-page essay?" I ask sweetly, even though I know he can't answer.

It happened too quickly for Rory to follow. One minute he was on his feet and the next he was hovering in mid-air, staring at the floor, completely paralysed. Magic. Right. There were a lot of things he'd have liked to say in response to that question, but all he could manage was a strangled "nnnk!" sound.

I stare at him a moment and seriously consider letting him drop. Seriously tempting. I lower him to half my height and then let him drop. "The spell will wear off in about fifteen minutes. Try not to enjoy yourself too much."

I walk out the door, tossing my chocolate wrapper over my shoulder at him.

The drop wasn't far, but it still hurt when he couldn't protect himself from it. Rory - lay there, glaring as hard as he could as Leather Trousers walked away, that being the only act of defiance he was capable of. The chocolate wrapper hit his shoulder gently and fell to the floor.

Fifteen minutes, with nothing to do except worry about Amy and feel sick and stupid - oh, and remember just too late that the phrase he'd wanted earlier was 'aptitude test'. As soon as he got out of here and found Amy, he was definitely getting a wand.

Application for Rory Williams (Doctor Who)

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