hh_mirror | Muggle Studies

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Muggle Studies

((Jasper's inclusion with permission and additions of his player. If you require Vlad's attention, please say something to this extent in the comment subject line so I don't somehow miss it, thanks!))

The Baron Vladimir Harkonnen wanted his first class to be practical and entertaining, so he had chosen "An Introduction to Muggle Weaponry" as the topic. In order to make the class interesting, he'd decided it would be a hands-on experience, and had negotiated with Basher Tarr to obtain an assortment of Muggle weapons, mainly a quantity of AK-47 assault rifles, along with plenty of ammunition. These had been marked with stenciled letters declaring them "Property of the Muggle Studies Department", and were now stacked up neatly on a table at the front of the room, near some crates bearing the same lettering, and a rocket launcher. A section of the room had been magically expanded, and turned into an indoor firing range, complete with human-shaped targets, and the usual classroom area was equipped with rows of neatly-lined desks.

The Baron remained in a large, comfortable chair at the front of the classroom, his assistant Jasper beside him, and chatted quietly with him about a few details of the lesson plan as he waited for the last students to arrive and seat themselves at the desks. When it seemed that no more were going to appear, he floated up and shut the door with a flick of his wand. The deep, melodic basso of his voice carried easily over the chatter.

"Welcome to Muggle Studies. The subject we'll be covering today is potentially dangerous, so pay attention!"This declaration was accompanied by one of his disarmingly cherubic smiles. "The first thing that you need to know about Muggles is that even though they often are extremely silly, they are still capable of wreaking havoc and destruction. It's one of their favorite activities, but somehow, they still haven't managed to obliterate themselves. As there are a great deal more of them than there are of us, even though their methods are often crude, in a war of attrition, the wizarding world might have a problem. So, today I am going to familiarize you with some of the most commonly used weapons in current ground warfare."

He gestured at Jasper, who brought him an AK-47, which he held up and explained, "This is one of the most common Muggle weapons, the assault rifle. This model is the AK-47, a basic piece of artillery used by infantry. It was developed in the admirable nation of Russia, from which my own House claims ancient roots, and came into predominance shortly after the conflict known as World War II. It's operation is simple, and its main feature is that of selective firing modes- it can be operated either as semi- or fully automatic. In fully automatic mode, its range is shorter and less accurate, but as it is generally used in close confrontations, it is effective enough. The semi-automatic mode is more effective at a distance. This is not a very advanced weapon, but, it's still killed millions of Muggles." The Baron demonstrated loading a cartridge into the weapon, flicked off the safety, cocked the mechanism, and turned to fire a round through one of the lined-up targets, with perfect aim. He then flipped it to the fully automatic mode, and opened fire again at the same target- the spray of bullets was less accurate, but still shredded the target's torso region. "Magic or no, you don't want to find yourself surrounded by a horde of Muggles with these." He passed the AK-47 back to Jasper, and indicated the nearby boxes, and Jasper brought him a specimen of their contents after replacing the rifle.

"This is an M67 fragmentation grenade." He held up the grenade for the class to see. "This is a common anti-personnel weapon. It's a basic explosive, based upon filling the enemy with lethal bits of shrapnel. It's not a pleasant way to go. These are commonly used in ground combat, as, they are inexpensive to produce and easy to transport. Their effective radius is a mere 15 yards, and its lethal radius even less- but enough of these tossed into oncoming troops can be painful." With a smile, he removed the safety clip, pulled the pin, and tossed the grenade into a corner of the magically expanded area, where it exploded. The magically enlarged area was intentionally big enough that he could do this without maiming the students, although the nearby targets were mangled. "If those were people, they would not be feeling well now. The Muggles have several varieties of grenades, including concussion grenades that work best in enclosed areas, and incendiary grenades, designed to damage structures."

He drifted over to the rocket launcher, which he laid a hand on as he spoke. "And this little beauty is the M47 dragon, a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher. This model is slightly out of date, but effective. This weapon is primarily used against armored vehicles such as the tank, which unfortunately I have not been able to obtain yet. I'd demonstrate it, but, I'd prefer the walls to stay in one piece. However, if you attend the second portion of my class, you may have a chance to try it for yourself, along with the various sorts of grenades."

"Now, each of you will take one of these AK-47s, a cartridge of ammunition, and pair up with a partner. If you have experience with such weaponry, please find a less experienced student to assist. You will load the weapon, and you will attempt to hit one of these targets, while standing behind this line." He indicated a white line stretching in front of the targets. "You will try both modes, and learn the different feel of each one. And, you will not shoot each other with them. At this time." He grinned slightly, as he added, "Part two of the class is optional and will be held at a later date, but I encourage all of you to attend. We will be having a little Muggle-style war game on the grounds, and, you will be welcome to try and shoot each other then." A faint shimmer went up around the Baron as he flicked on his personal shield and settled back into his chair, watching for any that might need assistance. Jasper moved to join the students, ready to offer help as well or remove any troublemakers as needed. He didn't bother with any sort of shield, since getting shot didn't concern him.

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As the Baron was already up, having had to tend to George and ask Dumbledore where his remarkable clothing had been procured, he couldn't resist drifting over to one of his 'favorites', and checking to see how he was enjoying the class. Especially since he was stuck with that smart-mouthed blonde as his lab partner, which had hopefully not been too miserable for him. It wasn't that Vladimir had anything against Mello, specifically. Rather, he thought that he was a 'punk kid', whose head was a bit too big for his own good, but who might have potential if he didn't get himself killed by saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.

He was pleased to note that Kuronue's second shot was a significant improvement on the first, and, it sounded like he wasn't having all to bad a time as he floated up behind the demon. "If you don't mind, Kuronue, hold off on that urge for a bit longer. Shooting each other is what happens in part two of the class, but that'll in be a week or two. Provided that horrid thing's gone from the sky by then- can't possibly expect to have a proper war game with that thing up there. And how are you two enjoying the class?" He included Mello, but, his smile was reserved for Kuronue.

Good god, the pervert. I force my hand to relax around the gun. "Quite well," I say shortly. "Though, I prefer a H&K G3A3 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heckler_%26_Koch_G3) or a nice .45 handgun," I say, almost managing to sound polite, I think. The pompous over bearing ass.

Kuronue, on the other hand, grinned back at the Baron and lowered the rifle to rest against his thigh. "I can't wait for your war game then." Although he was considering breaking in to wherever the Baron kept the weapons between now and then and wreaking a little havoc.

"It's going quite well, Mello has been a lot of help." Although half of the things Mello said that had to do with guns went right over his head. Later perhaps, he would get Mello to show him exactly what he was talking about. He rested his free hand on his hip and looked back and forth between Mello and the Baron, his eyebrows rising. These two didn't seem to like each other much. More so on Mello's side.

"I prefer a maula pistol or lasguns, personally, but, this class is about Muggles, and warfare, and, .45's aren't commonly used on the battlefield. Perhaps another class." Weapons were one of his favorite things, and so chances were, he'd come up with other violently-oriented lessons beyond those he'd already concocted. "Of course, in an actual war, one of the key rules is to what it takes to win- whatever a soldier happens to have on the field, he has." This was in fact the implied permission it sounded like to use other weapons if desired during the war game. It would add a bit of color, after all.

He smiled at Kuronue, replying, "I'm looking forward to it as well- it should be exceptionally fun." Incidentally, Kuronue would have no need to break into Vladimir's arsenal, as, half the point of having one was to make sure his favorites could be outfitted if need be. And he certainly wasn't going to deny the lovely demon if he desired to 'practice'. "I'm pleased to hear that," he responded to the statement about Mello, sounding slightly surprised, as he hadn't thought of him as helpful, but nevertheless he turned to the blonde brat, and told him, "I appreciate you helping him out." Turning back to Kuronue he added, "Not that I'd expect you to need a gun. Still, they are useful to know about, and fun to play with." He was sure that the demon had plenty of ways to deal with enemies without one.

Arrogant prig.

"No, .45s are more common in street warfare or sawed off shot-guns. Some prefer .357s as there is more variety in the type of ammunition." I raise an eyebrow. "But, if you're truly wanting just a body count, you can't do any better than dirty nuclear bombs," I suggest sweetly.

"And Kuronue's my friend, why wouldn't I help him?" I ask. God, this guy is an ass.

Kuronue's grin widened. The Baron seemed to have taken quite a liking to him indeed, but didn't seem to find Mello in the same respect. He had wondered if it was just him or if the Baron treated all his students this way. Apparently Kuronue was 'special'.

Still their talk of weaponry went right over his head. He knew next to nothing about projectile weapons. He saw them as cheating. But he nodded at them both. "I used to like landing on demons shoulders and breaking their necks," he added, then patted Mello on the shoulder when he seemed to get a bit frustrated.

This could be interesting.

((So sorry to hold up the thread with my tagging slowdown! I'll be faster again now.))

The Baron chuckled at Mello's comment about nuclear bombs. "So true- even in my era, atomics are respected. We've technically got Imperial dictates against them, but, as with everything in the Imperium, everything has its price. And perhaps we'll have a later class on street warfare." He smiled at Mello, friendly enough- but it didn't hold the affection that he displayed toward Kuronue. Street warfare classes were a good idea, and he'd give him that one. "And why not- because it's not required, I suppose. So I'm pleased that you've been helpful. I wasn't aware that you two knew each other." It didn't sound as if he had any problem with this, and did not- the Baron was really quite patient with Mello, as, one learned a measure of patience with 'punk kids' when raising a Harkonnen brat, which he had.

The Baron indeed found Kuronue special- he'd swiftly risen to be one of his favorites at the school. Thus, he'd probably have allowed him to shoot a person or two, but, rather hoped he'd wait. Since, the more people who ended up in the hospital wing during this class, meant less potential people playing his next game. A game in which he expected Kuronue to have a distinct advantage, with his ability of flight. He smiled broadly at Kuronue's talk about breaking demon's necks, imagining that an aerial battle between demons would be impressive indeed. "I'm sure that was a lovely sight, Kuronue- and I expect you're also quite a sight wielding those pretty scythes of yours. That reminds me, I had an idea earlier- if for some chance I can't wrangle up enough interest in the old wizard flying game, a fighting club seems a viable alternative."

"Technically, everyone has dictates against them. That is the reason the Cold War lasted so long." Though, one could question if it technically 'ended' or if the powers involved just started mouthing platitudes better. Like this floating idiot. I hate platitudes. "And, I've never really bothered with 'required' before, why start now?"

"Florence and I go way back," he said, petting Mello's shoulder and smiling widely.

Something sparked in his eyes when the Baron mentioned a fighting club. "You know, that would be a very good idea in lieu of Quidditch. There may be more people interested in it too." He was aware that he seemed to be the only one with wings, although there was that one horse...thing. It seemed, from what he could see of this class, that people would be more interested in violence than chasing shit in the air.

"Long?" The Baron smirked bemusedly- he'd read about this Cold War in history books from the library, and it seemed to have only lasted a very brief span. But, he supposed that ancients and the ancient world didn't have much to compare it against, when contrasted against the Imperium. "When your vendettas last for ten thousand years, then you can call them long." The feud between his House and House Atreides had lasted this long, although was presumably ended now, and thanks to his plans. "But yes, the prohibitions on such things do tend to stretch out affairs- it makes them far harder to finish. And as for requirements, they do build excellent discipline." Which Mello was clearly lacking, and this disappointed him somewhat- he did appear to have some legitimate potential, and Vladimir hated to see good potential go to waste.

The Baron's eyes glinted with amusement at Kuronue and Mello, and he chuckled at the 'Florence' comment. Clearly, Mello's abrasive attitude didn't actually bother Kuronue much- bothering the demon might well have caused him to actually hold something against the blonde brat. "I think that a fight club might gather more interest, and, it would surely be educational. And entertaining." He grinned slightly, adding, "The main challenge in organizing it would be to make sure the matches were well balanced- the young man who shot himself in the foot probably shouldn't go up against the dragon, for instance. Or you. It would be over far too quickly." Or so he thought then, unable to foresee the incident that would take place the next day, or its long-term repercussions.

"Yes, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt here and I are friends." I say and then scowl at him.

"And, given that the Cold War is the longest continuous 'civil' conflict on record thus far, out lasting any burst of the 100 Years War, yes, it's long. I can see how interplanetary travel would necessitate an increase in the time to fulfill such vendettas. Though, feuds between families are known to last for generations, regardless of the political environment."

I wonder how soon I can get away with ignoring the floating pompous ass.

(Please to be hitting the mun for taking so long to reply.)

Kuronue scowled right back at Mello. He still didn't have any idea why Mello had chosen such an odd name for him, but it wasn't about to put him off calling him things like 'Florence' and 'princess'. But the scowl soon disappeared in favour of grinning widely at the memory of the man who'd shot himself. He'd thought it had been hilarious. "Whomever is in charge of the fight club could see to it that opponents are evenly matched in skill. Unless they want to be taught something perhaps."

Kuronue hadn't particularly enjoyed breaking Mello's ribs, hadn't meant to, but it demonstrated wonderfully that power levels would need to be matched very carefully.

The Baron also gave Mello a slight scowl, as, Kuronue was a firm favorite, and, if he didn't like something, the Baron was inclined to feel a bit irritated. "It's a matter of degrees, I suppose, as there is not that much history to compare a length of time against, here. But, space travel itself has little to do with the duration of anything in my era. It's almost instantaneous." And expensive, but, he didn't really feel like discussing the particulars of Imperial space travel with Mello, who most likely wouldn't appreciate them.

His mild irritation left him as the demon's grin appeared, however, and he nodded. "Perhaps you can help me out with the match pairings when I manage to get something worked out," He gave the demon a grin of his own, adding, "I expect you'd come up with some amusing situations." He presumed that the demon would take advantage of such an opportunity entirely, and would use it for either entertainment or advantage, and either one he could support.

Incidentally, he'd have been extremely amused to know that Kuronue had broken Mello's ribs. And would have wondered how many times Kuronue would have to repeat it in order to teach Mello a few manners.

"Almost instantaneous?" I repeat raising an eyebrow. That violates all the theories of physics I know, requiring an impossibly infinite amount of energy. Even string theory doesn't really allow for practically bringing different parts of the universe together to 'tunnel' through. Not that string theory or general relativity or quantum mechanics claims to be the end all, but all agree that light speed is the fastest one can go.

I shove my hands in my pockets, pulling out a chocolate bar. I don't really care about the pairings. If it's guns, I can hold my own. Other types of fighting, depending on the opponent and the style, but I can hold my own against most humans. Unless that damn samurai is playing with me more than I think he is.

Kuronue would indeed pit people unfairly, given the chance and he disliked them enough, but his conscience (the very tiny one) wouldn't let him go too crazy over it. Lucky for them. "I'd love to," he said, with a grin.

Kuronue wasn't an expert on time travel per se, but he'd met a teleporter or two back in the days when he'd been alive. "I didn't think humans could bend space like that." Not that he'd understood half of the quantum mechanics involved.

The Baron nodded to Mello, rather bemused by his apparent disbelief of the possibility. Nothing actually went further than into planetary orbit- in his time, interstellar travel was accomplished by bending space around the vessel, which didn't require traveling at any speed at all. He gave him a wry smirk as he pulled out the chocolate bar, not the first time he'd seen this- apparently the bratty young man had his addictions. He couldn't resist commenting, "You know, if you keep eating chocolate like that, you're looking at your future," patting his enormous belly with a beringed hand. He supposed it might actually explain something of Mello's attitude toward him- he did seem to have the makings of a fat, decadent old overlord if followed the right- or probably in Mello's mind, the wrong paths.

Vladimir smiled at Kuronue's agreement where the possible fight club matches were concerned, and looked quite impressed with his next statement, at which he nodded his approval. He laid his hand on Kuronue's shoulder and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "A very astute observation, my dear Kuronue! As, you're right- humans, as such, can't. But, the Guild Navigators can. And, the Guild Navigators are no longer human- they were at one time, but, they are all of a physiology that is inclined to experience certain adaptions and mutations when exposed to massive quantities of the Spice. Instead of killing them, they are transformed into something else- something which can bend space." Just what that was, he didn't personally know- no one really did. When they had to be in public, they were hidden within capsules containing a Spice-based vapor, no longer able to breathe a normal atmosphere anymore.

"Not likely," I counter. "My metabolism is geared very high and I'm far too active. And, we tend to die young. In fact, in just over 2 months, I'll die." And then come here. "Even if I hadn't died then, I wouldn't have become like you," I say smearing the last word into an insult. The grotesque...

"How can a human, metamorphosed or otherwise, generate enough energy to bend space?" I ask. It's supposed to take nearly an infinite amount of energy to do that and to hold it stable long enough to be useful.

Kuronue couldn't help but snicker at Mello's obvious disdain. Kuronue was a very open minded creature (and a pansexual in every sense of the word) so his distaste was rather amusing. He'd tease him about it later.

Kuronue's eyebrows rose at the Baron's description of the Guild Navigators. That Spice was apparently some pretty potent shit. He clearly needed to get his hands on a large quantity for...experimentation. He grinned at the Baron, feeling like a child whom had just been given a golden star for giving a correct answer. It wasn't all too far from the truth either.

He looked at the both of them, namely Mello, then frowned. "There are demons who can walk through dimensions with ease, and these Guild Navigators," he looked to the Baron briefly before turning his eyes back to Mello, "seem to be somewhat the same. Perhaps it's a matter of your worlds science." Kuronue also thought Mello was being a stubborn bitch, but he said nothing. Practical minded people were notoriously difficult to wonder with preternatural things.

The Baron couldn't resist chuckling at Mello's outburst. Which actually was a very informative outburst- he supposed that foreknowledge of one's death wouldn't make self-improvement a priority. He had a certain admiration for Mello's argumentative nature, which, if well-groomed, could be an excellent quality, and admittedly got some enjoyment from baiting it. Mello's insult didn't phase him- in fact, it was quite complementary, as, the Baron's entire persona was molded to achieve his aims. And this included his outward appearance- although partly genetic, his obesity also made a point. "No, no you wouldn't Mello- you'd have to rule a few planets and be a step or two from the Imperial throne, for that." Mello was outfitted to lead a respectable cadre of thugs, in his opinion, with a bit more discipline, but, he wasn't up to the standard of politics. "And I'm not a Navigator, so I wouldn't know exactly how they do it- they're not human any longer, as I said. They operate within a different structure. And there is a great deal of mathematics involved, and a great deal of Spice. The actual process might be considered metaphysical."

Which it was- it far more like demons traveling dimensions than it was a purely scientific method. Again, the Baron smiled at Kuronue's observation, and nodded. "Our 'science' is more comprehensive than this era's, spanning a broader range of theories. There is of course a mechanical aspect, but, the core of it all's in the Spice. The Spacing Guild are the primary consumers. Without the Spice, the Imperium would not exist, so, control of the Spice, is in essence, control over the known universe." He said this with a certain pride, as, in his mind, it was his House who controlled the Spice, and he'd yet to know anything that suggested otherwise.

"So, in other words, you don't know," I summarize his bullshit. "It saves everyone a great deal of time if you just say that in the first place, old man."

I take another bite of chocolate. "And politics are games for other people. I work at a level where they don't matter to me. They need me, not the other way around." Well, L really, but that's beside the point. I was being groomed as his replacement.

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Muggle Studies

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