hh_mirror | And the truth shall be used against you in every way possible ((closed RP, Mello, Matt, A))

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And the truth shall be used against you in every way possible ((closed RP, Mello, Matt, A))

So, Matt and L...ouch, the thought alone hurts. But, Matt seems happy with L...or maybe I'm reading way too much into what I saw in the bar. Between finding out Near is indeed ticklish and practicing, though, I haven't had a chance to really find him and ask him. And, asking in the bar would have been...well, even I'm not that direct.

And, since I still want to be able to talk to him, I'm not sending him an owl.

So, I've been tracking him down. I start at the library, then the Great Hall, then his room. Why I didn't try here first, I don't know. It would have saved me time. I don't hear sounds of gaming as I knock, but there are some sounds behind the door.

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I stare at the hot chocolate. I'm sure it's going to be awful. "Look, I'm not sorry I brought it up. I mean, it's not like you have to do anything, but I think you should at least be aware of what you're feeling." I take a sip of the cocoa and try not to gag on it. Too much sugar. Why do they insist on putting sugar in it. Cocoa is simple, milk, creme, and chocolate, dark chocolate. I sigh in the cup.

"... dude, are you sure you're not just - bothered?"

I look up. "Bothered?" I echo. "What do you mean?"

He picks up a fry, frowning. "Like... I dunno. You don't seem very pleased about... stuff."

My frown deepens. "You know, it helps if you finish your sentences with proper words. 'Stuff' could be anything. 'Stuff' could be this hot chocolate, and no, I'm not pleased with it. It's too sweet." I glare at him. "What exactly do you mean by 'stuff,' Matt?"

"I don't know. Me hanging out with Ryuuzaki so much?"

He know that sounds stupid, and probably comes across as wishful thinking, and everything he says or does in regards to Mello is sort of suspect now anyway, isn't it, because of this stupid crush. Or whatever it is.

And now it'll be the same with L. Even if Matt says he doesn't.

Fuck.

Okay, let's see if I can not be an ass. I look at the cocoa in my mug, talking slowly so I can think. "Matt, you're my friend. That's first and foremost. If...if being with Ryuzaki, however you guys decide to be together, makes you happy, then I can quit bitching at you. But, I don't want you not going after what'll make you happy because you're too..." How am I going to say this? I bite my lip and go for broke, "...because I screwed up, okay."

"... screwed up?"

Matt isn't sure he wants to know. He suddenly really isn't hungry. Did Mello think - was he talking about...

"Today," I reply. "I kinda came at you wrong today." I'm still staring at my cocoa. I pull a wry face. "Stupid, isn't it? I'm supposed to be the expert on human behavior and I can't even talk to my best friend right." I put the cup down on the table and look at Matt. He's a little pale... oh, shit. "I really did mean today," I say quickly. That was probably a bad idea to say. I decide and actually manage to shut up.

"Yeah," Matt says with a shaky laugh, "you're really not good at this stuff right now."

He sits for a few minutes, heart still hammering (stupid).

Matt doesn't think it was a mistake. Sleeping with Mello. He knows it's not going to happen again, he knows it's made things more complicated with Near and that he'd probably be a bit more content if it hadn't happened. But he doesn't think it was a mistake.

He's not going to ask Mello what he thinks about it.

"Okay."

"I really did mean just today," I repeat, slower. "I just...Ryuzaki has a way of getting me to shove my foot in my mouth, y'know." Oh, god, I really hope he doesn't think I meant sleeping with him. Yeah, it made things weird, but I wouldn't ever call it a mistake. I reach over and touch the back of his hand. "Just today," I repeat, hoping I really don't have to explain more. "And, I'll work on keeping my temper around Ryuzaki, okay?" Not that that'll be easy, but for Matt, I can try.

"Okay. That'd be cool." Matt looks at Mello's hand over his, expression unreadable.

He thinks - he isn't sure what he thinks. He'd prefer to have a little more time to go over this in his head.

I get the horrid feeling that I've seriously messed things up. I take my hand back and wrap it around the awful hot chocolate. I feel myself huddle around it. "Maybe being direct is the wrong approach sometimes," I mutter. "I...I really am sorry about today. But, I want you to be happy, too." God, that sounds lame. I mean it, but it sounds lame.

"It's fine, man, chill out." He rubs his forehead, above the goggles. "I think - I don't think I do, but I'm not... it's cool."

He takes a handful of fries. God.

My thumbs trace patterns on the mug. "You figure I'll ever learn not to make an ass of myself?" I ask, trying to laugh at myself. I probably am just making myself sound more like an ass.

Matt laughs anyway. "Nah. Probably not. I mean, I've been waiting for it to happen since we were eight."

Yeah, yeah, Mello's a year older than him. Whatever.

I turn to him, smiling sardonically. "Well, why break a trend? It's more fun to have the idiots either pissed or afraid of me. Saves me time. And it's fun watching them get pissed or afraid."

"You're not in the Mafia now, man." Matt chucks a fry at him, grinning. "D'you miss it? The part where you have lackeys, at least."

It's nice to talk about something else. Like, really nice.

I'm so getting hit for this, but I can't resist. "What do you mean, miss the lackeys? I still have lackeys. What are you talking about?"

Throwing fries won't suffice, so Matt does indeed punch Mello on the shoulder.

"Fuck off, dude."

But he's grinning.

I laugh. "What? You want me to pay you? Would that make you happy? What's the going rate around here? Two fries a day?" I ask, pulling two fries from his plate.

"I'd be totally up for being paid. I need to buy more computer shit."

He ignores the blatant theft.

I roll my eyes and eat the fries. "You already forget how payment goes in the mafia? You pay me and I keep you around. Don't get your hopes up, hack!" I laugh.

"Oh, yeah, because I spent so much time in Mafialand," he laughs. (Yes, he had forgotten.) "Fine. You've had your two fries. This means I get kept around?"

I pretend to think seriously about it, dragging it out.

"I suppose, for today..."

And then I laugh again. "Hell, man, I'd keep you even if you didn't pay."

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