hh_mirror | And the truth shall be used against you in every way possible ((closed RP, Mello, Matt, A))

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And the truth shall be used against you in every way possible ((closed RP, Mello, Matt, A))

So, Matt and L...ouch, the thought alone hurts. But, Matt seems happy with L...or maybe I'm reading way too much into what I saw in the bar. Between finding out Near is indeed ticklish and practicing, though, I haven't had a chance to really find him and ask him. And, asking in the bar would have been...well, even I'm not that direct.

And, since I still want to be able to talk to him, I'm not sending him an owl.

So, I've been tracking him down. I start at the library, then the Great Hall, then his room. Why I didn't try here first, I don't know. It would have saved me time. I don't hear sounds of gaming as I knock, but there are some sounds behind the door.

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"I really did mean just today," I repeat, slower. "I just...Ryuzaki has a way of getting me to shove my foot in my mouth, y'know." Oh, god, I really hope he doesn't think I meant sleeping with him. Yeah, it made things weird, but I wouldn't ever call it a mistake. I reach over and touch the back of his hand. "Just today," I repeat, hoping I really don't have to explain more. "And, I'll work on keeping my temper around Ryuzaki, okay?" Not that that'll be easy, but for Matt, I can try.

"Okay. That'd be cool." Matt looks at Mello's hand over his, expression unreadable.

He thinks - he isn't sure what he thinks. He'd prefer to have a little more time to go over this in his head.

I get the horrid feeling that I've seriously messed things up. I take my hand back and wrap it around the awful hot chocolate. I feel myself huddle around it. "Maybe being direct is the wrong approach sometimes," I mutter. "I...I really am sorry about today. But, I want you to be happy, too." God, that sounds lame. I mean it, but it sounds lame.

"It's fine, man, chill out." He rubs his forehead, above the goggles. "I think - I don't think I do, but I'm not... it's cool."

He takes a handful of fries. God.

My thumbs trace patterns on the mug. "You figure I'll ever learn not to make an ass of myself?" I ask, trying to laugh at myself. I probably am just making myself sound more like an ass.

Matt laughs anyway. "Nah. Probably not. I mean, I've been waiting for it to happen since we were eight."

Yeah, yeah, Mello's a year older than him. Whatever.

I turn to him, smiling sardonically. "Well, why break a trend? It's more fun to have the idiots either pissed or afraid of me. Saves me time. And it's fun watching them get pissed or afraid."

"You're not in the Mafia now, man." Matt chucks a fry at him, grinning. "D'you miss it? The part where you have lackeys, at least."

It's nice to talk about something else. Like, really nice.

I'm so getting hit for this, but I can't resist. "What do you mean, miss the lackeys? I still have lackeys. What are you talking about?"

Throwing fries won't suffice, so Matt does indeed punch Mello on the shoulder.

"Fuck off, dude."

But he's grinning.

I laugh. "What? You want me to pay you? Would that make you happy? What's the going rate around here? Two fries a day?" I ask, pulling two fries from his plate.

"I'd be totally up for being paid. I need to buy more computer shit."

He ignores the blatant theft.

I roll my eyes and eat the fries. "You already forget how payment goes in the mafia? You pay me and I keep you around. Don't get your hopes up, hack!" I laugh.

"Oh, yeah, because I spent so much time in Mafialand," he laughs. (Yes, he had forgotten.) "Fine. You've had your two fries. This means I get kept around?"

I pretend to think seriously about it, dragging it out.

"I suppose, for today..."

And then I laugh again. "Hell, man, I'd keep you even if you didn't pay."

"I'm touched." But no, he appreciates the sentiment. "Not that I'd do much good in the mob, heh."

I shrug and steal more fries. Anything to cut the sugar of the cocoa. "I dunno, a good hacker can make a place for themselves anywhere."

"Eh. I think I prefer working myself - it keeps your options open, y'know? I've had offers before."

I nod. "Makes sense. If it hadn't been for the need, I probably wouldn't have gotten into the mafia, either. Goons are just weird. I'm not sure if that's because I was thirteen or if they're weird in general, but 'works well with others' wasn't ever stressed at Wammy's or in the mafia." I shrug. "But, it's worth learning," I say, thinking more of our current situation.

"Working well with others, you mean? Depends on the context."

He'd rather chew off his hand than work with someone on one of his projects.

"What would you have done? I mean, assuming the L thing wasn't an option."

I open my mouth to say something only to realize I don't know. "I...even in the mafia, I never thought about it," I whisper. There never was anything else we were allowed to think about. I never even really thought past the end of the Kira case.

Matt gives him a sympathetic look.

"You can think about now, maybe? I mean, we can do whatever we like... we don't exist here," he says suddenly. "There's no seventeen-year-old Matt or Mello running about."

Trying to pull myself away from the abyss of 'life with no goal' I turned to Matt and said, "I'll think about it if you think about how you feel about L." Probably not my best deal, but I'm sure it's equally traumatizing.

"..."

Matt stares at him for a moment. Then rubs his forehead.

"Fine. I'll think about it."

He was going to, anyway.

I nod. "And, I'll think about it..." I swallow hard. A problem with no solution. What does a driven, over-achieving, too smart for their own good, doesn't work well with others genius do for a living if not be L?

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