hh_mirror | Application: Geek Love Miranda Barker/ Binewski

This is not a strip-club.
She'd been meaning to pop into the dressing room and do a quick change. Instead she came out into the Sorting room wearing a green dress and elaborate makeup.
"Hello, hello, oh, hell!"
Life had taken a turn of the soap-opera kind lately, with the death of her alleged mother and all. Now she was walking into strange rooms.

A lone paper lay on the desk in front of her.

1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?

"What? I don't care. Any cheese. I don't get the fancy gourmet kinds- poor art student, after all."

2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?

"I don't kill. And I certainly don't care that much about either the commedian or the unfortunate in the dinosaur costume." She paused thoughtfully. "Carrottop has interesting eyebrows, though. Could be botched plastic surgery."

3. What time is it where you are?

"Night- I was just about to go back out there and- oh, nevermind." she groaned.

4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.

"I don't harass people. There are rules against that. I certainly don't pretend to be any old man to stalk people. If anyone in this 'Order of the Phoenix' caught my eye, I might ask them to sit for a portrait, but that's all."

5. If you are pushing to be in:

A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.

"You've got the wrong person. I'm not a bartender at all. I'm a dancer at the Glass House -which is apparently someones idea of wit."

B. Gryffindor – Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.

"Telling people how to run their lives isn't my thing. I understand some people get a kick out of it, but I could care less. Whatever Harry wants, he'll have to figure it out for himself."

C. Ravenclaw – You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.

"I've arranged my life to avoid as much paperwork as possible. You obviously haven't."

D. Hufflepuff – Prove you are not useless.

"Oh, that's low. Just because I dance...I'm going to be a medical illustrator and I took care of Chry-my gra- an old woman until she died. I have a right to be here, the same as you."

6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.

"Well, I could do a portrait for you, though I prefer subjects with diseases, deformities, things that would go in a medical textbook. I'd offer a dance, but I only do that at the club, not for kidnappers." The word sounded silly even as she said it, but what else could this be? "Good luck getting any money for me." She folded her arms and snorted.

"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __Miranda Barker__________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. __Miranda Barker_________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Miranda Barker__________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _Miranda Barker____________"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"There's nothing normal about this place," he said, "so don't expect anything to happen like it normally does. However, you haven't been kidnapped, you aren't likely to come to harm, and, I would certainly not call you useless."

"Yeah, I was worried about myself when I saw the talking flower."

God, this one's nice. Calm down, Miranda, he's probably not interested in strippers.

Miranda was in luck, because Bond went for everyone.

He smiled reassuringly. "You're not crazy. It talked to me when I first came here." Sunflora was actually one of the more benign taking things to be found at Hogwarts. "I think we all have to go through the same trial by fire."

"Hogwarts...It has a certain ring to it."

"That it does," he agreed. "So what can I call you, besides lovely?"

"Oh, Miranda Barker. Pleased to meet you, despite the circumstances."

Well, maybe he'd turn out to have a thing for women with tails.

"Bond," he told her. "James Bond."

He had already hit on the woman with wings, so Miranda had nothing to worry about. "The pleasure's all mine. Now, tell me, how did you get a taste for something like medical illustration?"

Oh, yeah right. Either this was even more bizarre or somebody thought she was a complete idiot. Well she could play the game just as well as he could.

"I love the human form, in all its variations." She had a very intense look. "The nuns used to get on to me for staring at strangers."

"You're the second person I know who was raised by nuns," Bond said. Any intense looks or dirty vibes were ignored for the sake of conversation and potential passes. "By the way she describes it, you'd think she'd prefer being raised by wolves. Was it the same for you?"

"Ah, I developed very thick skin and a bent for disobedience."

She's not glowering at him, actually, she just gets a weird look when talking about art.

"So, Mr...ah...Bond" she plays along "do you know much about this Hogwarts?"

"She does have the ability to shrug off most quips," he said. He was still working on Vesper's bent for disobedience.

"I've been here for eight months. I should hope that I know a thing or two. What would you like to know?"

Where to start?
"Anything, really. All I've heard is that this is a free school."

"It is that," he said. "Although the curriculum is magic, not literature or science. I wouldn't expect any art classes to be offered soon. However, when has a normal school ever taught lessons on this?"

Bond reached into his jacket with his left hand. He needed practice working charms with his left, since he planned on keeping his gun in his right hand should he ever need to use both. Bond pulled out his hickory wand and turned one of the applications into a flower, which he handed to her.

Classy, but he managed to make the stereotypical trick look sophisticated. The man could probably make a clown suit look sophisticated, actually.

"I can't say I've ever wanted to learn magic, but why not, given the circumstances?"

Magic. Well Oly would love that, being a show person.

((probably punctuation fail here too. ))

Somewhere on the astral plane (http://community.livejournal.com/hogwarts_hocus/1718164.html?thread=92663188#t92663188) there was a Bond who could make a clown suit (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octopussy) look sophisticated. Or try to, at least.

"I find it useful, and not just for showing off to beautiful ladies. There are classes on charms, transfiguation, and magical plants and animals, just to name a few."

Edited 2009-04-26 01:25 (UTC)

"It sounds like fun, anyway. There's no catch to this? I'm trying to work out why someone might want to send people to a free school."

"Of course there's a catch," he said. "Not many people come here voluntarily. I was having a perfectly good time at a dinner in Turkey when I was whisked away against my will." Then again, it hadn't exactly been a surprise for the secret agent.

"There are also malicious spells and enchantments to watch out for."

"So it's not the 'rabbit and hat' sort of magic then? I was hoping it might be.
If we're stuck, we might as well make the best of it."

"No, there's no illusion or sleight-of-hand here. It's all very real. The best thing to do is, as you say, make the best of it." The look in his eyes said that he could think of several ways for Miranda to make the best of this situation, with or without clothes.

Miranda smiled warmly. "Just so."

"You'll need a place to live while you're taking classes here," he said. "I've heard that Huffepuff is the house for women with considerable talent and charm. Would that be all right for you?"

"I can't see why not."

My he had a pretty neck.

Bond smiled. "Then Hufflepuff it is. I'm sorry I can't take your bribe, but I don't think I have anything wrong with me that would look good for a medical textbook." Although after Le Chiffre had worked him over, that had been a different story.

Mirada grins, "It's ok, I have to keep in practice somehow." Let him figure that out.

The implication wasn't lost on him. "Should you and your art supplies ever make it to Gryffindor, please look me up."

Application: Geek Love Miranda Barker/ Binewski

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Hufflepuff

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