http://miranda-bnewski.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] miranda-bnewski.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] hh_mirror2009-04-25 04:03 pm

Application: Geek Love Miranda Barker/ Binewski

This is not a strip-club.
She'd been meaning to pop into the dressing room and do a quick change. Instead she came out into the Sorting room wearing a green dress and elaborate makeup.
"Hello, hello, oh, hell!"
Life had taken a turn of the soap-opera kind lately, with the death of her alleged mother and all. Now she was walking into strange rooms.

A lone paper lay on the desk in front of her.


1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"What? I don't care. Any cheese. I don't get the fancy gourmet kinds- poor art student, after all."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I don't kill. And I certainly don't care that much about either the commedian or the unfortunate in the dinosaur costume." She paused thoughtfully. "Carrottop has interesting eyebrows, though. Could be botched plastic surgery."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Night- I was just about to go back out there and- oh, nevermind." she groaned.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I don't harass people. There are rules against that. I certainly don't pretend to be any old man to stalk people. If anyone in this 'Order of the Phoenix' caught my eye, I might ask them to sit for a portrait, but that's all."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"You've got the wrong person. I'm not a bartender at all. I'm a dancer at the Glass House -which is apparently someones idea of wit."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Telling people how to run their lives isn't my thing. I understand some people get a kick out of it, but I could care less. Whatever Harry wants, he'll have to figure it out for himself."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"I've arranged my life to avoid as much paperwork as possible. You obviously haven't."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"Oh, that's low. Just because I dance...I'm going to be a medical illustrator and I took care of Chry-my gra- an old woman until she died. I have a right to be here, the same as you."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Well, I could do a portrait for you, though I prefer subjects with diseases, deformities, things that would go in a medical textbook. I'd offer a dance, but I only do that at the club, not for kidnappers." The word sounded silly even as she said it, but what else could this be? "Good luck getting any money for me." She folded her arms and snorted.

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Miranda Barker__________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __Miranda Barker_________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Miranda Barker__________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _Miranda Barker____________"

[identity profile] hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 09:53 pm (UTC)(link)
I pride myself on being self-possessed. I have to be, because who the fuck do I have to lean on if I should decide to have a nervous breakdown?


Which is what I feel like having when I see the applicant. I stand in the doorway, my mouth hanging open for what feels like an extremely long time. I think a gasp even escapes me, be cause all I can do is stare at her--Miranda, my beautiful girl, looking so cool and self-possessed--and pissed off, but, hell, that's to be expected.

"Miranda..." The voice of Hopalong McGurk, the story lady, renouned for its resonance, clarity and pleasantness, is barely a croak.


Then more words come, rushing out of me in a torrent. "Oh God... You got my papers. Tell me you didn't get the surgery done. Please."

Jesus Christ, could I possibly be more spastic, or less maternal?

[identity profile] nerdsexgoddess.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Contrary to popular belief, Amaranth did not actually cruise the sorting room looking to get laid. It was nice when that happened, but it really was possible for her to have a reasonably intelligent conversation with someone without resorting to double--or even single--entendres.

"I'm sorry I can't provide any diseases or deformities," she said with utmost sincerity. "I heal really fast, so, you know, nothing really stays deformed. But I'd love for you to do my portrait anyway."

[identity profile] hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
"Yeah, well, I got better," I respond dryly. This is shaping up to be one of the longer conversations Miranda and I are going to have, I just know it.

At her comment about the surgery, I find myself smiling. It's not a very nice smile, but it's a smile nonetheless. "Good." I say, with great feeling. "And good riddance to that bitch anyway." Except I know I don't mean it. Fucking Mary Lick still weighs on my conscience moe than I would ever admit to anybody.

[identity profile] nerdsexgoddess.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)
"No, the kitchen, actually," Amaranth said. "I try to get down there to service the house elves once a week or so, and the Sorting Room was on my way back to Hufflepuff." As explanations went, that one more or less failed entirely.

[identity profile] omg-sunflora.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:14 pm (UTC)(link)
"You can dance?" Sunflora beamed. "I can dance too!"

[identity profile] omg-sunflora.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Sunflora tilted her head. "Did I say something wrong?"

[identity profile] blond-bondshell.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)
"Hell?" Bond said, echoing Miranda's words on her arrival. "I'd say you just made this place positively heaven." Not everyone came to their sorting dressed liked that.

[identity profile] nerdsexgoddess.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)
"Oh, honey, you're not crazy." Amaranth went in for a hug. "You're just at Hogwarts. It's a crazy place, but you'll eventually get used to it."

[identity profile] hopalongmcgurk.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:29 pm (UTC)(link)
"It's the principle of the thing," I snap. "You were too good to be one of the norms." I take a deep breath, trying to find a moment of calm. "Yes, I admit, the shit in our family is weird," I say. "But there's so much of it, and you could coroborate some of it if you wanted to..." I have a feeling I'm totally fucking this up, but I don't know how to go about untangling all of the shit I've dumped in Miranda's lap in a sensible enough way to start having reasonable conversations.

[identity profile] omg-sunflora.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)
"Yeah! See?" And Sunflora demonstrated her dancing.

[identity profile] nerdsexgoddess.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
"Someplace called Scotland," Amaranth answered. "This is a school of magic. Not a university, per se, because there really aren't that many classes, but you can learn things. Or indulge your hobbies." She stepped back a little. "I'm Amaranth, by the way."

[identity profile] blond-bondshell.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:43 pm (UTC)(link)
"There's nothing normal about this place," he said, "so don't expect anything to happen like it normally does. However, you haven't been kidnapped, you aren't likely to come to harm, and, I would certainly not call you useless."

[identity profile] omg-sunflora.livejournal.com 2009-04-25 10:52 pm (UTC)(link)
"Nooooooo, I'm a Sunflora!"

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