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hh_mirror2009-10-24 05:05 pm
i-am-harkonnen.livejournal.com) wrote in hh_mirror2009-10-24 05:05 pm
Entry tags:
Muggle Studies
((Jasper's inclusion with permission and additions of his player. If you require Vlad's attention, please say something to this extent in the comment subject line so I don't somehow miss it, thanks!))
The Baron Vladimir Harkonnen wanted his first class to be practical and entertaining, so he had chosen "An Introduction to Muggle Weaponry" as the topic. In order to make the class interesting, he'd decided it would be a hands-on experience, and had negotiated with Basher Tarr to obtain an assortment of Muggle weapons, mainly a quantity of AK-47 assault rifles, along with plenty of ammunition. These had been marked with stenciled letters declaring them "Property of the Muggle Studies Department", and were now stacked up neatly on a table at the front of the room, near some crates bearing the same lettering, and a rocket launcher. A section of the room had been magically expanded, and turned into an indoor firing range, complete with human-shaped targets, and the usual classroom area was equipped with rows of neatly-lined desks.
The Baron remained in a large, comfortable chair at the front of the classroom, his assistant Jasper beside him, and chatted quietly with him about a few details of the lesson plan as he waited for the last students to arrive and seat themselves at the desks. When it seemed that no more were going to appear, he floated up and shut the door with a flick of his wand. The deep, melodic basso of his voice carried easily over the chatter.
"Welcome to Muggle Studies. The subject we'll be covering today is potentially dangerous, so pay attention!"This declaration was accompanied by one of his disarmingly cherubic smiles. "The first thing that you need to know about Muggles is that even though they often are extremely silly, they are still capable of wreaking havoc and destruction. It's one of their favorite activities, but somehow, they still haven't managed to obliterate themselves. As there are a great deal more of them than there are of us, even though their methods are often crude, in a war of attrition, the wizarding world might have a problem. So, today I am going to familiarize you with some of the most commonly used weapons in current ground warfare."
He gestured at Jasper, who brought him an AK-47, which he held up and explained, "This is one of the most common Muggle weapons, the assault rifle. This model is the AK-47, a basic piece of artillery used by infantry. It was developed in the admirable nation of Russia, from which my own House claims ancient roots, and came into predominance shortly after the conflict known as World War II. It's operation is simple, and its main feature is that of selective firing modes- it can be operated either as semi- or fully automatic. In fully automatic mode, its range is shorter and less accurate, but as it is generally used in close confrontations, it is effective enough. The semi-automatic mode is more effective at a distance. This is not a very advanced weapon, but, it's still killed millions of Muggles." The Baron demonstrated loading a cartridge into the weapon, flicked off the safety, cocked the mechanism, and turned to fire a round through one of the lined-up targets, with perfect aim. He then flipped it to the fully automatic mode, and opened fire again at the same target- the spray of bullets was less accurate, but still shredded the target's torso region. "Magic or no, you don't want to find yourself surrounded by a horde of Muggles with these." He passed the AK-47 back to Jasper, and indicated the nearby boxes, and Jasper brought him a specimen of their contents after replacing the rifle.
"This is an M67 fragmentation grenade." He held up the grenade for the class to see. "This is a common anti-personnel weapon. It's a basic explosive, based upon filling the enemy with lethal bits of shrapnel. It's not a pleasant way to go. These are commonly used in ground combat, as, they are inexpensive to produce and easy to transport. Their effective radius is a mere 15 yards, and its lethal radius even less- but enough of these tossed into oncoming troops can be painful." With a smile, he removed the safety clip, pulled the pin, and tossed the grenade into a corner of the magically expanded area, where it exploded. The magically enlarged area was intentionally big enough that he could do this without maiming the students, although the nearby targets were mangled. "If those were people, they would not be feeling well now. The Muggles have several varieties of grenades, including concussion grenades that work best in enclosed areas, and incendiary grenades, designed to damage structures."
He drifted over to the rocket launcher, which he laid a hand on as he spoke. "And this little beauty is the M47 dragon, a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher. This model is slightly out of date, but effective. This weapon is primarily used against armored vehicles such as the tank, which unfortunately I have not been able to obtain yet. I'd demonstrate it, but, I'd prefer the walls to stay in one piece. However, if you attend the second portion of my class, you may have a chance to try it for yourself, along with the various sorts of grenades."
"Now, each of you will take one of these AK-47s, a cartridge of ammunition, and pair up with a partner. If you have experience with such weaponry, please find a less experienced student to assist. You will load the weapon, and you will attempt to hit one of these targets, while standing behind this line." He indicated a white line stretching in front of the targets. "You will try both modes, and learn the different feel of each one. And, you will not shoot each other with them. At this time." He grinned slightly, as he added, "Part two of the class is optional and will be held at a later date, but I encourage all of you to attend. We will be having a little Muggle-style war game on the grounds, and, you will be welcome to try and shoot each other then." A faint shimmer went up around the Baron as he flicked on his personal shield and settled back into his chair, watching for any that might need assistance. Jasper moved to join the students, ready to offer help as well or remove any troublemakers as needed. He didn't bother with any sort of shield, since getting shot didn't concern him.
The Baron Vladimir Harkonnen wanted his first class to be practical and entertaining, so he had chosen "An Introduction to Muggle Weaponry" as the topic. In order to make the class interesting, he'd decided it would be a hands-on experience, and had negotiated with Basher Tarr to obtain an assortment of Muggle weapons, mainly a quantity of AK-47 assault rifles, along with plenty of ammunition. These had been marked with stenciled letters declaring them "Property of the Muggle Studies Department", and were now stacked up neatly on a table at the front of the room, near some crates bearing the same lettering, and a rocket launcher. A section of the room had been magically expanded, and turned into an indoor firing range, complete with human-shaped targets, and the usual classroom area was equipped with rows of neatly-lined desks.
The Baron remained in a large, comfortable chair at the front of the classroom, his assistant Jasper beside him, and chatted quietly with him about a few details of the lesson plan as he waited for the last students to arrive and seat themselves at the desks. When it seemed that no more were going to appear, he floated up and shut the door with a flick of his wand. The deep, melodic basso of his voice carried easily over the chatter.
"Welcome to Muggle Studies. The subject we'll be covering today is potentially dangerous, so pay attention!"This declaration was accompanied by one of his disarmingly cherubic smiles. "The first thing that you need to know about Muggles is that even though they often are extremely silly, they are still capable of wreaking havoc and destruction. It's one of their favorite activities, but somehow, they still haven't managed to obliterate themselves. As there are a great deal more of them than there are of us, even though their methods are often crude, in a war of attrition, the wizarding world might have a problem. So, today I am going to familiarize you with some of the most commonly used weapons in current ground warfare."
He gestured at Jasper, who brought him an AK-47, which he held up and explained, "This is one of the most common Muggle weapons, the assault rifle. This model is the AK-47, a basic piece of artillery used by infantry. It was developed in the admirable nation of Russia, from which my own House claims ancient roots, and came into predominance shortly after the conflict known as World War II. It's operation is simple, and its main feature is that of selective firing modes- it can be operated either as semi- or fully automatic. In fully automatic mode, its range is shorter and less accurate, but as it is generally used in close confrontations, it is effective enough. The semi-automatic mode is more effective at a distance. This is not a very advanced weapon, but, it's still killed millions of Muggles." The Baron demonstrated loading a cartridge into the weapon, flicked off the safety, cocked the mechanism, and turned to fire a round through one of the lined-up targets, with perfect aim. He then flipped it to the fully automatic mode, and opened fire again at the same target- the spray of bullets was less accurate, but still shredded the target's torso region. "Magic or no, you don't want to find yourself surrounded by a horde of Muggles with these." He passed the AK-47 back to Jasper, and indicated the nearby boxes, and Jasper brought him a specimen of their contents after replacing the rifle.
"This is an M67 fragmentation grenade." He held up the grenade for the class to see. "This is a common anti-personnel weapon. It's a basic explosive, based upon filling the enemy with lethal bits of shrapnel. It's not a pleasant way to go. These are commonly used in ground combat, as, they are inexpensive to produce and easy to transport. Their effective radius is a mere 15 yards, and its lethal radius even less- but enough of these tossed into oncoming troops can be painful." With a smile, he removed the safety clip, pulled the pin, and tossed the grenade into a corner of the magically expanded area, where it exploded. The magically enlarged area was intentionally big enough that he could do this without maiming the students, although the nearby targets were mangled. "If those were people, they would not be feeling well now. The Muggles have several varieties of grenades, including concussion grenades that work best in enclosed areas, and incendiary grenades, designed to damage structures."
He drifted over to the rocket launcher, which he laid a hand on as he spoke. "And this little beauty is the M47 dragon, a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher. This model is slightly out of date, but effective. This weapon is primarily used against armored vehicles such as the tank, which unfortunately I have not been able to obtain yet. I'd demonstrate it, but, I'd prefer the walls to stay in one piece. However, if you attend the second portion of my class, you may have a chance to try it for yourself, along with the various sorts of grenades."
"Now, each of you will take one of these AK-47s, a cartridge of ammunition, and pair up with a partner. If you have experience with such weaponry, please find a less experienced student to assist. You will load the weapon, and you will attempt to hit one of these targets, while standing behind this line." He indicated a white line stretching in front of the targets. "You will try both modes, and learn the different feel of each one. And, you will not shoot each other with them. At this time." He grinned slightly, as he added, "Part two of the class is optional and will be held at a later date, but I encourage all of you to attend. We will be having a little Muggle-style war game on the grounds, and, you will be welcome to try and shoot each other then." A faint shimmer went up around the Baron as he flicked on his personal shield and settled back into his chair, watching for any that might need assistance. Jasper moved to join the students, ready to offer help as well or remove any troublemakers as needed. He didn't bother with any sort of shield, since getting shot didn't concern him.
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Toki laughed at Skwisgaar's suggeston that Nathan sing a brutal namnsdag song in Swedish, as he knew that it would lead to Nathan singing about his love of cock. He knew that Skwisgaar couldn't pass up such an opportunity if it presented itself, and neither would he. "I thinks that's a goods idea! And maybes the Shoggies could sings some backing vocals. I bets they'd be good ats it." Naturally, the Shoggies agreed, promptly followed by asking what it was.
He was in total agreement with Skwisgaar about the armor- even if Ofdensen knew stuff about anti-castration spells and the like, they definitely had to wear armor anyway. As long as it didn't involve the stupid fishbowl protective hand enclosures, because that would suck. "I wants mine to be black, and haves the spikes. I hads some likes that at Mordhaus, but I guess it's melteds now, or explodeds or somethings. Think thats the house explodeds too? Stuff burns and thens it explodes a lot." He frowned, as this was still a depressing topic, but, Shoggy armor was a pretty distracting one. "We gots to tells the butler to get somes armor for the Shoggies too. They coulds have the vikings helmets, and maybes we can gets them little axes. And they can shoots acid at people, and that's pretty brutals. But I don't knows where we coulds buy somes dragons. I bets you can buy thems somewhere in the wizard town."
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"Backings vocals ams just singing. Likes dat sounds yous guys sometimes do when yous happy. Maybe wes could records dat and pitches it down to sounds all creepy and metal." Since their piping sound at normal pitch was too much like something from one of Toki's spontaneous musical numbers, not a Dethklok song.
"Everythings probablies explodes and gone now, ja," he said, and paused to finish off the bottle of vodka. "Black armours won'ts show de bloods as goods. Solids... platinums would be betters. With diamonds crust. Onscrusting. Whatsever. Could blinds people with it. Just don'ts wear-" He choked back a laugh. "Yours vibratings green 'codpiece', eh? Unless you plans to fuck de bullet holes. Dats would be a pretties cool song though." Too bad neither of them were writing down the ideas for Nathan. Hopefully at least the Shoggies would remember. "Hey, tries to shoot de bottles now!" he said suddenly, tossing the empty bottle toward the targets.
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"And we wants to make the backings vocals too! That would be sooo cool!" exclaimed Shoggy 3, adding, "We coulds shoots the guns, too! I likes how the guns sound!" Shoggies 18 and 4.6 began trying to 'sing', which involved attempting to harmonize their weird piping 'tekeli-li!' sounds, and in fact, it did end up sounding a lot like something that would occur in a spontaneous Toki-song, perhaps one about Amorphous Friends. "That's somes great backups vocals!" Toki told them. "Especially if we mades it more creepy and metals likes Skwisgaar says."
"That's the goods point abouts the black armors, but, black armors still looks brutals!" He supposed that red wouldn't show up terribly well against it, but, picturing Skwisgaar's idea about a solid platinum suit of armor, encrusted with diamonds, caused him to picture some sort of brutal Elvis in his later years. "I dont's know that I'ds wants to looks like metal Elvis." He peered at Skwisgaar, asking, "And what's wrongs with my codpiece?" He still hadn't figured out what was 'wrong' with his codpiece, which of course was that it wasn't a codpiece at all. "But yeah, fucks the bullet holes. .. that woulds be a good name for a song." He too was liable to forget since they weren't writing the ideas down, but luckily, they had the Shoggies there, who could remember many things, even if they didn't know what it was that they were remembering.
As Skwisgaar tossed the bottle, the eyes of all the Shoggies followed it, and their guns swiveled in its path- almost simultaneously, both pairs opened fire on the bottle. It was impossible to tell which Shoggies hit it, or if perhaps both pairs did, as, the bottle was blasted into shards quite effectively. When it was right around crotch-level, of course. The Shoggies' typical firing height had become pretty well established.
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"You wouldn'ts looks like Elvis unless you gains bunch of weights and grow de sidesburns and wears a jumpsuit and gets some shittings disease likes whats killed him," he replied irritably, obviously feeling personally insulted. "Yous just lacks de good tastes, Toki. Any dildo can wears alls black, only de most metals can pulls off white and looks goods in it." Though he definitely wouldn't don any actual platinum and diamond encrusted armour either now, since he didn't want to be called the Elvis of death metal or something. Maybe he'd go for a very dark blood red, so it'd look like he was already covered in blood. It'd be even better if he could have armour made from Smaug's scales, which clearly would be the most brutal thing of all, and also nicely impenetrable even against bullets. Plus, it would match his guitar strap.
"Don'ts you thinks your 'codpiece' looks a lots like somethings else?" he asked with a pointed glance toward Toki's crotch, which just so happened to be close to eye level with Skwisgaar seated as he was. Just a shame they weren't alone, as he really wanted to reach over and grope Toki too, despite his prior irritation. Skwisgaar was somewhere between hungover and drunk by then, his headache already fading, so getting naked at some point in the near future seemed like an excellent idea.
He needlessly shielded his face as the bottle exploded, laughing as he said, "Dats was a good shot! Once we gets ours own guns we can do dis whenever wes wants to. Maybes wes get ours own shootings range to goes with dem." He glanced back at Toki, again deliberately eyeing his crotch before raising his eyes to his face. "I's thoughts of something else I'd likes to also pillage de fucks out of afters class," he added with a slight smile.
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"It woulds too looks like metal Elvis," Toki retorted. "Evens withouts the sidesburns and stuffs. And I'ds be the shiny targets, whats with sparklings everywhere likes them pussy glams-rockers. I bets that the rests of the bands would agrees." The Shoggies, however, didn't seem to agree, or at least Shoggy 4.6 didn't, piping up, "But the whites and shiny armors with the sparkles woulds be sooo cool! I thinks it would looks sooo nice!" The other Shoggies agreed with it, at which Toki looked a bit put-out, what with being undermined by his own eyeball throw-up children. Of course, Toki secretly thought that it didn't matter what Skwisgaar wore- he'd naturally look badass, simply because he was Skwisgaar.
Now that Skwisgaar pointed it out, he supposed that his 'codpiece' did look a lot like a cock. "Arent's they supposeds to looks like thats, though?" he asked cluelessly- he still didn't get the hint. He fired a few last rounds into one of the targets before sitting down by Skwisgaar, starting to feel more like going to the bar than shooting. And, he felt like groping Skwisgaar even more than going to the bar, although he supposed they'd have to at least stop by the bar now that the Shoggies were all excited about it.
"We shoulds gets our own shootings range, that's a good ideas, Skwisgaar. Then the Shoggies cans practice whenevers they wants to!" He was pretty sure that good parents were supposed to encourage their children's talents, and, the Shoggies obviously had one for shooting things, especially for shooting human-shaped things in the balls. "We gots to remember to tell the butler abouts it." His thoughts didn't linger on the shooting range idea for long though, as, Skwisgaar's suggestion about other things he'd like to pillage brought a slight flush to his features, and he murmured back, "I likes that ideas, do you thinks the class is goings to be much longers? We gots to take the childrens to the bar firsts, but then we shoulds go back to our room." He really wanted to start fondling Skwisgaar right there, and although he doubted that the huge pervert of a teacher would mind, it would have been too easy for the other students to notice. Namely Nathan and Ofdensen, since he didn't care about the rest.
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"Pffft. Yours best pals Dr. Rockzo dresses likes a pussy glams rocker. Dere ain'ts nothings glam about armour. It's metal. Yous probablies learnt everythings yous know abouts music from de internets anyway," he said dismissively. He was at least pretty sure the rest of Dethklok wouldn't agree about diamond encrusted anything being the sole domain of glam rockers; Pickles and Murderface would probably call Toki gay for caring about what Skwisgaar wanted to wear, and Nathan would likely side with him just to piss Toki off, since Toki did tend to have more amusing reactions than Skwisgaar when angry. What with his batshit homicidal streak... which still occasionally made Skwisgaar wary of arguing with him. "Whatsever. Yous takes de Shoggies to de next class, I's haves other things to do on dats day."
Which was obviously a lie, but he felt the need to make a point, and it was anyone's guess what, exactly, that point was. Apparently he was perfectly willing to forgo something he'd enjoy just because he felt insulted, and figured playing guitar was more fun than arguing about stupid armour and shooting people anyway. He did feel marginally better when the Shoggies agreed with him, though, and patted the one he was holding as he said, "At least deys haves good taste." Except calling it shiny, sparkly armour ensured Skwisgaar really wouldn't wear anything like that, since it did sound kind of... really... not-metal.
He rolled his eyes. "Codspiece is supposed to protects your crotch, not looks likes it. And dey ain't supposed to vibrates unless yous a lady. Dat's stuff de ladies reallies like, you knows." He was slightly placated by Toki agreeing about the shooting range, at least, and it wasn't like he'd pass up an opportunity for snogging and/or sex just because he was irritated. If anything, it was sort of just making him more horny. "Class is overs whenever wes wants it to be," he decided. "Ain't likes wes were tolds to do anything but shoot at shit. Time to pillages de bar?"
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Although Toki knew that Skwisgaar was most likely having a little tandrum with his sudden claims of having something to do instead of the next class, the Shoggies didn't, and they all looked alarmed and crowded around Skwisgaar. "But you has to comes!" lamented Shoggy 18, to which Shoggy 4.6 added, "We needs our parents! We can'ts nots have our dads!" "We dont's wants to go withouts you Master Skwisgaar-Dad!" chimed in Shoggy 3, while Shoggy 18 tugged at Skwisgaar's pants leg going, "Please? You gots to come!" "We's have good taste," replied Shoggy 10 to Skwisgaar's compliment, adding, "And so you has to brings us, right?" Toki felt even more exasperated at this display, which suggested that even the Shoggies were partial to Skwisgaar over him, but he supposed that was just the way things were. He was second-best at guitar, and apparently he was second-best at parenting as well.
"I bets that nones of you could find awesomes green vibrating codpieces, and sos you gots to make fun of mine." Toki looked around for his vodka, and remembered that they'd finished it up, and the Shoggies had destroyed the bottle, which caused him to feel even sulkier. As fun as most of the class had been, he wasn't enjoying it so much anymore, thanks to Skwisgaar apparently being all pissed off. "Yeah, class mights as well be overes. It was fun, but isn'ts so much fun anymores. I'd rathers go to the bar and gets real drunks." The Shoggies looked even more crestfallen, protesting, "But we's arent's out of the bullets yet!" At which they got back into their pairs and adjusted their guns again, and went about trying to use up the remainder of their ammo as quickly as they could.
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"You's supposed to learns about things bys livings your life, not livings online," Skwisgaar said in his usual condescending way, but the rest of his argument died with Toki's unexpected compliment. He maybe even felt the slightest bit stupid about the tantrum, since he'd been assuming Toki was insulting him that entire time, when apparently he hadn't been. "I don'ts wants to wears it now," he said with as much irritation as he could muster, which wasn't much at that point, thanks in part to all the vodka. Drunkenness usually made him more mellow.
The Shoggies only made him feel like even more of a jackass, and he sighed loudly, of course also secretly pleased that they were making such a fuss and taking him seriously. Toki could learn a thing or two from them, he thought. "Ja, okays, I's sees if I cans clear mys busy schedule for yous guys. Yours mom can't takes cares of yous alone anysway." Somewhere between guitar practise, fucking, and the leisurely baths he liked to take he supposed he could fit the class back in. Preferably before one of said baths, so he'd have that to look forward to once class was over and take his time washing all the blood and guts off. Just like a proper viking would, no doubt. Maybe he'd even invite Toki to join him, since they did have the bigger bath now, courtesy of the house elves
and some handwaving.And naturally once it was obvious that Toki was now in a bad mood, Skwisgaar only felt better. Maybe that had really been the point of his tantrum, to make Toki feel as bad as he had. "Whatsevers. I's knows Murderface was jealous of it," he said with a smirk. "Yous got your codspiece here?" he asked, and couldn't help wondering how Toki might enjoy the sex toy being used for its intended purpose. Maybe he could suck Toki off while fucking him with his own 'codpiece'... When the Shoggies went back to shooting, he slid his gun over to them so they could use his ammo up too. "Don'ts get so drunks yous pass outs again!" He was shouting to be heard over the gunfire, but waited until there was a lull before adding, rather quieter, "Yous funner to molests when yous awake." And if Toki was no longer in the mood, he supposed he'd just have to get him in the mood once they were alone.
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"I do lives my lifes, Skwisgaar, there's lots of stuffs I don'ts learns online," Toki retorted, lowering his voice to add, "Especially ins the bed." Even if they were being somewhat argumentative at the moment, it didn't reduce his interest in heading off to the bedroom after they hit the bar any. Arguing with Skwisgaar about stupid shit was just something that they did, although Toki almost invariably lost. Partially this was due to him just not wanting to win if it was going to mean that Skwisgaar would lose the argument and be all sulky about it. So of course, Skwisgaar's show of irritation and claims that now didn't want to wear platinum diamond-encrusted armor actually made Toki feel rather bad. "I'm sorries, didn'ts means to upset you Skwisgaar," he said, even more quietly than the bed comment. He was now contemplating how to go about surprising Skwisgaar with said ridiculously ornate white armor, since the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to see Skwisgaar in something to the effect.
The Shoggies took almost everything seriously, and all appeared extremely relieved at Skwisgaar's announcement that he might be able to clear his 'busy schedule'. "Please, Master Skwisgaar-Dad?" said Shoggy 18 pleadingly, "We needs our dad! We can'ts just have our mom, it wouldn'ts be the family!" "Yeah, we needs you Master Skwisgaar-Dad! Master Toki-Mom doesn'ts gives us enough of the eyesballs sandwiches!" Toki was starting to look even more sulky, as he thought that he gave their 'children' plenty of eyeball sandwiches, but apparently they preferred Skwisgaar's parenting. He supposed it was because Skwisgaar was better at that, just like he was better at everything else.
Skwisgaar commenting that Murderface was jealous of his 'codpiece' finally made him wonder if there was actually something wrong with it. "I don'ts know if I gots it here, it mights be in the pile of stuffs I brought from my olds room." He'd just shoved part of it in a non-Shoggy occupied drawer, and piled the rest in the closet, without really going through most of it. Knowing the nature of Hogwarts, he probably would end up finding his 'codpiece' when digging through it all. Which could prove fortuitous, in that he could learn what it was really supposed to be for, and of course, if Skwisgaar was the one using it on him, he'd learn that his 'codpiece' was a lot funner than he'd ever expected it might be.
Toki had already used up most of his ammo, but he also passed his gun to the Shoggies so that they could finish up the rest of it once they'd finished Skwisgaar. "I don'ts wants to pass out," he replied to Skwisgaar, and then flushed slightly at his follow-up statement, adding, "That's whys I reallies dont's wants to pass out, is lots mores fun when I'm awakes." The Shoggies managed to use up the remaining ammo rather quickly, and had a grand time of it. They all looked rather oozy and saddened once they were finally out of ammo, but then remembered that they were supposed to go to the bar next, and squelched over to their 'parents' to announce they were ready to 'pillages the bar sooo good'. "Ands we dids good with class, rights? So maybes we can have some pizzas and eyesball sandwiches too?" asked Shoggy 4.6, its randomly-placed eyes full of hope.
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"I'm nots upset," he grumbled in a way that was close to contradicting his words. "Was a dildos idea anyway, likes all drunks ideas. Likes de Dethphones. Still don'ts knows why yous idiots wanted spikes alls over dem." Never mind that he'd thought it was a brilliant idea at the time. He'd been just as drunk as everyone else.
The mention of eyeball sandwiches had him looking rather queasy. And Toki's sulking didn't do much to improve his mood, surprisingly -- clearly the only solution to both these problems was to get more drunk. "Eh, yous can finds your codpiece later. Dere ams more importants things to dos first." Mainly because he didn't much feel like multitasking during sex just then, and figured they should both be a bit more sober before breaking out the sex toys for the first time, anyway. Skwisgaar was generally more responsible about sex than Ofdensen gave him credit for. And of course he only thought Murderface was jealous of the strap-on due to being such a huge closet case that even women could sense it a mile away... and that brought up a concern he hadn't even thought of before.
"Whats if Murderface gets de boner when I's pretendings to fuck him for dat perverts musics video Nathan wants?" he said suddenly, turning an interesting shade of green at the thought. Then he actually smirked a little, leaning in until their shoulders were touching, his back to the room as he quietly asked, "Bys de way, ares you goings to watch?" He kind of wanted Toki to be jealous, but couldn't say why; maybe it was just his usual egotism. And if Toki did decide to watch the traumatising sex scene being filmed, Skwisgaar would probably have to ham it up just for his benefit.
The Shoggies adding pizza to their list didn't help Skwisgaar's queasiness any, but he agreed anyway, hoping they'd devour it before the smell could make him hurl. "Ja, yous guys can haves whatsever yous wants," he said as he reached to pet the nearest Shoggy. "Then yous can haves a nice naps-time, too." Though he still wasn't sure whether the Shoggies ever actually slept or not when they were put into their drawer-rooms. He shifted his guitar and stood up, tugging Toki up with him, partly to use him for support as he weaved slightly on his feet, and not at all as an excuse to stealth grope him. That hand brushing Toki's ass? Totally wasn't Skwisgaar's. "Wes orders all dat stuff when we gets to de bar."
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"No, it wasn't a dildos idea, it was a goods one! I was just jealous because I didn'ts come up with it," Toki confessed, mainly to try and assuage Skwisgaar. "The Dethphones were a sort of dildos idea, except for killings lake-trolls." Which had to make up for their crappiness at least a bit, since without Murderface's well aimed throw, they'd presumably have been dinner for Mustakrakish. "But I don'ts know if all drunks ideas are bad, the drunks ideas from last night were fun. And I'm a bit drunks now, and, I knows not alls my ideas are bad. Likes going to the bedroom afters we go to the bar." He was pretty damn sure that at least was a good idea.
Toki did think that right now, getting more drunk was the right priority, and nodded to Skwisgaar about his 'codpiece'. "Yeah, I don'ts know wheres it is anyways, would takes a whiles to finds it." He really didn't feel like digging through his stuff right then, as, it wasn't very well-organized. That, and he couldn't see what possible use it could have, since he hadn't gotten to the sex toy component of his remedial sex-ed with Skwisgaar. He was trying to figure out why he should bother finding it all when Skwisgaar brought up the pretend fucking with Murderface- now it was his turn to feel a bit squeamish. "He'd better nots gets the boner!" Toki exclaimed, as Skwisgaar's hopes of jealousy definitely manifested. They'd never have see random groupies again, but, if he was to watch Skwisgaar screwing Murderface, even pretend screwing, he was pretty sure it was one of those thoughts that couldn't be washed away. And he'd have to remember it again every time he saw Murderface. "And I'ms not watchings that, then I'd haves to remember it! I don't sees why we can'ts just haves the pretend sex for the videos instead," he grumbled, looking even more sulky, and also a bit disturbed. Luckily, it wasn't the psychotic episode sort of disturbed.
The Shoggies all thanked "Master Skwisgaar-Dad" profusely when he told them they could have whatever they wanted, and Shoggy 10, who happened to be the nearest one, let out one of its happy little piping sounds at the petting. The Shoggies sometimes did actually sleep in their drawers, or at least pretended to, as Toki had discovered when going through them one day to find some socks. The apparently sleeping Shoggy had been weirdly cute in an inside-out cat sort of way, so he hadn't disturbed it. He scrambled to his feet as Skwisgaar pulled him up, coloring slightly at the stealth grope. It was definitely time to leave class, before he got tempted to start groping the Swede back, which sounded like it would be a lot of fun just then. He was all for skipping the bar and having drinks delivered to their room, but, they'd already promised the Shoggies, one of which was tugging at Toki's pants leg and exclaiming how it was going to get 'chickens and eyesball pizza'.
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"But blacks armour would bes better, or something whats blends in with stuff likes de camels-flage," Skwisgaar said reluctantly, not quite buying Toki's sudden change of heart about his 'metal Elvis' armour idea, but privately smug about it anyway. At this point they could agree to have matching suits of invisible armour and he wouldn't much care; he was more interested in getting the good booze and then getting laid. "If yous pukes on me afters de bar, then wes knows drunks ideas am usually dildos," he amended. Since he couldn't argue about Dethphones being good weapons against lake Trolls, and had of course enjoyed their drunk ideas from the previous night, considering they'd mostly involved excessive amounts of sex. And something about a plane. Had he molested Toki with one of his models?
Skwisgaar did a rather poor job hiding his enjoyment of Toki's little outburst and sulking, assuming it might very well have stemmed from jealousy. He knew he shouldn't like it so much, but couldn't help himself. "But if I's has to suffers with de pretendings to likes fuckings him and lets him slobbers on me, yous should suffers too. Dats ams whats friends do. I thinks." Once they were out in the hallway, he quickly checked to make sure no one else was there (except for the Shoggies, of course) before backing Toki up against a wall and kissing him, hands going to his ass to grope him much more openly now. "Pretendings to fuck you woulds be better," he agreed, stating the obvious. At least then he wouldn't have to worry about getting pubic lice or crabs or something -- he'd just end up with an accidental boner himself, probably. "And fucking yous for reals in fronts of a camera mights be fun," he said next to Toki's ear, teasingly nipping his earlobe. "Then wes could watch it after."
He let Toki go and bent to pick up the Shoggy tugging at his pants leg, then pulled Toki along, heading for Ravenclaw. "Yous goofballs can helps carry somes of de booze," he informed the Shoggies, thinking they could just take a few bottles with them once the Shoggies had finished their chicken and eyeball pizzas and eyeball sandwiches. "Somes limes and salt too," he added, glancing at his bandmate with a smirk. "Yous ever dones body shots, little Toki?"
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Toki thought that the camoflauge armor was a fantastic idea, and grinned broadly. "I thinks that the camels-flage armor's the bests idea! Then no ones will know that we're comings to shoots them." His increased enthusiasm carried across his genuine approval of the concept, and the Shoggies seemed to think it was pretty neat too, and Shoggy 3 piped in, "I wants the armor that turns me invisibles too!" Right at the moment, however, the bar sounded like the best idea, and then back to their room, where hopefully he wouldn't puke on Skwisgaar. "I'll tries not to pukes on you." Quietly, he added, "Because there's other things I wants to do on yous. Or maybe with yous on me. Or did we do that's last night. . ." He couldn't really remember what happened either, although he too seemed to recall something about model planes, and Skwisgaar's prefect hat. All he could remember was that whatever had happened, it had been a lot of fun. Else they probably would have gotten at least a few hours of sleep.
He listened to Skwisgaar's rationale about how he should have to watch him have to pretend-fuck Murderface as he stumbled along, and he had to admit that it did seem to make sense. "I thinks yous probablies right. . . I guess I gots to watch. Maybes they'll forgets abouts it if we don't reminds them." He couldn't dwell on the idea for very long, though, as he soon found himself up against a wall, getting kissed and delightfully groped by Skwisgaar. He didn't bother worrying about the possibility of someone appearing in the hall, since he'd been wanting to do this Skwisgaar during the entire class, and, so it took priority over sensibility. Toki reached around Skwisgaar and slipped his hands into his waistband, pulling him more closely as he nodded his agreement. "I thinks that woulds be lots better. . .but bets youds make me comes for real." The idea of privately recording themselves sounded like it could be pretty fun, and he nodded his assent tot his too. "That sounds like fun, I wants to see what it looks like when you fucks me."
The Shoggies were milling about their feet by the time that Skwisgaar picked up Shoggy 10, and Toki was a bit disappointed that he wasn't between Skwisgaar and a wall. But, he supposed they should get to the bar, and then they could go back to their room and screw around all they wanted. Toki picked up Shoggy 3, and the others followed along, all agreeing to help carry booze, and anything else they wanted them to carry. He'd presumed the same as Skwisgaar, and figured the trip to the bar would be a short one. Toki contemplated Skwisgaar's question a moment, and replied, "You means have I shots anyone? I's suppose so. . ." He presumed he had at least, but, had a feeling that he wasn't answering the question right. Skwisgaar's smirk suggested that he meant something else.
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"We all gets de camels-flage armours then? And de Shoggies gets de Viking horns and little axes and stuff," Skwisgaar decided. At least that settled the argument about what to wear, and he was enjoying the fact Toki and the Shoggies had all seemed to genuinely like his idea, and weren't just humouring him. Camouflage maybe wasn't very metal, but sneaking up to put a bullet in someone's head kind of was -- still wasn't nearly as cool as using a sword or battle axe would be, though, in his opinion. Hopefully they could use more than just guns for the class.
"I hopes they dos forgets," he fervently agreed, for the moment forgetting he'd wanted to make Toki jealous. "Don'ts even wants to pretends to fuck dat guy evens if Nathans scrubs him with de bleach. Now wes just needs to gets de cameras equipsment for us... Eh. Can gets it later." Rather, they could have Ofdensen get it for them later, maybe along with the armour. Skwisgaar was sure they'd both be too drunk to operate a camera anytime in the immediate future, and there was no way the Shoggies would be allowed to do it, so there was no rush. "Ours Dethphones has de little cameras too," he remembered, suddenly smirking again. "Wouldn'ts wants to accidentally sends it to de other guys, though..." But what a way to come out that would be.
"Pfft, not has you shots anybody, has you dones body shots. Yous don'ts shoots no one dere. I shows you." Which could probably be fun foreplay, he thought, especially if he incorporated a blowjob into it the way he was envisioning. He hadn't ever done it before, but it couldn't be that complicated, and it might even feel pretty nice, with the lime and all. As they reached the Ravenclaw bar he leant closer to Toki, murmuring next to his ear, "I gives to you de special kinds. You's will likes it. Then you dos whatever yous wants on me."
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"We's can reminds Master-Charles to gets for yous the camels-flage and to gets for us the Vikings horns and axes since he's the butler," exclaimed Shoggy 18. It was likely it would actually remember, since the Shoggies were so excited about the whole idea. Toki would have insisted that camoflauge was pretty metal, since war was an incredibly brutal thing, and therefore, soldiers were brutal, and soldiers wore camoflauge, and so the Toki-logic circuit was completed. He didn't have any arguements about guns, either- they were just as fun as swords. Maybe funner, since he was better at guns than swords. Although the class would technically promote the use of guns, the Baron actually expected the students to use whatever they were smart enough to bring along as well- in other words, he expected them to cheat. He'd be disappointed if they didn't. Cheating was the true key to winning most games, in his opinion.
"And we cans reminds Master Nathans to forgets abouts the sex scenes withs Murderface too!" announce Shoggy 3. Toki shook his head fervently and told it, "No, dont's tell him thats, else he will remembers, and we dont's want him to." The Shoggy seemed confused by this, but, at least appeared to accept Toki's order, although it was of the opinion that reminding someone to forget would assist them in forgetting.
"Yeah, we probably don't wants to films stuffs on our phones. Its would be alls grainy, besides. I bets we could borrow a cameras from that huge pervert teacher?" He'd noticed a plethora of television-oriented equiptment lying around the Muggle Studies room, and was pretty sure he remembered seeing a camera or two. And presumably, schools were supposed to lend equiptment out to students who needed it. "We coulds just makes up a story why we needs it." Not that this would have been necessary when dealing with the Baron, but, Toki didn't know this.
Toki looked a bit confused as Skwisgaar apparently hadn't meant shooting people. "But shots in the body, that's how you kills people? Or do you means. . .shots, likes the gettings drunk?" Perhaps he'd misunderstood? From Skwisgaar's reaction, he had. Whatever the idea was, apparently it was likely to be a fun one, and not for Shoggy eyes, from the way Skwisgaar was murmuring. And then he got to do whatever he wanted on Skwisgaar, which definitely increased his impatience to get back to their room. "Yeah, I likes thats idea, Skwisgaar," he replied, his grin indicating that he'd at least interpreted things half-correctly. The Shoggies were already rushing up to the bar, announcing their desire for pizzas- it didn't appear that they'd have to hang around the bar for very long. Which was good, as, Toki was definitely ready to head back to their room and discover just what Skwisgaar had in mind.