hh_mirror

OOC: No real god-modding here. We RPed it out in google docs before posting it, so Kuronue's part was written by Kuronue-mun.

There are times I wonder about the general stupidity of the populace in this school. Just what won't they do? A lot, if not all, know that any food laying about may possibly be hexed, and yet a great number of them will still try the food. Some put it down to chance, others, like that stupid fox, do it for entertainment. Would they still do it if they knew the food was hexed?

I wonder, though, just how I'm going to set this up. Obviously, it has to be in the Great Hall. That's where the most people will be exposed at any given time.

I'd need a confederate, though, someone else to mask my appearance in the Great Hall. Someone who wouldn't mind being the 'fall guy' should things go wrong. Near's out in that regard. He's no one's 'fall guy,' least of all mine. Matt's too into L and his games to be of much use. He is my best friend, but, honsetly, how much listening to him go on and on about how great L is can a guy be expected to stomach? Kurama's too much of a pain in the ass right now, mostly because I'm still avoiding him, trying to fix things in my own head. Kuronue though, Kuronue openly admitted he ate them for amusement until he found one interesting. He displayed an active interest in ruining other peoples' days. That at least, is something worth using to my advantage. It wouldn't be too unusual for Kuronue to be blamed for something like that, if it falls through, considering how much of an ass he is.

That settled, I need to find the winged pest. I wander outside on the grounds that if he's not there, then I don't want to find him. Just my luck, he's flying around. "Hey, you," I yell up at him.

He swoops down at me, trying to pull at my hair as he passes. "Florence," he greets when he lands.

"John Jacob Jingleheimer Smidt, I presume," I say blandly. What an idiot. "I have a proposition for you," I continue, knowing he'll take it wrong, but using that wording anyway. He's likely to take anything I say 'wrong,' anyways, so I might as well not even try.

"Finally come to terms with your uncontrollable lust for me, have you?" he asks as he walks closer, grinning like an idiot.

"Oh, yeah..." I choke, gagging on his ego. "I want to perform a social experiment. Interested? Involves hexed food and watching people, both of which are right up your alley." And, more he can take wrong.

"Hexed food is always good," he says, looking down at his feet for a moment. "You really are a bastard if you're doing things just to note reactions. Not that I'm complaining, it brings interesting results, after all. 'Course I'm in." He falls silent for a beat, and then makes a face. "How did you know I liked watching, eh? Been spying on me have you?"

I make a face at him. "Like I have to spy that much. You're much easier to read than you think, John Jacob." I shove my hands in my pockets. "I have a bunch of chocolates," what a horrible thing to do to chocolate, but these are below my standard, "that I've hexed with various spells, all labeled. My proposition is to set them up in the Great Hall, labeled with their effects and watch what people do."

"Call me Johnny, if you must," he grumbles, then brightens a little. "You're labeling them? Well, that's a nice twist. Saves a lot of trial and error on my part. And it would be amusing." He's silent for a moment, then shoots me a suspicious look. "What do you need me for then?"

"What do I need you for? Company," I reply, smiling sweetly. "You would make things just that much more interesting, I'm sure." And, someone to take the blame, but I'm not saying that aloud. I pull out a chocolate bar, one I that know is safe. "That, and why should I have all the fun myself?" I ask sweetly.

"You high?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. "You don't strike me as someone who'd want to share in the fun as you put it. Nice try. You're creepy, by the way. Warn me if you're high next time." He fell silent again, fiddling with the brim of his hat. "If I help, I get some of the chocolates to keep for myself. Anything I want. Those are my conditions."

Easier than I thought. "You can have first choice, if you want, on the grounds that I don't have to see the results," I reply. I get the feeling that the samurai is going to want to 'repay' my 'kindness' later, but whatever. That's his problem, not mine.

He looks amused, nods, and then tilts his head. "Don't you want to observe all fall out, or are you picky with your statistics?"

"Statistics are important," I reply. "What is the point of doing the study if you're going to screw up the statistics, after all?" I take a bite of chocolate. "All the hexes last 4 hours. I set them myself, so I know for sure. Keep that in mind when making use of your 'payment.'"

"Four hours isn't much time," he comments, then looks thoughtful. "Do you think its actually possible to 'screw statistics'? I was hit on by a poster once. It took a bit of convincing that sexual relations with a...well a poster is kind of difficult. Considering this place I wouldn't be all that surprised."

"A poster? You would hit on a rock if it talked back, wouldn't you?" I ask. Good god, what else will I learn that I don't want to about this idiot.

"It hit on me! Do you know how hard it is to convince a sentient sheet of paper that you can't fuck it and post-coital bliss would be one-sided and bland? It didn't even have a fucking libido. And I'm sure a rock wouldn't either....I'd try anything once though." He waves his hands about a little.

"It hit on you? It doesn't have a libido and it hit on you. You do realize that statement doesn't make logical sense, don't you?" I shake my head. "Never mind. Never mention it again or anything like it again, and I'll make you any chocolate you want and make it last sixteen hours." The samurai will kill me for that, if he could. He'll try, anyway.

His grin widened. "Now we're talking. Make me sexy one..." he clicks his fingers, trying to remember something. He must have Alzheimer's in his old age. "One that can make an incubus of the victim." He gave a one-beat chuckle, clearly satisfied. "Do it and I won't bother you about how unhealthy your constant denial of my body is."

"That's all you want? An aphrodisiac?" What an idiot. "If you're sure, fine."

His eyes narrow. "You don't think it matches what you want me to do? What do you want me to do, Mello? Besides keep you company and not let you see the results of my chocolate. You're being vague. And no, not just an aphrodisiac. I want a tail. And that thrall thing. And saliva that makes people hard again." He cackles. He's lost it, I'm sure.

"Fine, whatever." I really don't want to think about it. "That, I have to make separately, though. I don't happen to have one with me. All I made are basic aphrodisiacs, gender-switch, floating, bubble blowing, talking in haiku, aging, both forward and backwards, changing to or from an animal, and one that forces people to walk on their hands."

"I want some of the gender-switchy ones before they run out. And the aphrodisiacs. Also, you dodged again. What. Do. You. Want. Other than my body, that is." He leers. "Because I'll do it. It's worth it, I'm sure. Even if I have to put up with you for it."

I make a face. "I do not what your body. And, fine. I'll set them aside. Four hour or sixteen hour?" I ask. "And, it's becoming rapidly obvious that you've never done any type of research. You'll serve as what is known as a confederate. If I'm found out as the researcher, it skews my results."

He squints. "Why the fuck would I need to do research? Research past learning guard shifts and castle layouts, anyway. But, if you want, it's fine. I'll take the blame for your plan. But make sure they're good because I don't want my name attached to anything that shit's and Kurama would know in a second if it wasn't up to my standards. And sixteen hours. Plenty of time. Heh." The leer on his face is going to make me ill.

The samurai is going to kill me for this. "Fine. Kurama will know in a second this is above your standards," I say flatly. I pull a small box out of my pocket and unshrink it. Within are a bunch of chocolates, all in individual packages, labeled with their effects and duration. I take out a couple of aphrodisiac and gender-switching ones before handing him the rest of the box. "Don't eat any of those," I say, glaring at him. The ones I've held aside, I adjust the hex I have on them so they should last sixteen hours. "The last hour or so, it might be unstable," I say. "And, you'll get them once everything is underway."

He snorts and takes the box. "Done then. Great Hall I assume? It has the most traffic."

"That was the idea, yes," I say. I hand him another sign. Right now, it's small, but it reads, 'Hexed Chocolates'. "You can unshrink this in there," I say sweetly, handing it over to him.

He looks at the sign, then back to me. "I'll be amused if anyone actually takes any of these. I admit I'm curious."

I tilt my head, taking a bite of my safe chocolate. "Would you?" I ask. "If you weren't helping me, that is?"

"Fuck yes, but that doesn't mean others will. Well, women might go for the age thing, but I've seen a grand total of one woman so far." He closes the lid on the box.

"That is the point of the study. To see who takes them and maybe later, to figure out why. Not today, though. I'm more interested in who today." I head into the castle, heading to the Great Hall through a side passage. When I arrive, I watch Kuronue set up and get comfortable in a corner with a book on string theory and it's application in magic.

OOC: Standard, sort of, chocolate plot, save the chocolates are accurately labeled as to their effect and duration (4 hours). Have fun with 'em ;)
ETA: Albel/Kuronue thread NSFW ;)