Keenan Caine, the MANLIEST signature character from the tabletop RPG Bliss Stage, has arrived!

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

A gangly teenage boy in a button-down white shirt and big baggy slacks ambled into the Hogwarts sorting room, idly turning the pages of a manga, with far too much pink and blushing on the cover.

"Epic trap, that," he said with a grin before closing the... work, slipping it into his backpack, getting a pen and filling out the application form.



State your full name.

Keenan Caine, Pilot, ANIMa Unit 02, SIR!

What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

Wait, you actually have cheese here? Sweet! I've been living off of what I could scrounge from the wreckage of a 7-11. Year old SPAM is not fun.

...If I had to choose a favorite, though, Gorgonzola. Because you've got have guts to eat something that smells like that, and it actually tastes kinda awesome.

Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

Carrottop. Sara Smith digs Barney, and I don't want to ruin my chances with her. And, come on, she looks like this!

Can you blame a guy?

What time is it where you are?

Right now? September 9th, 6:27, 2016.

If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

Old or new Order? Because Luna's totally got it going on, man.

Meh. If it's the old order, McGonnagal, because if she still has that sillouhete at, what, 60, she must have been freaking hot. And she's got guts. I like a girl with guts.

If you are pushing to be in Gryffindor: Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

OT3, man. Why should he have to choose? If Krishna could get it on with 100 milk-maids at once, I'm sure The Boy Who Lived could handle Gred and Forge with some creative applications of Splinching. And Loki managed to get pregnant. With a HORSE. You guys can do this sort of stuff with your hocus-pocus and mumbojumbo, I'm sure. Even the horse thing if you had enough polyjuice (Also, off topic but catgirl Hermione = Rowr.)

Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.

Gentlemen. I bring you - PORN! Specifically, all the pictures of Anna Lin, Laura Porter, and Anna Lin WITH Laura Porter that they didn't find in my room and rip into tiny tiny pieces, then burn!

For the ladies, I have some epic pictures of Josh. While drunk. And naked. (If you're here, Mr. Preston, let that teach you a lesson: No one in the Resistance can drink as much as I can.)

I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. K.C.

I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. K.C.

I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. K.C.

One day, marmalade will rule the world. ... K.C.

(OOC: Is that better?)

Comments

OOC

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

As per the rules (http://kahnooloo.livejournal.com/809.html), breaking the fourth wall is not permitted. Since someone could potentially app a character from "A Wish of My Sister", could you take out the mention of that specific manga?

Thanks! XD

Re: OOC

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

(OOC: I doubt it, because it's a hentai manga, but I'll remove it, no problem!)

Re: OOC

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

(( Wouldn't be too sure about that -- we once had someone app Mai-chan from Mai-chan's Daily Life. Thanks for editing. Anyhow the issue isn't necessarily that anyone will app from that work, but that someone could -- that the character is playable. Our rule is that if a character happens to know canonically about a fictional work with playable characters and there's absolutely no way around it -- e.g., Dwight Schrute from "The Office" does mention in an episode of "The Office" some elements of the Harry Potter novels, so he's clearly read them -- then that doesn't happen to be memory-wiped. But a character like Dwight also can't walk up to a Harry Potter character and proclaim that he knows they're fictional, or give them information that would suggest they are. Most players choose to find cracky ways around the fourth-wall issue. Dwight believes Hogwarts has been real all along.

Are you a new player here? If so, welcome. We're happy to clarify things you may not be sure about.))

Vote: Squib

[i-am-an-hero.livejournal.com]

A paid calm, polite attention until the bribe question. He had issues with porn.

(http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v610/atalantapendragonne/?action=view&current=071016jonasstaal1.jpg)

[carriesapurse.livejournal.com]

(( In this reply I am assuming the application as Tinky Winky 'reads' it will contain no mention of A Wish Of My Sister, not that Tinky Winky would recognize it, because I'm sure that you'll be editing the app as soon as you see the mod comment. ))

The Narrator, poor disembodied slave/guardian of Teletubbies, had to read the application for Tinky Winky, who was a beast of dubious literacy.

He got as far as question 2 before Tinky Winky began to fidget. By question 3, Tinky Winky's limited attention span had given out. He bounded toward the applicant without further ado.

"Eh-oh!" He flapped a purple mitt in wildly enthusiastic greeting.

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

Amused, he gives Tinky Winky a set of Respect Knuckles (TM).

"Good meeting you, bro."

[carriesapurse.livejournal.com]

"Bwo?" Tinky Winky cocked his head in what might have been a quizzical fashion, were his face mobile at all. Fixed, round eyes of unrelieved blackness stared at the boy.

"Tinky Winky no bwo."

[patrick-mckenna.livejournal.com]

"So. A pilot," Father McKenna said. After reading the application, that was really the only thing worth talking about. "What do you fly?" The man was familiar with helicopters and airplanes, not futuristic mecha.

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"An ANIMa device, sir," he says, snapping to attention, unusually serious. "Alien Numina Inversion Machine, a psychic weapon - manifesting a mech is a just the way we wrap our heads around fighting with the damn thing. It's a useful metaphor, and Anna got further with it than anyone else in my unit - her thing had a GERWALK mode, for Crissake."

He grins, but doesn't slouch. "Runs off of weaponized love - well, weaponized emotion, but even if the power of love won't always win, it's damn good back-up, sir."

Vote: Squib

[curlybrain.livejournal.com]

There was not enough no in the world to express Hermione's opinion of herself as a catgirl.

She read that section with an expression of growing horror, then slammed the application down. "You're very lucky I'm a member of this school's faculty," she snapped. "Or I'd hex you cross-eyed."

G

Re: Vote: Squib

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"Ahehehehe," he says, scratching the back of his head. "Mental note: barracks humor is not a good idea on this campus."

[serrulata.livejournal.com]

"Krishna may have been master of the sixty-four arts of love, and had a great time with the Gopis, but he still chose one at the end," Kurama pointed out. Though he wouldn't put Krishna's lovemaking abilities at question (and really, a hot piece of Holy ass like that? Who would want to?) but he rather doubted Krishna had done all the Gopi at the same time.

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"True," he says. "Hmmmn... eventually George, then; he's the heart of Dubya-3, not the brains - not saying he ain't SMART, just that George is the public face of the operation. Izanagi didn't pick Izanami for her brains, though Amaterasu knows she had 'em."

He slumps back. "Meh. I'm going to have to settle down too at some point ain'ni? Wish I hadn't burned my bridges with Sie, but maybe Meredith..." He trails off.

[missprimavera.livejournal.com]

A blonde girl with pale skin and acid-green eyes comes slinking in. She's wearing a Hogwarts school uniform modified to meet the demands of what the doctors at the Dolls' Hospitals named 'hemline neurosis'. It's not a far cry from what she used to wear back home (http://www.murkydepths.com/md09/11.jpg), when her story began.

Her story's over now.

She scowls at the picture the applicant has shown. "Sara Smith? What is she, nine years old? A nine-year-old on hormones for mammary development? God, and I thought the men in Bangkok were sick."

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"...dude, how old do you think I am?" Keenan looks offended. "No one in the resistance is older than 17 (Commander Preston doesn't count, and he's a friggin asshole). 14 ain't old but it ain't YOUNG. I'm like, what, a YEAR older than her."

[rat-bstrd.livejournal.com]

Sage came into the Sorting Room with her spiky-haired brother, Rat.
"So this power of love thing, can anyone do it?" because as an empath, her powers were seriously not strong enough. Rat nodded, and reached over to look through Keenan's pictures.

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

Keenan ever-so-briefly thought about responding Care to find out, babe? but decided, at the last minute, that this was imprudent to say the least. Instead, he just nodded. "Assuming you can find or bullshit together an ANIMa - or I suppose make a spell that emulates it - and you're properly Anchored, I don't see why not. It takes a little talent, but hey, my mom" (slight twinge of sadness there) "always said talent was ambition and ten-kay hours o' practice."

The pictures

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

Most of the porn appears to be of one particular Chinese girl - 17? 18? Thereabouts - with short hair, who is mugging for the camera (for particular values of that). They range from "Yeah, I'm mostly naked. So?" to being filthy on camera with a smile.

[hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com]

I slouch into the sorting room, curious about what sort of interesting people Hogwarts has brought us.

A teenager with porn? Hardly interesting to me, but the application does catch my eye.

"I'm sure this is a phenominally stupid question, kiddo, but... what happened to your parents?" I want to know. "I mean, presumably something must have or you wouldn't be scrounging for food."

((Oly is, incidentally, a hunchbacked albino dwarf. Currently she's wearing Hogwarts robes cut down to size, a wig of long, straight black hair, and dark sunglasses.))

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

He looks down at the floor for a second, angry and disgusted. "...Blissed Out. They didn't have a chance. You didn't know, so I don't blame you, but... unless your name is Meredith, Sara, or Anna, I don't want to talk about it."

[hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com]

I shrug. "Sucks for you," I say, not without some pity. "But I'm afraid the girls you've mentioned probably aren't here. I hope you can cope with that."

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

"Do you have hat porn?" the Hat asked unabashedly as it settled onto Keenan's head. "Like, of a top hat getting down with a beret?" Ooh, exotic! "Or a bowler-newsboy-yarmulke threesome?" It flapped its strings, clearly getting hot and bothered just thinking about the prospects.

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"Hmmn..." He grins. "Not exactly, but can I interest you in Hot Butchy Chinese Chick in a snazzy People's Liberation Army Beret and nothing else?"

(OOC: PFFFAHHAHAHAH!)

[ugly-old-hat.livejournal.com]

I'm going to make this quick, because I'm dying to get back to my shelf and look at my Hat porn!

Your bribe has been accepted.

Welcome to Gryffindor!

[weaponized-love.livejournal.com]

"There is not enough HELL YEAH in the world right now. Ace! Talk to you later about a piccy of Laura puttin on her robe and a jaunty wizard hat later, I am going to find a party!"