hh_mirror | Muggle Studies

Entry tags:

Muggle Studies

((Jasper's inclusion with permission and additions of his player. If you require Vlad's attention, please say something to this extent in the comment subject line so I don't somehow miss it, thanks!))

The Baron Vladimir Harkonnen wanted his first class to be practical and entertaining, so he had chosen "An Introduction to Muggle Weaponry" as the topic. In order to make the class interesting, he'd decided it would be a hands-on experience, and had negotiated with Basher Tarr to obtain an assortment of Muggle weapons, mainly a quantity of AK-47 assault rifles, along with plenty of ammunition. These had been marked with stenciled letters declaring them "Property of the Muggle Studies Department", and were now stacked up neatly on a table at the front of the room, near some crates bearing the same lettering, and a rocket launcher. A section of the room had been magically expanded, and turned into an indoor firing range, complete with human-shaped targets, and the usual classroom area was equipped with rows of neatly-lined desks.

The Baron remained in a large, comfortable chair at the front of the classroom, his assistant Jasper beside him, and chatted quietly with him about a few details of the lesson plan as he waited for the last students to arrive and seat themselves at the desks. When it seemed that no more were going to appear, he floated up and shut the door with a flick of his wand. The deep, melodic basso of his voice carried easily over the chatter.

"Welcome to Muggle Studies. The subject we'll be covering today is potentially dangerous, so pay attention!"This declaration was accompanied by one of his disarmingly cherubic smiles. "The first thing that you need to know about Muggles is that even though they often are extremely silly, they are still capable of wreaking havoc and destruction. It's one of their favorite activities, but somehow, they still haven't managed to obliterate themselves. As there are a great deal more of them than there are of us, even though their methods are often crude, in a war of attrition, the wizarding world might have a problem. So, today I am going to familiarize you with some of the most commonly used weapons in current ground warfare."

He gestured at Jasper, who brought him an AK-47, which he held up and explained, "This is one of the most common Muggle weapons, the assault rifle. This model is the AK-47, a basic piece of artillery used by infantry. It was developed in the admirable nation of Russia, from which my own House claims ancient roots, and came into predominance shortly after the conflict known as World War II. It's operation is simple, and its main feature is that of selective firing modes- it can be operated either as semi- or fully automatic. In fully automatic mode, its range is shorter and less accurate, but as it is generally used in close confrontations, it is effective enough. The semi-automatic mode is more effective at a distance. This is not a very advanced weapon, but, it's still killed millions of Muggles." The Baron demonstrated loading a cartridge into the weapon, flicked off the safety, cocked the mechanism, and turned to fire a round through one of the lined-up targets, with perfect aim. He then flipped it to the fully automatic mode, and opened fire again at the same target- the spray of bullets was less accurate, but still shredded the target's torso region. "Magic or no, you don't want to find yourself surrounded by a horde of Muggles with these." He passed the AK-47 back to Jasper, and indicated the nearby boxes, and Jasper brought him a specimen of their contents after replacing the rifle.

"This is an M67 fragmentation grenade." He held up the grenade for the class to see. "This is a common anti-personnel weapon. It's a basic explosive, based upon filling the enemy with lethal bits of shrapnel. It's not a pleasant way to go. These are commonly used in ground combat, as, they are inexpensive to produce and easy to transport. Their effective radius is a mere 15 yards, and its lethal radius even less- but enough of these tossed into oncoming troops can be painful." With a smile, he removed the safety clip, pulled the pin, and tossed the grenade into a corner of the magically expanded area, where it exploded. The magically enlarged area was intentionally big enough that he could do this without maiming the students, although the nearby targets were mangled. "If those were people, they would not be feeling well now. The Muggles have several varieties of grenades, including concussion grenades that work best in enclosed areas, and incendiary grenades, designed to damage structures."

He drifted over to the rocket launcher, which he laid a hand on as he spoke. "And this little beauty is the M47 dragon, a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher. This model is slightly out of date, but effective. This weapon is primarily used against armored vehicles such as the tank, which unfortunately I have not been able to obtain yet. I'd demonstrate it, but, I'd prefer the walls to stay in one piece. However, if you attend the second portion of my class, you may have a chance to try it for yourself, along with the various sorts of grenades."

"Now, each of you will take one of these AK-47s, a cartridge of ammunition, and pair up with a partner. If you have experience with such weaponry, please find a less experienced student to assist. You will load the weapon, and you will attempt to hit one of these targets, while standing behind this line." He indicated a white line stretching in front of the targets. "You will try both modes, and learn the different feel of each one. And, you will not shoot each other with them. At this time." He grinned slightly, as he added, "Part two of the class is optional and will be held at a later date, but I encourage all of you to attend. We will be having a little Muggle-style war game on the grounds, and, you will be welcome to try and shoot each other then." A faint shimmer went up around the Baron as he flicked on his personal shield and settled back into his chair, watching for any that might need assistance. Jasper moved to join the students, ready to offer help as well or remove any troublemakers as needed. He didn't bother with any sort of shield, since getting shot didn't concern him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The cat appeared on the Baron's chair arm, his tail swishing back and forth. He craned his neck around to grin at the Baron. "Quite an amusing class, might I say."

The Baron was rather startled by the sudden appearance of a strange cat, that apparently talked, and had an unnervingly human grin. But, he'd met a lot of strange things at Hogwarts, and, a talking cat wasn't the oddest. He'd never given any permission for talking cats to appear on his chair arm, but, he figured that talking cats didn't require permission. A cat was a cat- and he was in fact rather fond of cats. He felt that their nature was properly Harkonnen, especially the indulgence and cruelty they tended to manifest.

"I'm pleased that you are enjoying it," he replied, after peering curiously at the cat for a moment. "I expect that the subject itself is rather useless for a cat, however." He considered briefly, adding with a slight grin, "But, you're excused from the lesson, unless you're not always a cat." At Hogwarts, you never could tell.

The cat chuckled. "When I am not a cat, I am not a cat at all."

He went invisible as if to prove his point, leaving his shinning yellow eyes and disconcerting grin behind. He hopped off the chair to sit on the Baron's leg. His weight and visible part the only indication that he did so.

"I have no use for guns," the mouth said.

The cat's astonishing display certainly explained how it had suddenly appeared on the Baron's chair, and he stared with mild bafflement as the floating eyes and grin. As it hopped onto his leg, he could definitely feel a cat, but this was of course his first encounter with a cat capable of invisibility. The Baron was not one to feel fear at the unknown, however- it was a trait highly discouraged in the Imperium, and had basically been bred out in the nobles.

"Naturally not," he replied to the cat's statement about guns. "I'd never expect a cat to lower itself to the use of a gun, when they are already admirably equipped for their needs." He figured he would indulge the weird cat, as, it was still a cat, and really a remarkable one. "Are you a native of this world? For I have never encountered a cat of your most unusual variety." He could easily picture such a cat being a favorite pet in the wizarding world. He had to admit that he'd enjoy having such a cat as a pet as well. An invisible, talking cat would make an excellent little guard. Although he could feel the cat's weight on his leg, his curiosity insisted that he learn if he could feel the rest of the cat, so reached to give it a scritching behind its ears, or at least where he guessed its invisible ears to be.

To make it easier for the hand to reach its target, the cat appeared completely again, extending it's head for scratching. It began purring, loudly so. "Indeed I am admirably equipped."

Closing it's eyes and leaning into the Baron's hand it coiled it's long, striped tail around his legs, the stripes on which seemed to appear and disappear under a will of their own. "I do not come from this world, no. I come from The Duchess' kitchen." Any more question where he had come from would be answered nonsensically or in riddles.

The Baron couldn't help but smile at this incredibly unique cat. It may have had the powers of speech and invisibility, but, it was still a cat. And he liked cats. He admired its exceptional markings as he scratched it behind the ears, and adjusted his seated bulk as to allow the cat to make itself more comfortable. "Ah, so you are a noble cat then," he replied to the cat's statement of origin. "This does not surprise me, as cats have always fit in well alongside noble company. Might I learn what you prefer to be called, cat from the Duchess' kitchen?" It was of course entirely possible that it was merely a cat that lived in the kitchen of the Duchess in question, and that said Duchess had little or nothing to do with it, but, he amused himself with treating the cat almost as politely as he'd treat another noble.

The cat lowered itself into the Barons lap, laying so that the Baron may pet his back and ears with better ease. "I am a Cheshire Cat," he said. "You may call me the Cheshire Cat, as that is what I am."

He turned his head to watch the students and their little weapons, his ears flattening a little at the awfully loud noise they made.

"Next time I would suggest you teach them 52 pickup. It's a lovely game, with so much blood. 52 pickup is a staple of juvenile humour, but when the deck slices and dices, it's no laughing matter." It was also quieter.

The Baron stroked the cat's strange fur, enjoying its silky feel beneath his fingers, and smiled, replying, "It is a truly a pleasure to meet the Cheshire Cat, then. I am the Baron Vladimir Harkonnen." He didn't figure the cat really cared about what his name was, since cats were cats, and likely considered themselves far beneath bothering with the names of humans, common or noble alike. But, he was enjoying making conversation with it nonetheless.

He chuckled, liking the cat even more as it revealed that it also enjoyed lovely games involving blood. Vladimir had presumed most cats enjoyed these things, just like Harkonnen, and the Cheshire Cat did not disappoint. He wasn't entirely sure what the Cat meant, as, 52 pickup was long-forgotten by his era, but, he did understand that some form of violence, potentially random violence, was suggested. "I am actually planning a delightful little game, which should involve plenty of blood- next class, the students get to shoot each other over some silly flags. All people usually need is an excuse, even a symbolic one, to bring out their bloodlust. It should be educational." The way he said it, 'educational' might as well have meant 'entertaining'.

He called his house-elf, who appeared instantly out of nowhere, looking quite skittish due to the gunfire, and directed her to bring the Cheshire Cat some fish, or whatever else it might like. He was rather sure that cats enjoyed fish, but, he wasn't entirely sure about Cheshire Cats.

"Vodka too, in a shot-glass," the Cat added, eyeing the elf like it was a speck of dirt in his fur. He turned back the watch the students, laying his head on a paw. "I shall come and see this next class of yours, should it prove be amusing."

He closed his eyes, purring quietly. "In my experience, you bipedal creatures look much better dressed in the colours of rage and bloodlust."

Cats enjoyed vodka? That was something the Baron had never once conjectured. He supposed it might be specific to the Cheshire Cat, but, for all he knew, all cats liked vodka, since this was first cat he'd ever spoken with. He added another shot for himself to the order before his house elf popped off to comply with the request, as he'd discovered this drink to be very similar to ones enjoyed on his home planet. And although he might have been a professor, he was still the Baron, and wasn't going to inhibit his whims simply because he was teaching a class. "I couldn't agree more," he replied. "As we have no arena here, I've concocted this idea as the next best thing. I think it shall prove amusing, and, I expect that another who plans to join me for it would find you fascinating." A talking, vanishing cat with appearing and disappearing markings seemed like something Valentine Wolfe would enjoy, with his distinct appreciation for psychedelic experiences.

"Far be it for me to provide you humans your little side-show act," the Cat said dryly. "But you may view me."

He scratched an ear with his tail gently. "You should have included a fight to the death, however the no-kill rule does put a bit of a damper on things."

Unable to die himself, the Cat found the death of others quite amusing. How could you behead a cat who had no body at the time after all?

The Baron let out a deep chuckle, and gave the cat a quite affectionate scratch behind the ears. The creature had such a splendid attitude, manifesting all the reasons that he liked felines. "The no-kill rule does take away a distinct element of fun. But I'm sure there'll be blood, as it doesn't prevent that." Vladimir was likewise an aficionado of death and mayhem, but he was quite able to die. And although his own death wasn't anything he looked forward to, he was still very capable of finding it excellent entertainment when it happened to others. There were of course some who he very much preferred alive- or in his assistant's case, undead- but, the common, uninteresting masses greatly outweighed these. It was a required attitude to cultivate when governing planets with an iron fist.

"Oh, lovely. Humans do so look lovely coloured in rage and bloodlust," the Cat said, tilting his head and leaning into the Baron's fingers as he scratched.

There was a reason the cat tended to hang around the Queen of Hearts rather than the Duchess after all. More heads tended to roll around the Queen.

The Cheshire Cat would have probably loved Giedi Prime, considering the amount of heads that rolled there. "They do indeed. Of all the things I miss from my home, the arena is one of the foremost. There's simply no better entertainment than the play of life and death- the potential finality adds so much to a match, and brings out the skills of the players to the fullest." He admired the Cat's shifting markings as he stroked its soft fur, and looked down as he noticed a movement that was the house-elf returning with the previously requested fish and vodka. This was all on a tray, and she placed it neatly on the table beside Vladimir's chair before curtsying and vanishing again. The cat's vodka was in a shot-glass as requested, and the fish had been nicely placed upon a small dish, while the Baron's vodka was in a larger glass

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Muggle Studies

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject